Tell me about male/female roomie dynamics

[Teknoe]

It isn't really considered risque outside of religious circles IMO. Even some traditional people (whom I know of) have mixed living arrangements. It doesn't always end in sex.

 

It depends on each individual's POV really. Some girls, even non-Christian ones, would never want to live with just 1 other guy that isn't either her boyfriend, husband or brother or dad. Those who fit this bill consider it risque.

 

Those who don't mind, like you I presume, do not consider it risque. I don't want to be judged for it, so if she and I do live together, I plan to avoid telling people or fib and say it's a male if asked specifically. They don't need to know, and I don't need to delve into my private life. I will be treating her on a platonic level, but don't want others to form a bias opinion of me when they really don't understand the situation at hand.

 

Anyway, I already told a few coworkers that I'm planning to move out before school starts up again, and they were all excited for me. I could see the new found respect in their eyes. Even one of my coworkers, who I haven't exactly been seeing eye to eye with lately (she's been very grumpy and tends to take her frustrations out on me in cheap little jab shots) said that she'll be my biggest fan when I do move out and make my own lunches, lol. It's funny how people's perception of you changes and is altered when they know you're 30 living at home vs. 30 living on your own. Such a "small big" thing makes a world of difference in how you are perceived. Anyway, I already felt my confidence rising telling them the news, even though it's not official quite yet.

 

Even if my current plan falls through with my female buddy, I think I gotta find a way somehow to get out on my own... I've already told too many people in real life to back out of it now and tell them in 3 months "Oh yeah, I'm still living at home as it turns out..." that would be totally embarrassing. Maybe part of me told them just so that they could be witnesses and serve as extra motivation to stay true to my word!

 

I *DO* have the money... so it's just a matter of going apartment hunting and setting myself up!

[KathyM]

I think it's definately overdue for you to move out of your parents' house and into a place of your own, but IMO, you would be better off moving in with your childhood buddy. At the risk of being a buzzkill, I'm going to bring up a few concerns about moving in with this female friend.

 

 

1. You still have a thing for her. You might deny this, but I think it's pretty obvious based on your excited anticipation of being a shoulder to cry on and getting closer to her. It's going to be difficult when those feelings are not reciprocated.

 

 

2. You are already planning to lie and mislead people about your living arrangments? How do you think that's going to work if you start dating someone and she finds out you lied about living with some woman you used to/have a crush on? Instant dealbreaker with this kind of deception.

 

 

3. You hang around a lot of Christians it seems. Are you going to lie to them too? How do you think that will affect your credibility with them?

 

 

4. If you want to live according to your Christian faith, then this is not the way to do it. We are not supposed to be putting ourselves in situations of temptation. I can see that you are still hoping for something more than just a platonic relationship with this woman. You might deny that, but I think it's obvious.

[Els]

 

Even if my current plan falls through with my female buddy, I think I gotta find a way somehow to get out on my own... I've already told too many people in real life to back out of it now and tell them in 3 months "Oh yeah, I'm still living at home as it turns out..." that would be totally embarrassing. Maybe part of me told them just so that they could be witnesses and serve as extra motivation to stay true to my word!

 

I *DO* have the money... so it's just a matter of going apartment hunting and setting myself up!

 

Yeah, you can look around for other roommates if it comes down to that. Or go with your childhood friend if he's interested.

 

Rooming in with strangers can be a bit risky, but as long as you pick carefully you shouldn't get in too much trouble; there are of course annoyances that you need to deal with (and are really part and parcel of housesharing IMO) but unlikely to be anything too major. Be sure to pick people who have a stable job (or are full-time students), and meet them and talk to them before you agree on anything.

[Eternal Sunshine]

I don't like this situation as I have a distinct feeling that OP has a thing for his friend and is more excited about living with HER than actually moving out. I don't think he is "lying" to us, more like lying to himself.

 

I am all for moving out but moving in with his friend is going to have a lot of potential for misery and pining down the road. Proceed with caution.

[Teknoe]

I think it's definately overdue for you to move out of your parents' house and into a place of your own, but IMO, you would be better off moving in with your childhood buddy. At the risk of being a buzzkill, I'm going to bring up a few concerns about moving in with this female friend.

 

1. You still have a thing for her. You might deny this, but I think it's pretty obvious based on your excited anticipation of being a shoulder to cry on and getting closer to her. It's going to be difficult when those feelings are not reciprocated.

 

2. You are already planning to lie and mislead people about your living arrangments? How do you think that's going to work if you start dating someone and she finds out you lied about living with some woman you used to/have a crush on? Instant dealbreaker with this kind of deception.

 

3. You hang around a lot of Christians it seems. Are you going to lie to them too? How do you think that will affect your credibility with them?

 

4. If you want to live according to your Christian faith, then this is not the way to do it. We are not supposed to be putting ourselves in situations of temptation. I can see that you are still hoping for something more than just a platonic relationship with this woman. You might deny that, but I think it's obvious.

 

 

Kathy, here are my thoughts.

 

1. We hung out last Thursday 1 on 1 and I was totally indifferent toward her in terms of attraction level. The crush goggles have long come off, and I view her strictly as a friend now. This "excitement" you speak of is because my life is admittedly so mundane that a change of pace such as this would be exciting. But just because I'm excited doesn't mean I still have a thing for her. It would be a new frontier for me, and that's where the excitement stems from. It doesn't stem from me still yearning after her. I know some may have their doubts, but I can only explain so much. Only I truly know how I feel. One thing about me I can't emphasize enough that people who don't know me don't understand is I move on fast. Once a girl says "Tek, you're just a friend" it doesn't take me long to peacefully accept that and then start viewing them also strictly as a friend.

 

2. I am not going to lie to EVERYONE. Strangers/new people I meet I will be straight up and honest with. Old acquaintances, depending on who they are, I don't feel the need to be so forthright with. Any girls I potentially date I will definitely let them know. They definitely have to be cool with it, and they are not the people I'm going to hide the truth from. My family and closest friends (and new people I meet from now on) will know. Casual acquaintances don't need to.

 

3. I've already told a few Christian folks/friends. They're pretty much split 50/50 on this, but generally have told me to do as I wish. And to be honest Kathy, I don't hang out with Christians as much as I used to a few years back.

 

4. I understand this point of view, but at the risk of sounding like a liar, I do truly feel like this will be a tremendous growth opportunity. When I was in my early 20s, one of my dreams was always to one day room with a good female friend who also teaches the same grade and that we can take that journey together as friends and housemates. Now I have a chance for that "old dream" to possibly come true. I am going to trust my ability to be able to handle it properly, and not let fear or temptation stop me from a possible growth opportunity such as this.

 

I know it's "controversial" and "risque" (although again, some say "not at all... go for it because it's not really a big deal at all") but at this point I've already made up my mind. It's up to her now with regards to whether we really pursue this or not. I'm not looking to put any moves on her... I see her as strictly a friend/housemate/colleague with whom I can journey with this coming school year.

 

Also, nothing is 100% yet. We have began preliminary talks, but haven't gone apt hunting yet. She might change her mind yet.

 

At which point I will see it as a closed door and pursue my childhood best friend. Issue with that is he hasn't built up an impressive line of credit either so I'm worried we'd be rejected based on that from most landlords.

 

Anyway, at this point I want to follow my heart and she's my #1 choice to live with. Timing of it feels right, and it would make for a great experience with all the ups and downs of living away from home and living with a female friend.

[KathyM]

the thought of rooming with an attractive female friend who works in the same field as me is very enticing. If she says yes, my summer just got that much more exciting. Even though money wise, because I make so little, to live with her especially, I'll take the "cut."

 

 

 

my backup plan is to ask my childhood best friend. It's not as exciting as my female friend obviously.

For someone who claims to be only interested in a platonic friendship with her, you use a lot of language that would lead me to believe you are expecting/hoping for more.

[Teknoe]

Yes, she is attractive, but at the same time yes, I see her as a friend. You can find friends attractive. She's not ugly. Doesn't mean I intend to enter into a romantic relationship with her.

 

I'm excited to move out and be on my own from my parents AND I'm excited to possibly share a place with her because we're good friends and we teach the same grade level. It's all of those things. Both would be new frontiers for me (living away, living with a female) and could be just what the doctor ordered.

 

Currently I'm working out and will do so this summer to be fit for the first time in my life. Working toward a lot of self personal positive change. I want this year to be more interesting and dynamic and one of growth than ever before.

[KathyM]

Yes, she is attractive, but at the same time yes, I see her as a friend. You can find friends attractive. She's not ugly. Doesn't mean I intend to enter into a romantic relationship with her.

 

I'm excited to move out and be on my own from my parents AND I'm excited to possibly share a place with her because we're good friends and we teach the same grade level. It's all of those things. Both would be new frontiers for me (living away, living with a female) and could be just what the doctor ordered.

 

Currently I'm working out and will do so this summer to be fit for the first time in my life. Working toward a lot of self personal positive change. I want this year to be more interesting and dynamic and one of growth than ever before.

I think it's good that you are wanting to move out on your own and away from parents. I think you're kidding yourself when you say you only think of her as a platonic friend. I think you often put yourself in situations where you are close to women while being "just a friend", but you always seems to harbor romantic aspirations for these "friends." You invest a lot of time and hope into these relationships with female friends and it doesn't really lead anywhere. Do you invest time and effort in fostering relationships with guy friends? Seems like you set yourself up to be hurt quite a bit with women. You put yourself in the friendzone and spend a lot of time there. I think that situation would be incredibly frustrating for most men. I'm not sure why you want to put yourself in that position so often.

[Trufita]

I know it works perfectly fine for some people. I would only live alone with a guy if he was a very very close friend of mine. I would have no problem living with my male best friend if he wasn't partying from monday to sunday .

 

If it was a few girls and a guy it would be okay.

[somedude81]

I don't like this situation as I have a distinct feeling that OP has a thing for his friend and is more excited about living with HER than actually moving out. I don't think he is "lying" to us, more like lying to himself.

 

I am all for moving out but moving in with his friend is going to have a lot of potential for misery and pining down the road. Proceed with caution.

 

That's exactly why I asked him how he would react if he heard her having sex.

 

He says he will be OK.

 

Though in reality, probably not.

[Teknoe]

That's exactly why I asked him how he would react if he heard her having sex.

 

He says he will be OK.

 

Though in reality, probably not.

 

Naw, and for 2 reasons:

 

1. I no longer have a crush on her. Still find her attractive, but you can find someone attractive and STILL be completely detached from liking them that way

 

2. I am not going after her so what do I care if she's having sex?

 

I liked her nearly one entire year ago. That's a long time, and I've long since moved on.

[somedude81]

Naw, and for 2 reasons:

 

1. I no longer have a crush on her. Still find her attractive, but you can find someone attractive and STILL be completely detached from liking them that way

 

2. I am not going after her so what do I care if she's having sex?

 

I liked her nearly one entire year ago. That's a long time, and I've long since moved on.

 

OK, maybe you truly think you moved on.

 

But there is always a chance you have not. The last thing you'd want is to be in a situation where you suddenly realize that you still have some feelings for her, but then you're stuck living with her for however long is left on the lease.

[Teknoe]

OK, maybe you truly think you moved on.

 

But there is always a chance you have not. The last thing you'd want is to be in a situation where you suddenly realize that you still have some feelings for her, but then you're stuck living with her for however long is left on the lease.

 

Life is about living, and learning. The last thing I'd want to do is turn down this opportunity to fulfill a dream I've had since I was in my early 20s. I always wanted to one day, before I get married, to live with a female friend who also teaches the same grade. I think there is an overblown emphasis here on me secretly pining after this woman, or that if she brings home dates I'd get jealous and sad. I'm 30, this is no longer high school. I choose instead to trust myself that it'd be all good. I'm focusing moreso on the independence I'd gain from moving out living on my own and the potential goodness of sharing my teaching journey with a fellow teacher who happens to live with me.

 

She and I are good friends. We're even better friends because we teach the same grade and can relate a lot to the various joys and hardships of teaching. While I get the varying POVs, my mind is made up and my heart feels like this is the right thing to do. But again, nothing's official until we sign a lease. All of this might end up being a moot point anyway, if she changes her mind.

[iris219]

The last thing I'd want to do is turn down this opportunity to fulfill a dream I've had since I was in my early 20s. I always wanted to one day, before I get married, to live with a female friend who also teaches the same grade.

 

Sorry, but this is a strange fantasy. If you don't want anything romantic to occur, why does the roommate have to be female in your dream? Why can't it be a male teacher?

 

And why is the prospect of living with your male friend not as exciting? If this was only about moving out and being independent, living with him would be just as exciting.

 

There are normal people looking for roommates on sites like craigslist and roommates.com. This might be a better option for you.

[beach]

My situation with my male roomie worked because we set solid boundaries.

 

We didn't expect to have "intimate conversations" and share with each other the way you would expect two people dating to communicate.

 

We lived in the same space - but operated independently.

 

Expecting to hang out and have deep conversations is like expecting it to be like you're married. I think if you adjust your expectations this could go well.

 

My roomie knew I operated independently. I knew he did too. If I attempted to "step into his personal life" too much - it wouldn't have allowed him the emotional space to find that woman he ended up married to.

 

IF you get "too close" to her - you may not be saving "that special space" for a woman you may marry. Boundaries are very important!

 

You think you're going to hang out and have private talks - I hope you'll save that for the gal you're going to be dating.

 

 

Set the tone from the start so there's no hurt feelings.

 

Others don't need to "understand it" - only you two need to know exactly what works for you.

 

 

But I caution you - know where your boundary is and leave room for your future wife. If you're "too close" to your roomie - then gals you date will be suspicious and jealous. I didn't have that situation because I didn't give them anything to be jealous of. Set the tone right from the start.

 

I lived with him - but kept my personal life - his personal life separate. Oddly enough, I'm still one of the only women in the world he completely trusts.i always kept my word. I always knew where my boundary was. We didn't "do" a lot of personal time "together".

 

It was a place to live with a friend I admired while I didn't my own thing and he did his own thing. We existed within the same space by being kind and considerate of each other.

 

That's it.

[Teknoe]

Thanks Beach. Great advice and I completely agree with most of it. Yeah, I don't think we'll be SUPER close like how some of my "overly excited" posts are. Remember, this is a message board and for me at least, I tend to post on the more dramatic side. In reality, I understand the situation and am a lot more cool/nonchalant about it than what I've shown through my dramatic extreme writing. Not everyone gets that, but it's OK.

 

 

Sorry, but this is a strange fantasy. If you don't want anything romantic to occur, why does the roommate have to be female in your dream? Why can't it be a male teacher?

 

And why is the prospect of living with your male friend not as exciting? If this was only about moving out and being independent, living with him would be just as exciting.

 

There are normal people looking for roommates on sites like craigslist and roommates.com. This might be a better option for you.

 

Never said it absolutely can't be a male teacher, but all the male teacher friends I know already have settled living situations. I don't necessarily want to room with a stranger teacher, I want to room with a trusted friend teacher. It doesn't have to be female, but since that's what the opportunity presents, it just fell into place. Also, honestly, and I think I said this before, I just naturally get along better with females than males (generally speaking). Plus, I guess growing up watching shows like Three's Company had always influenced this subconsciously for me. 1 guy living with 2 girls. Nothing romantic ever happened. But it was always lively and interesting. Not saying real life will follow a scripted comedy drama like Three's Company, but yeah.

 

I am not opposed to looking on CL and roommates.com if she declines for whatever reason. Not opposed AT ALL. Right now she's my first option so I'm just waiting for a little more concrete confirmation from her i.e. "OK, we can go apartment hunting next weekend."

 

Beach, once again thank you for the advice. It was realistic, but it also didn't berate me for my preferences or desires. You warned me, but also left it wide open for me to make my own choices and to live with it. I appreciate you not jumping on the "it's a tragic mistake dude don't do it!" bandwagon.

 

I am a little quirky/offbeat, and I guess only each person understands themselves and what they desire (and not internet strangers). Just like you SD prefering to date girls in their early 20s, I prefer to have this female friend as a roommate. I already cited my reasons above, and would appreciate it if people stopped piling on the doubt train. Well, regardless, I'm moving forward and if she truly follows through, then I'll follow through back. If it falls out for w/e reason, then I'm going with my backup options of childhood best friend and then CL/roommates.com

Edited May 31, 2014 by Teknoe

[Els]

I guess I don't understand why the need to constantly cushion oneself against the possibility of heartbreak. Even IF Teknoe does want more and ends up getting heartbroken.... so what? He'll still be better off than where he was before. He'll have moved out from his parents and will have a previous landlord to give him references for a new rental. Especially given that he hasn't even had much chance to experience close contact with women before, I'm thinking the entire experience will be beneficial to him - yes, even if it ends in heartbreak and the inconvenience of moving out. He'll learn a lot.

 

Just go for it if she still wants it, OP.

[the tank]

I am moving on with a girl in one month and I have no problem with it.

[Teknoe]

I guess I don't understand why the need to constantly cushion oneself against the possibility of heartbreak. Even IF Teknoe does want more and ends up getting heartbroken.... so what? He'll still be better off than where he was before. He'll have moved out from his parents and will have a previous landlord to give him references for a new rental. Especially given that he hasn't even had much chance to experience close contact with women before, I'm thinking the entire experience will be beneficial to him - yes, even if it ends in heartbreak and the inconvenience of moving out. He'll learn a lot.

 

Just go for it if she still wants it, OP.

 

 

Thank you, Elswyth. Well said. Look, even IF I should fall AGAIN for this girl, which I honestly think I can avoid or at least temper this time around with realistic expectations, should I get heartbroken so what? It's not the end of the world, and like Els said I think I will learn a lot from the experience overall. Just living with her would give me a lot of social interaction, and on top of it, an attractive female interaction. That never hurts one's social skills. While I don't think I'm antisocial, it never hurts to gain more experience/confidence/life experience.

 

But again, all of this would just be the perks of living with her. I feel like I'm ready to live on the edge a little bit, and expand my comfort zone/horizons a bit more and spread my wings. I also feel, being 30 that I'm sort of trying to make up for lost time. This move-in with a female friend is something I thought back in high school or college that the "future adult me" will have done by age 24 or 25.

 

All in all, change is good, and this would be a good change, even with all the heartbreak possibilities. Hey, you can't live scared.

[KathyM]

you can't live scared.

True, but it's always good to weigh the pros and cons with a situation before taking action. You may want to even write down the pros and cons of living with your female friend, and then write them down for living with your childhood male friend. It might give you more clarity. For example:

 

 

Living with Male Friend

 

 

Pros

 

Would be a good male bonding experience.

 

 

He could be your wingman and help you to develop your social life.

 

 

His living habits may be more in line with yours.

 

 

No uncomfortable romantic feelings involved.

 

 

He could be a good role model to you if he has successful relationships with women and other male friends.

 

 

Cons

 

 

None that I can think of.

 

 

Female Friend

 

Pros

 

 

She might have female friends that come over sometimes that you could get to know.

 

 

Cons

 

 

You may end up developing or increasing romantic feelings for her on your part which will make it difficult for you when they are not reciprocated.

 

 

You bringing a date or romantic interest to your place would probably be uncomfortable for the date.

 

 

Her bringing a date or romantic interest to your place would probably be uncomfortable for you.

 

 

A difference in living habits may create a problem in your relationship with her. Lots of couples who live together find they are incompatible due to difference in living habits. You would be jeopardizing a friendship by bringing in the day-to-day annoyances that come from living together.

 

 

Explaining your living arrangement to friends and acquaintances and potential romantic relationship prospects may end up in some of them rejecting you because of that, or at least being uncomfortable with it. I know I would not have been O.K. with a guy I was dating living alone with some attractive woman, especially if it was someone whom he has or had romantic feelings for.

 

 

 

 

Just something to think about. I always suggest to people that they weigh the pros and cons for each option before making any major decisions. If you don't want to consider the pros and cons for each situation, I'll bow out of this discussion. It sounds like you've pretty much made up your mind anyway.

[Teknoe]

Kathy, I will cite some cons of my male childhood best friend:

 

-Smokes. I can't stand the smell of smoke. Has also done other kinds of drugs, if you get my drift. He's not the same guy I knew when we were 10!

-Has a circle of friends I am unsure of. Not sure how comfortable I would be if he brought them back to the apartment on a weekly basis

-Has no credit to speak of... so together we might well get rejected by a landlord

 

I do see the cons of my female friend, but there's no perfect roommate, and I'd much rather live with her than him. You're right, my mind is pretty much made up. I see myself being happier overall if she were my housemate, as opposed to my old best friend.

 

However, it might be a moot point as she hasn't contacted me the last 4-5 days. She might have gotten super busy, or might have gotten cold feet. Like I said, nothing is official until we sign a lease. However she swings, I will respect it. At this point, I'm letting the chips fall where they may. Starting to explore CL and roommates.com though as I am starting to get a feeling that this may be too good to be true, and that somehow she's changing her mind about the whole thing. It would be a bit disappointing honestly, but not the end of the world and doesn't change the fact that I still want to move out by August

[KathyM]

Kathy, I will cite some cons of my male childhood best friend:

 

-Smokes. I can't stand the smell of smoke. Has also done other kinds of drugs, if you get my drift. He's not the same guy I knew when we were 10!

-Has a circle of friends I am unsure of. Not sure how comfortable I would be if he brought them back to the apartment on a weekly basis

-Has no credit to speak of... so together we might well get rejected by a landlord

 

I do see the cons of my female friend, but there's no perfect roommate, and I'd much rather live with her than him. You're right, my mind is pretty much made up. I see myself being happier overall if she were my housemate, as opposed to my old best friend.

 

However, it might be a moot point as she hasn't contacted me the last 4-5 days. She might have gotten super busy, or might have gotten cold feet. Like I said, nothing is official until we sign a lease. However she swings, I will respect it. At this point, I'm letting the chips fall where they may. Starting to explore CL and roommates.com though as I am starting to get a feeling that this may be too good to be true, and that somehow she's changing her mind about the whole thing. It would be a bit disappointing honestly, but not the end of the world and doesn't change the fact that I still want to move out by August

The negatives about your male friend sound like dealbreakers. Smokes and does drugs and hangs out with other druggies. No, I guess that option is out. I would suggest going with the CL or Roommates.com sources. Very few women would be O.K. with their dating partner or boyfriend shacking up alone with an attractive female, especially one he has or had a crush on. If your goal is to be more actively involved in dating for the coming year, it's probably better to go the route of a male roommate.

[Teknoe]

Well I texted my female friend tonight asking her how things are going. She said discouraging since apt hunting was going nowhere. Then I browsed online and found a 2 bedroom apt right in our "happy zone" (it's close to her school, and close enough to mine). I showed her the link and she was very happy. "LETS GO. GET IT. LETS DO IT."

 

Now we have to wait until tomorrow. She'll call them to see if there's anything available for rent. I'm guessing not, but you never know.

 

I was very happy to find it though, and it took me all of 10 minutes. It was the cheapest one, and while I know you get what you pay for, ideally I don't want to be paying 1,000+ per month for rent alone. She'll text me tomorrow after she calls. Here's hoping for some good news.

 

Either way, I'll be good. If no units are up for rent, I chalk it up as not meant to be. If a door opens, hey, fate is taking me down this adventure, embrace it and live it up a little... be on my own and trust myself to be mature enough to handle any possible icky situations that comes with living with a female friend... particularly one you liked a year ago but now see as a friend. You only live once, and I doubt she can break my heart because it takes my consent, and now I'm "meh" toward her romantically.

 

Bottom line, I'm ready for the changes in my life. Everything from getting up earlier and going to work earlier to cooking my own meals 100% of the time. It's been time. So fingers crossed for tomorrow's phone call! Update later.

[Els]

Well I texted my female friend tonight asking her how things are going. She said discouraging since apt hunting was going nowhere. Then I browsed online and found a 2 bedroom apt right in our "happy zone" (it's close to her school, and close enough to mine). I showed her the link and she was very happy. "LETS GO. GET IT. LETS DO IT."

 

Now we have to wait until tomorrow. She'll call them to see if there's anything available for rent. I'm guessing not, but you never know.

 

I was very happy to find it though, and it took me all of 10 minutes. It was the cheapest one, and while I know you get what you pay for, ideally I don't want to be paying 1,000+ per month for rent alone. She'll text me tomorrow after she calls. Here's hoping for some good news.

 

I find it quite odd that she says it was 'going nowhere' after so long, but you find a place in 10 minutes of browsing that fits the requirements.

 

Teknoe, I think you should stop putting everything in her hands. YOU look for apartments and call them! Spend an hour or so, find several places, contact all of them for viewings. You need to view more than one, especially if you've never rented before. Taking the first place you are offered is tantamount to going into things blind, even if it 'sounds' like a good deal on the surface. You will usually have some time to decide before making a commitment, so try and view several places within that time frame.

 

THEN you see if she still wants to move in with you. If she doesn't, find another roommate.

[Teknoe]

I find it quite odd that she says it was 'going nowhere' after so long, but you find a place in 10 minutes of browsing that fits the requirements.

 

Teknoe, I think you should stop putting everything in her hands. YOU look for apartments and call them! Spend an hour or so, find several places, contact all of them for viewings. You need to view more than one, especially if you've never rented before. Taking the first place you are offered is tantamount to going into things blind, even if it 'sounds' like a good deal on the surface. You will usually have some time to decide before making a commitment, so try and view several places within that time frame.

 

THEN you see if she still wants to move in with you. If she doesn't, find another roommate.

 

 

Els, I agree. It was a little odd that I found it within 10 minutes. Made me think "How hard did you really look? Where did you look?" LOL.

 

Agreed with your advice. I should start calling places myself. Question, would my lack of renting credit hamper my ability to get a lease? The reason I had her call instead is because she's been renting for the last several years, giving her a better line of credit than me. I'm afraid I'll be rejected by landlords due to a lack of renting experience. Or are they far more open minded than I think?

 

Also, she texted me the news today.

 

Her: "Hey Tek, I called and there are no openings so far for July or August. They put me on the wait list so they'll call me if something opens up"

 

Me: "Cool. Be nice if it opens up but we shouldn't count on it. I will keep looking for spots in the meantime"

 

Her: "Yeah. Sad face"

 

 

So my question now is... if a landlord says no openings for July or August, we'll call you if something opens up... does that mean if someone dies or has to leave last second due to say a family situation living far away or a last second job opportunity? I'm unfamiliar with rent leases. If you're signed on for 1 year for example, and let's say you get a dream job offer on the other side of the country. Can you terminate a 12 month lease early? I'm guessing you would just have to pay some kind of compensation fee? Haha sorry for my lack of knowledge on this front. I appreciate the help in advance.

 

Anyway, I'll keep looking in the meantime!