Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 So was this the first time that you offered/suggested anything social and personal, rather than class-related? It sounds like it was. If it was, don't text a women your first invitation for a date. Ever. For all you know, she never expected it, considered you a school colleague and just stared at her phone thinking, "huh?" yes, it was the first suggestion, But what surprises me is that my text could have still been interpreted as something a friend would do. She must have read through the lines and picked up on my intentions.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 Handling surpise bomb situations with a person you don't want to make feel bad. I'd like to think I would be upfront and decline in a way that doesn't insult her, but I don't think there is anyway to do that. So, pretend I didn't hear or pretend I didn't understand and change the subject fast. lol, how can you pretend you didn't notice a girl offer you a blowjob. I would feel a little awkward, but acting like nothing happened would make it more awkward than me saying I m not interested.
TXGuy Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I'm a guy. This 'non-response' used to piss me off, but now I have no problem with it. I take 'no response' as 'thanks but no thanks.' I've heard (both from men and women) of the inevitable follow up that follows 'thanks but no thanks'...'why not'...'come on'...'are you sure'...etc to understnd why women prefer to just not respond. If you have only seen her once or twice, who cares?
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 I'm a guy. This 'non-response' used to piss me off, but now I have no problem with it. I take 'no response' as 'thanks but no thanks.' I've heard (both from men and women) of the inevitable follow up that follows 'thanks but no thanks'...'why not'...'come on'...'are you sure'...etc to understnd why women prefer to just not respond. If you have only seen her once or twice, who cares? nah I have seen her more than once or twice, and I will probably see her again cause she's a part of my extended group of friends at school. I m disappointed but not super hurt or anything, and I most certainly would not have pestered her if she said she wasn't interested.
SJC2008 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 The non response is her not wanting to hurt your feelings, not being able to face her own feelings (awkwardness) when turning you down or she had a bad exp rejecting someone in the past. The first two are the most likely and the last is a slim possibility but some of the women on LS will make it seem like it's the norm and I assure you it's not. No means no to the vast majority of people and if she thought you'd blow up on her even though you'd have to see each other next class she's got a couple scrws loose.
SJC2008 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Rejecting someone isn't easy but I have *never* ghosted. I started a thread about ghosting a while back and was tarred and feathered and told 'nobody owes me anything.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 Rejecting someone isn't easy but I have *never* ghosted. I started a thread about ghosting a while back and was tarred and feathered and told 'nobody owes me anything. I don't think she owes me a reply, but I do think it would have been the better choice on her part to just reply and say she was not interested. In that case I would have just said no hard feelings and things would be cool next time I saw her. 2
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 He didn't ask to eat out her vagina, pal. It's not a "bomb" situation, it's NOT that big of a deal, it doesn't mean anything. She's just being immature and cowardly. If she was REALLY a friend, or even a friendly acquaintance who really liked you as a PLATONIC FRIEND, she would've responded in some manner. The main point I think that most if not every poster in here overlooked is the fact that she'll probably run into the OP again, and it'll probably be even more awkward. OP, if I was you, I'd forget about this and just ignore her. If she sees you around town and engages you, be polite and nothing more. I would've just sent her a message and said "Umm... OK. Weird. You could've just politely declined. Some friend you were! lol" and delete her ass to never be a thought in my mind ever again. If I see her, I ignore her because who cares? EDIT: Are you kidding me? There's no easy way to turn down a chick asking if she can blow you? It's rather simple, actually. I suppose that's the genius of it all! A mere "Uhhh... no thanks?" and that's that. yeah, even beside the rejection, my opinion of the girl has soured a bit cause she's taken this approach. Definitely shows some passive aggressive tendencies in her. Still I don't particularly hate or anything because of this situation, it can be hard for some girls to say no directly. 1
SJC2008 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I don't think she owes me a reply, but I do think it would have been the better choice on her part to just reply and say she was not interested. In that case I would have just said no hard feelings and things would be cool next time I saw her. It's funny you said owe because that's the word I used in my thread and I got hammered. Not a good word choice but instead of going with the "main idea" they latched on to that. I'm going to tell you what a poster said in that thread when he stuck up for me: You don't owe someone behind you holding a door open and not letting it slam in their face, same for an elevator, you don't owe wait staff courtesies like please and thank you's. So no she doesn't "owe" you a written/verbal rejection. She chose the passive aggressive route (easy). So in not being able to face her awkwardness she blew you off, she let the door slam in your face but held it for a stranger.
dragon_fly_7 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 (edited) I feel like this ghosting out method (pathetic IMO) used by both men and women has started very recently and has been prevalent ever since. To me that's the coward's way out. If I'm going to be talking to a man I'm initially interested but suddenly for someone reason it doesn't work out, then the obvious solution would be telling tell an either ''I'm not interested'' or an ''I'm really busy and barely have any time at all''. You know, this has also happened to me a while back with some guy I was chatting with. I waited a response back and was even wondering ''Omg what the hell did I say wrong...''? I mean, seriously they are clearly online and don't reply at all, not even when you still write a ''Are you there, hello''. Very, very rude. I think if someone don't care to talk just say ''I gotta go, I'm busy bye'' than just cowardly ghost out. Edited May 22, 2014 by dragon_fly_7
MsSmurf Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 meh my ego will be hurt no matter how she rejects, that's not the point of this thread though. What doesn't make much sense to me is that if you don't answer the guy's text he will still text you if he's the kinda guy who can't walk away. I happen to be the kinda guy who is able to just walk away without blowing up at the girl. I just feel that if she had said sorry seeing someone, or not interested it would have made the next encounter less awkward. Of course it would not change the rejection in anyway. Right so the kind of guy that will just keep asking or texting becomes irritating too. I have found that sometimes telling this kind of guy no, firmly and politely, just isn't enough because hey're convinced they can change my mind or something. So he gets ignored. Is it rude? Sure. However, I am not going to waste my own energy repeatedly telling him to bugger off. And as someone else mentioned, it is not just girls that do this but both genders are guilty. Regardless of gender it isn't fun to just be ignored, but I understand why it is done. Since you 2 are in school together future encounters don't have to be awkward. You could just say hi and keep it moving.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 Right so the kind of guy that will just keep asking or texting becomes irritating too. I have found that sometimes telling this kind of guy no, firmly and politely, just isn't enough because hey're convinced they can change my mind or something. So he gets ignored. Is it rude? Sure. However, I am not going to waste my own energy repeatedly telling him to bugger off. And as someone else mentioned, it is not just girls that do this but both genders are guilty. Regardless of gender it isn't fun to just be ignored, but I understand why it is done. Since you 2 are in school together future encounters don't have to be awkward. You could just say hi and keep it moving. I feel like you are making excuses for this girl. So just cause some guys might react that way it is ok for her to behave like this to me, a guy who definitely would not act like that. she's free to respond whatever way she wants but I m not going to say its justified. also sure I ll act like everything is ok if I see her again but she'd be stupid if she didn't realize her lack of response made things less friendlier. 1
somedude81 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Women ignoring you is very common. Ever since I started trying to date online, I've sent about 30 messages to different women, and I have never received a single reply.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 it's easier because it avoids confrontation If a guy wants to confront a girl, he will still do it if the girl doesn't reply back.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 by stalking her? maybe, but more like texting her again and again. I just think if the girl looked at this more clearly she'd realize that a polite rejection would be better. It would actually make it less likely for the guy to persist in my opinion.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 (edited) A complete aside. Did you like this girl? I would not have said 'yes' to an invitation worded like yours . I'd expect a man to put more into his request. It sounds like 'do you want to come along ( here Rover)'. A change of a couple words could keep it casual but add some value to her presence. ......' I'd like it if you joined me. Thanks.' As for her not answering. Yes, if this is the complete situation, then a reply would be expected. However, I agree with some female posters that a woman has sometimes experienced some anger or immature feedback. Not saying this is the motive for her silence but it is something to consider. Now that you mention it there was one other case where she did not return my text! In that case she had said she couldn't make it to a meetup we had planned with other people and I texted: "Lol its funny cause everyone else flaked too" I know the use of the word flake wasn't a good idea but I didn't think it was a big deal. anyway she didn't answer that text either, but we had class with each other and we planned the next meet then, and she was fine with texting after that. it would be really ridiculous if this girl refused to text me back if she just didn't like the way I worded my text. You don't think that's the case do you? I liked her, but I don't spend enough time to have really strong feelings or anything. Edited May 23, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me
littleplanet Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Okay let's get this straight. You met her in class (live and in person) Sometime later you invite her for beers after class. No response........................................................ Am I missing something here? She got abducted by Martians and neglected to tell you? She contracted an incurable and incredibly contagious disease -and neglected to tell you? Please excuse the tone....I'm just a little bit incredulous as to why this issue can't be dealt with in the good old fashioned way? Approaching - speaking - live in person. Did I miss something? The law that says these things can only be done with technological device? Live speech is too old-school? I don't get it...................... Dude. You are trying to romance someone (apparently) by reducing your self down to little itty bitty words on a screen. Fussing over literature........................ instead of a little bit of that literal presence. Yours. Hers. Together in the same time and space. And I have to say it: social media was created for wonderful opportunities for people to ignore each other. and further posts: You're not pursuing her at all. You're just texting and texting and texting her. And each text............................................. is one more shovelful of sand burying you deep and dark. I dunno.... What the hell is wrong with your live in person self? A smile. A quizzically raised eyebrow. An easy and mellow and warm tone of voice........ What warms a girl's heart these days? Silence can be golden. Or it can be royally misunderstood. 5 seconds face to face might just solve the mystery. (and save all this waste of time?) 1
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 Okay let's get this straight. You met her in class (live and in person) Sometime later you invite her for beers after class. No response........................................................ Am I missing something here? She got abducted by Martians and neglected to tell you? She contracted an incurable and incredibly contagious disease -and neglected to tell you? Please excuse the tone....I'm just a little bit incredulous as to why this issue can't be dealt with in the good old fashioned way? Approaching - speaking - live in person. Did I miss something? The law that says these things can only be done with technological device? Live speech is too old-school? I don't get it...................... Dude. You are trying to romance someone (apparently) by reducing your self down to little itty bitty words on a screen. Fussing over literature........................ instead of a little bit of that literal presence. Yours. Hers. Together in the same time and space. And I have to say it: social media was created for wonderful opportunities for people to ignore each other. and further posts: You're not pursuing her at all. You're just texting and texting and texting her. And each text............................................. is one more shovelful of sand burying you deep and dark. I dunno.... What the hell is wrong with your live in person self? A smile. A quizzically raised eyebrow. An easy and mellow and warm tone of voice........ What warms a girl's heart these days? Silence can be golden. Or it can be royally misunderstood. 5 seconds face to face might just solve the mystery. (and save all this waste of time?) I can't meet her in person anymore school is over! unless I can convince her to meet in person by phone, which is mute cause she didn't return my text.
johnpatric Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Well its cool you ask her out but I think she didn't like your way to ask.. so if you don't mind just try to talk with her again and if possible why she didn't give you response on that so you can find out whats the problem with her..
iiiii Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 I can see why people wouldn't necessarily respond to an online dating message (for example I don't know if I'd reply if I recieved a message that looked like it had probably been sent to 100 other girls, or a message from someone I didn't know and who looked a bit creepy). But a message sent directly to you from someone you already know should always be replied to, IMO, just for the sake of politeness. Is there any chance she just didn't get it?
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 I can see why people wouldn't necessarily respond to an online dating message (for example I don't know if I'd reply if I recieved a message that looked like it had probably been sent to 100 other girls, or a message from someone I didn't know and who looked a bit creepy). But a message sent directly to you from someone you already know should always be replied to, IMO, just for the sake of politeness. Is there any chance she just didn't get it? I couldn't imgine why she wouldn't have gotten the text. my phone shows the text was sent. Her behavior seems more in line with the time I sent her the other text with the word "flake" and she didn't answer me. It almost seems like she is upset. We were having a fun time last time we meet in person, and even in the beginning of the texting session where I sent the OP text, she seemed like she was in a good mood.
iiiii Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Well, if there's a chance she thought it was just a friendly invite, and since she's failed to reply to friendly texts occasionally in the past, and if you still like her, then I'd say give it one last shot and actually ask her out properly. If she turns you down (or ignores you!) then at least you'll know for sure she hasn't just misinterpreted what you were after or forgotten to text you back.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 My friends always say I say/do the stupidest things with girls and blow my chances, and I ll admit I have done that stuff like that, but I didn't know this stuff was such a big deal with girls. It would be really ****ing ridiculous if a number of the girls who have given me the cold shoulder in the past did that just cause I said, did something wrong. Especially cause in a lot these cases the girl initially seems pretty smitten with me, then she seems to do a 180 after I do something stupid. This **** is also confusing for me cause I actually think I m a fairly good looking dude and I have been told such by people who weren't trying to bull**** me.
Author you_can_not_see_me Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 (edited) Well, if there's a chance she thought it was just a friendly invite, and since she's failed to reply to friendly texts occasionally in the past, and if you still like her, then I'd say give it one last shot and actually ask her out properly. If she turns you down (or ignores you!) then at least you'll know for sure she hasn't just misinterpreted what you were after or forgotten to text you back. hmmm, I ll think that over. I don't want to seem desperate, but at the same time if this is all due to some stupid misunderstanding I don't want to loose another opportunity. She hasn't unfriended me on facebook or anything (though that doesn't mean much), so I can assume I m not exactly on the **** list yet. There is actually a possibility I might see her tomorrow. In all honestly I kinda hope not. :S Edited May 23, 2014 by you_can_not_see_me 1
irc333 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Sometimes in response to my polite rejection I've had guys just keep asking. Surprisingly, I've known a women who had told me their "how we met stories" where a man had asked her out on more than one occasion only to win her over. I recall at a Meetup, hadn't seen this woman in ages at an event. I knew the guy she used to date pretty well, turns out she broke up with him and I hadn't seen her since until later at another Meetup. She was with a new man, I asked how she's been lately and whose the "new guy in her life" She said, "Funny story, he asked me out like 3 times, and each time I said 'No', on the fourth time I decided I'd go for it...and we've been together ever since". So chances are, if done properly and in a non-pushy fashion, if you ask a woman out multiple times, you'll eventually get her to go with you...depending on the situation and if you "space apart" the amount of times that a guy does it.
Recommended Posts