Jump to content

reformed bully

snappytomcat

By snappytomcat
in General Relationship Discussion

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

snappytomcat Established Member

snappytomcat

Posted
Posted

ok,so I don't need anyone bashing me,ive done that to myself enough times,and the person I bullyed,urged me to come here,and post maybe this post can help at least one person.

 

 

so it starts like this,i was extremely shy in grade school,i mean it was paralyzing,how shy I was it was like some kind of disorder,it wasn't normal that's for sure,but in middle school I started to blossom,and make lots of friends(not nice people)I developed faster than most,and the boys sure did notice,and I loved the attention.

 

 

well in the 8th grade,i started hanging with the popular crowd,the cool kids,the good looking kids,and I was just a mean biotch,we all were,i don't know why,did I have chip on my shoulder,or was I just spoiled,and felt entitled,maybe a mix of both I have no idea,it seemed like I had the time of my life in school,even though I hated the actual schooling part.

 

 

yes we were mean kids,but there was one girl(lets call her hope)hope was always trying to get my approval,for some reason,she just wanted to fit in,I bullyed her,i was m,ean to her,downright vicious,not just me,and it wasn't just her,but she got the worst.

 

 

anyways one night,this was about 4 years since graduation,my friend asked if I wanted to go out,and to meet her,snd her friend at this bar,so I said sure,i show up,i met her friend,she seemed pleasant enough,we made small talk,and when my friend got up to dance,hope asked me if I remembered her,i said no sorry from where?

 

 

that's when she said who she was,and how I ruined her life,and she went home crying everyday after school,now she said it wasn't just me,but she really wanted to be friends with me,and she was pizzed which is very understandable,

 

 

so she asked if I would be willing to meet up to talk to her,meet for coffee,i said ok,so we did,she was surprised I showed up,but I felt I owed it to her,and I sat there and took everything she threw at me,i deserved it,and she did,she cried,she yelled,and the only thing I could do was apologize,which didn't seem like enough,she asked me to please stop bullying people,which I had long before she asked,but ive made it a mission in life to be kind to everyone,even the ones that wronged me,and ive never wavered on this,hope and I have become good friends,one of the best days in my life was when she said I forgive you.

 

 

she gave me the gift of forgivness,so that's what I try to do,this was 25 years ago,and I have learned so much from hope,shes one of my best friends,and im happy to have her in my life.

 

 

im totally against bullying,and I wish it would stop especially with young people in school,it breaks my heart.

iam now a kind person,and that's how I live my life,i do learn from my mistakes

  • Like 4
dragon_fly_7 Established Member

dragon_fly_7

Posted
Posted (edited)

To be honest it sounds like bullying is so overrated to the point that every single thing you did wrong deserves an ''Oh no, you ruined someone's life forever'' drastic message and everyone expects you to be a straight-laced person. I was teased too in Junior High but at the age of 27, I've long got over it and at this point I'm focusing on the present.

 

I think certain people take getting teased very extreme. If you seen the movie You Again 2010, it shows how focused on the ''But you were the mean girl in HS'', the bullied character is while the other person wants to simply move on already.

 

Good to hear you sort it out with Hope but I'm going to be honest. I wouldn't have carried that on my shoulders nor reminded them of it years later. I mean for what? The important thing to me would be that they're no longer immature teens and I'm talking to the adult version. IMO if someone is going to apologize to me, I'd rather hear it at that moment or within a couple days. Laters year, no thanks. If someone apologized to me years later, I would find it very weird and think they're just undergoing a current issue. That's just me. Maybe I'm different but I simply a ''living in the present'' woman.

Edited by dragon_fly_7
  • Like 1
gaius Established Member

gaius

Posted
Posted

Being desperate for approval is a trait that will hurt you in life at any age. You did her a favor by knocking her around a bit for behaving that way. You taught her an important life lesson.

 

If she wants to obsess over it and not acknowledge what you did for her, that's on her. But don't ever be sorry or feel guilty for what you did.

  • Author
snappytomcat Established Member

snappytomcat

Posted
  • Author
Posted

thank you guys

ive just felt so horrible over it,and feel im going to hell because of it,even though im a good kind hearted person.

my friends and family say I need to stop beating myself up over it,cause that's not who iam today

thanks for your words of encouragement

  • Like 1
dragon_fly_7 Established Member

dragon_fly_7

Posted
Posted

You're welcome and your family is right. Don't beat yourself over this. The important thing is you've moved on pass HS stage and no longer into that.

  • Like 1
topaMAXX Established Member

topaMAXX

Posted
Posted

I was bullied in junior high and middle school. I don't even remember by who or what exactly happened. I just remember that it happened.

 

I'm pretty sure I got over all of that in high school lol.

  • Like 2
dragon_fly_7 Established Member

dragon_fly_7

Posted
Posted
I was bullied in junior high and middle school. I don't even remember by who or what exactly happened. I just remember that it happened.

 

I'm pretty sure I got over all of that in high school lol.

I think guys in generally get over those things faster than women. If a girl gets emotionally/verbally bullied in middle school and HS by other girls (even when it wasn't getting punched nor anything like that), she would go on forever about it and probably insist on receiving an apology. I'm the exception to the rule off course but that's how it generally is.

 

Same here. All I know is it happened and that's it. Life is short anyways.

  • Like 1
carhill Established Member

carhill

Posted
Posted

OP, people can change. In fact, most of us do. With men of my generation, things were a bit different, and far more violent, trending to personal injury and property damage with little intervention from law enforcement save for grave bodily injury or death.

 

Respecting one interest of mine at the time which would remain in life, that being science fiction, I think this statement best reflects my feelings on the matter.

 

"It's not you I hate, Cardassian; I hate what I became because of you".

 

I hate that I had to learn to kill people to defend myself. I still hate that. I will though. Like I said, it's different for men.

 

My parents never knew. They did often wonder why I was constantly repairing my bicycle. Walking home dragging along a destroyed bike was a good life lesson, along with the other marks of that era.

 

Good on you for changing and respecting the past and reflecting upon it.

  • Like 1
cocorico Established Member

cocorico

Posted
Posted

Snappy I am glad you and hope were able to connect and resolve the past for both of you. I was bullied to the point of becoming suicidal at primary school and it has made me passionate about injustice, as a result. Although at the time I hated the kids (and the couple of teachers) who bullied me, I also know that they probably did so out of their own fear and ignorance. Back then, no one knew about Asperger's in girls and anyone who was different in any way was just a "freak", and some of these kids were probably battling their own demons and it's easier to hide your own difference when you're part of the in group gaining up on the kid whose difference is most obvious. It's something I long since made peace with although I still become angered when I see bullying happening (including on LS) to others, now.

 

Through FB I know what has happened to some of the kids who bullied me at school. Some have turned their lives around, which it found heartening. Others have been consumed by their own demons, and that's sad. I haven't been tempted to contact them - about the bullying or anything else - because I respect their right to move on from the past, as I have, and I'm not sure what I would or could say anyway. Their forgiveness needs to come from themselves, not from me.

 

What matters is the person you have become.

  • Like 2
EpicCentre Member

EpicCentre

Posted
Posted

Hi Snappytomcat,

This is an interesting thread and I have to admit once being a bully as well too for 3 years to my now good friend Jeff that didn't deserve it. Bullying sucks and now it does pisses me off when someone else does it. I actually stood up with my friends when a kid with a disorder was being picked up by an older teen. I don't want to sound like a hypocrite since I'm also a reformed bully but I now see bullies as cowards.

 

It's ok. You learned. That's all it matters and happy to hear you're ok with Hope now.

 

If you care to read my thread from 2 years ago when I was a total jerk and bullied someone endlessly it's on:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/320938-how-often-can-smaller-weaker-opponent-beat-bigger-one-fight

 

All I know is I saw the fear of god right before my eyes that day. It was deserved. I lost to my then 5'8 friend.

Also, not sure if this might be a bit of karma too but he also had a large growth spurt from 5'8-6'3 during these two years (he just grew another inch just last month) while I stayed at 6'2 since age 16.

 

So yes, many of us do change. I'm glad he forgave me though and it was really a mutual apology afterwards.

  • Author
snappytomcat Established Member

snappytomcat

Posted
  • Author
Posted
Hi Snappytomcat,

This is an interesting thread and I have to admit once being a bully as well too for 3 years to my now good friend Jeff that didn't deserve it. Bullying sucks and now it does pisses me off when someone else does it. I actually stood up with my friends when a kid with a disorder was being picked up by an older teen. I don't want to sound like a hypocrite since I'm also a reformed bully but I now see bullies as cowards.

 

It's ok. You learned. That's all it matters and happy to hear you're ok with Hope now.

 

If you care to read my thread from 2 years ago when I was a total jerk and bullied someone endlessly it's on:

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/320938-how-often-can-smaller-weaker-opponent-beat-bigger-one-fight

 

All I know is I saw the fear of god right before my eyes that day. It was deserved. I lost to my then 5'8 friend.

Also, not sure if this might be a bit of karma too but he also had a large growth spurt from 5'8-6'3 during these two years (he just grew another inch just last month) while I stayed at 6'2 since age 16.

 

So yes, many of us do change. I'm glad he forgave me though and it was really a mutual apology afterwards.

epiccenter

thank you,and I will go and read your thread from 2 years ago

im happy you and jeff are friends now

Radu Established Member

Radu

Posted
Posted
OP, people can change. In fact, most of us do. With men of my generation, things were a bit different, and far more violent, trending to personal injury and property damage with little intervention from law enforcement save for grave bodily injury or death.

 

Respecting one interest of mine at the time which would remain in life, that being science fiction, I think this statement best reflects my feelings on the matter.

 

"It's not you I hate, Cardassian; I hate what I became because of you".

 

I hate that I had to learn to kill people to defend myself. I still hate that. I will though. Like I said, it's different for men.

 

My parents never knew. They did often wonder why I was constantly repairing my bicycle. Walking home dragging along a destroyed bike was a good life lesson, along with the other marks of that era.

 

Good on you for changing and respecting the past and reflecting upon it.

 

That's pretty much how i feel about it, for the most part, though there is a big part of me that still hates them.

I seriously doubt that they know what they did was hurtful, or what impact it had ... when i do meet them [and i will, because the world is small and getting smaller], i will make sure to ask.

  • Author
snappytomcat Established Member

snappytomcat

Posted
  • Author
Posted
That's pretty much how i feel about it, for the most part, though there is a big part of me that still hates them.

I seriously doubt that they know what they did was hurtful, or what impact it had ... when i do meet them [and i will, because the world is small and getting smaller], i will make sure to ask.

radu,i cant speak for everyone,but if they have any kind of a heart like me,then they do feel bad for what they did,ive talked to other reform bullies and they have said the same

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...