I was the rebound

[siwain]

I met Teddy last october just a couple of months after leaving a 10 year relationship. I was dumped but we'd been having trouble for a year and a half before the relationship ended and my ex had dumped me more than once.

 

Teddy had just been dumped too, around the same date. We started seeing each other on friendly terms even though he didn't try to hide that he was interested in me. The first time we hooked up was little over a month after the first time we met. Since that day, he was clear about wanting to date me but I wasn't ready to commit right away. We continued to see each other and around February I felt ready to enter a relationship with him.

 

We were always very honest about our exes and we shared a lot of experiences and even compared them but eventually we stopped talking about them because we made each other jealous.

 

The relationship seemed to progress well but there were a few hints that made me realize he wasn't ready to plan a future with me: he referred to me as his girlfriend to his closest friends, but to others he wouldn't know how to present me and he'd get stuck at the world "girlfriend". It happened a couple of times and I let it slide. He wasn't ready to talk about any future together. I didn't press but there were a couple of occasions that I made curious references to his views on having children and so on and he reacted with discomfort. He didn't want me to meet his parents. He was always sweet to me but we never talked about our feelings for each other. I was never sure about his feelings towards me but I never asked him as I thought it was too early to have that sort of conversation.

 

He would show interest in me: he'd look at me quite often when we were out with friends. Even if I wasn't looking at him, I'd see him turning his head to me and just looking at me. Especially if he found something funny or laughable, he'd look towards me while laughing, which I took as a good sign. He would cuddle with me and we'd have fun together. In the beginning he'd sometimes tell me what he liked about my physique but not in later months. I also noticed that he didn't seem as intense about me as he did back in february but he was still cuddly and sweet.

 

A week before he broke up with me, he was very frustratingly telling me about his parents (they don't get along well at all), telling me a story I already knew about how his parents had abandoned his ex's dog while they were out of the country and how that helped ruining their relationship, concluding with "that's why I don't want you to meet them! I don't want them to ruin this relationship too!". I was happy that he told me this, it seemed like some sort of proof that he was starting to get serious about us.

 

That same week was very hard on me. I had lots of problems popping up one after the other and it all took a toll on me. The week after started with me having big problems at my place so I asked if I could spend some days with him until things got sorted out. The second night we got into a fight

: I have two cats I don't want to get rid of, he has a dog that his ex left behind and that he feels is keeping him from living his life (he usually lives between two countries where he works and lives and feels the dog makes it more difficult). We ended up talking about kids and while I wish to have them, he doesn't.

 

He broke up with me two days later, stating we're too different and that he doesn't love me; that the feelings he should have aren't there. I packed my things and went home and have been devastated ever since.

 

Now, I know I was his rebound, as he was mine. But I fell for him and by his side, I discovered that I really don't want my ex back. I wanted to stay with him. He's right saying we're too different: he's a tattooer who loves to live life a little crazily. I'm very calm and collected. I like to live life a little crazily too but nothing compared to him. I knew we were different but we seemed to click anyway!

 

I wish I could get him back; I know he probably freaked out about the talk about the future and that maybe he didn't really feel strongly about me. And even though I know you'll probably tell me it's better to move on... do you think I would have any chance of making him fall for me? Really fall for me, I mean... to the point of wanting to pursue a serious relationship! We have mutual friends and I'm willing to be his friend even if he doesn't want me back (even though my feelings for him won't subside right away) as I think we'd make good friends and he's never really done anything to hurt me but being sincere and I can't be angry at him for being sincere with me. We also live in a small village so there's a big chance of bumping into each other on a daily basis as we hang out with our friends.

 

I wonder, if we start hanging out as friends, do you think he could fall for me? I won't say again as I don't know if he ever really fell for me or if he was just infatuated.

[Elle1975]

I met Teddy last october just a couple of months after leaving a 10 year relationship. I was dumped but we'd been having trouble for a year and a half before the relationship ended and my ex had dumped me more than once.

 

Teddy had just been dumped too, around the same date. We started seeing each other on friendly terms even though he didn't try to hide that he was interested in me. The first time we hooked up was little over a month after the first time we met. Since that day, he was clear about wanting to date me but I wasn't ready to commit right away. We continued to see each other and around February I felt ready to enter a relationship with him.

 

We were always very honest about our exes and we shared a lot of experiences and even compared them but eventually we stopped talking about them because we made each other jealous.

 

The relationship seemed to progress well but there were a few hints that made me realize he wasn't ready to plan a future with me: he referred to me as his girlfriend to his closest friends, but to others he wouldn't know how to present me and he'd get stuck at the world "girlfriend". It happened a couple of times and I let it slide. He wasn't ready to talk about any future together. I didn't press but there were a couple of occasions that I made curious references to his views on having children and so on and he reacted with discomfort. He didn't want me to meet his parents. He was always sweet to me but we never talked about our feelings for each other. I was never sure about his feelings towards me but I never asked him as I thought it was too early to have that sort of conversation.

 

He would show interest in me: he'd look at me quite often when we were out with friends. Even if I wasn't looking at him, I'd see him turning his head to me and just looking at me. Especially if he found something funny or laughable, he'd look towards me while laughing, which I took as a good sign. He would cuddle with me and we'd have fun together. In the beginning he'd sometimes tell me what he liked about my physique but not in later months. I also noticed that he didn't seem as intense about me as he did back in february but he was still cuddly and sweet.

 

A week before he broke up with me, he was very frustratingly telling me about his parents (they don't get along well at all), telling me a story I already knew about how his parents had abandoned his ex's dog while they were out of the country and how that helped ruining their relationship, concluding with "that's why I don't want you to meet them! I don't want them to ruin this relationship too!". I was happy that he told me this, it seemed like some sort of proof that he was starting to get serious about us.

 

That same week was very hard on me. I had lots of problems popping up one after the other and it all took a toll on me. The week after started with me having big problems at my place so I asked if I could spend some days with him until things got sorted out. The second night we got into a fight

: I have two cats I don't want to get rid of, he has a dog that his ex left behind and that he feels is keeping him from living his life (he usually lives between two countries where he works and lives and feels the dog makes it more difficult). We ended up talking about kids and while I wish to have them, he doesn't.

 

He broke up with me two days later, stating we're too different and that he doesn't love me; that the feelings he should have aren't there. I packed my things and went home and have been devastated ever since.

 

Now, I know I was his rebound, as he was mine. But I fell for him and by his side, I discovered that I really don't want my ex back. I wanted to stay with him. He's right saying we're too different: he's a tattooer who loves to live life a little crazily. I'm very calm and collected. I like to live life a little crazily too but nothing compared to him. I knew we were different but we seemed to click anyway!

 

I wish I could get him back; I know he probably freaked out about the talk about the future and that maybe he didn't really feel strongly about me. And even though I know you'll probably tell me it's better to move on... do you think I would have any chance of making him fall for me? Really fall for me, I mean... to the point of wanting to pursue a serious relationship! We have mutual friends and I'm willing to be his friend even if he doesn't want me back (even though my feelings for him won't subside right away) as I think we'd make good friends and he's never really done anything to hurt me but being sincere and I can't be angry at him for being sincere with me. We also live in a small village so there's a big chance of bumping into each other on a daily basis as we hang out with our friends.

 

I wonder, if we start hanging out as friends, do you think he could fall for me? I won't say again as I don't know if he ever really fell for me or if he was just infatuated.

 

All I can say is once you get "friendzoned", that's it, can't go back to being in a relationship. So no, I wouldn't try to be friends.

 

I have read posts here where the dumper falls for the dumpee months later, just because the dumpee has moved on, and has regained independence and self-respect, which is attractive. However, I wouldn't count on it .. It usually doesn't end well.. and beside, to get to that point, you'd have to have no feelings for the guy, maybe be dating somebody else. Don't know what a good thing you got till you lose it, that's what would have to happen to your dumper. So.. move on.