hurting_in_nw Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Feel free to dig up my story if you wish. 7 years ago, wife blindsided me and admitted she was in the early stages of an affair and wanted a divorce, which I gladly gave to her. She went on to marry the man she was having the affair with. I believe that my ex-wife and her husband feel that the ends justify the means. That one day, everyone would be happier as a result of what they did and that would make it all OK. I do not subscribe to that logic at all, even though I have also gone on to remarry a wonderful woman and have a beautiful 10-month-old boy who I can't imagine life without. I do, however, still have anger issues. When I soul search and think about why that is, it always comes back to my ex and her husband. Particularly him. I think it's easier to hate him and direct everything at him because I have no emotional stake in him, as it is. My ex and I have an 11-year-old son together as well as her older son from a relationship before me, who I have remained very close to. I keep things cordial with her because it's important to the kids' well being. In most senses of the phrase, I have moved on. I certainly don't obsess over my ex, and in fact was able to let go of her pretty easily as a result of her betrayal. I made it clear to her early on that there was zero chance of a friendship (as if that needed to be said), and that she shouldn't mistake my being courteous for friendship...it was all about doing what's right for the kids involved. I really have no forgiveness in my heart for her or her husband. He keeps his distance and aside from a pathetic attempt at an apology email early on has never had any contact with me. I communicate with my ex-wife only because I have to, but feel that once my son is a man I won't have anything to do with her either. I look forward to that day. I have come to feel that they are really both quite pitiful to have destroyed two families (he was married too) out of pure selfishness. In my mind, people like that don't deserve forgiveness and should live their lives with the baggage they have earned because of their actions. But I still don't get why this anger hasn't subsided fully. At first, I felt like the fog of the affair would pass and they would go their separate ways, but when that didn't happen, and they went on to marry, it felt like adding insult to injury. Perhaps in their minds that was the right thing to do, I don't know. I'm not sure where I go from here. I feel that although I have a great life now, there is an undercurrent of anger that's there, and it pops up every now and then, particularly when I am reminded of what happened. I feel like they have never had to suffer any consequences for all the hurt they have caused, and that sucks. I feel like I am still waiting for some sort of retribution, some level of justice for the wrongs they committed. Not sure what that is exactly...I suppose I'd be thrilled if I found out they were getting divorced, or that he cheated on her or vice versa. None of this comes from a place of "I want her back" because that's the last thing I would ever want. Just, as I said, some sort of justice. I've gotten to the point where I realize that's an unhealthy thing to carry around. 98% of the time I am indifferent to them and could care less what they do or who they are. It's those moments when my son refers to him as his "stepdad" that I feel it boil up. Or that he's driving when they drop him off. Or she mentions a vacation that they're all taking. Moments like that when I am reminded that although I can put it out of my mind most of the time, it's still there and it's real and it's what happened. Any help with this is appreciated, be it book recommendations, personal experiences, etc.
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