counterman Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 My ex-girlfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago. The main reason was because I wasn't supportive enough; my ex wanted to talk to me about her problems. I was OK with it but I was uncomfortable about her talking about her exes. In the past, she had spoken about her exes a lot and it seemed that the more comfortable she felt talking about them, the more she spoke about them (positive and negative things). She said she should be able to come to me with her problems and work through them with me. It got to the point where she felt she couldn't talk to me about her exes and that hurt her. Anyways, she broke up with me and said she needed space. I had been thinking about what she was saying days before the break-up and I thought I would have been more supportive. So when she broke up with me, I let her know that when she was ready, if she was ready, she could reach out to me and I'll be there. She said that's what she wanted, me to be there when she got over her anger and hurt. Fast forward to a few days ago, she contacts me to see how I am doing. It was a day we had planned a special date together. She felt a bit emotional and said she just had to call me. We spoke normally. It was fun. She was telling me how she was doing. That past week hadn't been great for her. We shared jokes and laugh and left it at that. The next morning, she messages me saying she loves me and she loves that I am there for her. She told me to be patient. She said she misses me. I said if she ever needs to talk, I will be there. We left it at that shortly. Later that night, she said we shouldn't see or speak to each other anymore. Naturally I was confused. So I asked her "why?" She said because I wasn't there for her when she needed me in the past. She said that I should have been able to go to me for her problems, instead of dealing with them herself. She repeated used the word "hate" and she told me to leave her alone. I was shocked. I said "Ok, I'll leave you alone, Goodbye" She kept going and said she wasn't done yet. She said she wanted me to be there, she said she wanted me to say that she shouldn't have to go through her problems herself and that I would be there for her. I did offer support. I said I would be there and I said she could come to me if she needed... Apparently it wasn't enough for her. She went on to blame me for ruining everything. She said she couldn't trust anyone with her thoughts and feelings anymore. She said she really wanted me to be the one for her, she really thought that I would be and as much as she was pushing me away, she thought I would be the one for her. She said she hated me. And told me to leave her alone. I said I promise I would. Why is she so angry? Why say she wants me to be there if she didn't? I'm so confused.
sly_fly1 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 well if you are in a relationship there is no reason to discuss your exes. if she kept want to talk about them or a specific ex. then i can only assume that she dumped you so that she can work on things with one of them. stay away from her, dont text or call her,. but dont be a dick either and ignore all her calls and texts, you can answer, but answer on your time. if you are about to do something, dont stop the whole world for her. fade away. then you will get the answers you are looking for
Chi townD Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 She's dumping on you to ease her own guilt for breaking up with you. She's trying to justify it in her head that breaking up with you is the right decision for her; thus, her rambling on about what YOU didn't do for her. But, a relationship is with two people. At any time did she list her failings in the relationship? Betcha she didn't. And, it also sounded like when she was listing your faults, it was like she was making comparisons. I have a feeling that she's interested in someone else. Like, Counterman didn't do this, that and the other, maybe this new guy I'm interested will. Thus, giving herself permission to go there. "If counterman would have been do what he was supposed to do, then I wouldn't be looking at this other guy to fill the role". (But, to be honest, she's would have found ANY excuse. So, this wasn't your fault). But, I might be stretching it with that last paragraph (although, it's a possibility). I think she's just looking for an excuse to ease her guilt and make you the heavy in this. But, it wouldn't shock me if you discover she's dating someone new in a few weeks. 1
bubbaganoosh Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 If it was me, I would tell her not to contact me any longer because she's not over her past relationship with the other guy and if she can't get over it, then she;s not ready for another relationship and your not her verbal whipping boy. She also needs to grow up a whole lot and be less "me,me,me."
mammasita Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 There is no reason why you should have to sit there and listen to her talk about her ex(es). WTF is wrong with her? I think you're dodging a bullet here. 2
Elias33 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 There is no reason why you should have to sit there and listen to her talk about her ex(es). WTF is wrong with her? I think you're dodging a bullet here. Exactly. She is easing her own mind by accusing you of neglect. What may be happening is that she is trying to justify something she is about to do or has recently done. Take that in any way you think is most relevant.
Author counterman Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 Talking to me about her problems with her past relationships was very important to her. It wasn't a specific ex but rather her two previous relationships which deeply affected her (and affected our relationship). After saying she hated me and wanted me to leave her alone. She messaged me the next day and said that she doesn't hate me, that she loves me. I was so confused. Anyways, I put it all on the line and said I was willing to work it out with her, to be there for her. She continued to blame me for everything and said I had to prove to her that I am even worthy of dating her. I decided this was too much for me to handle and decided to move on. I wouldn't be surprised if she's meeting other guys at the moment. By making me out to be more horrible than I actually was, it eases her guilt in meeting other guys, flirting with them, etc. I do miss her though. I miss just hanging out, laughing. Oh and I miss the ex. It was so good living so close to each other.
Zahara Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 It's rather difficult to manage a relationship or invest in it of she's still consumed with her past relationships. I really think you dodged a bullet here. I have a strong feeling that she was looking for an out and turned the tables around and gaslighted you. Now she can move on while you bear responsibility for the demise of the relationship. Don't beat yourself up. I know you miss her and what you had with her but things will get better.
Author counterman Posted May 21, 2014 Author Posted May 21, 2014 I understand that she may have blamed me because she was looking for an out... but why torture me after breaking up with me? By tell me you hate me and then come back and say you love me. The confusion was hurting me. I think I did dodge a bullet. Her past relationship definitely did affect us and continued to affect us for a long time. She said that she will meet someone who would be willing to take on her baggage. I would say best of luck to that guy.
Chi townD Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 Yeah dude, she sounds bi-polar. You have to prove to her that you're worthy of dating her?!?!? REALLY?!?!? You don't have to prove crap to no one. Cut her out of your life. Block her on Facebook and ignore all texts. After writing that you need to prove it to her means that she wants you to continue to chase her. Screw that! But, once she realizes that you're not, she's going to go fishing. She'll send you breadcrumbs to see why you're not chasing her. Start NC and heal from this. Make positive chances in your life. Yes, you're right. You did dodge a bullet. 1
Natsume21 Posted May 21, 2014 Posted May 21, 2014 My ex-girlfriend and I broke up 2 weeks ago. The main reason was because I wasn't supportive enough; my ex wanted to talk to me about her problems. I was OK with it but I was uncomfortable about her talking about her exes. In the past, she had spoken about her exes a lot and it seemed that the more comfortable she felt talking about them, the more she spoke about them (positive and negative things). She said she should be able to come to me with her problems and work through them with me. It got to the point where she felt she couldn't talk to me about her exes and that hurt her. Anyways, she broke up with me and said she needed space. I had been thinking about what she was saying days before the break-up and I thought I would have been more supportive. So when she broke up with me, I let her know that when she was ready, if she was ready, she could reach out to me and I'll be there. She said that's what she wanted, me to be there when she got over her anger and hurt. Fast forward to a few days ago, she contacts me to see how I am doing. It was a day we had planned a special date together. She felt a bit emotional and said she just had to call me. We spoke normally. It was fun. She was telling me how she was doing. That past week hadn't been great for her. We shared jokes and laugh and left it at that. The next morning, she messages me saying she loves me and she loves that I am there for her. She told me to be patient. She said she misses me. I said if she ever needs to talk, I will be there. We left it at that shortly. Later that night, she said we shouldn't see or speak to each other anymore. Naturally I was confused. So I asked her "why?" She said because I wasn't there for her when she needed me in the past. She said that I should have been able to go to me for her problems, instead of dealing with them herself. She repeated used the word "hate" and she told me to leave her alone. I was shocked. I said "Ok, I'll leave you alone, Goodbye" She kept going and said she wasn't done yet. She said she wanted me to be there, she said she wanted me to say that she shouldn't have to go through her problems herself and that I would be there for her. I did offer support. I said I would be there and I said she could come to me if she needed... Apparently it wasn't enough for her. She went on to blame me for ruining everything. She said she couldn't trust anyone with her thoughts and feelings anymore. She said she really wanted me to be the one for her, she really thought that I would be and as much as she was pushing me away, she thought I would be the one for her. She said she hated me. And told me to leave her alone. I said I promise I would. Why is she so angry? Why say she wants me to be there if she didn't? I'm so confused. Bro, everyone has already said it, so I'll say it again. Once the "I don't think we can see each other" came to you, that's when all of this made sense. She wasn't confiding in you about her exes, she was in love with them and using you as a rebound. You never had this girl, dude. Chances are she went back to said ex. Girl sounds majorly bi-polar. Drop her and be proud of it.
Author counterman Posted May 22, 2014 Author Posted May 22, 2014 Yeah, I couldn't believe she said that, that I had to prove that I was worthy of dating her, and that I had to figure out some way to show her how special she is to me. It was just too much. I couldn't do it. After saying we should both go our separate ways, she did send me a text hours later saying that she hopes the best for my future and knows that I will find someone who is right for me. So I guess that is that. I've already blocked her on Facebook. I'm hoping she doesn't send any texts. She's really stubborn, so I hope she doesn't feed me bread crumbs. Her past couple of relationships really affected her. From what I've heard, she really liked one of the guys she dated but he cheated on her. She has never been the same since. I don't understand what it feels like to be cheated on but it really did affect her. I know for sure that she isn't going back to her exes. She is more likely to be dating other people. Funnily enough, I bumped into her on a dating app a few days ago. I was devastated when I heard her say she wanted me to try, not because she loved me but because she probably wanted to see my get hurt while trying. I couldn't do it. I didn't defend any of the mistakes I made. I laid myself bare. She wanted me to argue back, she wanted to justify all the yelling and anger, but I wasn't fighting back. I knew I made mistakes. She can ease her own guilt all she wants and blame me all she wants but at the end of the day, at what cost? I know she loves me, I know a part of her wants to be with me, but she's stubborn and she's angry. I can't be around someone like that. It'll just hurt me in the end. I made mistakes but I wasn't horrible to her. I wasn't a bad boyfriend.
lolablue17 Posted May 22, 2014 Posted May 22, 2014 It's not about love, not about supporting her or anything else. It's all about battle of control. She didn't like your status in the relationship. She felt you have too much independency. She felt she has too less control, so she started a cold war. it's about holding territories in a relationship. She tried to manipulate you as if you're her dog. But apparently you are not a dog (or a doormat), so she failed. Now she's very angry because you didnt do your role (to surrender) in the play. Thank god for revealing her true nature now and not while you both have children. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!
Author counterman Posted May 23, 2014 Author Posted May 23, 2014 It's not about love, not about supporting her or anything else. It's all about battle of control. She didn't like your status in the relationship. She felt you have too much independency. She felt she has too less control, so she started a cold war. it's about holding territories in a relationship. She tried to manipulate you as if you're her dog. But apparently you are not a dog (or a doormat), so she failed. Now she's very angry because you didnt do your role (to surrender) in the play. Thank god for revealing her true nature now and not while you both have children. RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!! I agree with this. She was very angry when I didn't take the 'chance' that was given to me. She is rebellious in nature. Any suggestion to not do something, she would want to do it even more. I have pretty much a lot of things going on for me and I have a clear direction in my life. She's still figuring out hers and that uncertainty makes her insecure. And with her emotional instability, she projected all her issues onto me. Thus, I was the blame for everything. A lot of people have said that I have dodged a bullet. My best friend also said that lucky it's over now, rather than down the track when I can't even see the children we have.
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