jbc1470 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 (edited) Hi am 34 and me and my X have been split for a good few months. If I am open and honest we didnt have the greatest relationship, in a sense that we must of broke up around 6 times in 4 years. Alot of time I just walked and didn't show much commitment as just wasn't feeling it or she would do things that really hurt me like lash out with drink or interfere with every aspect of my life leaving me feeling pressured. For the record I have been no saint myself. We did have some amazing close times though and both being from broken homes our girls got on so well and when we where strong we all fitted together like a jigsaw. One of the biggest problems my X couldnt deal with was my relationship/friendship I still had with my daughters Mum. My daughters Mum I was with for 8 years. We broke up on good terms around 5 years a go and kept things as positive for our daughter as possible. Am an amazing Dad and so is she as a Mum and most of all she is just nothing more than a good friend. people ask why we dont get back together, but its just not like that we are more like brother and sister in that sense and I like the fact I can phone her anytime to check on my daughter or we can share a lunch or school play together. I wont go into the whole breakup reasons but it didnt end on a good note. I said horrible cold things to her with frustration like she did to me but she just couldnt stop obsessing and talking so negatively about my daughters Mum and started to show a jealousy towards my daughter. I walked away feeling strong and positive when I look back as I knew in my heart it wasnt going to work. Fast forward a few weeks though and I had this crazy dream about her one night and it left me constantly thinking over her. I ended up unblocking her on facebook to contact her to ask to see her which led to her blocking me with no reply.... Since then 2 months a go I have been gutted with good days and bad days, probably as she rejected me with a flood of good memories and realisation it was over. In the past she would always come back to me so this was a new street for me. All though recently I have been feeling stronger! I found out 2 days a go while I was away with work in a caravan looking after a child (child care worker)..... That she had entered into a new relationship with a guy I knew on facebook. I just instantly felt sick and over worried and stressed!! I ended up going on facebook and looking on the guys wall and there was a picture with him and his family and my X and her daughter all together.. It just left me feeling like I couldn't control my emotions and panicked, especially as I was away from home and staying in caravan feeling really claustrophobic and stressed. That night was the worst night of my life and I layed in bed all night stressing and worrying! and couldnt sleep......... I know this is really bad!! and I regret it so so so much! but I logged in as my Mum on facebook and messaged her with a picture of me and my daughter asking how she could choose him over us! this guy was far from good looking and i couldn't believe she would even be in a relationship with him mind date him!.. All though I know thats super wrong and not done me any favours!! I dont really punish myself as I was so so stressed and needed a release some how and whats done is done. Writing this now I feel not as lost!!!. for the last few days since finding out I have been constantly thinking about her and him and all the negative things I said and did!!....... Last night though I started to think about all the bad things she had done over the years! and a flood of memories came back of how I felt and it was some form of closure. Yet again though I woke up at 4am in a dark room and couldnt get back to sleep and constantly over thinking and went back to square one again. I hate the fact I cant seem to stay positive with so much going for me in life. I feel tempted to date again but if I am honest I do think I am insecure as a person and I would really like to gain inner happiness rather finding someone to instantly make me feel happy! as that will only help in a future relationship...... I have cut all ties with women I have met over the months in a effort to focus on spending all my free time with my daughter and to throw myself into exercise which I love. I have closed down my facebook! which is the root of all evil and dont plan to go back on there as its a depression in its self. I worry I wont truly get over her until I meet someone as the saying goes, but unsure if thats the right road to go down it would only be a rebound at the minute. I really hate the way my mind works and I am only going through this alone I thought I would come here to see if people could relate so I don't feel so alone and lost. All though just writing this makes me realise I am probably obsessing and its another day going backwards. Would appreciate any replies!!...... Am sorry for the length or if my writing is a little all over the place. I just hate the fact that I feel like I love her now and want her back. You always want what you cant have hey! thanks to all! Edited May 31, 2014 by jbc1470
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