Ex coming back to work with me

[BC1980]

I work at the same company as my ex too. And it can absolutely suck at times.

 

Generally speaking it's ok if we pass by in the corridors and blank each other. But at lunchtimes or in work social meetings e.g farewell dos, it just feels like she has the upper hand and seems so carefree when I am stuck there unable to be myself and express myself or even smile. Makes me really hate her for being so ok with it.

 

I felt like a right idiot today making my excuses to go back to my desk to work. I just couldn't hack it pretending to be ok mingling. I don't have to stay around to prove I'm ok.

 

If it goes on like this I might look for another job sooner than I thought.

It's not about "letting them win" it's about doing what's best for yourself. I'm really angry and upset now.

 

I guess I'm just warning you that you can still hold your head high but it is going to feel like you are being squeezed very tight until you can't breathe.

 

Just hold your breath until better times arrive.

 

I think if you need to find another job, there is no shame in that. Why put yourself through the misery of seeing her everyday. That's a lot for anyone to handle.

[Magnet]

I guess it's a spectrum- If I barely see or occassionally pass by then it's tolerable.

But in my situation it's frequently bumping in and takes so much energy to keep it together.

 

Depends on the person and circumstances. How is it for you now?

[Lostdreams]

Hi BC,

 

I just want to offer you support like you have done so many times to others on here.

 

I know it must be tough but you have already gone so far in the mental preparation for the first meet-up in the work place. I'm already impressed by this and I know that you will absolutely succeed by staying in touch with your internal emotional guages to do what's right for you.

 

For the record he lost something precious and, even for all his education, he's still seems dumber than dumb not to realize that - just keep that in mind.

 

He never deserved you - You are very special - and I know I'm not alone in thinking this. We are with you all the way and I see this as just another step to go though along the path of continuing success in your own personal growth.

[BC1980]

I had to talk to my ex on the phone today. It affected me more than I anticipated. Just to hear his voice brought back memories. I actually teared up a little, which I did not expect. It makes me angry.

 

When I answered the phone, he immediately recognized my voice and said hey and said how good it was to hear my voice. He tried to make niceties and ask about my parents. I didn't answer. I wanted to tell him what I had planned, that I preferred if he did not speak about personal stuff, only work stuff. I couldn't get the words out because I was so nervous to hear his voice. It's made me think of the good times with him. Above all, it makes me angry that he even has the nerve to speak to me as if he is blameless. I feel all over the place right now and am angry to be sucked back into this sh*t. It just goes to show that no matter how much time has passed, it's still bad to break NC even when necessary. Even when you have no choice.

 

Why in the world would he think we could be on good terms? I never responded to his last attempt to contact me. I basically told him to leave me alone when I talked to him a year ago. What in the heck is his problem?

[BC1980]

I guess it's a spectrum- If I barely see or occassionally pass by then it's tolerable.

But in my situation it's frequently bumping in and takes so much energy to keep it together.

 

Depends on the person and circumstances. How is it for you now?

 

It makes me so mad that hearing his voice affects me this much, but I know he could care less. I need a new job for sure. I really don't think I can move on fully and be free with him here. It's just too much.

[Jet Lag]

It makes me so mad that hearing his voice affects me this much, but I know he could care less. I need a new job for sure. I really don't think I can move on fully and be free with him here. It's just too much.

 

I feel for you. I wonder how everyone who has kids together deals with this if they were heartbroken.

 

This week I have driven passed my ex twice, ran into him at a sport stadium and I came home today to my kids saying he was over the road (where he keeps his boat).

 

It is so hard.

 

You have to do what is right for you. Good luck.

[BC1980]

I feel for you. I wonder how everyone who has kids together deals with this if they were heartbroken.

 

This week I have driven passed my ex twice, ran into him at a sport stadium and I came home today to my kids saying he was over the road (where he keeps his boat).

 

It is so hard.

 

You have to do what is right for you. Good luck.

 

It's terrible. I thought it wouldn't affect me this much at this point. I think it's just plain weird because being forced to interact with him, I have to treat him like a stranger when he isn't. If I had no interaction at all, that would have been a lot easier. It was so nice to be NC for 10 months.

 

Just makes me mad too that he would even joke and try to be nice to me on the phone after what he did. I'm not fooled at all because I know what he is capable of.

[Michael 93]

BC

 

This is just another challenge you have faced and won. You remain strong and continue your path. You did well and answered the call with composure and professionalism.

 

When I took my first call from my EX it knocked me about for days. But you have to immediately try and switch up what you are doing and plan something awesome for example.

 

This was a test and you passed it. Next time it wont be so hard. You knew this day would potentially come, it has, you did it and that's that.

 

Now you prepare yourself for an encounter and say I am not going to lose this.

 

From how you appear on these forums you are a lovely person who deserves love and a man who will make her feel like a queen. That is what you deserve. You haven't worked as hard as you have to give up. prepare to feel a bit Shi*** for the next couple of days. Keep reading. Read your stars too. I find that helps me. Plan something awesome tonight. Its Halloween.

 

Mike

[JDPT]

So the day has come and everything you've learned throughout this journey had been put to the test. I'm proud at the way you handled this uncomfortable encounter.I can resonate the feeling where you state that you know what he its capable of, however he won't be capable of anything as long as you stick to the core plan and continue to heal. I used to wish that my ex just moved to the other side of the earth so that i won't have to continue to endure the uncomfortable sight of her presence when I bumped into her at the most odd places.I just had to accept that that's the way things were and to take it all in with a grain of salt. Continue pushing forward, you know exactly where you stand and its for a reason, continue to learn from this life lesson.

[BC1980]

Thanks guys. I needed the pep talk. I'm surprisingly fine now, so I think that is good. It seems like I wa able to brush this off after the initial shock of hearing his voice. I think if this had happened 6 months ago, I would have ruminated over it and let it bring me down for days. I can't control him, and I've got to move forward. It still amazes me that he thinks he can smooth this over by trying the bring niceities into a conversation that I just happened upon by picking up the phone. He wasn't even calling to speak to me. He's living in some alternate reality where he thinks things have no repercussions. Some people feel they can do no wrong.

[BC1980]

So last week, the day came when my ex and I had a face to face interaction (twice actually). We were forced to talk to each other on Thursday and Friday, and both talks were short (less than 5 mins) and related to work. The only thing remotely personal was him asking me how I was doing. I answered "fine." Then, he told me to tell my family hello to which I responded "okay." To be honest, I didn't even want to say "fine" and "okay," but it was a gut reaction, no meaning behind it. It was an awkward time to say that I wanted our interactions to be completely business (other people were around), and I don't think he pushed the boundaries far enough to warrant saying that anyway. I feel like I did fine with the interactions, and I was proud of myself when walking to my car that night. After the absolute h*ll I have endured, I do feel that I handled myself well. I know it might seem silly to some people, but I've come legions from where I was even a year ago.

 

I have noticed that over the past few days, I have been hit with positive memories of my ex, which have obviously made me nostalgic. I've had to remind myself of who my ex actually, which is an emotional abuser not capable of much empathy. A person who stated to my face that he didn't accept me for who I was and never apologized for the obvious hurt that such a statement would cause. Never even considered that such a statement might be highly offensive and degrading. I guess it just irks me that I even have to take the emotional energy to remind myself of who he is again and work through these thoughts. Hopefully, I will work quickly through these thoughts and move on. It seems we will be working at the same place for the foreseeable future, but our interactions really should be minimal. He's been around for 4 months, and this is the first time I've had to deal with him.

 

Any thoughts? Anyone else had to deal with working with an ex? Thanks to the posters who have been keeping up with my story.

[Zapbasket]

Maybe you could wrap him in tin foil and shove him into the MRI machine. Or sneak up on him from behind and inject him full of morphine. Or put medical waste in his lunch. Or pay someone to ram a gurney into his nuts. Or ram a gurney into his nuts yourself, and when he doubles over in pain, rib him mercilessly for making a big deal out of a tiny push. Or serve him a few oven-baked teratomas mislabeled as "potstickers."

 

I'm kidding, of course, hoping you'll get a laugh out of these sinister imaginings. But on the serious side of things, I really want him to get his comeuppance. I hate this guy. Everything you say about him just makes me .

 

You did a great job with that interaction. Only I think you absolutely could puncture his narcissistic bubble next time he says, "Tell your family hi," by replying, "Nah, won't do that, because they do not think well of you." He's just way too glib and that will at least shut that down a bit. As for his reaction? Who cares.

 

I think you NEED to be rude to him because you spent the whole relationship being way too nice and accommodating. He's a bonified POS and really shouldn't be a beneficiary of your cordiality.

Edited January 5, 2015 by GreenCove

[BC1980]

I'm kidding, of course, hoping you'll get a laugh out of these sinister imaginings. But on the serious side of things, I really want him to get his comeuppance. I hate this guy. Everything you say about him just makes me .

 

You did a great job with that interaction. Only I think you absolutely could puncture his narcissistic bubble next time he says, "Tell your family hi," by replying, "Nah, won't do that, because they do not think well of you." He's just way too glib and that will at least shut that down a bit. As for his reaction? Who cares.

 

I think you NEED to be rude to him because you spent the whole relationship being way too nice and accommodating. He's a bonified POS and really shouldn't be a beneficiary of your cordiality.

 

I find it so weird that I had those interactions with him on Thursday and Friday, and I had no idea he was engaged. That was probably a blessing because I don't know how professional I could have been if I had known. A lot of times I do want him to get his comeuppance, but, then, I realize that he wouldn't even see it as "what goes around comes around."

 

I was a little disappointed that I said "okay" after he requested me to say hello to my family. I think it was more of a gut reaction because he honestly popped out of nowhere when he approached me. It caught me a bit off guard. I don't think I can be outright rude to him because I don't want to jeopardize my job. I think that next time he tries to make ANY reference to anything outside of work, I will say that I prefer the relationship to be completely professional. I think that line would also really hurt his narcissistic ego. For him to know that I have no interest in him whatsoever might hurt the most.