cenz Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 (edited) We were in a 4 years relationship, last year we decided to take it a step further and plan for a marriage. Unfortunately, my parents disagree as he's only starting his business and there's no sure sign that he'll be able to make enough for both of us. My parents is Asian, and they want a financially capable husband for me. He worked very hard to prove it to my parents but in the end it's still a "no". Last week he decided he couldn't go on anymore, he broke up with me. He said this relationship is too much of a burden, and he's tired that no matter how hard he worked there's no result and he's feeling very unhappy. I tried to talked him out and promised him I'll try to talk some sense to my parents and that i will stay with him no matter what their answer is, but he said he doesn't want the relationship anymore. He said we were incompatible and were blind about it, the more he think about it, it's clearer to him that we are not meant to be...but i don't think so. He has never communicate with me seriously about the issues he's having, i thought we were rock solid and I'll be Mrs. Joe next year. It hit me hard, real hard, i wasn't expecting this at all. No matter how i negotiate he seems final in his decision and tell me to move on with my life. I know everybody went through break-up, i know the feeling that "i can't find anyone better than him" is not true, but all these fears and emotions seems so real to me right now. We've been through a lot in 4 years and I've always thought we will be together till old age. I'm feeling really lost right now. i'm feeling this knot in my stomach, bladder issues, cold hands and feet. It's really hard for me to get on with my days. I just need a place where i can get support and help me through this, been reading LS for a while but never posted. I really need some support right now. Edited May 20, 2014 by cenz
Smilecharmer Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Is he from a different culture? Most women do not allow their parents to determine if they can get married unless they are under sixteen or so. He probably doesn't want to jump through hoops for grumpy parents while his girlfriend can't stand up to them. I is to blame him. Time for you to grow up and decide if you want to be independent or dependent on your parents. If this is a cultural thing, then he is right to get out because he won't be able to live his life the way he sees fit if he is marrying into a culture where parents make all the decisions for their children. I know you said you need support, but what you really need is to decide if you are an adult or a child.
Author cenz Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 Is he from a different culture? Most women do not allow their parents to determine if they can get married unless they are under sixteen or so. He probably doesn't want to jump through hoops for grumpy parents while his girlfriend can't stand up to them. I is to blame him. Time for you to grow up and decide if you want to be independent or dependent on your parents. If this is a cultural thing, then he is right to get out because he won't be able to live his life the way he sees fit if he is marrying into a culture where parents make all the decisions for their children. I know you said you need support, but what you really need is to decide if you are an adult or a child. i'm 27 and he's 28. We are from the same culture, but his parents are more forgiving in letting him choose his partners. My parents, not so much. I know most of this happened because i cannot stood up to my parents, on the other hand, i understand their concern and their good intention. Partly i resent my parents for ruining this for me, another is me regretting not handling the issues right. I don't know what to do and how to go on.
xxmusical Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Hi OP, I had a similar situation but eventually, my bf and I got over the hurdle and my parents are now totally accepting of him. (We're Asians too) Just wondering, is the guy's business still not going well, after one year? Are your parents going to allow the marriage once his business is successful, or were there other reasonings that they didn't mention to you? (e.g. need a house first, have enough savings, etc?) Do you think there were other reasons for your bf to break up with you e.g. he found someone else or something? I'm not implying that he does, but I find it completely sad that the guy chose to drop you all of a sudden, because he couldn't handle the burden. If my guy decided to dump me because he couldn't make our futures work, I'd be pretty furious and question his ways of handling situations, but that's just me... I know how controlling some Asian parents could be (mine included), but I learned to stand up for myself. If you truly believe you could make the relationship work, stand up for yourself. The only concern now is, is the guy willing to fight for this relationship together? Good luck OP.
Author cenz Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 His business are only going for 8 months are so. He got clients and all but it's not enough for a saving..his parents offered to buy a house, but my parents just feel he's not adequate. There's no other reason, he just find this r/s too much of a burden. He said he worked so hard but my parents never appreciate him. I told him that i will persuade my parents and whatever the answer is i will fight it with him but he said it's too late. I wasn't supportive too, my parents opinion really have a huge impact on me that i started to find him annoying. Looking back now, i shouldn't let their opinion bothered me, i end up regretting and losing that person i care so much. It's really great to see your worked out well, i wish i were more courageous to stand up for us. Hi OP, I had a similar situation but eventually, my bf and I got over the hurdle and my parents are now totally accepting of him. (We're Asians too) Just wondering, is the guy's business still not going well, after one year? Are your parents going to allow the marriage once his business is successful, or were there other reasonings that they didn't mention to you? (e.g. need a house first, have enough savings, etc?) Do you think there were other reasons for your bf to break up with you e.g. he found someone else or something? I'm not implying that he does, but I find it completely sad that the guy chose to drop you all of a sudden, because he couldn't handle the burden. If my guy decided to dump me because he couldn't make our futures work, I'd be pretty furious and question his ways of handling situations, but that's just me... I know how controlling some Asian parents could be (mine included), but I learned to stand up for myself. If you truly believe you could make the relationship work, stand up for yourself. The only concern now is, is the guy willing to fight for this relationship together? Good luck OP.
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