Rickrossbaby Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I'm such a rookie when it comes to dating and flirting. So I'm asking y'all for some much needed help. So I'm a girl in her early twenties and I've been single for a while. Recently started a new job a month ago and from the moment I met my co-worker I was attracted. But besides the physical attraction, we do have some things in common and talk when we can. I pay real close attention to his body language when he's around me and that's what confuses me. Sometimes I think he wants me other times I feel nothing. I overthink it all too much and get nervous and quiet around him. It's so frustrating because I haven't felt this way about any man in a very long time. I would like this to progress into a friends with benefits situation if possible. Sex and hanging out. I'm just confused of how to get there?!!!? How do you show interest to a co-worker in a professional setting? How can I make this happen? I'd appreciate any help or feedback. Thanks!
deathandtaxes Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 You don't. The best policy for dating co-workers is 'don't **** where you eat'. There are so many unforeseen complications that can and will arise from this situation. 2
Xenon2 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 ask him to go for a drink after a long day. be like, "man today was brutal, really could use a cocktail - want to join me for a quick one?" gets the dude outta the office. gets you alone with him. doesn't really threaten the sitch. i have seen NUMEROUS office romances before and all have ended FINE. the only time it was a problem was if the bf/gf was the other's direct boss, which usually merely resulted in a departmental change. do yourself a favor. check company policy.
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Is this your career or just a job? If it's a job do what you want. If it's your career be very careful. Before you do anything, have an exit strategy. How will you handle work if things end badly & you break up? If you don't know the answer to that, don't start. Assuming you are going forward, what's this co-worker to you in the organizational structure? If one is management & the other is not, don't do it. It has sexual harassment written all over it. If you are equal on the organizational chart, check out your company's fraternization policies. If relationships are prohibited do nothing. If all the above has been addressed, smile when you see him. Find reasons to talk to him at work. Try to maneuver so you can spend time out of the office together: lunch, group drinks after work, playing on the company softball team . . . whatever. Get to know him in that context & flirt. Your recon should include determining if he is otherwise attached.
Author Rickrossbaby Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 Thanks for the tip. :-) He is not my boss and I did check the rules and they ban boss-employee relations. So I'm thinking I should be in the clear in that respect. I worry though because at my job there are only six of us, so I feel it would be super obvious to our other four co-workers. They are all so nosey. I wouldn't want anyone to know... I feel it would be better that way. Low-key as possible.
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 With only 6 people in the office, I would not risk this. There will be no where to hide if things go south. 1
David87 Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 With only 6 people in the office, I would not risk this. There will be no where to hide if things go south. Just one minor correction I like to add to your post: When things go south.
Author Rickrossbaby Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 Is this your career or just a job? If it's a job do what you want. If it's your career be very careful. Before you do anything, have an exit strategy. How will you handle work if things end badly & you break up? If you don't know the answer to that, don't start. Assuming you are going forward, what's this co-worker to you in the organizational structure? If one is management & the other is not, don't do it. It has sexual harassment written all over it. If you are equal on the organizational chart, check out your company's fraternization policies. If relationships are prohibited do nothing. If all the above has been addressed, smile when you see him. Find reasons to talk to him at work. Try to maneuver so you can spend time out of the office together: lunch, group drinks after work, playing on the company softball team . . . whatever. Get to know him in that context & flirt. Your recon should include determining if he is otherwise attached. Wanted to say thanks for your detailed response!! It is just a job. I work at a bank, actually. If it did end badly I would carry on. The thing is me and him don't have to interact much at all in our job duties. I'm not a drama queen that would create friction at work. I would act as if nothing happened. I'm good at the whole nonchalant thing, maybe too good. He is not attached. In fact a couple days ago he reiterated the fact he was not married. He doesn't have a girlfriend as far as I know. But he could be "talking" to someone. That I'm not sure of... But I LOVE:love: your tips. I'm definitely going to practice them on Monday. See if they get me anywhere.
justhadto Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 Wanted to say thanks for your detailed response!! It is just a job. I work at a bank, actually. If it did end badly I would carry on. The thing is me and him don't have to interact much at all in our job duties. I'm not a drama queen that would create friction at work. I would act as if nothing happened. I'm good at the whole nonchalant thing, maybe too good. He is not attached. In fact a couple days ago he reiterated the fact he was not married. He doesn't have a girlfriend as far as I know. But he could be "talking" to someone. That I'm not sure of... But I LOVE:love: your tips. I'm definitely going to practice them on Monday. See if they get me anywhere. Dont do it. Drama queen or not things may not end fine and thstbis that. You are rationalizing because you want him. No interactions for work / no relationship. Break up /tension at work
Kamila Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I wouldn't do it, too much awkwardness when it doesn't work out.
Dallers Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 The only reason you want this guy is because the greeting has already been done. The hard part of meeting someone and asking them out becomes non-existent because now it can just head straight to flirting and then a date. However, it doesn't. It leads to a bed and ends badly. I have a lot of hot co workers who in truth I would like to date, but I don't and don't for good reason because I need and want my job and do not like mixing work and pleasure, and people feel exactly the same. Use work to improve your social skills but you need to approach away from work. I have dated lots of co-workers in the past. It made me lazy and they all ended badly.
Author Rickrossbaby Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 The only reason you want this guy is because the greeting has already been done. The hard part of meeting someone and asking them out becomes non-existent because now it can just head straight to flirting and then a date. However, it doesn't. It leads to a bed and ends badly. I have a lot of hot co workers who in truth I would like to date, but I don't and don't for good reason because I need and want my job and do not like mixing work and pleasure, and people feel exactly the same. Use work to improve your social skills but you need to approach away from work. I have dated lots of co-workers in the past. It made me lazy and they all ended badly. That's true to a certain extent. It is hard to meet someone especially when you don't really go out to places where the singles are. I've only lived here 9 months so I don't really know anyone. But I'm not looking for a relationship with my co-worker. More of a friends/sex thing. Lots of people meet at work so I don't understand all the negativity surrounding this. Any relationship can end horribly regardless of where you met them. But if you're both mature, respectful adults I don't see a problem.
Dallers Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 That's true to a certain extent. It is hard to meet someone especially when you don't really go out to places where the singles are. I've only lived here 9 months so I don't really know anyone. But I'm not looking for a relationship with my co-worker. More of a friends/sex thing. Lots of people meet at work so I don't understand all the negativity surrounding this. Any relationship can end horribly regardless of where you met them. But if you're both mature, respectful adults I don't see a problem. If you are just looking for friends/sex then you are asking for trouble, potentially opening up a sexual harassment suit in a workplace and you are forgetting that when you break up with someone you go in opposite directions and never see each other again at work that makes it impossible. Be very careful.
Author Rickrossbaby Posted May 31, 2014 Author Posted May 31, 2014 If you are just looking for friends/sex then you are asking for trouble, potentially opening up a sexual harassment suit in a workplace and you are forgetting that when you break up with someone you go in opposite directions and never see each other again at work that makes it impossible. Be very careful. I appreciate the warning. But how would we break up if we were never together in the first place? Being friends and having sex when we felt like it, doesn't qualify as a true relationship to me. Maybe I'm naive because I've never dated or been attracted to a co-worker before. This is a first and I'm trying to navigate through it.
d0nnivain Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 The minute you see somebody from work naked everything changes. You want NSA sex. What if he wants a relationship? What if feelings develop later? In a small office like yours, this is bound to cause problems. If you were in a big company & at least worked on different floors you would have some cover. If all you want is FWB join OLD, go to a MeetUp.com event, hook up with an alumni association, heck pick somebody up in a bar. Don't fish for casual off the company pier. It has disaster written all over it.
Shaun-Dro Posted May 31, 2014 Posted May 31, 2014 I'm such a rookie when it comes to dating and flirting. So I'm asking y'all for some much needed help. So I'm a girl in her early twenties and I've been single for a while. Recently started a new job a month ago and from the moment I met my co-worker I was attracted. But besides the physical attraction, we do have some things in common and talk when we can. I pay real close attention to his body language when he's around me and that's what confuses me. Sometimes I think he wants me other times I feel nothing. I overthink it all too much and get nervous and quiet around him. It's so frustrating because I haven't felt this way about any man in a very long time. I would like this to progress into a friends with benefits situation if possible. Sex and hanging out. I'm just confused of how to get there?!!!? How do you show interest to a co-worker in a professional setting? How can I make this happen? I'd appreciate any help or feedback. Thanks! Just suggest for you two to hang out after work and get drinks at a local bar or lounge. From there, flirt with him, lot's of touching, smiling, leaning into him as much as possible. He'll get the drift. If he doesn't respond to that, you save face. It's not like you're asking him to be your man. You're not getting rejected outright, lucky for you.
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