darthelas Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Alright, so over-thinking might as well be my middle name, which makes me pretty good at my job but a bit of a basket-case in the dating world, unless the other person is beating me over the head with obvious signs. So, anyway I decided to post this in the hopes more neutral parties could have input. Last Wednesday I messaged a girl on OKC, after a couple messages back and forth she asked if I wanted to meet up Sunday night. So we do, and it is a fun time. There was no lull in the conversation, lots of laughter, etc. Her L stop is along the way to my apartment so we walk together while continuing the conversation. There were a couple times she lightly touched me on the arm. We get to where we are going to part ways, she tells me she had a "super fun time" and when I say we should do it again she says "definitely". Then, she goes in for what I had initially thought was a hug, but was actually a brief kiss. It was somewhat awkward due to my not seeing that coming at all, but she didn't seem bothered by it. Anyway, we said good night. Yesterday we text a little bit, and it is very pleasant with lengthy responses and such, however getting together again isn't brought up, as she has a busy schedule this week and is going out of town for the holiday this weekend, all of which is understandable. In addition to over-thinking, I am have a tendency to be pessimistic in my thinking (thought thankfully not in my conversations with people), so I'm generally expecting the other shoe to drop and for everything to fall apart. I know enough to not be overbearing or clingy, so I'm not going to be flooding her with texts and such. I guess I'm just wondering what is a good way to proceed with asking her out on a second date, and also should I at least allow myself to be somewhat positive about all of this, while also realizing things are in the extremely early stages. Thanks for reading!
BikerAccnt Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 IMO., the best way to proceed about asking her out again, is to just do it. Pick a date you think she'll be available and ask. If she's busy, have an alternate date ready. From the sounds of it she'd like to see you again. I tend to take people at their word unless they've given me reason not to. As you said, you overthink, so do I, the best way I've found to stop overthinking is to force myself to take action. So go ahead, just ask her out. 1
Dallers Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 (edited) Firstly, well done. Secondly you need to get that over-thinking under control because if you can get a girl to respond on a first date with a snog and: "super fun time" and when I say we should do it again she says "definitely" You are a long way ahead of most guys. The thing you do not want to do is now appear clingy or too interested because she has expressed a real interest in you. You want to keep things flowing in a nice relaxed manner and play it cool while keeping her interest peaked. The single most damaging thing a guy can do is to act negative it comes across to a girl as beta and pathetic. This girl is into you, not anyone else, YOU. You need to quickly realise that you are the dog bol*ocks and have some respect for yourself. Do not put your eggs in one basket and do not stress over her being busy, be patient make sure you does not forget you and enjoy it. In the meantime do your own thing. Edited May 20, 2014 by Dallers
ExposedBrick Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 It's always hard to evaluate interest levels early on. Try to keep in mind that you still only know very little about her. That way, you won't get carried away. If she is interested at least moderately, she'll make time for you and won't demonstrate any signs of flaking. It does sound like you are in great shape. If you have kept in touch with her after the date, just suggest doing an activity that can be done on many different nights and ask her what her schedule is like for the week. One rule of thumb that prevents you from looking desperate is keeping contact of any type on a 1:1 ratio. Asking them when they are free is also helpful to assess their interest level. The sooner they are available is usually a good sign. However, don't be put off if they are frequently busy, as long as they aren't always busy.
Assasda Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 This all sounds fantastic, and pretty easy. All you have to do is Plan another outting, then call her up, and say "Im going to such-and-such place, would you like to come with me at such-and-such time" and youre done. She already sounds rearing to go
Author darthelas Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 Thanks all for the comments, they are the kick in the ass I need to get out of my own head, at least somewhat. I'm not worried she is busy, she mentioned her schedule and being out of town well before I said we should get together again, so it doesn't seem like she was using that as an excuse. Gah, I'll stop. Anyway, I shall ask her out later on today.
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