leafguy Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Ok guys...could use some advice on a situation. Ive spent the last few months traveling, took a leave of absence from work, and simply just wanted to escape for a month or two. Spent time in Europe, Asia, Australia and came back for a few weeks before departing on a week long cruise with some friends. I didnt have any expectations going in other than having fun. We were meeting another group of people and I didn't know all of them, but met a girl who I really hit it off with...funny it is when you least suspect it. Long story short, we spent a lot of time together and kissed...albeit we were both a little tipsy but remember it. Towards the end of the week she got a bit distant and mentioned she had been dating a guy back home for a few weeks. Needless to say I don't feel good about the situation, but noone mentioned it to me at all from her group or her herself. I asked her if it was exclusive, she said not yet but he wants it to be. Fast forward to the last day and I ask her to watch a sunset so we can talk about the situation. The talk went well, but as we are talking, she is constantly staring at me, brushing my shoulder and leaning into me. Then at the airport the following morning, we see them, hug goodbye and she just stares into me...the kind of stare you know what it means and don't need to say anything. How do I approach this situation. I mentioned to her Id back off because I didnt want to cause any complication if she was dating him and we had made plans for this week. She still wants to go through with plans and has even asked to come to my hockey game after our movie "date." Simply put...any advice would be appreciated as to similar experiences, advice. Thx in advance.
jbelle6 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I don't see the problem if she is honest that she is just interested in dating right now and not a relationship, as long as you are ok with just that. I would not get my hopes up for more and would just enjoy the dates if she's a fun person to hang out with.
somedude81 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 If it's only been a few weeks, and not exclusive yet, then she's up for grabs. Make your move quickly.
Author leafguy Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 That's my thought too somedude, but I still feel like I am stepping on toes. I just found the fact odd she wanted to add plans to a date...great sign I guess, but still not a comfortable situation. But thats what everything is telling me to do.
somedude81 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 You really should not be worrying about the other guy. Dating is a competition. She's telling you she hasn't made up her mind yet. It's up to you if you want to give up now.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 proceed but with caution because who knows how honest she is being about how long her and this dude have been together. But if she is, she is clearly telling you that "he" is wanting it to be more, she never said, or at least you didn't write that she said she was looking at that too with him. So, have fun and trust her until she gives you a reason not to.
bubbaganoosh Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I don't know. I guess I'll be the grim reaper here and say my opinion. If she's dating a guy and it doesn't matter that if it's a couple weeks or a couple years, and she's coming on to you, me thinks that if she doesn't tell the other guy that it's over, would she do the same thing to me. IMO, tell her that when she decides to break up with the guy, then let me know and we'll take it from there but as of now, there's you, her and him. It's not really fair to "him". she need to lay her cards on the table. 1
Author leafguy Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 Thx for the replies everyone. Keep them coming. Bubbaganoosh...Im kind of on the same page as with you with my thoughts as well. Id like to see how this "date" goes and what her real intentions are. I still want to get to know her as well in all of this and she will have to lay her cards out, same goes for me as well. My hand has been pretty clear that I like her, but there is still alot about the situation to unravel. 1
todreaminblue Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Be open with her and let her know that you wont sit patiently on the sidelines ....she has a choice to make if you are not the multiple type then she cant be that either.......i feel by her telling you that the other guy wants exclusivity adn she makes dates with you.....the thing that si attractive to her is exclusivity.......so make yoruself clear.....deb
mrs rubble Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 I was her a couple of years ago, I was dating one guy when I met the other.The First guy, never gave me the impression he was serious about me...or a future with me. The second guy let his feelings known, he listened to me, comforted me, made me laugh,& gave me practical help during difficult times. Both knew about each other and when I picked the second guy, the first guy then declared that he really did want to be with me and got pretty upset that I hadn't chosen him...but the second guy had already proved himself... even though the first guy was richer and better looking. So go sell yrself to her!! Good luck. 2
Author leafguy Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 I don't mind the whole dating scenario of seeing who you match best with. I understand the concept, although I sometimes don't agree with it, its part of the game. I know I have given her things to think about as I could tell with how silent she was at times after we kissed. I need to know her word is good with plans as the punctuality will go a long way for me as to that situation as well. If she is serious about spending the evening together and actually adding on to existing plans to meet some of my friends first night, and my sis and her bf it will say a lot to what she thinks of me. 1
Author leafguy Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 Mrs_Rubble, That actually really helps alot. I know this girl likes a lot about me. She was envious about a lot of things I had accomplished...job, school, car, saving for a house etc that my life is going according to plan. There is a 5 year age gap...28 to 23, so its understandable those 5 years are the time I have had to accomplish those things, but I don't fully know the other situation other than its been a few weeks, they met online. I do intend to find out a bit more, but selling myself should be no problem. 1
mrs rubble Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Mrs_Rubble, That actually really helps alot. I know this girl likes a lot about me. She was envious about a lot of things I had accomplished...job, school, car, saving for a house etc that my life is going according to plan. There is a 5 year age gap...28 to 23, so its understandable those 5 years are the time I have had to accomplish those things, but I don't fully know the other situation other than its been a few weeks, they met online. I do intend to find out a bit more, but selling myself should be no problem. I think the fact you want to introduce her to yr family and friends will mean alot to her and prove to her you are serious about her. Good luck!! It sounds really encouraging. P.S: I met guy no1 online and guy no2 in real life too. I have a good feeling about your situation. 1
Author leafguy Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 Haha thx. I didn't really mention the whole introducing her to my family yet. That being said, I play hockey with my sisters bf and she said she wants to come, so meeting them wouldnt hurt any I don't think. My sister has already asked who she was when photos surfaced on facebook today and said we looked good together, as did a lot of people. Kind of funny you have been down that road. Did it last long with guy number 2? 1
mrs rubble Posted May 27, 2014 Posted May 27, 2014 Haha thx. I didn't really mention the whole introducing her to my family yet. That being said, I play hockey with my sisters bf and she said she wants to come, so meeting them wouldnt hurt any I don't think. My sister has already asked who she was when photos surfaced on facebook today and said we looked good together, as did a lot of people. Kind of funny you have been down that road. Did it last long with guy number 2? Yeah, I saw you mention her meeting your sister, I think that's cool, she'll give you an honest opinion of her and encourage her to pick you if she approves. I'm still with guy2. It's been 2 and a half years, we're engaged.
Author leafguy Posted May 27, 2014 Author Posted May 27, 2014 Well I am inspired by your 2.5 years and engagement lol but Im not thinking that far ahead yet. I know I haven't felt this strong of a spark since my ex fiancee. I guess the hardest part is going to be to find that balance between being there and making sure she knows my intentions, while also not being friend zoned. What did guy 2 do so well that you knew you wanted to be with him? Anything in particular that he did where you knew or just a collection of things?
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