OhNoNotAgain Posted June 1, 2014 Posted June 1, 2014 Me and my ex broke up over 2 months ago and I've been in NC since. I'm doing my best to move on but it's tough. I can't go a day, probably even hours without thinking about her. So I had a date last night (actually 2nd date I've been on since the break up), and it was terrible. The girl had the personality of a paper bag. She looked annoyed to be there, and like I was bothering her to actually try to have a conversation. I was ready to leave after 5 minutes. We might have had a drink for about 30 minutes, and we both ran, lol. But they whole thing just left me so sad. I feel like I'm never going to find someone again. How do you guys deal with missing your ex, and then having a bad date that makes you think about how great everything went with your them? Even worse is the fact that started seeing someone immediately after me, and somehow she is able to jump from me to someone else without even skipping a beat. I hate the fact that she hurt me so bad, and is happy with someone else so quickly. Yet I'm living in my own personal hell trying to forget about her, and 2 months later I'm at a total of 2 dates with girls I have no interest in. I hate this so much, especially since I know a new girl is the only thing that will take my mind off of her.
Jay77098 Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 OhNo - Hang in there; keep the faith. Dating is a numbers game, pure and simple. Let me say that again: Dating is a numbers game. You are NOT going to "click" with every person that you date. You have to put yourself out there, go out with people, and sift through a number of potential partners until you find the right one. Some dates are going to be awful, some are going to be so-so, and every now and then you are going to go out with someone with whom you feel the crazy sparks and the serious electricity. Don't give up, and don't give in. Just keep doing what you're doing. You'll find the right girl.
Allumere Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Simply put you may not be ready to date. Yeah, some folks can get back in the game quickly, some can't. I dated a guy 9 months and we have been broken up for 8 and I am no where near dating again. Sure I could go out and just have a good time but for me it just wouldn't be a fair shake for the other person to not be 100% there. I don't do the rebound thing. That said, some folks find it helpful. Gives them their confidence back (not a rebound relationship but just going on random dates). There is no right or wrong. You were hurt and are still hurting is all. Give yourself a break and take things one day at a time. 2
learning_slowly Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 If you bought a car and it ended up a bad one, would you give or try another car? I know people are different but unless you try you're not going to find the next girl you'll like. An example of this in action is my friends chatting up girls in nightclubs. They would get knocked back time after time, but just take it like its nothing and start on the next girl. Almost every time they would go home with a girl. Not my style, but it does work.
mangetout Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 I agree with Jay. Try not to take your dates too personally as it truly is a numbers game. Its not easy to find this mutual attraction so expect to go through a lot of bad dates. If you cant stomach it then its best to give yourself a break
kane30us Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 Me and my ex broke up over 2 months ago and I've been in NC since. I'm doing my best to move on but it's tough. I can't go a day, probably even hours without thinking about her. So I had a date last night (actually 2nd date I've been on since the break up), and it was terrible. The girl had the personality of a paper bag. She looked annoyed to be there, and like I was bothering her to actually try to have a conversation. I was ready to leave after 5 minutes. We might have had a drink for about 30 minutes, and we both ran, lol. But they whole thing just left me so sad. I feel like I'm never going to find someone again. How do you guys deal with missing your ex, and then having a bad date that makes you think about how great everything went with your them? Even worse is the fact that started seeing someone immediately after me, and somehow she is able to jump from me to someone else without even skipping a beat. I hate the fact that she hurt me so bad, and is happy with someone else so quickly. Yet I'm living in my own personal hell trying to forget about her, and 2 months later I'm at a total of 2 dates with girls I have no interest in. I hate this so much, especially since I know a new girl is the only thing that will take my mind off of her. Dude, I can so relate. Don't take things so personally. Also she moved on so fast most likely because she wasn't that much into you from the start. I know that hurts. But, don't take it personally. The thing that help me after my painful break up was learning how to think outwardly. Meaning don't do things you know will make you feel bad. If you're not ready to date then don't. Don't go to her FB page and delete all her contacts. If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn't walk away, you will endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt you for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. And you will love stronger and appreciate that person who really wants to be with you. Once you learn to except that you are golden. 1
d0nnivain Posted June 2, 2014 Posted June 2, 2014 The fact that you have already been on 2 dates since the break up tells me that you will be able to find love again. As someone else pointed out, you may simply not be ready right now. Give yourself some time to be single. Hang out with your buddies. Join a sports team. Do all that stuff you never had time to do when you were with your GF.
Amy74 Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 Ugh... Bad dates sent me running back to my bad ex quicker than anything. Spend some time on yourself and don't rush the dating thing. I'm sorry that you're in pain but you will feel better one day.
ponchsox Posted June 4, 2014 Posted June 4, 2014 My first date after my LTR breakup was miserable. I was thinking about my ex the entire time. And I wasn't into my date at all. The dates slowly got better as I got over my ex and I ended up dating a girl for two months. It does get better.
irresolute Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 op, I really think you shouldn't been dating right now :S Take this time to be alone, to love yourself, to workout, to eat healthy, to go out with friends, to do something that you really like. you need to heal first. what are you going to offer to your date, if you feel so sad, still, about your ex? It's unfair. for you, and for your date. but mostly for you. Let your heart heal.
NYC-BigKat Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 Me and my ex broke up over 2 months ago and I've been in NC since. I'm doing my best to move on but it's tough. I can't go a day, probably even hours without thinking about her. So I had a date last night (actually 2nd date I've been on since the break up), and it was terrible. The girl had the personality of a paper bag. She looked annoyed to be there, and like I was bothering her to actually try to have a conversation. I was ready to leave after 5 minutes. We might have had a drink for about 30 minutes, and we both ran, lol. But they whole thing just left me so sad. I feel like I'm never going to find someone again. How do you guys deal with missing your ex, and then having a bad date that makes you think about how great everything went with your them? Even worse is the fact that started seeing someone immediately after me, and somehow she is able to jump from me to someone else without even skipping a beat. I hate the fact that she hurt me so bad, and is happy with someone else so quickly. Yet I'm living in my own personal hell trying to forget about her, and 2 months later I'm at a total of 2 dates with girls I have no interest in. I hate this so much, especially since I know a new girl is the only thing that will take my mind off of her. I wish I could relate to your pain but I never been in love before & worse I never had a girl love me ever before either . I do think that being alone a little bit might help so u can recover without reminding yourself of wanting to be with her when u just cant u know.
dclan Posted June 5, 2014 Posted June 5, 2014 (edited) Me and my ex broke up over 2 months ago and I've been in NC since. I'm doing my best to move on but it's tough. I can't go a day, probably even hours without thinking about her. So I had a date last night (actually 2nd date I've been on since the break up), and it was terrible. The girl had the personality of a paper bag. She looked annoyed to be there, and like I was bothering her to actually try to have a conversation. I was ready to leave after 5 minutes. We might have had a drink for about 30 minutes, and we both ran, lol. But they whole thing just left me so sad. I feel like I'm never going to find someone again. How do you guys deal with missing your ex, and then having a bad date that makes you think about how great everything went with your them? Even worse is the fact that started seeing someone immediately after me, and somehow she is able to jump from me to someone else without even skipping a beat. I hate the fact that she hurt me so bad, and is happy with someone else so quickly. Yet I'm living in my own personal hell trying to forget about her, and 2 months later I'm at a total of 2 dates with girls I have no interest in. I hate this so much, especially since I know a new girl is the only thing that will take my mind off of her. Ok let me give you advise, based on my experience, because last year I went exactly by this. 1) Regarding dating: The first 3 or 4 girls you date will probably suck. - First because you are still hung on your ex. - Second because, well, you ve been out of the dating scene for a while, so when you go on a date, you will probably expect something similar to what you did with your ex. - Third, you might not have any kind of chemistry with some of the girls you date (despite physical attraction, sometimes 2 people just don't click). 2) Regarding you ex dating someone new: Yeah it sucks, but usually overlapping relationships never last long, specially if she had a "long" relationship with you (1-2 years at least). And I know that the fact that she is dating someone new, makes it even harder for you to move on, mostly because you just can't understand how she can do something like that. And you are probably scratching your head 24/7 trying to figure out how could she do that, and why, when, what the hell happened!!! The answer to this is fairly simple, you shouldn't care. Now I know that saying this is easy, but trust me. There is a 90% chance this relationship won't even last 6 months. When she breaks up with this guy, she will be twice heart broken (1 for this failed new relationship, and 2 for her old relationship with you). On the other hand...you are going to be feeling a LOT better. So my advise to you: stop your "ex-gf" clock, put it on hold, mark the calendar, check her out in 4 or 5 months. And for the next few months, don't think about her, and try to have fun. Consider this a vacation to date other girls!!! And in 6 months, 3 of this things will happen: a) You ll be over her, cause you stopped thinking of her for 5 months, and you just won't care anymore, and even if she is broken up with her new bf, you will just not care, and will probably laugh at her situation. b) You ll be sort of over her (or at least doing better), cause you stopped thinking of her for 5 month, and if she broke up with her new bf, then you might consider talking to her, although in truth you will probably not want to be back with her. c) You ll be over her, she will still be with her new bf (unlikely, but it might happen), you won't care, cause you will be moven on. --------------------------------------------- So in a way, moving on is the best thing you can do. For you, even if you still want to have hope of getting back with her, moving on is still your best chance of doing so, because you need to get yourself together, become the man you once were, and the only way to do so, is by moving on. And if thoughts about your ex still pop into your head, just think: " I'm on VACATION, DO NOT COME BOTHERING you ugly thoughts, come back in 5 months and we'll see ".... Hope it helps Remember, moving on is the best and ONLY tool that will help you. EVEN if you want her back, moving on will always play in your favor. Edited June 5, 2014 by dclan
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