Stay or go?

[matt29]

Hi everyone, need some opinions on my situation. Been with this girl for 9 months.. Ever since we started dating I could tell she was holding back, not staying over, not making suggestions on what to do, not wanting to hang out with my friends etc etc, as time went on all of these things changed and it started developing into a proper relationship (or my view of one) spending more time together, she started sleeping over, spending time with family and friends etc etc. She's had a bit of a hard time in the past after her father left her mum, she's felt responsible for her mums happiness which she's admitted to me and sometimes chooses to spend time with her mum when she says she'd rather be with me. It's gone down hill.. She asked for space a month ago, I gave her that space and went 2 weeks nc until she contacted me and we met up and continued with our relationship. She's now telling me that 'she truly wants to be with me' but for some reason she's 'not feeling it' I must add that for the majority of our relationship on average we only see each other once or twice a week. When she told me she's 'not feeling it' I told her we need to break up if that's the case and I showed her the door. She didn't want to leave.. I said to her if she wants to be together we need to start spending more time together and doing lots more things as a couple. In 9 months we have never spent a full weekend together.. I don't understand how it's meant to develop unless we spend time together and experience things together. She said she doesn't want to lose me, but doesn't know why she's not feeling it because she loves everything about me. In my opinion the issues are much deeper and may be clouding her true feelings, I think she's scared to commit to a relationship for the fear of being hurt like her mother was. She's told me in the past she doesn't want to end up alone like her mum. Her last relationship only lasted 6 months.. In 9 months I have only met one of her friends but she has met all of mine. The reason I've hung around is because the time that we do spend together is better than I've ever felt with anyone else before. Twice I've told her that if she doesn't want this relationship I'm not going to stop her from leaving. Even showing her the door yesterday but she didn't take the option to leave. 'You'll move on straight away and forget about me' is what she said.. Well yes, if you don't want to be with me of course I'll move on. Should I just end it? Or continue to try and work through it? I have a bad habit of not giving up on things, but I can only put up with so much and the stress of this relationship is starting to take its toll on me and my happiness, along with all of this I'm working full time running my own business and in the process of opening a second business. Very stressful time and I'm very confused. Opinions would be great.

 

Thanks guys

[JustC]

It could be any number of things. It could be that you're everything she feels she SHOULD want but simply "doesn't feel it". I can't answer what's going on in her brain. I can say that if she's having issues, you trying to make a relationship work isn't going to help her. You could suggest therapy or even couples counseling if you feel like putting in the time and money...

[jbelle6]

All I know is that I have no desire to be in a relationship with someone who feels less about me than I do about them EVER again.

 

Maybe she has issues, maybe she just really is not feeling it? Who knows, but if it's issues then she needs to work on that on her own.

 

I just can't handle giving 100% when the other person is giving 50% anymore. I'm sure deep down you feel the same.

[Elle1975]

Hi everyone, need some opinions on my situation. Been with this girl for 9 months.. Ever since we started dating I could tell she was holding back, not staying over, not making suggestions on what to do, not wanting to hang out with my friends etc etc, as time went on all of these things changed and it started developing into a proper relationship (or my view of one) spending more time together, she started sleeping over, spending time with family and friends etc etc. She's had a bit of a hard time in the past after her father left her mum, she's felt responsible for her mums happiness which she's admitted to me and sometimes chooses to spend time with her mum when she says she'd rather be with me. It's gone down hill.. She asked for space a month ago, I gave her that space and went 2 weeks nc until she contacted me and we met up and continued with our relationship. She's now telling me that 'she truly wants to be with me' but for some reason she's 'not feeling it' I must add that for the majority of our relationship on average we only see each other once or twice a week. When she told me she's 'not feeling it' I told her we need to break up if that's the case and I showed her the door. She didn't want to leave.. I said to her if she wants to be together we need to start spending more time together and doing lots more things as a couple. In 9 months we have never spent a full weekend together.. I don't understand how it's meant to develop unless we spend time together and experience things together. She said she doesn't want to lose me, but doesn't know why she's not feeling it because she loves everything about me. In my opinion the issues are much deeper and may be clouding her true feelings, I think she's scared to commit to a relationship for the fear of being hurt like her mother was. She's told me in the past she doesn't want to end up alone like her mum. Her last relationship only lasted 6 months.. In 9 months I have only met one of her friends but she has met all of mine. The reason I've hung around is because the time that we do spend together is better than I've ever felt with anyone else before. Twice I've told her that if she doesn't want this relationship I'm not going to stop her from leaving. Even showing her the door yesterday but she didn't take the option to leave. 'You'll move on straight away and forget about me' is what she said.. Well yes, if you don't want to be with me of course I'll move on. Should I just end it? Or continue to try and work through it? I have a bad habit of not giving up on things, but I can only put up with so much and the stress of this relationship is starting to take its toll on me and my happiness, along with all of this I'm working full time running my own business and in the process of opening a second business. Very stressful time and I'm very confused. Opinions would be great.

 

Thanks guys

 

Well she probably likes you, probably sees that you're a good guy, but doesn't love you.

 

After 9 months you should have a good idea of the future you want with her, and her with you.

 

I'd take the option to go, yes.

Edited May 26, 2014 by Elle1975