Had Emotional Affair with Married Man while married, left devastated.

[A.Moscote]

Do you think people can change, CMOW? I believe so, I think we all have the capability to change. I believe a hermit husband can become a jazzy artsy casanova. Especially a husband whose beloved wife is about to fall into another man's charms.

 

Right now, maybe your husband is taking you for granted, or maybe he's really clueless and don't even know how to change. He's not as lucky as you, he never met someone who can show him much lust, love, and passion. So you are the one that's best to guide him. Be more open, and convey all the issues and unhappiness you have had all this time (this is one of the benefit of that crappy confessing thing) so that he knows how critical this marriage is at right now, how really on the verge you are clinging on. But you have to be a bit patience, and give your husband the chance and time.

 

I know you are hurt with the replies here (I think they are mostly true, oops) but as you said you did found a few gems too, so hopefully that will still help you a little bit. Please don't give up, keep on struggling, and good luck.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

You are totally missing the point and will have a long painful road ahead. Good luck

 

And please find a IC that doesn't allow so much blameshifting if your in IC at all, because the one you have is horrible.

 

Do you think people can change, CMOW? I believe so, I think we all have the capability to change. I believe a hermit husband can become a jazzy artsy casanova. Especially a husband whose beloved wife is about to fall into another man's charms.

 

Right now, maybe your husband is taking you for granted, or maybe he's really clueless and don't even know how to change. He's not as lucky as you, he never met someone who can show him much lust, love, and passion. So you are the one that's best to guide him. Be more open, and convey all the issues and unhappiness you have had all this time (this is one of the benefit of that crappy confessing thing) so that he knows how critical this marriage is at right now, how really on the verge you are clinging on. But you have to be a bit patience, and give your husband the chance and time.

 

I know you are hurt with the replies here (I think they are mostly true, oops) but as you said you did found a few gems too, so hopefully that will still help you a little bit. Please don't give up, keep on struggling, and good luck.

 

I really do hope people can change because if they can't, I am doomed in this marriage, or the marriage is over.

 

As far as him being a jazzy Casanova, oh how I hope, I will continue to hope, meanwhile I will cry on the inside while I mourn the loss of someone's arms I almost but didn't "fall into"

 

I will do my very best to try to feel attracted to someone who admittedly is not attracted to me either. I have shown him love, the lust and passion died every time he chose to sit in the computer chair and close the door and leave me alone in the other room. But I will still try.

 

You have some wise advice there.

[Trep]

Of course I am not "ready" to accept crappy advice from a bunch of people who believe that I did the wrong thing and have to come clean for it when I didn't even sleep with someone. I feel annoyed that it seems like I just walked into bible camp guised as a relationship forum.

 

I did the natural thing that someone does when they are unhappy for a long time.

 

My counselor is pretty awesome actually. she just has the path of the least resistance and peace in mind over the path of "destroy all with truth!!" Like seems the prevalent theme here. Again, I am going to assume that all of you are NOT still married because you chose honesty over kindness

 

Call me crazy, but if you're unhappy, wouldn't divorcing your H be the natural thing to do?

Edited May 24, 2014 by Trep

[Realist3]

I so need love, lust, passion. I feel empty and have felt empty for years. I close my eyes and blank out when I do have sex with my husband. But I love him so much. A best friend.

 

I feel lost without passion. I feel like I am in jail. The person I fell in love with doesn't love me and I can't have him. I am married and won't experience passion ever again.

 

Have any of you experienced this feeling of helplessness? Don't any of you feel trapped knowing you may never experience passion again?

 

You should file for divorce. You are never going to be happy in your marriage, and it will drive you nuts.

[violet1]

When I tried to divorce my H long before the A, he also tried to kill himself. He also did drugs many years ago. Your situation is not unique. Marriage is hard and life sucks sometimes. Yes, you deserve love and passion. However, cheating is not the way. Emotional affair can be just as damaging as a physical one. If you don't think it's a big deal than why don't you ask your H what he would think about it. He deserves to know that you fell in love with someone else. It's not your job to decide what he can or can't handle. He's not a baby.

 

Telling my H was the right decision. Not because of morality reasons. Is was right because we don't have no secrets now. We're closer and we talk all of the time. Yes, we are staying together and things are better.

 

I really wish you the best, but a big part of life is acting like a grown woman. Take responsibility for your actions. Instead you keep blaming your H. There's no justification for any type of affair. Marital problems are not a reason to cheat. Addressing the issue head on is how you handle things in a healthy manner. Please don't take this offensively, but you are acting very childish. I acted the same way for a very long time.t

Are you and your H in MC? Have you seen a sex therapist?

 

BTW, I think it's very interesting that the only advice you like is advice from a person who is a serial cheater.

[CarrieT]

OP, those of us that are recommending you be honest with your husband is not out of morality.

 

The bottom line is that you have these wants/needs and your husband can NEVER fulfill those desires in you if he doesn't know what they are. It is about being open and honest in your relationship.

 

Okay, so you never had passion with your husband when you got married. And now you have had a taste of what it could be - albeit a disjointed taste because it has been created in your mind and not physically with another person...

 

But as long as you continue to "wish" your husband would be this way or that way, the longer you will be in a cage of your own making. The only one that can make you truly happy is YOU. And if you wish to "protect" your husband from hurt by keeping this emotional affair from him, then you will continue to live in a marriage that will never be a happy one, for a variety of reasons...

 

First, you are already projecting your angst onto your husband and your marriage your abject dissatisfaction in you life. He may or may not wonder why this is and by telling him, he has a better opportunity to work towards building a better marriage.

 

Secondly, if you decide to keep the secret from him, then you need to be prepared to continue living a life of want, craving, and desire. Because you will always be wondering "what if." If you are prepared to continue in this type of existence, then don't lash out at those of us who recommend being honest with your husband. Most of us have been there in one state or another which is why we recommend this path.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

Call me crazy, but if you're unhappy, wouldn't divorcing your H be the natural thing to do?

 

No, it isn't, if you love someone and they are your best friend, regardless of how unhappy you may be in some aspect, it isn't natural to just divorce them.

 

I never said I wanted a divorce nor did I say I wasn't working on the relationship. We are in counseling and reading books.

 

Marriage takes work, but it doesn't make someone immune to unhappiness. It isn't that simple. If it was simple I would be gone

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

You should file for divorce. You are never going to be happy in your marriage, and it will drive you nuts.

 

It may come to this. However, as my counselor said, and I agree with, I am not going to jump to divorce until every avenue has been exhausted. We have purchased books on Sex therapy and are starting to employ the methods in there and I will hope that it fixes this problem.

 

We both seriously need to get Into the gym too.

[Lucygolds]

I know exactly how you feel. I am sorry you are hurting. I felt lost and alone in my M for many years. I was so sad that I would never feel passion again. My H wanted sex all the time but just sex, no passion, it was all about his pleasure. I felt like he only wanted me for cleaning, cooking, and sex. Then I met a man and we became friends. He was kind and sweet. He never hit on my......but we started talking more and the eye contact was lingering and the smiles became bigger. We seemed to be making excuses to stay just a bit longer. We ended up carrying on a emotional and physical relationship for almost 6 months. Then his wife found out and I confessed to my H. We have not talked but have ran into eachother twice. We made eye contact but said nothing. My heart is so broken. I miss him so badly. I do know that it never could have worked with us both being married with kids. What a mess it would have been and how it would have destroyed our kids. Now I am trying to work on things with my H but, I don't know if we can or if I truly want to fix this. I had so much intimacy with my exMOM that I lost with my H so long ago. This is the most painful thing I have ever been through. I am tempted to contact my exMOM but I don't want to make things worse if he is truly trying to R with his W. I don't want to cause more pain to anyone. There is a part of me that hopes we will both find ourselves single some day and find our way back to eachother but I know I must stop thinking this way. It has been a month. I am waiting for it to get easier. .. ...I have hope it will for me and you as well. Hang in there.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

When I tried to divorce my H long before the A, he also tried to kill himself. He also did drugs many years ago. Your situation is not unique. Marriage is hard and life sucks sometimes. Yes, you deserve love and passion. However, cheating is not the way. Emotional affair can be just as damaging as a physical one. If you don't think it's a big deal than why don't you ask your H what he would think about it. He deserves to know that you fell in love with someone else. It's not your job to decide what he can or can't handle. He's not a baby.

 

Telling my H was the right decision. Not because of morality reasons. Is was right because we don't have no secrets now. We're closer and we talk all of the time. Yes, we are staying together and things are better.

 

I really wish you the best, but a big part of life is acting like a grown woman. Take responsibility for your actions. Instead you keep blaming your H. There's no justification for any type of affair. Marital problems are not a reason to cheat. Addressing the issue head on is how you handle things in a healthy manner. Please don't take this offensively, but you are acting very childish. I acted the same way for a very long time.t

Are you and your H in MC? Have you seen a sex therapist?

 

BTW, I think it's very interesting that the only advice you like is advice from a person who is a serial cheater.

 

Apparently you aren't reading my comments or you would know a- that I agreed with other advice as well b-would know that we are in therapy. Unlike you, I don't know this serial cheater, but yeah, I do agree with majority of his statement, not all.

 

 

I think you are very judgemental about right and wrong and I disagree with you 100%

[KaliLove]

OP, your marriage is absolutely abusive and you have a classic abuse victim's mentality..you are excusing all of your husbands awful behavior as complexity instead of calling it what it really is. You also have extraordinarily low self esteem, which makes you a great target for abusers. I'd be willing to bet that you generally end up blaming yourself when your husband does or says something horrible to you.

 

You have transferred that justification of your husbands behavior to your own behavior as well. You seem to feel that unhappy people should have carte blanche to do whatever they want to whomever they want whenever they want to, and that because they are unhappy they should not have to face any consequences or be criticized in any way.

 

Even if that's not what you meant, that is how you're coming across..just so you know. That could be why your responses are provoking people so much. I honestly hope you will consider getting help..therapy has been extremely helpful to me.

 

Bottom line - you're obviously not happy at all in your current situation and the only way you'll get happier is if you change it.

[jwi71]

CMOW-

 

You picked an appropriate name - that's for certain.

 

I hope you might indulge me for a bit - I'd like you to do something for me if you would. Simply, dispassionately as possible, read this thread from beginning to end. Your words and the responses to such. Read the conversation. Your tone takes a sharp turn - for virtually no reason I can see...please, if you feel you are attacked, hit the alert us button under the offending post - the mods here are FAST - and really quite fair.

 

Having said that, you were asked a fantastic question which you missed - or ignored.

 

How do you expect your H to change if he doesn't understand the TRUE state of his M? It seems awfully unfair to me - to expect him to read your mind, discern the TRUE depth of your unhappiness, and take corrective action.

 

As you said, and is likely echoing in your H's head, all M's have ups and downs - and he acts/reacts appropriately. Not all M's involve infidelity which is, with zero doubt, a M in CRISIS. He has NO IDEA that his W is SO unhappy and his M in such dire straits - that she cheated on him.

 

So - how can he fathom to breadth and depth of this if NO ONE tells him?

 

How can he EVER meet your needs if they remain unspoken?

 

You claim to not considering telling so you don't hurt him - which is hogwash. You don't tell because, despite earlier bravado, you have a sense that telling just might convince him to leave. And its a well founded fear. Imagine how you would feel to hear such. Know one wants to hear - but they NEED to hear it - and you NEED to say it. If your H, were THIS unhappy and done and said all you have - would you want to know? No matter the resolution - wouldn't you want to know? So that you might examine your OWN behavior? To better appreciate the needs and wants of your H? To accurately gauge your ABILITY to meet them? Doesn't HE deserve that truth from you?

 

Really - there is NO way to LOSE by telling the WHOLE truth.

 

Lets examine, in broad strokes, the outcomes - almost all of which are good:

 

1)Tell and he files for D and the M ends.

Well, you are no longer in an unhappy M. Not flippant here - you are now FREE to meet and marry a man who CAN meet your needs and be truly, deeply happy. The same is true for your H. You both win.

 

2)Tell and MC and the M recovers.

This is R (recovery) - the M is good and happy. You both win.

 

3)You don't tell and remain M.

Like I extolled above - how does this get better if your H doesn't know. It seems like a setup to perpetually fail - you always having needs and he can never meet them (for not knowing). This is the path you are on now. Maybe you can suppress these needs - maybe you can communicate them and he will hear - maybe not. The issue is - and always will be - his mistaking this for "normal up and down" and the CRISIS it is. A M and life with some happiness of course - but always that nagging unfulfilled void. This is the least "good" outcome. One to be avoided.

 

4)You don't tell and D.

You are basically the walking wounded as in 3 above but ultimately say "eff it, I'm out" - I would expect yet another affair in this outcome. Another good outcome (ultimately) - as you leave having not been honest to find the happiness you both deserve elsewhere. Save yourself this and go straight to being happy.

 

Lies are barriers to intimacy. Always existing and preventing a better M.

 

Its your life of course - your choice. Also your consequences.

 

I don't have a predetermined outcome that I want. I don't care if you D or not. I DO care about you and your H leading reasonably happy lives. It certainly isn't happy now and I do NOT believe IME that your current path gets to you happy anytime soon.

 

Please note I never said EASY. Or bereft of pain and/or hurt.

 

I would tell in MC and take it from there.

[Realist3]

It may come to this. However, as my counselor said, and I agree with, I am not going to jump to divorce until every avenue has been exhausted. We have purchased books on Sex therapy and are starting to employ the methods in there and I will hope that it fixes this problem.

 

We both seriously need to get Into the gym too.

 

It is hard to rekindle passion when it has been lost. You don't learn about passion. You aren't going to read something that makes one or the other partner feel passion. Passion comes from our inner being. It is either there, or it is not. Nobody had to teach you to feel passionately about your OM, it was just there.

 

It seems to me like you are taking the steps(counseling/books,etc.) because of your investment, and that is understandable. It may end up working as you want it to, no one can predict that. Obviously it will take some amount of change from both of you. You might get lucky in your pursuit, but don't be afraid to admit it just isn't there.

 

Best of luck.

[violet1]

Apparently you aren't reading my comments or you would know a- that I agreed with other advice as well b-would know that we are in therapy. Unlike you, I don't know this serial cheater, but yeah, I do agree with majority of his statement, not all.

 

 

I think you are very judgemental about right and wrong and I disagree with you 100%

I honestly don't get why you're getting so upset. To my knowledge, I haven't broke any forum rules and my apologies if I have. You are certainly welcome to report me if you wish. I'm not attacking you because I know how you feel. I'm trying to give you another perspective. I think what bothers me is you seem to think infidelity is a natural response to marital problems. Maybe that's not what you meant to portray, but I'm sorry I can't support that type of thinking. Being unhappy doesn't give you entitlement to do what you want.

 

If you don't want to tell your H that's fine, but how do you expect your M to get better without the full truth? After I posted I realized I missed where you stated you were in MC. Do you feel like MC is bringing you and your H closer? Just to let you know I do want you to have a loving relationship with lots of passion. I don't like the thought of anyone being miserable. I also agree that your H's behavior is wrong as well. Him ignoring you doesnt give you the green light to break your vows though. I honestly don't see how you AND your H will be happy if all issues aren't discussed. Yes, your EA is a part of the problem. You are still lost in the fantasy of the online guy. I've been where you are. I'm not perfect, I broke NC after my first D Day. I was very infatuated and addicted to the exMM. I confessed because my H has the right to decide if he wants to continue with me after what I've done. I gave him the power to choose what is right for him. Doing that made us stronger. He was very thankful for that. It's all you, if you want to continue a lie than more power to you, but I'm afraid it will make things worse for you. Again, I'm sorry I've offended you and I do wish you the best. I won't post on your thread because I don't want to push you away from what LS has to offer.

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

I am so sorry for you too. It sounds like such a heart wrenching experience for you. I can't tell for me what is more painful, having never had a chance to actually be with my xMM or if I would have if I would be in more pain now. I would imagine for you, this must be so much more painful than for you. You had REAL intimacy, whereas as mine was just a dream filled, emotional mindf$&!!

 

I cried almost daily for four months. Although my crying has eased, I still cry daily. I think in your case perhaps your guy may have loved you more. Mine loved his wife more. I accept it, but by the time it ended for me, I was 100% mad for him. Regardless of how many relationships I have had, I never felt this way nor made Made myself as vulnerable. It could be the fantasy element that aided in my extremism, but never have I experienced such prolonged pain.

 

I can related to this feeling of seeing not being able to even talk to someone you love feeling like a jail sentence. . But in my case, he doesn't care for me anymore I am certain. I pushed all of his buttons at the end. We won't ever be together. I will never even meet him.

 

You are correct. You cannot hold onto the dream of being with him someday because it will only cause you pain while you wait, potentially forever.

 

I know exactly how you feel. I am sorry you are hurting. I felt lost and alone in my M for many years. I was so sad that I would never feel passion again. My H wanted sex all the time but just sex, no passion, it was all about his pleasure. I felt like he only wanted me for cleaning, cooking, and sex. Then I met a man and we became friends. He was kind and sweet. He never hit on my......but we started talking more and the eye contact was lingering and the smiles became bigger. We seemed to be making excuses to stay just a bit longer. We ended up carrying on a emotional and physical relationship for almost 6 months. Then his wife found out and I confessed to my H. We have not talked but have ran into eachother twice. We made eye contact but said nothing. My heart is so broken. I miss him so badly. I do know that it never could have worked with us both being married with kids. What a mess it would have been and how it would have destroyed our kids. Now I am trying to work on things with my H but, I don't know if we can or if I truly want to fix this. I had so much intimacy with my exMOM that I lost with my H so long ago. This is the most painful thing I have ever been through. I am tempted to contact my exMOM but I don't want to make things worse if he is truly trying to R with his W. I don't want to cause more pain to anyone. There is a part of me that hopes we will both find ourselves single some day and find our way back to eachother but I know I must stop thinking this way. It has been a month. I am waiting for it to get easier. .. ...I have hope it will for me and you as well. Hang in there.

[harrybrown]

I do hope someday you are able to work thru the pain and find the passion again.

 

I am a bit confused. The most wonderful man in the world is your OM?

 

Yet he spent so much time cheating on his wife with you. Does he provide for his family?

 

How can he spend so much time with you on pinterest if he has a family that needs him to provide financially, and emotionally. If I read it correctly, he also had emotional relationships with other women other than his wife at the same time he had an EA with you.

 

If he would cheat on you with the other women and cheat on his wife, he sounds like he is playing many females at the same time. So the most wonderful man in the world is a serial cheater and a player?

 

How does he find the time to be a good husband and cheat with several women at the same time?

 

He sounds like the guy that had a affair with my friend's wife. He had about five going on at once. She thought he was the most wonderful man in the world and was surprised she was not the only one in his love life.

He even had her contact my wife to see is she would play with them. just him and the two ladies, just for fun, but she would be the only one that he really wanted.

 

What a surprise that he gave her an std. Of course you EA did not go to a PA, but you wanted it to be a PA.

 

I do think if your H did this, you would want to know about his affair.

 

I think that you should not tell your H. I think you should find another OM on pinterest or wherever you can. You will find the passion. Get the passion.

 

Divorce your H now. maybe you could tell your OM's wife. She would divorce him and he would be free to be with you again.

 

You should really think about giving it a try. You would be free of your H, your OM would be with you and all would be so much better. you would have the passion back.

 

Unless he cheated on you, but that would be okay wouldn't it? As long as you did not know anything about it.

 

But if he did, you could find the passion with someone new. Life is so short, Go for the passion. You need this passion in your life.

 

Have the passion in your life. do hope that you get the passion back into your life. Send your H on his way. get the passion however you can.

[atreides]

One thing I saw in reading this is that you stopped the relationship before it could get physical. Which to me i take as your better side feeling guilt perhaps and wanting to make your marriage work. On the other hand you said you don't feel guilt, but i will contribute it to spite for your perceptions of right & wrong having only to do with "morality" or "religion" when arguing with others here on the thread.

 

That said, life is black & white / right & wrong because in the end we always choose, cause an action and wait for the reaction. I am not religious but i am willing to bet that many here see that you want to fix your M and are arguing from a point of "no secrets" as in being true to yourself and the very reasons why you want your M to work or at least hope it will. Thereby being genuine to your M means you fix what is broken, thus telling your H what has happened may or may not cause him suffering but it provides many things for M. He will see that you truly want to be in the M as you had the guts and respect to tell him. In doing so, he can also see how you feel as many times going to the brink is the wake up call. Being genuine to your M, you have nothing left to keep to yourself, the lost passion and romance or perhaps something new that pops up. When all the cards are on the table, your strategy to fix becomes clearer and easier.

 

What i don't agree with is when you said, "people cheat when they are unhappy." Not so, many happy M's have infidelity too, so the root of cheating stems elsewhere and is up to you to find the answers.

 

The "happy" & "unhappy" conundrum is my point to the above statement as I read you using both words to describe your M and use "complexity" as to defer reasons for not divorcing earlier.

I see your encounter with your OM as an opportunity that happened by chance which lit a massive fire within you and your guilt which i believe you have because you terminated the relationship for one thing is the driver of your very strong defense now against many giving advice.

 

You clearly have mixed feelings now and it will take sometime to subside because the feelings you have for the OM are strong but when they fade, you will have a clearer picture.

So first things first, your title and much about what you first wrote is how awful you feel about what happened with the OM. LS is filled with countless similar stories that if you take the time to read, you will likely see yourself. Take violet's threads, she did much of the same as you.

 

I dont think there is a magic or quick solution to help with how you feel, as you are projecting now "the feelings you shared with your OM" to be real with your H.

So many things to do:

you have to get over the OM, and only time will help with that and making sure you dont contact him, or you will reset the clock.

Work on your M, hit the reset button and start clean with no hidden agendas, no secrets which is both fair to you and to your H. Leave nothing behind you will have the M you want, but please do not assume... you have written a lot of assumptions, specifically to how your H would, should or could behave or do.

 

Lastly, you said you have an abusive M, if you care to share, are we talking physical? What kind of abuse?

Edited May 24, 2014 by atreides

[ConfusedMarriedOW]

I do hope someday you are able to work thru the pain and find the passion again.

 

Thanks.

 

 

I am a bit confused. The most wonderful man in the world is your OM?

 

I am too, did I say that? My xMM has plenty of problems but I fell for him anyway. He is funny, talented, smart and extremely sexy. And surprise surprise, a good guy.

 

Yet he spent so much time cheating on his wife with you. Does he provide for his family?

 

 

 

How can he spend so much time with you on pinterest if he has a family that needs him to provide financially, and emotionally. If I read it correctly, he also had emotional relationships with other women other than his wife at the same time he had an EA with you.

 

I have zero proof he has had any affairs outside of me. He claims he does flirt lightly but that it never went where it went with me. He struggled with enormous guilt and HE was the one that felt scared about it turning physical. We talked on Pinterest, FB, email and text during the day at work. Even that got to be stressful for him because he was providing for his wife and his mornings, eves and weekends were with his wife, friends or family.

 

If he would cheat on you with the other women and cheat on his wife, he sounds like he is playing many females at the same time. So the most wonderful man in the world is a serial cheater and a player?

 

I have no proof he did that, I was just suspicious of it. He denied it. He did admit to flirting and was surprised that it ever went this far. He said once in his marriage a friend kissed him at a party, but he never once had anything even close to what we had, I believe him, I think he was having a mid life crisis, was unhappy in marriage and desperately needed a boost for his self esteem and life in general.

 

How does he find the time to be a good husband and cheat with several women at the same time?

 

He sounds like the guy that had a affair with my friend's wife. He had about five going on at once. She thought he was the most wonderful man in the world and was surprised she was not the only one in his love life.

He even had her contact my wife to see is she would play with them. just him and the two ladies, just for fun, but she would be the only one that he really wanted.

 

I think that is terrible, I really don't think this sounds like my xMM, he was too overcome by guilt to follow through in the end. I think my guy was just unhappy. Sadly I won't ever know because I am cut off from him.

 

What a surprise that he gave her an std. Of course you EA did not go to a PA, but you wanted it to be a PA.

 

Yes, I did. I still wish for it.

 

I do think if your H did this, you would want to know about his affair.

 

No I would not. You are not me, so you can't speak for me. I wouldn't want to know, I would want him to end it of course, but tell me nothing and work full time to fix things. I would want NO details.

 

 

I think that you should not tell your H. I think you should find another OM on pinterest or wherever you can. You will find the passion. Get the passion.

 

Divorce your H now. maybe you could tell your OM's wife. She would divorce him and he would be free to be with you again.

 

No, I don't want just anyone. Terrible advice full of hatred. I wow never want to hurt my xMM or my H like that. I can't imagine how many relationships this place ruins needlessly.

 

You should really think about giving it a try. You would be free of your H, your OM would be with you and all would be so much better. you would have the passion back.

 

No.

 

Unless he cheated on you, but that would be okay wouldn't it? As long as you did not know anything about it.

 

If he told me he cheated on me at this point, I would possibly be relieved because then I would know he would understand this painful struggle and not have to suffer in silence and then I would know that I wouldn't hurt him as much by telling him my burden.

 

But if he did, you could find the passion with someone new. Life is so short, Go for the passion. You need this passion in your life.

 

Have the passion in your life. do hope that you get the passion back into your life. Send your H on his way. get the passion however you can.

 

Ugh. Such horrific advice. I can't imagine what you would say to someone who actually has a physical affair. There is so much sarcasm dripping from your comments. So unempathetic. I have zero desire to be with just anyone. I am not still in the affair with my xMM and I will do my best I fix my marriage, deal with it. Stop trying your best to end marriages on this forum with terrible advice