Dinos Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 I am not really sure how to start or make sense of anything in my head right now. I've been with my girlfriend for about 2 years now and it hasn't been smooth sailing, she makes me happy but more often then not I'm lonely because she is rarely around and at times she belittles me. About two days ago she asked me why I was feeling down and I thought for once I would just be honest and tell her that her having these digs at me all the time and belittling me in conversation is really bringing me down and the fact she makes no time for us makes me feel lonely. Her reaction was expect because for the past two years its the same reaction I always get, its the reason I avoid telling her any upset she's caused me. Things escalated incredibly quickly and within minutes she was dragging every little thing up from our past to justify her actions, usually it will be blamed on her depression. I respect that she has issues that she can't control which is honestly why i have excused a lot of her behaviour, I have issues myself only I don't behave in that way. It seemed she was looking for any way out of the things she was saying and then things took a turn to her threatening to kill herself. I told her I was going to come over to her house to stop her and her reply was something I didn't enjoy reading, 'If you step one foot near this house I will hang my self'. Although we have been together two years we are also a same sex couple and for that reason I have never met anyone that is part of her life and its started to dawn on me as of recent that it will always be this way and is this what I want for the rest of my life? She always said when we got together that eventually she would tell her mother and that I wouldn't need to hide from her friends but that's all she does, hides me away like I'm not worth anything. I try really hard to make things work with her and she is so clueless to that fact. I remain her secret, I sit there while she refers to me as her friend, I've allowed her to speak to me like I'm nothing and I've forgiven it because I love her but all I ever hear her say is that I don't love her and I do nothing for her. Around Christmas time we broke up because I suspected something was up and I caught her agreeing to meet up with a guy that was clearly interested in more than just been friends, I've caught her in so many lies. I broke up with her but it was still me doing the running after her while she lead me on for 2 months. Part of me wishes I never stopped it, that I never interfered because been with her is becoming too much, been unhappy and been unable to say it because I don't know what she will do. I got her to go on Skype last night and we web cammed for the rest of the night [something she never does] [she restricts saying I love you, good morning, talking on the phone and having any contact that isn't Facebook]. I was watching her on webcam and I do still have those feelings for her but I felt bad because when I sat there telling her I do love you I just knew I love her but that I wasn't in love with her any more. She's coming over tomorrow, it'll be the first time in 3 weeks we've spent any time together.. funny thing is she only lives 20 minutes away too. I feel like I'm just watching my life pass me by, I'll be turning 25 this year and I'm not happy where I am in my life. Any advice would be appreciated, thanks
soccerrprp Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Leave her now. She does not add to you life, rather, she brings you down. Do it now. Don't make the mistake of staying in a dysfunctional relationship for too long. You have only one life...don't wast any more minutes, hours with someone who does not treat you like you should be treated. 1
Gaeta Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 Yes I do have an advice, cancel tomorrow night. It will serve no purpose at all. You are broken up, having her over will only confuse you even more and re-open wounds that do not need to be picked at. This is not a relationship it's a dictatorship. You have been unhappy, belittled, ignored, kept a secret for a whole 2 years. It's enough. Each minute you spend with this woman is a minute you could be spending with someone that really loves and respects you. For some reasons it's really hard to leave abusive relationships. They should be the easiest ones to let go but we get so confused we lose good judgment. So once again, there is nothing to salvage here, cancel her coming over and move on to a better love. 2
FitChick Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 Sounds like she doesn't want anyone knowing she is a lesbian. Find someone who is out.
mortensorchid Posted May 24, 2014 Posted May 24, 2014 That is COMPLICATED, and that deserves to be in all capital letters. I realize that gay couples have to face things that strait couples do not, no question. You want to be honest with others, but you also don't know how others can/will judge you because they WILL no matter what they say. I think what concerns me about your situation is the fact that she is going to see that other guy while still being with you. Why? Because she doesn't want to be with you completely. If she wanted to be with you then she would have simply said no to that guy (or anyone else) and be with you. FACT. Otherwise I hope you will be ok.
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