lovesfool Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Throughout this forum everyone seems to advise strongly to adhering to a strict No Contact rule after a break up. A lot of people say that it only brings pain and misery. I am just curious, has anyone had any positive outcomes from breaking no contact? Why did you do it? What was the outcome? Did you get back with your ex? Did you become friends? Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? Would you recommend other people to do it?
PhillyConnection23 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Throughout this forum everyone seems to advise strongly to adhering to a strict No Contact rule after a break up. A lot of people say that it only brings pain and misery. I am just curious, has anyone had any positive outcomes from breaking no contact? Why did you do it? What was the outcome? Did you get back with your ex? Did you become friends? Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? Would you recommend other people to do it? I found an App that was free on the App store and told her about it. She responded relatively quickly, thanking me for it. No No No If you can handle communicating with someone without breaking down into an emotional wreck than yes. But it also depends on the context of your relationship and the break up.
Author lovesfool Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 *Crickets chirping* There have to be cases where exes got back together or became friends. Or even where the ex provides closure on why it ended. It may be rare, but these situations have to exist, don't they? Do you believe that when a relationship is over, it's a complete wreck and there is nothing to be salvaged? I was thinking it might be the case that anyone that is "successful" after making contact during NC may not return to these forums. I know if my relationship issues were resolved, I would not see the need to be here anymore, no offence!
STM206 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Why did you do it? I had hopes that he would say he missed me and made the biggest mistake of his life. What was the outcome? He replied and said he will "always have a place for me in his heart" and that one day he would like to be friends. Did you get back with your ex? Nope. Did you become friends? Nope, not yet at least. Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? Yes and no. The breakup was ugly, but our last conversation was positive so at least we left things on a "good" note. Would you recommend other people to do it? To each and their own. If you really valued what you once shared, sometimes finding some sort of closure helps. However everyone handles things differently - some people heal better by holding onto the anger and resentment, some heal better leaving things on positive terms. Majority of cases NC is broken because there is hope of reconciling (just as I did) so if that's the case, then avoid it until you're in a more stable place. 2
endlessabyss Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 There have to be cases where exes got back together or became friends. Or even where the ex provides closure on why it ended. It may be rare, but these situations have to exist, don't they? Do you believe that when a relationship is over, it's a complete wreck and there is nothing to be salvaged? I was thinking it might be the case that anyone that is "successful" after making contact during NC may not return to these forums. I know if my relationship issues were resolved, I would not see the need to be here anymore, no offence! Ex's getting back together is a rarity. Furthermore, ex's providing closure makes the break-up harder. Some people want it, but from my own personal experience, it just causes more pain, because you go back an wish for all the things you could have done right. Or, your ex will just tell you how inadequate you were, and makes your recovery time that much longer. When a relationship is over, it's over 95% of the time. This relationship you just got out of was meant for you to learn from. Go back, re-evaluate everything, and in your next relationship learn from the mistakes you made in the previous one. Good luck, and wish for success in your next relationship. 2
PhillyConnection23 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 There have to be cases where exes got back together or became friends. Or even where the ex provides closure on why it ended. It may be rare, but these situations have to exist, don't they? Do you believe that when a relationship is over, it's a complete wreck and there is nothing to be salvaged? I was thinking it might be the case that anyone that is "successful" after making contact during NC may not return to these forums. I know if my relationship issues were resolved, I would not see the need to be here anymore, no offence! People get back together all the time. Spend enough time on this board and you will see how many relationships ended because someone broke up with their partner to go back to their ex. Clearly someone is getting what they want in that relationship. Search around in some of the older threads and you will find people that have successfully gotten back together. Every relationship is different and some are left with a lot to salvage, others are a complete abomination and need to be forgotten. If you really want to get back together with someone, and you have spent enough time focusing on yourself and realizing it is really what you want. Then you will have to be the one to start contact and see where it goes. But only when you are actually ready and prepared to fail. 2
lop98 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Why did you do it? A year had passed and it didn't hurt anymore and I didn't like the way we ended, the feelings disappeared but I always wished we had departed at least in a civil way... he wanted me to understand that he was not my enemy and I wanted to do the same, I didn't hate him anymore, I wasn't angry, he was someone that at some point made me very happy and I was thankful for that. What was the outcome? We said what we had to say and didn't talk for a month, then he started texting me all the time... I have a boyfriend so I wasn't always available... when I was I sounded happy and busy with my new life with my boyfriend and I guess this put things in a perspective for him. Did you get back with your ex? No but he wants us to get back together. Did you become friends? Yes, with limits but we've always had a nice friendship. Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? Yes. I realized what we had was amazing and it really hurt when it ended and I guess none of us knew that we'd really be going in separate ways and it's next to impossible to find each other in them again. He's a wonderful person and that's my closure... I spent great time with someone great and then it ended for a lot of factors that were completely natural at the time (inexperience, miscommunication, etc). Would you recommend other people to do it? If it ended badly and you've never walked away from someone (boyfriend, girlfriend, a friend or a relative) in bad terms, I guess it can be good to wave white flags somewhere down the line, the problem is that nobody wants to wait until they really heal and move past the anger, resentment and pain... this is absolutely crucial and unfortunately it's not a matter of days or even weeks, a long time and most importantly, life events, have to go by in order to grow, gain perspective and acquire new priorities and loves... so you can distance yourself, accept what happened and be thankful that you went through the experience, it made you grow and it ended so you could find whatever is making you happy now. Only then you can talk to someone and reestablish sincere and healthy communication. 2
jbelle6 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Why did you do it? A year had passed and it didn't hurt anymore and I didn't like the way we ended, the feelings disappeared but I always wished we had departed at least in a civil way... he wanted me to understand that he was not my enemy and I wanted to do the same, I didn't hate him anymore, I wasn't angry, he was someone that at some point made me very happy and I was thankful for that. What was the outcome? We said what we had to say and didn't talk for a month, then he started texting me all the time... I have a boyfriend so I wasn't always available... when I was I sounded happy and busy with my new life with my boyfriend and I guess this put things in a perspective for him. Did you get back with your ex? No but he wants us to get back together. Did you become friends? Yes, with limits but we've always had a nice friendship. Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? Yes. I realized what we had was amazing and it really hurt when it ended and I guess none of us knew that we'd really be going in separate ways and it's next to impossible to find each other in them again. He's a wonderful person and that's my closure... I spent great time with someone great and then it ended for a lot of factors that were completely natural at the time (inexperience, miscommunication, etc). Would you recommend other people to do it? If it ended badly and you've never walked away from someone (boyfriend, girlfriend, a friend or a relative) in bad terms, I guess it can be good to wave white flags somewhere down the line, the problem is that nobody wants to wait until they really heal and move past the anger, resentment and pain... this is absolutely crucial and unfortunately it's not a matter of days or even weeks, a long time and most importantly, life events, have to go by in order to grow, gain perspective and acquire new priorities and loves... so you can distance yourself, accept what happened and be thankful that you went through the experience, it made you grow and it ended so you could find whatever is making you happy now. Only then you can talk to someone and reestablish sincere and healthy communication. It will take a while for me because it still hurts, but I eventually want this. I don't want to be together but he's really great and would like to be able to unblock him and speak to him eventually. He's the only ex I have that I truly wish good things for.
Musing Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Throughout this forum everyone seems to advise strongly to adhering to a strict No Contact rule after a break up. A lot of people say that it only brings pain and misery. I am just curious, has anyone had any positive outcomes from breaking no contact? Why did you do it? What was the outcome? Did you get back with your ex? Did you become friends? Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? Would you recommend other people to do it? Ohh, a Survey! Why did you do it? I missed my ex What was the outcome? He missed me Did you get back with your ex? Yes! Did you become friends? Well, we were dating so Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? See above Would you recommend other people to do it? Nope! BONUS: We broke up 4 months later for the same reason! So I'll do this survey again, for round 2. Why did you do it? I contacted him 3 months into our second break up (first was a "break" was treated as a break up) regarding an issue that concerned him What was the outcome? We talked for about 20 minutes about non-relationship stuff. Just caught up a bit. I was 2 days into talking to my now boyfriend. So I really didn't care much. Did you get back with your ex? Nope! Did you become friends? Nope. Not enemies either. Just strangers again. Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? Eh, I guess? Made me realize I didn't want him. Would've had the same result even if we didn't speak though. Would you recommend other people to do it? Nope! 3
Always Pondering Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Although the outcome wasn't "positive", I'll give my answers. Time #1 Why did you do it? She contacted me with breadcrumbs and I fell weak to them. What was the outcome? I ended up realizing I still had feelings, and went back to NC. Did you get back with your ex? Nope. Did you become friends? She offered, I said no. Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? Not really. Would you recommend other people to do it? In more cases than not, no. Time #2 Why did you do it? I felt lonely and guilty of how I told her last time I wanted NC, thinking that I was over her. What was the outcome? I ended up realizing I still had feelings, and went back to NC. ...again. Did you get back with your ex? Nope. Did you become friends? No. This time, she didn't respond. Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? No. Would you recommend other people to do it? If you want to save your self-worth then no. Oh, and especially not a second time like me. And I have learned my lesson. It's been almost 5 months now NC when it should have been around 13. On the bright side if you want to consider this a "positive" outcome, I learned how easy you can look silly, desperate, and dependent by breaking NC.
greenbee81 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Of all GFs I've had, only 2 got back with me after I did NC for 2 months and then sent text saying 'I'm very sorry about everything and hope you're doing ok'. So I'm my experience, I would not break NC.
carl777 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Why did you do it? Breadcrumbs and missed her. What was the outcome? We hung out a few times and talked on the phone a lot. Did you get back with your ex? Yes. Worst decision I've ever made. Did you become friends? No. Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? No. Would you recommend other people to do it? HELL NO!!! 3
7yearsbroken Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Broke NC because her mom told me she jumped ship to see someone else. She was emotionally gone, while I would take a bullet for her. So closure for me? Nope. I think she got her closure when hearing my pathetic sobbing voice asking her why she betrayed me. By then she was so happy with someone else, ask yourself do you really want to know? Breaking NC as a dumpee is very easy to do, in doing so you lose all your dignity. If the dumper really loved you it would not have happened. NC can bring them back, only if you've changed? So what about the Dumper? ..don't really believe in miracles here, very small chance TWO people can change after a bad break up like mine. By then everyone's different, and moved on. Let go of getting back, and move on. You guys broke up for a reason. It takes two to tango. 1
flitzanu Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 breaking NC with hopes of getting back together is usually a waste of time. if the other person that dumped you wants you back, they're going to tell you. breaking NC after long amounts of time can end in friendship though. i'm friends with all my exes, and we have no romantic interest in each other anymore, with mnost of them being married and me friends with their husbands as well. depends on your motivation, really. if you are breaking it to get back with them, then don't. if you truly want a platonic friendship, and can handle it, then sure, go for it. 1
elseaacych Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Why did you do it? I contacted my ex two days in a row because I was feeling lonely and generally not enjoying life. What was the outcome? I felt like an idiot, basically. He was polite and cordial, but distant. After a three year relationship, I found this to be unacceptable treatment, after he broke my heart. I realized that this polite and cordial, but cold treatment was not what I wanted. I didn't want a friendship with him. I wanted his love. I realized I wasn't going to get that by being a text gnat, and furthermore WHY should I be the one putting forth all the effort when he dumped me, and treated me like crap at the end of the relationship? It was at that point I decided I was never going to text him or contact him again, unless he contacted me first, and I'd given some serious thought to responding. Did you get back with your ex? Ha ha. No. Did you become friends? He might think so. But he's got another thing coming if he sees me again. Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? Eh. I don't really think so. An ex can't really give closure. They only initiate it by breaking up with you, you have to follow through on it by moving on. Would you recommend other people to do it? Definitely not if you're not over the relationship. And probably not if you are. Why would you want to be friends with someone like your ex? When you knock them off their pedestal they lose all of their "specialness" that made you like them to begin with. Anyway, I hope that helped. 4
Author lovesfool Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 All of these positive stories don't sound very positive! Even after hearing all the negative stories about breaking no contact, and the lack of positive ones, the temptation to contact my ex is still always there. Why can't I listen to logic. 1
ConfusedHumanBeing Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 All of these positive stories don't sound very positive! Even after hearing all the negative stories about breaking no contact, and the lack of positive ones, the temptation to contact my ex is still always there. Why can't I listen to logic. Because a lot of people have a hard time understand and coming to terms that it might be over. Some dont want to believe that the situation "applies" to them so they try to rectify the situation and make it better by reaching out. That, in fact, makes it SO much worse. You feel that saying that one thing will change their mind or trying to tell your side of the story will make some sort of light click on in their head. Sadly, none of these happen. 2
me85 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 People get back together all the time. Spend enough time on this board and you will see how many relationships ended because someone broke up with their partner to go back to their ex. Clearly someone is getting what they want in that relationship. Search around in some of the older threads and you will find people that have successfully gotten back together. Every relationship is different and some are left with a lot to salvage, others are a complete abomination and need to be forgotten. If you really want to get back together with someone, and you have spent enough time focusing on yourself and realizing it is really what you want. Then you will have to be the one to start contact and see where it goes. But only when you are actually ready and prepared to fail. I love this post.
bubblesbursted Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 I broke NC 2 weeks post BU. Why did you do it? I missed him plus he was rubbing his happy life on my face What was the outcome? I broke down. Opened my heart to him only to be very rudely blamed for everything that happened Did you get back with your ex? No. (thankfully) Did you become friends? Not yet (4 months BU) Did you get closure on the end of your relationship? Closure. It was more of blaming me for everything that happened. Surprisingly I believed each and every word he said to me back then. When obviously it was him and the new chick. Would you recommend other people to do it? Strictly Nope. Not if you are still fresh in BU. Hope you are okay! 2
roe007 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Oh well I never broke NC but she kept messaging randomly throughout but I ignored. Yesterday she send a "sorry" but I didn't reply to it and today she send me a lot of messages saying she is fed up of this and she won't come behind me anymore. She won't talk to me if we ever met and blah blah goodbye forever!!! Well I just got really angry since she broke up with me and I am not bothering her at all concentrating upon my life.Now she comes up with such arrogance. I asked what does she want from me?It was her who broke it off and I am not interested in friendships.I never got a reply for my message. After a while I messaged if she want to meet we can and I have a few things of hers lying around I said I would give it back to her and don't need it anymore. This time she replied saying she is not happy with the break up but her reason being she can't leave her family and come with me. But now I am treating her like she cheated on me. I literally laughed at that. But seriously I don't understand why such drama if she don't want a relationship she could just go away I was not even interested in replying her or meeting her I made it clear. Still she clings on and even says her family is arranging marriage for her but she don't like the guy. I said I have a lot of things in my life right now to take care of and then bailed out stopped messaging.
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