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Where NC brought me and how it ****ed me over...

NC-Thomas

By NC-Thomas
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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lauri Established Member

lauri

Posted
Posted (edited)
Choosing my own path doesn't mean I have to be a dick to her. I just want to end my relationship in a proper way. I'm not counting on any future with her, but if so, i don't want it to be spoiled by being a senseless dick about it. Im just being polite.

 

So you would rather be a weak / pathetic guy in her eyes? I'm sorry to say this but it's over for you with her man. You need to stop doing this now. You are messaging her but it is just digging you into a hole so deep you won't be able to climb out.

 

The sooner you realize this and go through that process, the sooner you will be able to start to heal and move on. You need to go NC and protect yourself.

 

You have shown us that you have no self control and that you aren't willing to move on. You have every right to choose whichever path you want, but a lot of us have done the same thing and wish we didn't after it was all said and done. We are telling you these things to help you protect yourself and regain yourself respect, control and confidence. I want you to do well and do not want you to go through similar things I and many other Loveshacker's have gone through.

Edited by lauri
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movingonnow1 Established Member

movingonnow1

Posted
Posted
If you are waiting to see if she comes back, then you are not "closing the door completely" on the relationship.

 

If and when you decide to end the relationship for good - and not just pretend to do so to have some effect on her - then come back for some NC advice. Otherwise, don't turn it on and off every few days as part of a game, and then complain that "it" screwed you over.

 

I understand what you are saying but I don't think that was the intentions. If I understand it correctly, I think Lauri means in the sense that you go NC unless she comes back begging for you to get back together, otherwise it is just breadcrumbs. Probability of that happening is slim to none.

 

I think that the OP needs to have that motivation to go NC...for me it started as an obsession to make her chase me but then after a while I started to get over that and realized that NC was the best tool for me to heal. All I'm saying is that any way we can get OP to go NC, the better. Doesn't matter if his original reasoning is wrong, as long as he gets there and then he can start to work towards healing.

 

This has to be a stepped approach as it appears that OP clearly cannot control himself and continues to break NC. There is only so many times someone is going get burned until they learn the lesson.

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

Okay, so you've told her your condition of your NC. Question is, are you going to practice what you preach?

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jphcbpa Established Member

jphcbpa

Posted
Posted
Choosing my own path doesn't mean I have to be a dick to her. I just want to end my relationship in a proper way. I'm not counting on any future with her, but if so, i don't want it to be spoiled by being a senseless dick about it. Im just being polite.

 

no one here is saying be a *&$^ to her. we are saying listen to what we are trying to show you. what is the point of creating a thread, getting advice and then not heeding said advice. be polite in a business manner. not with "take your time".

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NC-Thomas Established Member

NC-Thomas

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Posted (edited)

Im sure you are all right in some way, but let me explain:

 

I felt the need to do whatever it took to save the relationship, so that I later can say: well i did whatever it took and YES, I did not fully go NC in order to do so.

 

But when I look back now, im glad I did it, because I felt there was something to work with when we casually met again. I took a calculated risk, and I choose to stop NC and accept the pain that comes with that.

 

Now I have my result, I am satisfied, because i tried, not by begging and pleading. From now on I choose to look after myself and go full NC.

 

Perhaps my chances of ever getting her back deminished or evaporated by not going / maintaining NC from day one. But heck I feel like i tried, and it feels good.

 

Theres a truth in every advice you guys gave me, but sometimes I just have to follow what feels good. For me that was fighting for it when I saw some commitment (later on I realized it wasnt enough). I took my loss and now im on full NC, AND maintaining it whatever it takes while accepting my/her loss.

 

Thank you guys for trying to save me from more pain and misery.

Edited by NC-Thomas
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