JohnW2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 I met her in an international school exchange program, her being the visiting student, and we were friendly and continued to talk and help each other online for several months after she went back. When I decided to visit her city she was ecstatic and volunteered to show me around. The day I arrived she seemed so happy and we were together everyday I was there, introduced me to her best friend, even when she obviously looked tired and I asked her to go home, she still stayed for a couple more hours. She is extremely shy when I visited her, very different from when we were in school, to which I could not decide whether it was because of her cultural background or other reasons. In the beginning she would even shy away when I touch her, but later she was comfortable with it. On the day of my departure she jokingly asked when is my ride coming twice when I teased her, but she waited with me until I boarded. There was one thing she said I could not properly interpret though, she said she is the type that requires closure but she never said goodbye to me. I knew she will be having exams and finals after I left but the lack of communication is surprising... She does reply, but often in single sentences and exhibits lack of interest in anything I say. I try to give her space and only contact her no more than 2-3 times a week and I even casually hinted her it's ok to initiate contact with me sometimes, to which she said ok and see you. Was she not satisfied with the way things were when I visited? Is she simply too busy to contact me? Is she too shy? (she does think poorly of her English skills, even though I keep encouraging her) Or perhaps she is simply done with me?
WeirdChick Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 I think she might not be interested anymore:( If she were busy, she would still take time to write you more then a senctence. Try not contacting her for 1-2 weeks, see if she gets back in touch with you. She might ask why you have not contacting, then you could tell her what you feel. But if she doesnt get back then you know that she is not very much interested. It might be painful for you but at least you will be able to put it behind you.
Author JohnW2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 Mhm, I was afraid that might be the case I was caught completely off guard because things suddenly changed and she never revealed any negative sentiment whatsoever. If she initiates contact again, is being honest really the best solution? Doesn't that usually scare people away?
NYC-BigKat Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 I met her in an international school exchange program, her being the visiting student, and we were friendly and continued to talk and help each other online for several months after she went back. When I decided to visit her city she was ecstatic and volunteered to show me around. The day I arrived she seemed so happy and we were together everyday I was there, introduced me to her best friend, even when she obviously looked tired and I asked her to go home, she still stayed for a couple more hours. She is extremely shy when I visited her, very different from when we were in school, to which I could not decide whether it was because of her cultural background or other reasons. In the beginning she would even shy away when I touch her, but later she was comfortable with it. On the day of my departure she jokingly asked when is my ride coming twice when I teased her, but she waited with me until I boarded. There was one thing she said I could not properly interpret though, she said she is the type that requires closure but she never said goodbye to me. I knew she will be having exams and finals after I left but the lack of communication is surprising... She does reply, but often in single sentences and exhibits lack of interest in anything I say. I try to give her space and only contact her no more than 2-3 times a week and I even casually hinted her it's ok to initiate contact with me sometimes, to which she said ok and see you. Was she not satisfied with the way things were when I visited? Is she simply too busy to contact me? Is she too shy? (she does think poorly of her English skills, even though I keep encouraging her) Or perhaps she is simply done with me? Uh...maybe she's just a really old fashioned reserved girl u know. Maybe u should tell her how u feel & stuff & tell her how pretty she is to u .
Author JohnW2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 She is traditional and reserved, whenever I compliment her she simply smiles and looks away. I think she operates under the impression that men should initiate contacts and I don't mind that, but such a quick switch in attitude? I'm having a hard time interpreting that in a positive way.
henderson14 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I only needed to read your title of the thread. "BUSY" = too busy for YOU. That's the sad truth man. If you really like her you can always play the same game and act like your "too busy." Sometimes that can make them change their minds. 1
Just-A-Normal-Guy Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 There are a number of scenerios that could be taking place: 1. She likes you but the distance makes it impossible for her to think about anything solid happening. If she is shy this doubles the problem because she would never be the one to initiate that kind of conversation. Also I don;t recall you saying anything about being forward with her and that might change things. You should always make your intentions clear or at least make an attempt to flirt with her. Girls don't always know your intentions and she could have no idea your interested. If I was you I would have tried something on that last day because what are you gonna lose. And if she was interested then she was probably waiting for you to make a move. So missed opportinity, I dont know. 2. She doesn't like you, Tough to swallow but possible. 3. The cultural difference could be a factor. My advice would be to just give her some space now if you did make your intentions clear, if not I think it might be too late brother. On the other hand she does live far away and if you really like her I would just lay my cards on the table. You never know and whats the worse that could happen? Hope this helped man! I have a question entitled "oh man" on the dating forum would love some help. Cheers man.
abby_tx Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 How old are you both and what's the distance between you now? Edit: The reason why I ask is because when I realize something doesn't have potential (because of distance or whatever), I can quickly go from fun crush/lots of chatting and excitement to.... why bother even corresponding with this person? I usually will stop talking to someone if the relationship can't go anywhere.
Author JohnW2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 There are a number of scenerios that could be taking place: 1. She likes you but the distance makes it impossible for her to think about anything solid happening. If she is shy this doubles the problem because she would never be the one to initiate that kind of conversation. Also I don;t recall you saying anything about being forward with her and that might change things. You should always make your intentions clear or at least make an attempt to flirt with her. Girls don't always know your intentions and she could have no idea your interested. If I was you I would have tried something on that last day because what are you gonna lose. And if she was interested then she was probably waiting for you to make a move. So missed opportinity, I dont know. 2. She doesn't like you, Tough to swallow but possible. 3. The cultural difference could be a factor. My advice would be to just give her some space now if you did make your intentions clear, if not I think it might be too late brother. On the other hand she does live far away and if you really like her I would just lay my cards on the table. You never know and whats the worse that could happen? Hope this helped man! I have a question entitled "oh man" on the dating forum would love some help. Cheers man. Did I make my intentions clear? Not directly, I was having some trouble coping with a much shyer version of her. I was being playful and did get response from her, although she just seemed too shy. In regards to laying out my cards, should I wait until she is done with her exam period (end of June)?
Author JohnW2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 How old are you both and what's the distance between you now? Edit: The reason why I ask is because when I realize something doesn't have potential (because of distance or whatever), I can quickly go from fun crush/lots of chatting and excitement to.... why bother even corresponding with this person? I usually will stop talking to someone if the relationship can't go anywhere. We are both mid-20s but I am older. We live about half a day distance by car between us at the moment, then I will move to a different continent in 2 months and she will in about 5 months (will be far away still). She has expressed interests in visiting me when that happens but also concerned about her financial capabilities.
David87 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Did I make my intentions clear? Not directly, I was having some trouble coping with a much shyer version of her. I was being playful and did get response from her, although she just seemed too shy. In regards to laying out my cards, should I wait until she is done with her exam period (end of June)? Don't wait for her, if she likes you she makes time, trust me, but it's not the case here.
Author JohnW2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 Don't wait for her, if she likes you she makes time, trust me, but it's not the case here. May I ask what do you consider as waiting? 1-2 weeks?
Dallers Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 This situation is the same as every other. There is only one correct answer and that is always move straight on. I chatted with an amazing girl a few days ago I closed in the best way I saw fit and under the circumstances had to leave the ball in her court. Do I now sit around waiting in the hope she may call? No bloody way. I move straight on and look for someone else. If you dwell on one person you miss out on not only what is happening in your life but numerous other opportunities. I just flirted with a girl in the coffee shop and got her number at lunch. Totally unexpected and would not have happened if I was daydreaming about this other girl calling me. Be you. Live your life. Do not wait for anyone. They will not be waiting for you. When/if they come along you can then decide if your life permits their entry. Take control.
Author JohnW2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Author Posted May 20, 2014 This situation is the same as every other. There is only one correct answer and that is always move straight on. I chatted with an amazing girl a few days ago I closed in the best way I saw fit and under the circumstances had to leave the ball in her court. Do I now sit around waiting in the hope she may call? No bloody way. I move straight on and look for someone else. If you dwell on one person you miss out on not only what is happening in your life but numerous other opportunities. I just flirted with a girl in the coffee shop and got her number at lunch. Totally unexpected and would not have happened if I was daydreaming about this other girl calling me. Be you. Live your life. Do not wait for anyone. They will not be waiting for you. When/if they come along you can then decide if your life permits their entry. Take control. In the grand scheme of things I agree with you. I guess I'm trying to understand why things just suddenly changed like that, wondering if I did something wrong that I could improve in the future.
Dallers Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 (edited) In the grand scheme of things I agree with you. I guess I'm trying to understand why things just suddenly changed like that, wondering if I did something wrong that I could improve in the future. A question my friend that runs through the mind of every man in every situation that does not go the way he wants it to go There are most certainly ways that you can improve things, but they are only things that you can improve yourself and understanding and facing rejection is one of them. Every single time we are rejected we become tougher and stronger and more of a man, or we allow it to eat us up inside and become a sad, lonely bitter individual thinking it is our fault or something we have done wrong. Finally you have the guy that is far too superior to accept rejection and claims Friendzone was the cause, while girls laugh at him. You cannot change her mind or change the way she is or the way she thinks, all you can do is try your best to pick up on the body language and the signs and by learning from your mistakes and past experience what route you would like to take on this occasion. Every single girl is different, there is no right or wrong and it depends on if/how much she likes you. I have faced lots of rejection by my mistakes and because she just was not that into me, I have dished out my fair share. I now know that I do not hang around, she is not better than the next girl even if she gives me that tingly feeling that another girl doesn't because this early on she is a complete nobody. Everything happens for a reason. Love yourself and act like you are the only person you need and she will either want you or was never into you to begin with. It is one of the Alpha tendencies that does work in my case, do not dwell on one person, dwell on many. Edited May 20, 2014 by Dallers
Taramere Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 Was she not satisfied with the way things were when I visited? Is she simply too busy to contact me? Is she too shy? (she does think poorly of her English skills, even though I keep encouraging her) Or perhaps she is simply done with me? I don't see how anybody here could possibly be better placed than you are to gauge that. You're the one who knows her. All anybody else can do, in terms of trying to explain the responses you've described, is to project their own experiences onto your situation. If she's shy, then using indirect methods to gauge her interest level is unlikely to yield much beyond a never ending dance of uncertainty between you. You're better off letting her know in a very direct way that you're romantically interested and then ask her out on that basis. If she says no, at least that will be a clear cut rejection - but as it stands, I can't see anything in your post to indicate that you've had either an expression of romantic interest or a rejection of your romantic interest from this girl.
Author JohnW2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 I don't see how anybody here could possibly be better placed than you are to gauge that. You're the one who knows her. All anybody else can do, in terms of trying to explain the responses you've described, is to project their own experiences onto your situation. If she's shy, then using indirect methods to gauge her interest level is unlikely to yield much beyond a never ending dance of uncertainty between you. You're better off letting her know in a very direct way that you're romantically interested and then ask her out on that basis. If she says no, at least that will be a clear cut rejection - but as it stands, I can't see anything in your post to indicate that you've had either an expression of romantic interest or a rejection of your romantic interest from this girl. I agree with you on the fact she neither expressed nor rejected, I guess another way to put it is "is her sudden lack of communication indicating anything, whether positive or negative?"
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