jt27 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 Maybe I am just having a bad day/morning but I am having the overwhelming feeling of fear. I am now 36 and lost the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with 8 weeks ago. I am devastated. I am doing all the things necessary to move on (gym, social, therapy, etc.) but I am still so scared. I am scared of never finding someone again that I had such a strong connection with. I am scared I will break NC and reach out to my ex. I am scared to put myself out there and try again. I am so scared of starting over. I am scared I have lost her forever. I am scared of letting go. I am scared if I do find someone, then 3 years from now it doesn't work out again, I am back to square one at 40yrs old. I am afraid of wasting my time. I am afraid I will never find true love. I afraid I will never love so deeply again. I am scared I will not get over her. I am scared I won't be that happy again. I am scared she will move on or has already. Sorry for the rant, just need to get this out. 4
Mary Oak Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I get this. Being scared is natural. I am almost 44 and I think if these things often to. I don't really think about finding someone else as much because I know I messed up what was supposed to be it for me. But she is long gone. Nothing is bringing her back. But being scared is normal. The world is scary when you are used to facing it with someone. Always having that person on your team. But focus on now, as that is all you really have. Life will unfold how it is supposed to regardless of how we feel about it. We can't control anything. Try your best to live presently. Hard, I know. 2
SadNLonley Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I wish I had a better answer for you, but to be honest, Im in the same boat except for the fact that I AM 43 and alone for the 1st time in my life. Its been almost 11 months now. All I can say is that I am still scared of all those things. Who know what the future holds. All I can do is either enjoy the time I have right now being alone and being able to do anything wherever or whenever or with whoever I want OR sit at home and mope everyday over it. Been there and done that so long it gets old. I dont know that I will find that great love again, but chances are good I'll atleast get some crappy dates, and possibly another relationship. Just dont know how or when it will happen. Just have to take it day by day and see what the cards hold. You are 8 weeks out, you seem to be doing things to help in move on. Try not to dwell on the NEVER thing yet. You'd be surprised what happens. I hear all kinds of great stories of new found romances after a bad breakup. Maybe there is one out there you will be telling soon.
Author jt27 Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 Thanks so much for the encouragement guys. It's a hopeless feeling right now. I know I need to just keep plugging away. Hard, I know. The hardest thing I have ever faced. My father passed away 2 years ago and it wasn't nearly this hard. It is a struggle everyday. Maybe there is one out there you will be telling soon. When I do, the LS community will be the first to know. I'd love to read about one. Anyone know of any threads that describe this?
Mary Oak Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 I also lost my father about ten months after my gf left me. HE was my heart. He really was. But, I knew he was leaving to go to a better place, and not because he didnt' love me anymore.... I think that makes the difference... if my gf had died, I think I would have moved on much quicker. 1
Snow101 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 i'm 32 and it scares the #$#^ out of me too. I think by the time I get over my ex and stop loving her, I'll probably be 35 if I'm lucky, and my best years will be behind me. Pass me the arsenic kthx?
FredJones80 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 i'm 32 and it scares the #$#^ out of me too. I think by the time I get over my ex and stop loving her, I'll probably be 35 if I'm lucky, and my best years will be behind me. Pass me the arsenic kthx? Yeah, do you get the feeling that the time you spent with the ex is now wasted somehow? I spent 10 years with her and wanted to be with her "forever" so it was a good investment... now it just feels wasted
jphcbpa Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 i'm 32 and it scares the #$#^ out of me too. I think by the time I get over my ex and stop loving her, I'll probably be 35 if I'm lucky, and my best years will be behind me. Pass me the arsenic kthx? 35 is a perfect age to find the one to settle down with. OP focus on what you do have. Put together a gratitude list and add to them daily or weekly.
STM206 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 I'm right there with you. The scariest part to me is knowing that people are capable of basically discarding you like unwanted leftovers. I always thought we were going to be forever and now I'm not even a blip on his radar anymore. It's scary to think of investing another 4 years into someone just to have them pull the same thing again. It's no wonder why so many people end up giving up on relationships, not because they don't want love, they just don't want to face that kind of pain again. 1
STM206 Posted May 23, 2014 Posted May 23, 2014 I also lost my father about ten months after my gf left me. HE was my heart. He really was. But, I knew he was leaving to go to a better place, and not because he didnt' love me anymore.... I think that makes the difference... if my gf had died, I think I would have moved on much quicker. I'm sorry for your loss. I agree, if someone passes away.. You're left with facing the reality of the situation of the inevitable. When someone leaves you willingly you lose all hope of what once was. A family member or friend dies, they die loving you.
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