Always Pondering Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Hello , Long story short, the relationship ended a little over a year ago and I have been in strict NC for about five months now. My question is about Scott William's "KickLovesA**" program. Has anyone here on LS followed this program and has it worked for you? I know of thora-tiki's thread (which was the reason I looked into this since she sounded so happy with her life) and one or two random posts mentioning this program but have not really heard of any stories involving this on LS. The guide mentions an important step which is to send a "NC message" to your ex which is something I really do not want to do since it involves breaking NC. I've made great improvements to this situation by joining LS since BU but I'll admit I'm not fully there.
thora-tiki Posted July 14, 2014 Posted July 14, 2014 Hi, buddy! I just wrote you on, just to make sure you see the reply, I am posting the same reply on your wall: You wrote: «Wait, we would have to send a letter to our ex? Thora, your entire story kept me reading on and on and I am glad to hear that NC has done you so much, both for your own life and your new start with dildo face. You've got me very excited to embrace the healthy benefits of long and true NC .» Thank you for the kind words, buddy! The no contact message (you text or e-mail the ex) looks like this: Hi, name of the ex I agree with your decision to break up. I really believe it was the best thing for the both of us. I have some big decisions to make and I need some time to think them over. I would really appreciate it if you didn't contact me at this time. I'll be in touch when I am ready. The reason for sending this message ^ is: This message, is meant to flip both your switches, and start your personal evolutions together. Here are some of the guidelines (that my other break up buddies and I use) for when you are doing no contact. You are probably already doing much of this already, but I am sharing it with you anyway. :-) -- Start journaling. I don't care if you don't want to. Do it. Hah! Journal every desperate, I miss him/her, blah blah blah thing every second/minute/hour every day - when you need to. -- Buy the e-book: Magic of making up, or maybe someone here can e-mail it to you? If you miss the ex, read the fast forward technique, in chapter 2 in the magic of making up, or workout, call a friend, watch a film, listen to some music, but not music that will remind you of ex, maybe listen to classical music, or music without words. If you still feel desperate, listen a few times to the video number 6: Break Up Help Videos (I hope the link appears.) -- Maybe make a list (when you are having a good day) over things you can do when you are having a bad day, so you are prepared for the bad days. -- Read to the magic of making up, in the no contact period you read to the chapters 1-5. This is the e-book that they use on the how to kick loves ass forum. Follow the first 5 chapters. (chapters 1-5). I Skip chapter 1 (since it is more an intro to the book, but you need to read to it a few times before you can skip it. :-)), and read chapters 2-5 when you are in no contact. When you are ready, i. e. don't feel desperate, you use the chapters 6 and 7 to reconnect/for when you reconnect, you use the e-book even when you are back together, so that you don't fall into old habits. Chapter 8 is for moving on. Read a little in the magic of making up, every day, or when you need to, I still use it weekly, have it on my ipod. Yay! -- Whenever you feel panic/pain/etc. read the fast forward technique. And remind yourself that this feeling will pass, and this feeling (feeling desperate, or afraid the ex will reject you if you text or call him or her) also means that you are not ready to reconnect with the ex. -- To succeed you need to be focused. Success is to get you back, your life. This is usually when the ex starts sniffing around. -- If your ex contacts you during no contact: You need to be strong and stick to no contact. If the ex don't think that you are serious about no contact then how will he/she ever be able to take you seriously? Dropping off your ex's radar right now is the best thing you can do to improve your situation. By removing yourself completely from his/her life, you're giving the message that you're no longer interested in what's going on. This may sound counterproductive to getting him/her back in your life, but in reality, it's exactly the opposite. Put yourself in his/her shoes for a minute. Instead of knowing where you are and what you're doing, your ex now has no idea what's going on. Do you still love him/her? Do you still want him/her back? By disappearing completely, the ex has no clue about these things. Their level of comfort drops dramatically once they realize they can't get you back at the drop of a hat. Like somone wrote another forum member on How to kick loves ass, after his or her ex overreacted and texted something angry after getting the no contact message: «His/her (over)reaction (to the no contact message) was caused by you flipping his/her switch - that is what we call it when your ex gets pissed off or any other reaction after you send them the no contact message and take control of the situation. They were hoping to string you along for a while until they found someone new... You were plan B - now you are not :-) You don't really want him/her back as much as you want to stop feeling rejected. The sooner you start no contact, the right way: sending the message and follow all the magic of making up steps and focus on you, the sooner you will stop feeling this way, but it will take time.» -- If you don't hear from the ex after sending him/her the no contact message: If you don't hear from the ex, you know the ex is respecting your wishes. Some people just listen better than others. You have planted a seed with no contact, and then you must let it grow. In the mean time don't worry about him/her, and just continue to live your life - keep evolving, that's all you can do. -- Make a plan for every day for at least a few months. Make a list with weekly goals. You need to be busy. Otherwise you will just sit and obsess about the ex. -- I found this on the how to kick loves ass forum: «Positive thinking: If you manifest and nurture this thought long enough and you will make it come true. Instead of obsessing over your ex, try to counteracting this negative thought with a positive thought, and it doesn't have to be that your ex will come back, it can be something else positive. My suggestion is focus on the positive things you have going in your life now, and fill your heart and mind with positivity. This will not only make you feel better, but it will attract more positive things into your life. If your ex coming back "really" is a positive thing, it will happen. But it will NEVER happen as long as you continue to manifest this negative thought/feeling. Every time you talk, think, or write about it, you are creating it (little by little), whether it is a good or bad thing, you will create it. The good news is, it takes more energy to manifest negative things, and less "energy" to manifest positive things, but we as people seem to always put more energy into the negative things...don't we? Stop looking for positive signs, and start creating more positive thoughts/feelings, and you will be amazed. Trust me, this is your best solution. The greatest lesson you can learn in life is nothing changes until you let it change by letting go of "old thoughts/feelings" and replacing them with new empowering thoughts/feelings. Bottom line... whatever you focus on the most will come true.» ---- Best advice, whenever you feel even just a little panic/hurt/miss the ex: Read chapter 2 and the fast forward technique, in the magic of making up. Or listen/watch this video: Break Up Help Videos It is the number 6 video. (I hope the link appears.) Also, watch the videos on the same page. Now you will be so busy the next 12 months, you wont even have time to think too much about him/her. This is what we want! :-) Hurrah! (You may very well not even want the ex back by then.) But don't think about that, focus on you, and here, and now, don't look too far ahead, or you will fail. You can do this, buddy!
Mr Scorpio Posted July 15, 2014 Posted July 15, 2014 It seems to me that all of this does little more than provide you with a plan which is centered on thinking about your ex. Writing a wimpy letter? A year out? Making a list? Buying a book? FFS. I don't mean to sound insensitive. Breakups suck. My breakup brought me here in the first place. Nevertheless, it seems to me that the best way to forget about an ex is to forget about an ex, not writing a list and/or a journal or lighting scented candles and listening to meditative tapes. Get some hobbies. Do some pushups. Keep busy. 1
Author Always Pondering Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Wow, I forgot I even made this thread. Thank you for the responses and thora-tiki for your very descriptive explanation. This was quite a while ago (to me anyways as my life has flipped around since mid-late Spring) but just to throw it out there, I decided not to go with it. My reason being: my life has dramatically improved in the mere couple of past months and as Anya pointed out, I'm not a big fan of breaking NC after all this hard work for something that may not change anything. I've read some of my older posts and it's almost unbelievable how ridiculous I sound then. I don't doubt what you have gone through thora-tiki as you seem very happy with where you are now but I figured I shouldn't try to fix what isn't broken and well, I'm hell-bent on not breaking NC. Thanks though for the responses! 1
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