Mackinney94 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 (edited) I'm a 20 year-old sophomore in college and I've been hanging out with a smart girl for a while. Though we're not officially dating, we do like each other. Thing is I'm kind of leery about visiting her parents, esp her father. I had a bad encounter with him way back when I was a HS senior; he had this ''I'm going to kill you now'' look on his face. Well I did something stupid and I was being a jerk back then. She slowly forgave me and by now doesn't even think about it but don't think the father will ever like me. What happened is she left her diary, I took it home for a day and I read a couple pages. Not just that but I made copies of a couple pages, passed it around to a couple friends and others and made few jokes about it. I was 17 then (though I've grown a lot more since my last growth spurt and would now be even in a fight with her father, somehow I still fear him). Anyways a couple days later she came with her father. Her father backed me against a wall explaining how she's been crying and was pisssed as hell (rightfully... I was a stupid kid then) while I just keep apologizing till he let me go. Then he threatned me that if it ever happened again I even come close to her, then I would have to deal with him and it won't look good. I still remember those words ''Ever hear from you again, it'll be your last...you understand''?? Thing if if we keep going out, I'll eventually how to deal with him and he remembers me well (he knows my name). I don't know what to say. I would just want him to know I'm no longer that immature kid anymore and I have no intention of ever hurting her emotional nor humiliating her again. I care about her. Not sure if he'll eventually come along and well I guess forgive me for back then. Or will he come after me?? My concern is what if we were to start dating?? She's still living with her parents. I regret what I did back then. Again, I was a dumb and stupid kid but her father must still have that terrible image of me. Edited May 27, 2014 by Mackinney94
serial muse Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 (edited) I'm a 20 year-old sophomore in college and I've been hanging out with a smart girl for a while. Though we're not officially dating, we do like each other. Thing is I'm kind of leery about visiting her parents, esp her father. I had a bad encounter with him way back when I was a HS senior; he had this ''I'm going to kill you now'' look on his face. Well I did something stupid and I was being a jerk back then. She slowly forgave me and by now doesn't even think about it but don't think the father will ever like me. What happened is she left her diary, I took it home for a day and I read a couple pages. Not just that but I made copies of a couple pages, passed it around to a couple friends and others and made few jokes about it. I was 17 then (though I've grown a lot more since my last growth spurt and would now be even in a fight with her father, somehow I still fear him). Anyways a couple days later she came with her father. Her father backed me against a wall explaining how she's been crying and was pisssed as hell (rightfully... I was a stupid kid then) while I just keep apologizing till he let me go. Then he threatned me that if it ever happened again I even come close to her, then I would have to deal with him and it won't look good. I still remember those words ''Ever hear from you again, it'll be your last...you understand''?? Thing if if we keep going out, I'll eventually how to deal with him and he remembers me well (he knows my name). I don't know what to say. I would just want him to know I'm no longer that immature kid anymore and I have no intention of ever hurting her emotional nor humiliating her again. I care about her. Not sure if he'll eventually come along and well I guess forgive me for back then. Or will he come after me?? My concern is what if we were to start dating?? She's still living with her parents. I regret what I did back then. Again, I was a dumb and stupid kid but her father must still have that terrible image of me. I'm wondering why you did it in the first place. It's a really hostile thing to do, and "I was a dumb kid" isn't really an answer or an explanation for why you wanted to hurt this girl and shame her publicly. Did she reject you back then or something? What changed? I also think it's kind of off, a bit, to suggest that you could take the father physically nowadays, but wouldn't. Even pondering whether you could take him in a fight suggests that you still have a bit of immaturity going on. There's a difference between saying "I've grown up" and really owning the impulse that caused you to do what you did. That's maturity. Edited May 27, 2014 by serial muse 4
Author Mackinney94 Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 I'm wondering why you did it in the first place. It's a really hostile thing to do, and "I was a dumb kid" isn't really an answer or an explanation for why you wanted to hurt this girl. Did she reject you back then or something?There was no excuse for what I did back then and honestly, I truly regret it. It was really a miracle that she forgave me. I didn't deserve it. As for why I did it. It was because in my stupid mind, I thought I was being funny and cool back then (no, I was dating someone else then). I also think it's kind of off, a bit, to suggest that you could take the father physically nowadays, but wouldn't.I might be bigger and stronger but I'm still with that fear me placed on me back then. I still fear her father. That's why I don't visit her house. That suggests that you still have a bit of immaturity going on. There's a difference between saying "I've grown up" and really owning the impulse that caused you to do what you did - if you were there, physical altercations wouldn't even be in the picture. That's maturity.So what should I do? How do I ease this situation with her father?
serial muse Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 There was no excuse for what I did back then and honestly, I truly regret it. It was really a miracle that she forgave me. I didn't deserve it. As for why I did it. It was because in my stupid mind, I thought I was being funny and cool back then (no, I was dating someone else then). I might be bigger and stronger but I'm still with that fear me placed on me back then. I still fear her father. That's why I don't visit her house. So what should I do? How do I ease this situation with her father? Sorry, I meant to add this but was too slow in editing. To answer your question about how to handle this going forward: If you do continue to date her, perhaps it's worth having a conversation with her father (one in which fists and walls aren't involved), to explain yourself to him. Three years really isn't that long of a time, so it's hard to imagine why you'd think that was cool at the time but no longer (honestly, I'm still wondering myself, but it's not me you'd have to convince!). But an honest, brave mea culpa can go a long way to smoothing the waters. I'm sure he'd want reassurance that a) you truly respect her and b) aren't setting her up for more bullying.
bubbaganoosh Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Fact. Fathers protect their daughters. Nothing more important than daddy's baby girl and it doesn't matter if she's 1 or 100, she will always be daddy's baby girl and if he was going to rip you a new one, he would have already done it when he cornered you. Now, he's not a stupid man and he knows that if he hauls off, swings at you and connects, no doubt dad's going to jail. I would venture a guess that he's not going to go that route but he's not going to be warm and fuzzy around you for what you did so I wouldn't worry about a physical confrontation. Now time heals all wounds and maybe dad's going to take more time but my advice is to man up to him, admit what you did was wrong and apologize to him and hope that he forgives you in due time. One advantage you have is that she has forgiven you and maybe she'll talk to dad and maybe smooth the road for you but I still would talk to him when you see him. Just remember one thing. Someday you might be presented with a little bundle of joy baby daughter and if that happens, then you'll see what he see's and me too. I have two daughters and I grew fangs and got real hairy when the boys started coming around. My daughters are both married, one is 38 and the other 28 and if push comes to shove the fangs sprout and I get hairy all over................maybe grey hair but none the less. 4
Author Mackinney94 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 Sorry, I meant to add this but was too slow in editing. To answer your question about how to handle this going forward: If you do continue to date her, perhaps it's worth having a conversation with her father (one in which fists and walls aren't involved), to explain yourself to him. Three years really isn't that long of a time, so it's hard to imagine why you'd think that was cool at the time but no longer (honestly, I'm still wondering myself, but it's not me you'd have to convince!). But an honest, brave mea culpa can go a long way to smoothing the waters. I'm sure he'd want reassurance that a) you truly respect her and b) aren't setting her up for more bullying.Thank you and yes I look forward to that moment, the day I can look at him straight in the eyes (I looked down when I was confronted then) and apologize again. As for why it was cool at that time? It was my way of seeking attention then but I did lose some friends and a couple classmates didn't want to talk to me (they lost respect for me as well too) after I did that so it wasn't really a gain at all. I had a couple other things happening such as my parents nearly divorcing, sometimes having nightmares about her father coming after me and beating me and a death in the family. I think that was karma coming back at me for being that mean to a sweet girl that didn't deserve that.
Author Mackinney94 Posted May 28, 2014 Author Posted May 28, 2014 bubbaganosh, good point. You got me thinking. He is very protective and I don't blame him. I would want to have a child later on in life when I'm done with college and start working on my field. I'm putting myself on the man's shoes now. Hard to think how I would turn out if I ever had a daughter. I would like to think I would try to be fair and trust her judgment but maybe I'll surprise myself and become like that man. I was thinking of facing him again if we start dating officially.
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