No idea

[Madman81]

Does she drink too much? No alcohol should be consumed with that prescription medicine.

 

It could be she needs a detox and rehab?

 

I don't know - but from working directly with many alcoholics she could be showing these symptoms from her drinking with the meds combo.

 

In any event - tell the dr. He can't know unless your honest.

 

She may be mad but you could be saving her life!

 

Your W shouldn't come home until she stops being so self absorbed and selfish. When she realizes how she's been affecting others so negatively and changes her behavior to fix that about herself - that's when she should consider coming home.

2Sunny -- yes, she has been drinking too much in recent weeks; specifically, drinking to the point of slurring her words and bumping into things. However, she hasn't had anything to drink since Saturday night (obviously part of that time is the hospital stay). I haven't been made aware by the hospital of any adverse effects of the cessation of drinking that she's experienced while there. She didn't have any alcohol in her system when she took all the Ativan on Monday.

 

I hear what you're saying about making her realize how her actions and words are affecting others, or at least me. The problem is how to deliver that information. Traditionally, when I take issue with something she's done or said that bothers me, the discussion is very brief because if it goes on very long, she becomes pissy and tells me I'm "being mean". Or that I'm "yelling" at her, even if I haven't raised my voice (usually her telling me that I'm yelling at her when I'm not is a reaction to me saying things to her that she doesn't want to hear).

 

Couples counselling is an idea; we've already done this on a number of occasions, about some of the issues I raised in my first post on this thread, and about other stuff too. It's hard to encapsulate everything in a one-hour session, naturally. And where a session has been about stuff I've wanted to address, it usually ends with her in a foul mood and pissed off at me, rather than with anything actually accomplished.

 

When she's feeling better emotionally, I'm willing to give it another shot. It may be the last chance.

Edited May 21, 2014 by Madman81

[xxoo]

Did they release her with a plan for follow up care?

 

I don't hold much hope that you can work on your marriage unless her mental health is effectively managed.

 

Please let her family know what is going on, as best you can. They may not believe you, because she'll be giving them a different story, but if you do end the relationship at some point, it will be important that they have the benefit of her mental health history. At that point, they'll be the ones dealing with the breakdowns. I've seen this play out and end badly

 

Your wife is sick. Do your best to get her the medical care she needs, while protecting the kids from unnecessary drama. I'm sorry its gotten so bad.

[mrs rubble]

Is she on birth control? Where is she in her cycle? Is there any chance she may suffer from PMDD? It's often misdiagnosed.

[2sunny]

Did you specifically ask the dr what her blood alcohol level was when they admitted her?

 

Did you ask if they have considered her drinking history as part of her plan to getting well?

[2sunny]

You know, she's not going to change when she isn't scared.

 

She thinks she can treat you like crap and you stay.

 

Why weren't YOU honest with her? You could have told her "if this is the way it's going to be then I want out NOW!"

 

She's blamed you for HER bad behavior, there's NOTHING right about that! You should be flaming mad at her behavior even from the ride home! In fact, you should have turned around and taken her back there and said "I'm not bringing you home and you're not welcome in my personal space until you learn to be kind and loving to me!" "Also, when you learn that it's YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to OWN what YOU did instead of blaming me for your actions - then we can talk".

 

Seriously? Why would you tell her you're not leaving when she's treating you like this is your fault? You didn't force her to take the pills! You didn't force her to text the words she texted.

 

She needs to grow the F up!

 

And until she becomes responsible for her own behavior - you should make her leave!

[2sunny]

I read your other thread - your wife seems extremely selfish and completely narcissistic.

 

Quit catering to her character defects. She acts this way because she's allowed to!

 

Stop being so nice about her being a complete jerk.

 

She's depressed? She can go get UNdepressed while on her own!

 

You've made it way too easy for her to mow you over.

[Madman81]

Well, we continue to plod onward. As I mentioned earlier, she's back at home. Things have been up and down, but we've been trying to reconnect.

 

My thoughts are still somewhat all over the map. Here's the current one.

 

Part of me feels that I wasn't sufficiently "saddened" by her swallowing the bottle of Ativan. However, I didn't know for sure that she'd done that until I got home on Monday, at which point she'd apparently taken it a couple of hours earlier, and when I arrived she was asleep and snoring (i.e. not turning blue or anything horrible like that), and I was able to rouse her and talk to her and confirm that she'd taken them. That told me that I needed to call 911, but also that an Ativan overdose on its own wasn't likely to be fatal. This was confirmed later when I was told that, in the absence of alcohol, all it will really do is knock you out and make you really woozy for a few days. So I didn't really have that sense of "oh my god, she almost died", because she didn't.

 

The part of me that feels guilty is that, knowing the above, and given the tenor of our arguments/fights of the prior couple of days, a big part of what I felt was, admittedly, annoyance. Annoyance along the lines of "good god, why is she pulling this shyt right now when she knows I'm under so much stress." Rather than sadness and shock at the thought of "my wife tried to kill herself". Which makes me sound like a heartless bastard.

 

Although, part of it is also that she's maintained since then that she really just wanted to go to sleep; as I mentioned earlier, she got very angry with me for telling the doctor that she'd just texted me saying it would be best if she died. Which means her story changed -- was she actually trying to just go to sleep, or did she want to die? Perhaps when a person is dealing with emotional instability like that, they aren't even sure themselves.

 

So, really, I don't know what to think. She seems to now be saying that she took the pills because she wanted to die, but I don't know if I can put stock in that or not. Was she saying she just wanted to sleep so the doctor would release her sooner? Is she now saying she wanted to kill herself on Monday so that I feel appropriately guilty? Or is she completely genuine and on the level on both counts?

 

Anyway, she's going to visit her parents this weekend; they're flying her there. She wanted me to go, but I told her I couldn't because I need to work. To which she said that I attend to everybody else's needs, including my own, but not hers. Which doesn't jibe with my views, since I spent three days dealing with her, slept overnight in the hospital beside her, dealt with the doctors, made sure her kids were taken care of, didn't talk to my family or friends about what she'd done so that they wouldn't think she's crazy, etc.

 

I don't know. There's no denying that she is having a very, very difficult time emotionally right now. There's quite a bit of animosity and anger between us, but we both want to get past that. When she gets angry and sends me crappy text messages or speaks angrily on the phone, I get angry in my own right and we end up in a fight. And it's hard to simply be sad for or sympathize with somebody who is being actively angry at you. Or that's my experience, anyway.

 

Just spilling my thoughts. Thanks everybody.

Edited May 23, 2014 by Madman81

[Downtown]

Part of me feels that I wasn't sufficiently "saddened" by her swallowing the bottle of Ativan. ... I didn't really have that sense of "oh my god, she almost died", because she didn't.... a big part of what I felt was, admittedly, annoyance.

Madman, you are responsible for your actions, not your feelings. So stop beating yourself up over how you felt over the past several days. You've been through hell lately and should expect to feel like you're bouncing off the walls. Because your mind cannot process intense grief on a 24/7 basis, it will subconsciously protect itself by cycling through a variety of intense feelings, including anger.

 

When I went to the funeral home to see my dad's body, for example, I initially felt an outpouring of grief and was crying and shuddering. Within 45 minutes, however, I was intensely angry with the funeral home director for placing the most expensive coffins on the first floor and making us walk upstairs to see the cheaper ones. My anger was so intense, during those moments, that it was ready to spark onto whomever was closest to me in the room. I am pleased to report that I managed to keep my mouth shut. As I said, I am responsible for my actions, not my feelings.

 

She said that I attend to everybody else's needs, including my own, but not hers. Which doesn't jibe with my views, since I spent three days dealing with her, slept overnight in the hospital beside her, dealt with the doctors....

If your W has strong BPD traits, her reality is defined by whatever intense feelings she is experiencing at this moment in time. It therefore would be impossible, with such an individual, to ever build up a store of appreciation on which to later draw during the bad times. Moreover, she would have a powerful need to validate her false self image of always being "The Victim." This means she will perceive you only as playing two roles: the rescuer (when she is splitting you white) and the perpetrator (while splitting you black). Importantly, playing either of those two roles will "validate" her role as "The Victim."

 

She's never at a loss, when she's happy, to tell me how wonderful I am in so many ways. Then one of the aforementioned issues arises and I get an earful about it, and the inevitable question in my mind (and sometimes expressed to her) is "if I'm really so horrible to you, why are you with me?"

What you are describing is called "black-white thinking" (aka "splitting") and it is a hallmark of folks having strong BPD traits (and of those having strong narcissistic traits). B-W thinking typically occurs when the person has such a weak self image that she cannot tolerate ambiguities, uncertainties, mixed feelings, and other grey areas of interpersonal relationships. She avoids these grey areas by perceiving of everyone (including herself) as "all good" or "all bad." Moreover, such a person will recategorize someone from one polar extreme to the other, in just ten seconds, based solely on a minor comment or infraction. Likewise, two weeks later she may recategorize them back again just as quickly.

 

There's no denying that she is having a very, very difficult time emotionally right now.

Madman, when did her BPD traits start showing strongly -- i.e., appearing strongly every 3 or 4 weeks? Did you see it during the two years you dated before moving in together? Or did you see it start two years ago, when you both started living together? Or has it appeared only in the last six months?

[beach]

I read your other thread - your wife seems extremely selfish and completely narcissistic.

 

Quit catering to her character defects. She acts this way because she's allowed to!

 

Stop being so nice about her being a complete jerk.

 

She's depressed? She can go get UNdepressed while on her own!

 

You've made it way too easy for her to mow you over.

 

You are just too nice = which only indicates she gets to be extra mean.

 

I can't imagine why you would choose to live in this hell any longer.

 

She intends to be a selfish jerk - she can do that on her own.

[Madman81]

Well, it’s about a week later. The massive work commitment I was dealing with nearly two weeks ago when this whole thing arose has mercifully gone away (in a good way, long story short). So things have settled down quite a bit (in terms of non-relationship stress, anyway). She and I have been trying to reconnect.

 

An incident arose tonight and I’m not entirely sure how to process it. It’s not terribly lengthy, fortunately.

 

An old friend of mine came over this evening at about 8 pm; we’d invited him over for a casual dinner. My wife had been drinking since about 6 pm and was slurring her words and stumbling a bit. (She's been doing this quite often recently, though let's ignore the seriality of it for the moment.) The three of us sit down on three sides of the dining table and are chatting. There are two big candles in the middle of the table. I'd had a drink or two but nowhere close to as much as she'd had.

 

My wife, quite inebriated, takes a few colored pencils and one by one starts lighting them on fire, dipping them in the candle wax, burning the ends. Basically mucking about. She does this until the end of one is charred. This is making me concerned because she’s drunk and playing with fire, and there’s a pile of papers on the table next to her. Also, once the end of the pencil is on fire, she blows it out, blowing the gross smelling smoke towards my friend and me. (She’s not intentionally trying to blow the smoke at us, but it's happening.)

 

My friend, smilingly and in good humour, suggests that she not burn the pencils and play with fire, and asks her not to blow the smoke at him because it’s probably toxic, and it just smells bad. She keeps doing it. I suggest we three go out the patio where she can do that; she doesn’t want to. She burns another one, burns the pencil down an inch or two, gets the wax everywhere, blows out the smoke towards us again. This time I ask her to stop. She keeps repeating that she’s “done this before”, which isn’t really the point since she’s blowing acrid smoke at me and my friend.

 

Finally, she starts burning another pencil. To me this seems like juvenile behaviour, not to mention somewhat hazardous. Plus it's making me and our guest uncomfortable (both the playing with fire and the resultant smoke) and we've asked her politely to stop doing it. I say to her, in a very exasperated manner, “our guest has asked you to stop doing that. I’ve asked you to stop doing that. Why is that not enough for you?” She gets up and goes upstairs, says she’s going to bed. Basically she storms off. My friend stays for a bit longer and we chat, but things are clearly awkward with my wife having just stormed off upstairs, so he heads off.

 

I text message my friend a short while later, apologizing for the fact that he saw me behave that way towards my wife. He responds saying “no worries”. I don't apologize for her behaviour -- it's all about my behaviour.

 

My wife is extremely angry about this. In her view, I’ve “shamed” her in front of a friend. After my friend left we argued, and she stormed out the door (I didn't follow as her kids were upstairs asleep). Came back saying that my actions had triggered her PTSD because "shaming" is the kind of thing her ex used to do to her (probably for kicks; he used to beat her, as well).

 

I admit that I shouldn’t have conducted myself the way I did; my aim was not to cause her shame or embarrassment, it was to get her to stop burning pencils and playing with fire and blowing the smoke onto me and my friend, and it appeared that asking politely twice hadn’t accomplished that. But I also recognize that the embarrassment happened nonetheless, and that my reaction wasn’t necessary and that it resulted in the embarrassment to her.

 

So, here’s my question: taken as a standalone incident, was my reaction understandable? Excessive? Abusive? Wrong for another reason? Was I in the right, or was I an a-$-$-hole?

 

Thanks everybody.....

Edited June 1, 2014 by Madman81

[xxoo]

I can't see that you did anything wrong, and I would probably have reacted more strongly. (my instinct would be to blow out and remove the candles)

 

Stand up for yourself. You absolutely did the right thing when your drunk wife was acting recklessly with fire and the kids are sleeping upstairs. Stand your ground and don't let her blame-shift. She's avoiding responsibility by making you feel guilty. Don't let her do it.

[Downtown]

I agree with XX00. She was behaving like a spoiled child and you simply requested that she stop.

[beach]

I don't think you did wrong - except you should have stopped her sooner. You could have blown out the candles.

 

A woman who is on psych meds (assuming she is) should NOT be drinking ANY alcohol! Alcohol is a depressant!

 

Why are you two drinking? Can you both stop?

 

She will surely be really "off" after 1 or 2 drinks - and it makes it so the medicine doesn't work the way it's designed to help her.

 

If she can't quit - you may need to have her admitted for further help again.

 

Take charge of the situation man, she's not in her "right mind" - start doing something instead of allowing this crap to just happen!

 

If it means she's OUT - then that's it...and maybe she will get better if there are consequences for her bad behavior!

 

Why are you so afraid to get mad?

Edited June 1, 2014 by beach

[Madman81]

I don't think you did wrong - except you should have stopped her sooner. You could have blown out the candles.

I did that, and she lit them again. I suppose I could have simply taken them away, but it's not as if I was dealing with an 8-year-old. She's a grown woman.

 

A woman who is on psych meds (assuming she is) should NOT be drinking ANY alcohol! Alcohol is a depressant!

She stopped taking her antidepressants about ten days ago, just after leaving the hospital. Much of the time after that she seemed to be doing better, happier, more level, etc. Perhaps Cipralex just wasn't the right one for her.

 

Why are you two drinking? Can you both stop?

It's interesting you mention that. A day or two after she came home from the hospital, she sent me an email at work setting out what I thought was a really good set of goals for herself. They included losing weight, eating healthier, and limiting alcohol consumption to no more than three drinks on each of Friday and Saturday, and nothing the rest of the week. I told her I thought they were a great set of goals, and that I would join her in them.

 

She then went out of town last weekend to see her parents, so I don't know if she adhered to it while away or not. Starting with this past Wednesday night, however, she's drank to excess each night, to the point of slurring and stumbling. I joined her two of those evenings, but honestly, my consumption and rate of consumption are pretty much always less than hers. And I never drink if she isn't.

 

This isn't the first time she's made resolutions about drinking and then abandoned them within days. Her method of avoiding resolutions has traditionally been to suggest that we "have a drink tonight", like it's no big deal. Then I feel like a dick having to be the one to say "I thought we were on a new regimen", and then suddenly I'm the killjoy or the bad guy or the heavy. I basically have no faith anymore that, when she says she'll control her drinking, she'll actually follow through. I was about to type "the next week should be interesting", but it probably won't be. It'll simply lapse back into the usual pattern.

 

So, in the usual pattern, she has a few too many, gets drunk, starts being obnoxious, I'm clearly a bit annoyed at this, and she starts on a self pitying whiny jag in which she says "you don't like me anymore, I just annoy you, etc." Which puts me in the position of having to deny that I'm annoyed by her, just to (a) avoid a fight, or (b) reassure her.

 

Having said all that, I think I finally came up with the most unhurtful but honest thing to say in those situations: "I don't like the person you become when you're drunk." I.e. THAT person is annoying, THAT person isn't pleasant to be around, and that's not "her", it's somebody else.

 

Today is the first day of a new month. This seems like an excellent point to tell her that I'm not going to drink for the next month except, e.g., Friday evenings, and see if she joins me in that. She'll probably agree to that initially, but then she'll lapse. Left to my own devices, I have no doubt that I'm capable of that. But can she? History is the best judge of that.

 

Take charge of the situation man, she's not in her "right mind" - start doing something instead of allowing this crap to just happen!

 

If it means she's OUT - then that's it...and maybe she will get better if there are consequences for her bad behavior!

 

Why are you so afraid to get mad?

You raise some excellent points. Obviously ending things is an extreme measure -- sort of like curing dandruff by decapitation, as Frank Zappa once said -- but who knows. It may come to that.

 

I wouldn't say I'm afraid to get mad. In an earlier version of me, years ago, I'm sure I was. I've been demonstrably mad at her on a number of occasions. What I'm apprehensive about, certainly, are the consequences of me getting mad at her and all the shyt that ensues, when really what I want is for things to be like they were in the beginning. Back when she and I talked about how we both despised drama in relationships, how we both wanted our home to be a refuge and a "safe harbour" from the rest of the world and its stresses, etc. I don't know.... maybe that's an unrealistic goal.

Edited June 1, 2014 by Madman81

[xxoo]

She then went out of town last weekend to see her parents, so I don't know if she adhered to it while away or not. Starting with this past Wednesday night, however, she's drank to excess each night, to the point of slurring and stumbling. I joined her two of those evenings, but honestly, my consumption and rate of consumption are pretty much always less than hers. And I never drink if she isn't.

 

This isn't the first time she's made resolutions about drinking and then abandoned them within days. Her method of avoiding resolutions has traditionally been to suggest that we "have a drink tonight", like it's no big deal. Then I feel like a dick having to be the one to say "I thought we were on a new regimen", and then suddenly I'm the killjoy or the bad guy or the heavy.

 

You don't have to be the heavy, but you also shouldn't join her. Simply decline, "No thanks, I'm feeling good about cutting back."

 

I'm kind of shocked that you are joining her in excess drinking, considering how unstable she's been recently. How seriously do you take her condition? If this were my partner, I'd be pretty freaked out and concerned. We wouldn't be drinking together, that's for sure.

[Sparty97]

Having a spouse with mental health issues is a life long struggle. It may get better for periods of time, but it will get worse again. You have to decide if it's worth it for you.

[Madman81]

I'm kind of shocked that you are joining her in excess drinking, considering how unstable she's been recently. How seriously do you take her condition? If this were my partner, I'd be pretty freaked out and concerned. We wouldn't be drinking together, that's for sure.

Those are eminently fair and wise comments. To be honest, it's taken awhile for me to come round to seeing that, and after last night I think I'm starting to.

 

Historically with us, there's been no issue with us whooping it up on weekends and behaving well the rest of the week. And when I'm not living with somebody, I have no issue with not drinking -- to me it's a social activity, not a private activity, and I just don't have any interest in drinking when I'm alone. So I'm not worried about my own ability to cut back, except perhaps in social situations with friends where they're all having a grand old time and I'm politely declining.

 

It was, I suppose, easy to separate things just about two weeks ago when she took all her Ativan. She hadn't been drinking (thank goodness), so I guess it became easy for me to, naively and/or selfishly, mentally compartmentalize the drinking and the overdose and keep them separate. A lot of things have been becoming clearer to me in the last two weeks as to exactly what I'm dealing with here.

 

And I think what I'm realizing most of all is that, when she's getting sloshed multiple nights in a row, it's a complete fallacy to think that simply "cutting back" is an option. It's starting to feel like it has to be an all-or-nothing proposition, and that there's no alternative but for me to lead it, by example if nothing else.

 

Maybe I'm deluding myself, but I don't believe I have a drinking problem. I have no doubt that I could go the next five days without a drink at all and be fine. I don't crave a drink in the evenings, and I'm quite capable of having one drink and leaving it at that. I've traditionally seen nothing wrong with having a few on the weekends, with my wife or with friends. But it seems that my tendencies aren't compatible with my wife's condition, and that trying to adhere to mine in those circumstances while expecting her to change hers is illusory, and fundamentally selfish on my part.

Edited June 1, 2014 by Madman81

[2sunny]

You would be wise to research tendencies of the alcoholic - because your wife's behaviors when she drinks sounds eerily familiar.

 

You do what you're going to do - she made you the promise of HER new plan - and SHE should stick to it.

 

Do you know the top two symptoms of the alcoholic (or even problem drinker) are depression and anxiety?

 

When she turns into someone you don't like while drinking - that's problematic! And YOU should address it with her! She can either stop all together (she may need detox/ rehab) or she's OUT!

 

You need to man up! Living with her unpredictable behavior is not acceptable and you should be willing to tell her that! Since she has had extreme issues - she shouldn't be showing such concerning behaviors by the way she's participating.

 

When people get drunk the way you're describing her - it's on purpose, but they can't stop once they have one. They get drunk to cover up their pain and fears.

 

Getting professional help for her is of utmost importance! A counselor to help her address her pain and work THROUGH it! So much so - that a drink doesn't even sound good - knowing that the drink is the cover up to mask her pain.

 

 

Start taking action! This really isn't about you - but it's also is about what you CAN do that makes it nearly impossible to continue down the destructive path she's on.

 

When the drinks come out - you simply say "NO, not tonight". IF she insists - then show her the door!

 

Read codependent no more by Beattie. Read Alcoholics Anonymous. Start reading! Get educated man. Does anyone in her family show signs of being a problem drinker? It's genetic, ya know?

 

What is YOUR plan to impose consequences when she shows bad behavior? Lay it out for her so she's not surprised when the boundaries are crossed. Are you sure she's not doing ANY other drugs or medication? It seems she might be...

 

Start checking!

[xxoo]

Madman, your story is sounding eerily familiar to one I've seen play out and end badly. Badly as in kids without a living mother.

 

I don't want to project too much, but I would just encourage you to take the situation seriously. The switching between up and down, alcohol and pills, partying and fighting...it's all just really familiar.

 

If nothing else, please make sure her family is fully aware of the situation. Ultimately, they may be the ones taking care of her (if you split), and they're going to need a heads up about what has been happening with her behavior over these years.

[mrs rubble]

I posted earlier enquiring whether there is any possibility she has PMDD? Google it, to me the symptoms you describe in your partner could very well be PMDD.

Simply understanding for herself why she is acting like this may help her to deal with it.

[beach]

I don't see why PMDD would caused excessive drinking. That's usually a clear sign of a problem drinker, especially if she promised not to drink on certain days - yet drank anyway...

 

Has she had a physical including blood work?

[mrs rubble]

I don't see why PMDD would caused excessive drinking. That's usually a clear sign of a problem drinker, especially if she promised not to drink on certain days - yet drank anyway...

 

Has she had a physical including blood work?

The drinking is a seperate issue. Not all alcoholics are suicidal.

The suicidal tendancies, cyclic eratic behaviour are symptoms of PMDD.

[beach]

She doesn't seem even sorry she took the pills, doesn't remember what she texted you prior.

 

I think she has big problems and the psych hospital didn't keep her long enough to find out what the problem(s) are - and more importantly - what a solution is.

 

She needs a full evaluation.

 

Drinking to excess and acting like a child playing with fire - then pouting that you embarrassed her is just ridiculous!

 

She has endured any consequences for acting like a spoiled child. She blamed you when she returned from the hospital! That's NOT right! I would have dropped her off on a corner far from home and told her not to bother coming home until SHE took responsibility for HER OWN bad behavior!

 

Stop letting her blame you!!!!

 

 

Read - and educate yourself! You are a prime candidate for codependency. Stop helping her act childish.

 

Get a plan and take action.

 

Does she work?

[Downtown]

Madman, like Mrs Rubble, I asked several questions about timing (in post #35) that you have not responded to. Because timing is important (e.g., to the issues of PMDD and BPD), I will repeat the questions here in hopes you will reply. When did her BPD traits start showing strongly -- i.e., appearing strongly every 3 or 4 weeks? Did you see it during the two years you dated before moving in together? Or did you see it start two years ago, when you both started living together? Or has it appeared only in the last six months?

[Madman81]

Madman, like Mrs Rubble, I asked several questions about timing (in post #35) that you have not responded to. Because timing is important (e.g., to the issues of PMDD and BPD), I will repeat the questions here in hopes you will reply. When did her BPD traits start showing strongly -- i.e., appearing strongly every 3 or 4 weeks? Did you see it during the two years you dated before moving in together? Or did you see it start two years ago, when you both started living together? Or has it appeared only in the last six months?

DT -- sorry, you're right. I neglected to answer those questions.

 

I didn't observe anything objectively troubling in the two years we dated before moving in together. Moving in together probably led to more disagreement and heated words between us, but that didn't seem "troubling" because now, rather than seeing each other every couple of days, we were in each other's space every day.

 

In terms of the black-and-white thinking, the excessive drinking, and the other issues that are objectively troubling, I'd have to say it's been in the last year, give or take. In that time her anxiety symptoms really started ramping up until she was first prescribed Ativan in approximately September of 2013. It was around that time that she first started seeing her now-regular counselor, who diagnosed her with PTSD. It was also around then that she was first prescribed Cymbalta.