Marks Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 So I've been on two dates so far with this girl that I met online a few weeks back. Although both dates seemed to go well and it seems like she's interested (we kissed/made out/held hands on the second date), I'm finding one thing about her is frustrating me more and more: the fact that she takes forreeevvvverrrr to respond to my text messages. I mean, it usually can take her anywhere between 12 to 48 hours to get back to me. Now I realize that since we've only been on two dates so far, and that because she also has a son, that she doesn't have to make me any sort of priority (and she might not have a lot of time on her hands). And ultimately I could just call her (I actually did a few days back, and she got back to me the next day)...but I'm still finding it a bit frustrating. I mean, does it really take that much effort to text someone back? For example, in the past she's asked me how my day's been going, to which I answer and ask her the same in return...but then she won't respond until the next day, at which point I feel like it was pointless to ask...? I wouldn't mind it as much if it only took a couple of hours--after all, it can take me a few hours to respond to people as well when I'm busy...but a whole day? Or two days?! I realize texts don't require immediate responses, but personally, even if I'm busy, I'm still able to find a minute or two to get back to someone the same day. I have a hard time believing that she doesn't have a free moment to reply to a text. Am I being unreasonable? Or should I worry? I feel silly worrying about text message reply time, but I'm starting to feel like I'm on the backburner. I mean, is she really that busy? Or that forgetful? Does it really take her that much effort? Or is she playing some kind of game? Or is it that she's more actively chatting with some other guy and I'm just the backup now? All that being said, this has pretty much been her MO since I first started talking to her...and in the end she does keep replying, often with fairly lengthy/multiple texts in a row at that...but I don't know what to think. After all, I've never met a girl around my age (we're both in our mid 20's) who would take this long to text--even girls who didn't like me all that much. Seeing as I won't be able to see her again for another week or two (and it's been two weeks already since I last saw her, although we're planning on meeting soon), I'd like to stay in touch in the meantime...whether it be with some random chit chat or asking how her day went. But if it's going to be this frustrating for me and if it means that I'm just on the backburner, then I'm not sure whether I should be concerned?
Assasda Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Why are you so needy already. Youve been on 2 dates, and you dont know the woman. So cut out the needy behavior. Youre talking about backburner already. lol Seems like she's living a busy life, you should too, instead of thinking about her every waking hour
GoreSP Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Yeah I totally understand your point. It's hard to balance between feeling needy but at the same time knowing it really doesn't take that long to answer a stupid text. So I'm gonna leave you with these wise words - do with them as you wish: No one is too busy. It just depends how high you are on their priority list.
Potz4prez Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 12 to 48 hours? Damn, she's not that interested. Move on. 3
DArtagnan2 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Why are you so needy already. Youve been on 2 dates, and you dont know the woman. So cut out the needy behavior. Youre talking about backburner already. lol Seems like she's living a busy life, you should too, instead of thinking about her every waking hour haven't found another word for "needy" yet, eh?
DArtagnan2 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 (edited) I had someone upset with me, everytime, because it would take an avg of 3-5 minutes for me to respond when I was working or busy. That led to all kinds of crap which in the end, closed the relationship down completely and now, she feels I am an inconsiderate jerk and my words didn't meet my actions because I would have been more prompt if I was really interested. *rolls eyes* Texting is becoming important in the dating scene as something people use to gauge anothers interest. To me, its can be a false indicator depending on the normal habits of someone. Some people don't even have text messaging still, they would prefer a call. I know one girl I dated could text but never would, she wanted to talk or meet up. Texting was mainly to make those dates or for important information to her. I know many who will put their phones away, turn off the ringer or whatnot when evening comes. So you don't really know. but... if someone is interested, is active in the dating scene, I would suspect it wouldn't take days to respond to a text UNLESS there are other circumstances involved. Like family or a significant other to where they can't text freely. I think, the fact that you can only see her once per month, is another indicator there are things in her life that are driving her dating life. Unless she is a serial dater and entertaining many guys/dates and has a hard time keeping up. When and if you see her again, bring up the sujbect of texting in general, your thoughts on it, and see how she responds. Then gauge it from there, if you are still interested when you see her in the next 2-3 weeks. Edited May 24, 2014 by DArtagnan2
Gaeta Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I think it goes hand in hand with her level of interest. She is purposely slowing down the development of this relationship. She might be multi-dating or still have an ex in the picture. She is giving you just enough to keep you interested but not enough to create familiarity yet. Depending on your dating style you stick with it or you don't. Some people are fine with random spaced communication, I know I am not so I usually go next quickly on these types of daters. One other possibility is she is following some stupid dating rules like never reply to the man immediately, make him wait, appear not so interested, etc.
d0nnivain Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I am not big on texting but even I think 2 days is a bit long to reply to a text. If you like her, talk to her about it. Otherwise assume she's not interested & act accordingly.
Potz4prez Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 haven't found another word for "needy" yet, eh? There's no better word. It's the perfect descriptor and if they are needy, it hits hard enough that hopefully it wakes them up. They need to hear it. It's like the slap to stop someone screaming in a movie.
carrie91 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 I wouldn't call you needy for that. If you were bothered about a couple of hours then maybe, but 12-48 hours? No need. I know that I forget to reply to texts all the time and sometimes reply the next day, but not if I'm really interested in someone. So, sorry to say it, but it sounds like she's interested but not very interested in you right now. But that's ok at the moment! You've only been on 2 dates. You might find that if/ when her interest in you grows, so does her eagerness to text you back. Just give it time. If it carries on but everything else is great, then maybe make a joke about her taking forever to reply, and she might get the hint!
DArtagnan2 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 There's no better word. It's the perfect descriptor and if they are needy, it hits hard enough that hopefully it wakes them up. They need to hear it. It's like the slap to stop someone screaming in a movie. Im not judging the comment, I just remember seeing the member post somewhere else on how they needed to find another word then "needy" because they get in trouble when they use it. was kind of an off cuff joking comment.
J21 Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Gonna be brutally honest, it's not a good sign man. 1-2 days to respond to a text is like being a 3rd stringer QB. You're pretty much the back up plan.
Author Marks Posted May 24, 2014 Author Posted May 24, 2014 Why are you so needy already. Youve been on 2 dates, and you dont know the woman. So cut out the needy behavior. Youre talking about backburner already. lol Seems like she's living a busy life, you should too, instead of thinking about her every waking hour Not even...it's more a case of me sending her something or replying to her question--say in the morning--and then realizing later that evening that I still haven't heard back from her...and then wondering what the deal is. It's not like I'm sitting around waiting for her. I think, the fact that you can only see her once per month, is another indicator there are things in her life that are driving her dating life. Unless she is a serial dater and entertaining many guys/dates and has a hard time keeping up. When and if you see her again, bring up the sujbect of texting in general, your thoughts on it, and see how she responds. Then gauge it from there, if you are still interested when you see her in the next 2-3 weeks. Well to be fair, we haven't seen each other in a couple weeks because of circumstances beyond our control and scheduling conflicts. For example, when she last called me, she actually asked if I was free this weekend, but unfortunately I couldn't plan anything with her because I was already going on a trip for the holiday weekend :| Could it have something to do with her having a kid? I've never dated someone with children before, so I'm not entirely sure what to expect...anyone have any experience with that?
Gaeta Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Could it have something to do with her having a kid? I've never dated someone with children before, so I'm not entirely sure what to expect...anyone have any experience with that? No, having a child, of any age, doesn't explain a delay of 1-2 day to reply to communications. Lets say she is the most busy woman on the face of the earth she still check her phone at night before putting it on the charger and checking it in the morning. Also, this woman has family, friends, colleagues. If she doesn't check her phone for you she checks it for all those other people that contact her probably on daily basis.
GoreSP Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 No, having a child, of any age, doesn't explain a delay of 1-2 day to reply to communications. Lets say she is the most busy woman on the face of the earth she still check her phone at night before putting it on the charger and checking it in the morning. Also, this woman has family, friends, colleagues. If she doesn't check her phone for you she checks it for all those other people that contact her probably on daily basis. I'll also add that even the busiest person in the world goes to the bathroom everyday. There's a few minutes sitting down with nothing else to do right there.
Assasda Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 At this stage. Nothing like this should be bugging you. I personally would recommend multi-texts this early anyway. She maybe just weary of that. If she doesnt respond to you. Oh well... See other women... its as easy as that its needy that you let it bother you. It shouldnt bother you at the juncture, because bluntly, you shouldnt put much stock into her right now Yeah, I still cant come up with another word for needy
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