we were really into each other, now talking to her is like labour?

[Glinda.Good]

I don't feel there is anything wrong with dating more than one person, but I have no idea what you're looking for. If you like her enough to spend time at her place and have sex with her, that's what you're doing, right? You don't want more … right?

[todreaminblue]

I'm sure you have lovely hair, eyes, arms, great sense of humour and are good in the sack - but before you get too panicky about what this girl wrote, bear one thing in mind. If she tends towards artiness there's a good chance that she also tends towards a bit of pretentious hyperbole from time to time. I know this because I'm guilty of it myself.

 

 

 

Have you mentioned to her that you read through the art sketchbook? I know it's probably an embarrassing subject to broach, but it seems wise to take the opportunity to subtly let her know that you've read the stuff she wrote - then gauge her response. It might be that she's dying with love for you, but it might equally be that in an effort to be more creative she worked herself up into some florid artsy "passionate writer" sort of mood when she wrote all that.

 

 

 

Maybe she realises you read the sketchbook (sorry, I can't leave that sketchbook alone) and does indeed feel ill - with mortification.

 

 

 

Maybe she realises you read the sketchbook (sorry, I can't leave that sketchbook alone) and does indeed feel ill - with mortification.

 

 

i would be able to tell i would click with this as an artist and an empath...its often unconscious with people i can tell when they have read my personal journaling or poetry i dont let on because i am mortified.....that they would do that......so i let them just get deeper and deeper and something has to give......and it wont be me....who gives..and i have known of people when they have snooped into what i write..........i can write fifty poems in a sitting about one person......just from observation......to someone else it might seem like obsession and it is..... not abotu them but about in observing what i love which is all people.......i write love poetry...its expressive adn expansive in what i see in a person what i then expand on is my personal license to expand how i want to ...its not fro them to read unless i hand it to them...which i have also done..........

 

 

 

i expand i throw in empathic skills and if someone were to read it.... i look like a total crazy ...and yeah i am a multiple if you call that crazy ...i have a writers heart....a childs view on people and gods green earth and i find beauty in everything even the mundane the little and the unique...i fall in love all the time with writing......its how i am never bored and i have an intelligence that needs to sponge up as much as possible adn express it either through writing meditation or dance...........and if a guy i was interested or to know of what i wirte...and or were to read or look at what i call my artistic creative wording and thoughts and personal feelings i would feel ill....i would wait for him to admit he knew......and if he didnt...he cant really be trusted.....i would definitely barrier up...its my god forsaken right to privacy to have things between myself and god...not have a guy go ewwww i dotn feel that way for her...i dotn give a crap what he feels......let him walk....or if others read it and laugh or ridcule or nod sagely saying yes she needs help and make judgements on me.....who needs enemies...when you have those people around you reading private thoughts......i would feel sick too and just a tad upset.........deb

Edited June 25, 2014 by todreaminblue

[MoooOinkBaaa]

Should of started a new topic, just wanted some background to be here.

Should I send another message to her?

It's been 5 days she hasn't replied or contacted, I don't want to look stalkerish.

 

Should I just ask her to meet up? See if she flakes?

 

I do LIKE her, I want more. I must of been kidding myself because if I didn't want more I wouldn't of stayed at hers when I visit. After getting intimate with a girl they only like casually most guys would be pretending to be on the phone to their mum because there's an emergency and they gotta leave.

Edited June 25, 2014 by MoooOinkBaaa

[todreaminblue]

Should of started a new topic, just wanted some background to be here.

Should I send another message to her?

It's been 5 days she hasn't replied or contacted, I don't want to look stalkerish.

 

Should I just ask her to meet up? See if she flakes?

 

I do LIKE her, I want more. I must of been kidding myself because if I didn't want more I wouldn't of stayed at hers when I visit. After getting intimate with a girl they only like casually most guys would be pretending to be on the phone to their mum because there's an emergency and they gotta leave.

 

honestly you come across as flakey and indecisive....reading her sketchbook was a huge gaff on your part......if you like her text her let her know.....i wouldnt let her know you read it......drop it......for if you admit it and say hey it scared me in all reality.... you are a goodbye goner..........leave her private things away from your eyes......and see the woman in front of you appreciate her for who she is and hwo you feel around her..not what font she expressively writes in...........if you feel flakey and unsure do her a favor and walk...its simple....deb

[MoooOinkBaaa]

how am i flakey tho? i've not been flakey or indecisive with her? i've just grew to like her more than i thought i would

she doesn't know i read the sketchbook but that's old news

 

i would let her know i like her but problem is she isn't responding to me, she seems uninterested, would be a BAD move if she found out i liked her more than she likes me.

[todreaminblue]

how am i flakey tho? i've not been flakey or indecisive with her? i've just grew to like her more than i thought i would

she doesn't know i read the sketchbook but that's old news

 

i would let her know i like her but problem is she isn't responding to me, she seems uninterested, would be a BAD move if she found out i liked her more than she likes me.

 

 

you mightn't have been flakey with her in person but you have on here "seemed" flakey with what you want or expect and in my mind she might have picked up on that hence the distance.....why would it be a bad move if she knew you liked her more than she liked you...

[todreaminblue]

double post sorry

[Glinda.Good]

If you like her enough to take a risk, just call her on the phone and ask her out on a date, the old fashioned way. Let her know that you LIKE her.

 

What do you mean, you "want more"? More NSA sex? Maybe she realized that you were only about that, and she isn't. That is perfectly fair, right?

[Feeorin]

Give her a call.... Do not text!

Instead of wondering the ifs and why's and being all confused - just confront her and ask her what's happening...

[starrynightz45]

i don't think she's interested anymore

or i've done something to push her away

 

thing is I really do like her, i think about her more than i should and i miss her. i feel like an idiot because she's only 19 and i'm 27, also because she's the first/only girl i started dating after my ex, do i fall for people to easily?

 

update from the last posts in this thread:

she wasn't intentionally being distant with me and we had some fun conversations again

 

she said she misses me and asked me to see her, this was 31st may, last time i saw her because her internet got cut off and she was working a festival for 2 weeks.

 

had little contact during that time and now she hasn't contacted me 5 days.

 

this was our last few convos (i'm green)

http://i.imgur.com/EXN4afO.jpg

 

am i being silly and over analysing? what should i do? she usually always replies to me but she hasn't even seen my last messages according to fb and she's been online loads, and posting on her wall.

 

How are you not understanding what you did wrong here?? You said you "don't do dates" you "don't do gifts" you "never took her anywhere" or "did anything" and you expect her to not go cold on you? I'm not saying buy her diamonds, but actually taking her out somehwre she would like and putting in a minimal effort beyond sitting around her house and having sex would have been nice. If I were her, I would have stopped responding as well.

 

You seem very immature. You were so focused on making sure that she didn't think you liked her more than she liked you, that you successfully confirmed that feeling for her and pushed her completely away.

 

You treated her like an option, she picked up on it, and she's done. In the future don't play these silly games with someone who you're interested in. I think you should move on because this girl has some self-respect and expects more of an investment from a person.

[starrynightz45]

I didn't want to have something serious, that wasn't my intention from the beginning. I wanted to date multiple women (upfront) and have fun. I'm 26 and only had one very long term partner so I want some contrast, to get to know women, maybe meet someone EXACTLY my type both in looks and personality.

 

I've put effort in to making sure I don't fall for her (too soon). I don't want emotionally invest in her. 1 because I don't want to fall and 2 because I don't want to trip over my emotions with her every single time.

 

I do admit she has triggered feelings in me and I COULD let myself fall for her but I'm really not sure what I want. I liked her, but I was cool about it. Maybe it's just because now she's given me room for doubt... doubt whether she's really as much into anymore.

 

I KNOW I'm in trouble because I constantly check my inbox to see if she's messaged me. I'm trying to chill out and hope she's playing her game.

 

I wish I was even more careful to not show her I liked her. I definitely don't want her to think I might like her more than she likes me or she'll lose the thrill of the chase, and start to "fall out of love".

 

I don't like this feeling it feels out of control. I don't know if it's just because I don't know where I stand with her. I shouldn't be bothered that she's being cold. Maybe I just need to meet new women, I need to start talking to more girls.

 

Actually I think she might even be feeling the same way, maybe she's pulling out now we've spent too much time together as "casual". It's easier for her when women can easily have an abundance of guys to turn their attention to.

 

*Maybe there is a clue here. She posted a song on fb yesterday and if you read the lyrics it coincides with what you guys are saying about he thinking I'm not that interested in her so she's pulling away.

 

Bombay Bicycle Club - Come To Lyrics | MetroLyrics

 

She even posted it with one word "love". Maybe that's a massive hint? Tho the song is kind of upbeat so maybe she just enjoys it.

 

Also in the sketchbook she wrote how it's "so not like her to feel this way" so maybe she did write hyperbole but on the other end of the spectrum. What if she is in love but doesn't want to admit it, she's trying not to be needy, being more distant than me. She did put the word almost in big capitals, bolded and underlined. It said something like very nearly almost.

 

Then again I genuinely feel like she's uninterested because if she wants to pull out she would of gone cold after I saw her not during.

 

I dunno, probably over thinking it.

 

*Edit OH now you said romantic weekend I did ALSO read in that sketchbook how she's romantically stressed, what does that mean? Just everything outside sex like cuddles and stuff?

 

*thanks for all the help btw, definitely need to give back after this! it's imperative! hehehehehe

 

You just said you put in an effort and were careful to not show you liked her. The logic is completely backwards here. You don't attract a person by acting like they don't matter to you and that you aren't interested. There is a difference between not wanting to be clingy, and acting like an uncaring person.

 

If you tried so hard to show that you aren't interested, then you shouldn't be complaining that she then THOUGHT YOU WERENT INTERESTED and she acted on it. You are way past her "losing the thrill of the chase." You've made her feel like you don't care at all, and she's done because of it.

 

If you don't know what you want, then you should be a decent person and not get another person's mind and emotions involved in your confusion. It's selfish, thoughtless, and cruel.

[Els]

 

I don't do gifts or dates. I would rather give her value without supplicating her. She hasn't given me anything either so right now it's pretty balanced as far as gifts go.

 

If you don't 'do' dates, chances are you are going to go through this quite a few more times before you find someone who's okay with it. I'm sure such women exist but from my point of view, they would be a rarity. Most women (myself, and other women I know) would not be into you anymore if you'd been together for 5 weeks and had never gone out on a single date in that duration. In fact I would have been gone by Week 2... (barring extenuating circumstances, of course, but that doesn't apply to your case).

 

You are entitled to your own preferences, but I can't see how you would be surprised that this R fizzled out. It's what I would expect to happen, perhaps 9 times out of 10. If you don't want to change your no-dates policy then you have to accept this.

Edited June 26, 2014 by Elswyth

[TigerLilly78]

I don't understand you don't want to act/be a boyfriend yet you are afraid shes seeing other people and maybe you should just move on? what do you want from this girl if its just sex then ok it seams you get that why do you want her to act invested if you yourself are not? it doesn't make sense to me..

[todreaminblue]

i just read your texts to her, you are young arent you? i got you wrong.....you arent flakey you are young which sometimes can often seem flakey but it really isnt, because you are well...just young.......smilin....are you and her around the seventeen mark......

[GemmaUK]

todreaminblue He is 27 and she is 19.

 

OP, do you know when she wrote this thing in the sketch book?

 

She doesn't seem interested in getting back with you from the sound of the texts unless 'never' in reply to the kiss thing is some kind of 'in joke'?

If not it sounds like 'never' means never.

[clia]

You dated her for five weeks and never took her anywhere? I think you might've bored her to death. I really can't imagine dating a guy who just came over to my house and wanted to watch TV and lay around for days.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

No that's not true. You fall for the person, not what you do together! I fell for her after spending time with HER, who she is not where we go.

 

It made me realize I like her more than I thought. She didn't call me, text me, we didn't go anywhere. I never met her friends. All we did was stay at hers, didn't do anything exciting. Half of what we did together was have sex.

 

But I still really like her a lot more than other girls. Just for who she is. Not what we did. I fundamentally like 'her'.

 

As the relationship progresses, I'll add in more things. I can see her more often; I can contact her more; I can do more things with her; I can meet her friends. Because here's the thing:

 

How in love a girl feels for you at the outset is going to be exactly the same whether you do everything for her, or nothing for her.

 

I don't think I pushed her away, I was definitely the one making most of the work like initiating, though she always responded and was never flakey about meeting up. She knows I like her.

 

You guys have to understand it's been over a month since I made this thread. Since then we've met and it's been good. I've become more interested/invested in her, I can't help that. Some of the replies are just not true. I'm not being cruel or leading her on, that's why I don't act like a boyfriend, so she doesn't get the wrong idea.

 

I've been honest with her and she's been honest with me. We've been on the same page, neither of us have asked each other out or talked seriously.

 

I'm not afraid she's seeing other people, was just playfully trolling her. Though it's true I am afraid she's lost interest in me because she's into someone else now. If that's the case then guilty as charged, I got myself into this so I'll get myself out. You have to get so far to find out if you truly like a girl, turns out I did but she doesn't like me the same way.

 

I'm surprised that some people are saying they would ditch a guy because he hasn't offered to take them on a date. How superficial.

 

Love doesn't come from the things you do for her. It comes from the conversation you have with her, and the time you share in bed together. Everything else is periphery. But people don't realize that, and yes she is going to assign a little of her love to everything I do with her. So, the more I give her, the less her love will be tied to me, and the more it'll be tied to what I do for her.

 

Better to have her love me for me from the outset, and then I can add things as we go and she only sees the relationship as strengthening, than to do it the normal guy way, of having her love me for what I do for her from the outset, and then he gradually subtracts things as he goes and she only sees the relationship as weakening.

Also this girl doesn't even like dating, she would rather just have fun and do things together. She's not into all that romantic gush stuff either. That would repel her.

 

If two people really like each other it doesn't matter about dates and all that socially expected crap. They will simply enjoy each others presence and how they share each other. Going to the movies with someone doesn't make that person more special or unique.

 

If a guy is not your type, and you're not that interested are you going to short change yourself by dating him instead of the guy you have a connection with just because you went somewhere with him? Doesn't make sense.

 

It's more how you connect with each other through conversation, body language, fundamentals. You might say a guy who doesn't take a woman anywhere is lazy or not giving her attention. But what about a guy who deep dives into conversation and is a good listener and knows how to make her laugh and feel good?

 

When you set things up so that girls get you in a relationship, and nothing else – not endless days of romance, not extravagant gifts and dinners, not hour-long IM sessions, not exciting adventures, not envious friends, nothing – you'll find the relationship is infinitely more pure, infinitely more real, and infinitely more honest and focused on the two of you together, rather than the things she can do for you or you can do for her. And really, that's the healthiest kind of relationship you can possibly have – one where you set the right expectations from the beginning, and gave yourself a ton of room to grow along the way.

 

I've decided to forget her and move on. She obviously isn't invested in me like I am her. If she was she would want to talk to me because I'd be on her mind, like she is mine.

Edited June 26, 2014 by MoooOinkBaaa

[TigerLilly78]

No that's not true. You fall for the person, not what you do together! I fell for her after spending time with HER, who she is not where we go.

 

It made me realize I like her more than I thought. She didn't call me, text me, we didn't go anywhere. I never met her friends. All we did was stay at hers, didn't do anything exciting. Half of what we did together was have sex.

 

But I still really like her a lot more than other girls. Just for who she is. Not what we did. I fundamentally like 'her'.

 

As the relationship progresses, I'll add in more things. I can see her more often; I can contact her more; I can do more things with her; I can meet her friends. Because here's the thing:

 

How in love a girl feels for you at the outset is going to be exactly the same whether you do everything for her, or nothing for her.

 

I don't think I pushed her away, I was definitely the one making most of the work like initiating, though she always responded and was never flakey about meeting up. She knows I like her.

 

You guys have to understand it's been over a month since I made this thread. Since then we've met and it's been good. I've become more interested/invested in her, I can't help that. Some of the replies are just not true. I'm not being cruel or leading her on, that's why I don't act like a boyfriend, so she doesn't get the wrong idea.

 

I've been honest with her and she's been honest with me. We've been on the same page, neither of us have asked each other out or talked seriously.

 

I'm not afraid she's seeing other people, was just playfully trolling her. Though it's true I am afraid she's lost interest in me because she's into someone else now. If that's the case then guilty as charged, I got myself into this so I'll get myself out. You have to get so far to find out if you truly like a girl, turns out I did but she doesn't like me the same way.

 

I'm surprised that some people are saying they would ditch a guy because he hasn't offered to take them on a date. How superficial.

 

Love doesn't come from the things you do for her. It comes from the conversation you have with her, and the time you share in bed together. Everything else is periphery. But people don't realize that, and yes she is going to assign a little of her love to everything I do with her. So, the more I give her, the less her love will be tied to me, and the more it'll be tied to what I do for her.

 

Better to have her love me for me from the outset, and then I can add things as we go and she only sees the relationship as strengthening, than to do it the normal guy way, of having her love me for what I do for her from the outset, and then he gradually subtracts things as he goes and she only sees the relationship as weakening.

Also this girl doesn't even like dating, she would rather just have fun and do things together. She's not into all that romantic gush stuff either. That would repel her.

 

If two people really like each other it doesn't matter about dates and all that socially expected crap. They will simply enjoy each others presence and how they share each other. Going to the movies with someone doesn't make that person more special or unique.

 

If a guy is not your type, and you're not that interested are you going to short change yourself by dating him instead of the guy you have a connection with just because you went somewhere with him? Doesn't make sense.

 

It's more how you connect with each other through conversation, body language, fundamentals. You might say a guy who doesn't take a woman anywhere is lazy or not giving her attention. But what about a guy who deep dives into conversation and is a good listener and knows how to make her laugh and feel good?

 

When you set things up so that girls get you in a relationship, and nothing else – not endless days of romance, not extravagant gifts and dinners, not hour-long IM sessions, not exciting adventures, not envious friends, nothing – you'll find the relationship is infinitely more pure, infinitely more real, and infinitely more honest and focused on the two of you together, rather than the things she can do for you or you can do for her. And really, that's the healthiest kind of relationship you can possibly have – one where you set the right expectations from the beginning, and gave yourself a ton of room to grow along the way.

 

I've decided to forget her and move on. She obviously isn't invested in me like I am her. If she was she would want to talk to me because I'd be on her mind, like she is mine.

 

"How in love a girl feels for you at the outset is going to be exactly the same whether you do everything for her, or nothing for her"

 

OP that is so not true and at 27 almost 30 I would think a man would know that..all you did with this girl is basically go to her house and sleep with her.. it was a bunch of hook up dates...Now you might think that's fine and dandy but to a women any women if the man you care for NEVER takes you outside of that situation then you will prob start to think hes only after that one thing..women notice those kind of things we really do.

 

And I bet shes sitting there saying well hell all he seams to want to do is hook up with me and I like him allot more then that. That's why shes acting cold cause you are giving out that vibe shes only responding to it..now im not a "date" kind of girl im admittedly a homebody but even to me if the man I cared for NEVER showed any kind of interest past "home hook ups" ide also prob distance myself to keep from getting hurt..

 

I think you did this one yourself I think she was genuinely interested in you but just stopped trying to be a part of your life cause well frankly you weren't really trying to make her a part of yours..

[clia]

No that's not true. You fall for the person, not what you do together! I fell for her after spending time with HER, who she is not where we go.

 

I agree that you fall for the person, but don't you think it's a little boring to sit around at home all the time staring at the walls? That's why parks and restaurants and malls and museums and zoos are usually full of people. You can have deep, meaningful conversations at those places as well. Have you two gone anywhere together other than her house and the bus stop?

 

It made me realize I like her more than I thought. She didn't call me, text me, we didn't go anywhere. I never met her friends. All we did was stay at hers, didn't do anything exciting. Half of what we did together was have sex.

 

This doesn't sound like a relationship at all. It sounds like FWB.

 

How in love a girl feels for you at the outset is going to be exactly the same whether you do everything for her, or nothing for her.

 

I don't think this is true at all. Most people develop deeper and stronger feelings over time. I certainly feel differently about my fiance than I did on our first date.

 

I'm surprised that some people are saying they would ditch a guy because he hasn't offered to take them on a date. How superficial.

 

What's superficial about wanting to do more than have sex and lay around the house? You can take her on a date for free.

 

Also this girl doesn't even like dating, she would rather just have fun and do things together.

 

Dating is having fun and doing things together. Things other than laying around the house and watching TV. It's about experiencing life together. You don't do that by staying home.

 

If a guy is not your type, and you're not that interested are you going to short change yourself by dating him instead of the guy you have a connection with just because you went somewhere with him? Doesn't make sense.

 

I don't think I'd have a connection with a guy who never wanted to go anywhere.

 

When you set things up so that girls get you in a relationship, and nothing else – not endless days of romance, not extravagant gifts and dinners, not hour-long IM sessions, not exciting adventures, not envious friends, nothing – you'll find the relationship is infinitely more pure, infinitely more real, and infinitely more honest and focused on the two of you together, rather than the things she can do for you or you can do for her. And really, that's the healthiest kind of relationship you can possibly have – one where you set the right expectations from the beginning, and gave yourself a ton of room to grow along the way.

 

It may be pure and real to sit around the house talking all the time, but I personally like a change of scenery every now and then. I like going places with the man I love and experiencing new adventures with him.

 

I've decided to forget her and move on. She obviously isn't invested in me like I am her. If she was she would want to talk to me because I'd be on her mind, like she is mine.

 

Like I said, I think she's bored.

[soccerrprp]

I find it humorous that the person worried is the one who admits not wanting to be like a boyfriend, taking her on dates, etc. It's only been sex. You are desperate not to lose your fuc*-buddy, it sounds to me. Too bad for her. She's with a guy who is not wanting a committed relationship. She is better off distancing herself.

[MoooOinkBaaa]

"How in love a girl feels for you at the outset is going to be exactly the same whether you do everything for her, or nothing for her"

 

OP that is so not true and at 27 almost 30 I would think a man would know that..all you did with this girl is basically go to her house and sleep with her.. it was a bunch of hook up dates...Now you might think that's fine and dandy but to a women any women if the man you care for NEVER takes you outside of that situation then you will prob start to think hes only after that one thing..women notice those kind of things we really do.

 

And I bet shes sitting there saying well hell all he seams to want to do is hook up with me and I like him allot more then that. That's why shes acting cold cause you are giving out that vibe shes only responding to it..now im not a "date" kind of girl im admittedly a homebody but even to me if the man I cared for NEVER showed any kind of interest past "home hook ups" ide also prob distance myself to keep from getting hurt..

 

I think you did this one yourself I think she was genuinely interested in you but just stopped trying to be a part of your life cause well frankly you weren't really trying to make her a part of yours..

 

But it is true, at the 'outset' especially in a committed relationship. I did do some things for her, I cooked her a meal and we went for a few walks, I bought her snacks but this IS a FWB, it's a casual relationship. Maybe you're right and she expected more than just sex and hanging out but if so she hasn't communicated that to me.

 

I agree that you fall for the person, but don't you think it's a little boring to sit around at home all the time staring at the walls? That's why parks and restaurants and malls and museums and zoos are usually full of people. You can have deep, meaningful conversations at those places as well. Have you two gone anywhere together other than her house and the bus stop?

 

 

 

This doesn't sound like a relationship at all. It sounds like FWB.

 

 

 

I don't think this is true at all. Most people develop deeper and stronger feelings over time. I certainly feel differently about my fiance than I did on our first date.

 

 

 

What's superficial about wanting to do more than have sex and lay around the house? You can take her on a date for free.

 

 

 

Dating is having fun and doing things together. Things other than laying around the house and watching TV. It's about experiencing life together. You don't do that by staying home.

 

 

 

I don't think I'd have a connection with a guy who never wanted to go anywhere.

 

 

 

It may be pure and real to sit around the house talking all the time, but I personally like a change of scenery every now and then. I like going places with the man I love and experiencing new adventures with him.

 

 

 

Like I said, I think she's bored.

 

Yeah you do develop stronger feelings over time but that has nothing to do with what you can do for each other. I feel different about this girl than I did the first time we met. I didn't need a date to develop stronger feelings for her, I did so by spending time with her and knowing more about her. It's superficial to judge someone on what they can do for you. I do want to go places though. You're talking from a relationship perspective which I agree but I like to be out the house as much as possible, I'm a nature freak. I don't even own a TV, but I didn't want that at the time. Feelings changed.

 

I find it humorous that the person worried is the one who admits not wanting to be like a boyfriend, taking her on dates, etc. It's only been sex. You are desperate not to lose your fuc*-buddy, it sounds to me. Too bad for her. She's with a guy who is not wanting a committed relationship. She is better off distancing herself.

 

If she was just a **** buddy to me I wouldn't even care, I would next her. It may look ironic now but at the start when I first met her, I didn't want a relationship. I still don't want a relationship but I care about her, I think about her, she mentally stimulates my mind, she's not just a **** buddy to me.

 

I'm scared that I've fell for someone I like, someone I should of asked out whilst the iron was hot but now it's gone cold.

 

*update I messaged her tonight asking what's new and she's in a different city. Said she wished she was home and was miserable. I told her I miss her and to get back to my city. She didn't say she missed me too just said busy working festivals but she's back Monday. I said could meet up soonish then and she said "Yeeeh, busy summer tho x) and yeh. " Had a little chat then she had to go but if she's tired and miserable she won't be too warm I guess.

 

I just thought of something though. Her mum used to cook me meals and she even bought me some food and they invited me to go to a festival with them the first time I visited. Does this mean her mum thinks I'm her boyfriend? They even gave me a lift home in their car the first and last time too. I just thought it was because they're chilled and laid back, they are skinheads (nice traditional ones) so a little different but I dunno.

 

Oh when we were deep diving in conversation I remember her telling me about people she's been with (I didn't ask) but she said one guy from months ago ended because it wasn't really going anywhere.

 

Oh well you guys are right it's my own fault, but I didn't mean it to be this way.

[Els]

 

How in love a girl feels for you at the outset is going to be exactly the same whether you do everything for her, or nothing for her.

 

This is just YOUR opinion. But don't be surprised when you find that many women don't feel the same way.

 

I'm surprised that some people are saying they would ditch a guy because he hasn't offered to take them on a date. How superficial.

 

Love doesn't come from the things you do for her. It comes from the conversation you have with her, and the time you share in bed together. Everything else is periphery.

 

This is pretty funny. Predicating a relationship on going out on dates is 'superficial', but predicating it on 'time you share in bed together' means that 'love is coming from within the two of you'?

 

Come on, get things straight. The things you do in bed at 5 weeks? That's lust. Real love doesn't come from sex at a few weeks or even from dates, but from weathering life's storms together and coming into the sort of relationship where you have seen each other at their worst and still accept them for who they are.

 

But that is all later. In the first few weeks, yes, dates are important to many of us. As important as sex is, even. You don't need to agree with that but those are FACTS. You may eventually catch the rare woman who doesn't care about going out at all, but good luck with that.

[TigerLilly78]

, I cooked her a meal and we went for a few walks, I bought her snacks but this IS a FWB, it's a casual relationship. Maybe you're right and she expected more than just sex and hanging out but if so she hasn't communicated that to me.

 

 

 

.

 

Well there you go it IS just sex shes given you that in your own words its nothing more then FWB shes kept her end of the deal I don't see what the prob is? a FWB doesn't owe you all the warmth's that a GF would she doesn't owe you cute text or to jump at what ever small shows of affection you might toss her way here and there.

 

You got exactly what you asked for to decide after the fact or think shes gone cold is not right on your end. To me it sounds like she did a FWB situation to a T and just got tired of it. Who knows maybe her parents confronted her about it? maybe they were wondering why this much older guy only comes around to sleep with their daughter.

 

Might have been one thing if you showed interest past that but maybe they brought it to attention to avoid her getting hurt you never know. And to just sit there and say well she never showed interest well you didn't ether it takes two ta tango..

 

Your last chance to poo on the potty or get off call her and tell her exactly how much she means to you and see if she responds she might she might not but now is not the time for mulling around its the time for action honest action..

[TigerLilly78]

This is just YOUR opinion. But don't be surprised when you find that many women don't feel the same way.

 

 

 

[/b]This is pretty funny. Predicating a relationship on going out on dates is 'superficial', but predicating it on 'time you share in bed together' means that 'love is coming from within the two of you'?

 

Come on, get things straight. The things you do in bed at 5 weeks? That's lust. Real love doesn't come from sex at a few weeks or even from dates, but from weathering life's storms together and coming into the sort of relationship where you have seen each other at their worst and still accept them for who they are.

 

But that is all later. In the first few weeks, yes, dates are important to many of us. As important as sex is, even. You don't need to agree with that but those are FACTS. You may eventually catch the rare woman who doesn't care about going out at all, but good luck with that.

 

I caut that part to but forgot to mention it seams the op buts alot of stock in sex alone and at the end of the day if there is no love there something like you say that comes by sharing life together then its just sex simple as that sex will never equal love op it is a by product of it!

 

And your also right Elswyth even being a home body who doesn't like "dating" per say ide still be put off if the guy didn't want to go out at some point or meet my friends the op got a FWB clean and dry but now he wants more after the fact and is blaming the girl for not showing more interest totally illogical to me anyways..

[MoooOinkBaaa]

This is just YOUR opinion. But don't be surprised when you find that many women don't feel the same way.

 

If a woman bases how she feels about me by what I do for her then I don't want to know her. It works both ways, girls don't become more attractive to me by what they do for me but by who they are as a person. The rest is just nice.

 

You can go on dates with friends, it means nothing. The time you spend together in bed and conversing is how you REALLY get to know a lover. Obviously people don't realize this and assign love to everything they do for each other.

 

I want girls to know on the inside that they love me for me. People look at what they have with you, and ask themselves why they love you.

 

When I say love I'm talking about early feelings here, honeymoon love. I never said REAL love.

 

if you manage your expectations properly from the outset, cut the dating crap out you end up with a girl who thinks to herself "But I'm still crazy about him anyway. Wow. I must really like him. I must really like him, for him."

 

Then add in more things later, around the attraction.

 

I DID want to keep things casual. This is why I didn't call her every day and text her every day, take her places, spend every other day with her. So she wouldn't see things as being quite serious expecting a lot of my time because I treated her like a guy who's quite serious about her would, and because I gave her a lot of my time.

 

To save myself some headache, and to save her some heartache, I set early relationship expectations.

 

Most men start off giving women the world, then gradually cut back. Most women end up bitter and jaded because of this. Personally, I'm a big, big believer in promising less and delivering more. It's how you build real loyalty with people. Most people promise more and deliver less. That's how you build resentment and disloyalty, no good.

 

I like how you say it was a FWB but then go on to say that if a guy didn't take you out or meet your friends you'd be put off. That's not casual though is it? So she shouldn't even expect that anyways if she's given me a FWB.

 

I don't expect her to act like a girlfriend, but even a FWB doesn't act cold and distant.

 

I'm not blaming her for anything, just thought she was more interested and if it's because she likes me and doesn't want to get hurt, it would be nice if she said "I don't want to meet you anymore" rather than ignore me.