two week after break-up, I like someone else

[Simon Phoenix]

I don't really care about you having sex with this guy. It's your life and you can do what you want. But you "trying to be there" for your ex and cushion his fall is not kosher, because all it does is give him false hope, and that's where this whole rebound story gets ugly. You can't cushion his fall on one hand while screwing the brains out of your neighbor on the other. That's not cool at all. So you need to cease contact with your ex as to not give him false hope and live your own life and work on yourself (and yes, there's stuff that you need to work on I'm sure). But you can't be friends with your ex right now -- that's selfish -- and you certainly can't do it while swapping uglies with another guy this close to the conclusion of your relationship.

[Michael 93]

OP I'm incredibly sorry to say this as it is totally not in my nature

 

But...

 

 

I think you are posting this question in the wrong part of town. I absolutely despise this!!

 

There are many people struggling to deal with the loss of someone who has done exactly the same as you are right now. Why would you post it into the same place that they are grieving???

 

I am BAFFLED?

 

are there no other topics you could put this in? My god.

[Chi townD]

Michael raises a good point.

 

You're coming to a site were a lot of us have been hurt by getting dumped and there's also a lot of folks here that have been hurt to discover that our Ex's have moved on to someone else within days of the break up. (Just Like in your story).

 

So, your story might trigger someone. Bringing them back to a time where they got hurt. So, their responses seem a bit harsh. The best advice for you on this site is to take away the advice that has meaning to you and that you might want to apply to your life and leave the rest behind.

 

But, as you might have read, there's a lot more advice about how to handle the situation with your Ex than with your situation with your roommate. Why? Because a lot more people on this site know what your Ex is going through and what fallout you can expect when he discovers you and your roommate. Because of their past experiences! THAT'S what they know. They know what's coming and they are warning you ahead of time as what to expect. And giving you advice on how to avoid it as much as possible.

 

The situation with you and your roommate; hell, that's going to work itself out in it's own time. No one is getting hurt there yet, if ever. So, work on the thing that you know is going to cause someone pain.

[Natsume21]

Do not portray your own insecure experiences on me! You had an experience in which your ex-girlfriend was unfaithful. Don't assume that every woman that leaves her man is unfaithful. I made the decision to break up with my now-ex-boyfriend separate from my feelings for another man. Honestly, there is so much more to a relationship declining than a possibility of another man. If you think that a woman leaves you for another man, you should look at the whole pictures of the relationship. There were a million flags that I decided to 'pass go'. I have been doubting this relationship at the second year mark and I was finally honest with myself and realized he is not right for me, that he is not what I want or need in my life right now.

 

A man like you, though, will always interpret anything a woman says as: "another man is involved".

 

That's because men like me were in the exact situation you're putting your ex in. She tried to be there to "cushion my fall"

 

Don't get me wrong. I don't think my ex is an evil person. I do, however, know that she was selfish the whole time. She didn't care about my feelings.

 

Rather, it seemed she was only trying to not make herself look bad.

 

She cheated on me and the one thing she told me not to do: she begged me not to reveal it to her co-workers(she was dating a co-worker, which in her hospital, was crossing policy and could result in her firing) nothing more, nothing less. So she bought me all kinds of things to keep my mouth shut. None of them worked.

 

She was so selfish that she didn't realize that this was actually insulting me, trying to buy my silence off.

 

You came to the wrong place for validation. But maybe you need to, cause it seems like if you really considered your ex's feelings, you'd realized, from all of us, that being in his life PERIOD is doing nothing but hurting him and giving him false hope. You seek a friendship, he does NOT and never will for a while.

 

When you broke up with him(btw, the whole "I fell out of love with him" excuse is classic cheaters code, so nice try.) you gave up every right to a friendship, so do yourself a favor, stop trying to rationalize it, and let this guy out of your life.

 

You can't have it both ways...you got to burn some bridges to cross some shores.

 

Just let this be a lesson to you. Cause trust me, if(and probably when) this falls apart, you'll want your good ex buddy by your side, but by then...

 

He'll be gone.

 

Yes, I'm harsh, that's kinda my thing, but it's better than lying to you.

 

--Natsume21

[hermitinator]

First, I am not broadcasting that I am ****ing other people. In essence, it isn't hurting him. Plus, the second day, he called me, telling me how he made out with some chick at a bar that we would often go to. Secondly, naturally, you were all right. This last week, I realized that I wasn't over him and that he was in the back of my mind, thinking about him and realizing that I missing him. Which doesn't matter, blahblahblah I'm a bitch I broke up with him blahblahblah. I cut things off with this guy because I realized that I wasn't ready for another relationship as expected. I just assumed that I was over him since I was the one that broke it off. I can't say that I made a mistake though because it helped me understand and have a better perspective on where I am in the healing process. The ex and I have ceased contact. And when we do talk, it is merely "How are you? I am well, doing good. Me too. Have a good day/night". In essence, it is over. By going through this rebound though, I was procrastinating on actually grieving.

[hermitinator]

That's because men like me were in the exact situation you're putting your ex in. She tried to be there to "cushion my fall"

 

Don't get me wrong. I don't think my ex is an evil person. I do, however, know that she was selfish the whole time. She didn't care about my feelings.

 

Rather, it seemed she was only trying to not make herself look bad.

 

She cheated on me and the one thing she told me not to do: she begged me not to reveal it to her co-workers(she was dating a co-worker, which in her hospital, was crossing policy and could result in her firing) nothing more, nothing less. So she bought me all kinds of things to keep my mouth shut. None of them worked.

 

She was so selfish that she didn't realize that this was actually insulting me, trying to buy my silence off.

 

You came to the wrong place for validation. But maybe you need to, cause it seems like if you really considered your ex's feelings, you'd realized, from all of us, that being in his life PERIOD is doing nothing but hurting him and giving him false hope. You seek a friendship, he does NOT and never will for a while.

 

When you broke up with him(btw, the whole "I fell out of love with him" excuse is classic cheaters code, so nice try.) you gave up every right to a friendship, so do yourself a favor, stop trying to rationalize it, and let this guy out of your life.

 

You can't have it both ways...you got to burn some bridges to cross some shores.

 

Just let this be a lesson to you. Cause trust me, if(and probably when) this falls apart, you'll want your good ex buddy by your side, but by then...

 

He'll be gone.

 

Yes, I'm harsh, that's kinda my thing, but it's better than lying to you.

 

--Natsume21

 

 

All I have to say is "wow". Because I never cheated on my boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend currently. It is insulting that you assume that is the case. We had a lot of issues in the relationship.

[Mr.Pine]

I never cheated on my boyfriend. Well, ex-boyfriend currently. We had a lot of issues in the relationship.

 

My turn...

 

1. You did not cheat on your bf if you dumped him prior to banging your roommate.

 

2. You are a bit of a salput for banging someone so soon. It's obvious your ex wasn't up to snuff in the sack, so you charged the roommate (bad fooking idea, by the way. When things go south, you're stuck with being his roommate).

 

3. The roommate is not a rebound. He's just a live action dildo.

 

4. You have feelings for the roommate. It's painfully obvious. You will go down in flames and Karma will claim yet another victim.

 

5. If you have any decency or decent bone in your body, you will never, ever, ever tell your ex you banged your roomie. Why? Because that would make you a supreme beeyotch since he is pining like a mofo. Just cease and desist all contact with him, because we both know, he will be badgering you with questions. In this case, for him, it's best not to know.

 

Bottom line... you fooked your roomie, and you better be prepared for him to dump your ass because you were too readily available. Us guys like a bit of a challenge. Now that he got his fill, you are yesterday's news.

 

Class dismissed...

[Mondmellonw]

OK. I agree with many of the posters here. She moved very fast and it, indeed, seems like she didn't cared at all bout her ex, but it was her choice.

The feelings of her ex are his choice.

 

Was her move wrong or not? That would eventually come clear... And now she said she isn't over him yet and that she ended things with the roomate.

 

So let's stop judging that much and let her figure herself and her feelings out.

I understand how everybody feels because my ex has been with a lot of women since the break up.... While I haven't been able to want to even date anyone. But it is my choice, and him being an idiot is his choice too.

 

...We're here to help.

[hermitinator]

My turn...

 

 

 

 

Bottom line... you fooked your roomie, and you better be prepared for him to dump your ass because you were too readily available. Us guys like a bit of a challenge. Now that he got his fill, you are yesterday's news.

 

Class dismissed...

 

Wrong. I dumped the roomie who then went pining away.

 

There is no point in actually posting here if you are the dumper or cheater because everyone is judgmental of you unless you are actually a victim.

[jonsnuh]

By the sounds of it, you don't seem like you have moved completely away from it. Dumper or dumpee, I agree that rebounding or starting another relationship will be like stepping on eggshells. But this is probably necessary to heal, and having absolute NC will likely leave both of you better off.

 

I'm going to stick my head out and say that you came to Loveshack probably for some validation. There are definitions and there is guidance. As long as you believe you are doing the right things, while being aware and considerate of the consequences that your actions may entail... I see nothing unusual about it.

 

Communication is everything. If your intentions were clear and you've covered your butt with truth and making sure any parties involved are on the same terms, then you should really sleep well at night and with a clear conscience.

 

We are all human. It really sounds like you're learning how to be single again. I congratulate you (no sarcasm).

[Survivor12]

I have posted here before on my two-year relationship. I have finally ended it officially. It has been two weeks. He is taking it a lot harder than I am. I am trying to be supportive as possible.

 

 

That's not the problem.

 

 

Since I moved to Seattle, I had this instant attraction for one of my roommates. I opened up about these to another roommate who apparently knows that this guy liked me and was mutually attracted to me as well.

 

 

To cut to the chase, this weekend, we got drunk two times which ended in us making out and having sex. He admitted that he is attracted to me and that he likes me too, but that we might be playing with fire.

 

 

I'm realizing that I like him and that I might have fallen out of love with my now ex-boyfriend because of how easy these feelings are for this one guy.

 

 

I don't know what to think of these feelings, why I have them. If I should accept them or harbor them.

 

 

I'm confused...In a post on another board, you said that you cheated on your bf with your roommate this weekend (and that you don't feel bad about it), but in your OP, you say that you officially broke up two weeks ago. It's impossible to offer helpful advice without knowing the real situation. Can you please clarify?

Edited September 21, 2014 by Survivor12

[NoLeafClover]

Wrong. I dumped the roomie who then went pining away.

 

There is no point in actually posting here if you are the dumper or cheater because everyone is judgmental of you unless you are actually a victim.

Not true. We tell you the truth and you simply are not liking it.

Exhibit A example is this actual post of yours

 

 

In May you had sex with a roommate after leaving your ex after two weeks.

Everyone told you that you were pretty much doing it wrong.

1. you haven't even given yourself time for yourself

2. You slept with a roommate you are or were living with which complicates things.

3. You don't like to face the truth here and we can't help people that can't help themselves. If you don't feel like you are sleeping around too quickly and looking for love in the wrong places then you must be blind.

4. You sound very codependent. You need to be without a man for a while before looking and starting over fresh. All you are doing is creating a temporary emotional attachment to anyone you think is cute/hot then after sleeping with them a few times you realize you made the wrong choice.

5. Find out what you want. I don't think you know what you want. You seem all over the place. Def not ready for a relationship.

[jonsnuh]

If this the posts mentioned above are true, I'd like to withdraw my advice. I did not realize OP had misrepresented herself.

 

I'd have to agree with NoLeafClover.

[mightycpa]

For all I know my ex gf had sex with a man the night we broke up.

 

I think mine waited until the next night, because I got her home pretty late the night we broke up.

 

As to OP moving fast, well, that cat's out of the bag, right? Plus, hopping in the sack might be her usual play. We just don't know.

 

What we do know is that she's been emotionally done with the XBF for quite a while. We also know that as quick as she is to get into a thing, she seems to take her sweet time getting out. Next time, I'd counsel not taking so long.

 

I don't think she's responsible for how he feels or what he thinks. He's hurt? He thinks she cheated? What can she do about it? Who cares anyway?

 

To that end, she might help him by not talking to him, but who knows? He might be one of those guys who wants to drag it out. I've done it both ways, and frankly, with the one I didn't end contact, it took less time to get over her. I had to hear and witness some ugly ****, but in the end, it was over for me much quicker. Let the dumpee make his own choices. In fact, let her make her own choices.

 

I've forgotten the question... oh yes, she may have fallen out of love. Yes, I think so. Gee, I hope so, having slept with someone else. If you're sleeping with person A when you could be with the one you love, person B, then you're doing yourself a disservice, unless it is your intention to rid yourself of these feelings. That's one way of doing it, I suppose.

 

I don't really see any problems here, other than the typical potential for failure when sleeping with a roommate on your very first encounter. But that doesn't seem to have anything to do with the XBF.

Edited September 22, 2014 by mightycpa