Jump to content

Should I be dating other people?

waiting4u

By waiting4u
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

waiting4u Established Member

waiting4u

Posted
Posted (edited)

I've been seeing a guy and things have been working out pretty well. We are both single parents with demanding careers (travel and long hours), so we've only been out three times in the past month, but talk every day via text or phone. We've done some pretty serious kissing, but nothing intimate. Basically, I've been seeing him every saturday night except for one week when I was out of town. He acts like he really likes me, texts me every night just to say goodnight, etc. On our last date we talked about going hiking, and yesterday we agreed on a date that is a couple weeks from now. He also just sold his house and is moving, so he's got a lot going on right now.

 

Thing is - we haven't talked about being exclusive, although it's obvious we are both on each other's minds all the time (he's even said this explicitly). I still have an active online dating profile, and I have a guy who has been asking me out and I've made tentative plans to have a drink with him tomorrow (that would be our 2nd date). I feel sort of blah about this other guy, but I feel like I should give him a chance. I mean, shouldn't I keep my options open? Isn't it too soon to assume exclusivity after three dates?

 

This week is tricky, because although he usually confirms plans for the following saturday night either at the end of our date or the next day, he hasn't said anything about next weekend. I think he just assumes we will get together. If I agree to go out with this OTHER guy, he may get sort of angry that I'm not free to see him this weekend - particularly since he won't have his daughter and he may have some uh sexy plans.

 

Should I agree to see this other guy? Does communicating every day imply exclusivity? I should add that I know he is not seeing anyone else, as he's said as much.

Edited by waiting4u
soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
Posted
Thing is - we haven't talked about being exclusive, although it's obvious we are both on each other's minds all the time (he's even said this explicitly). I still have an active online dating profile, and I have a guy who has been asking me out and I've made tentative plans to have a drink with him tomorrow (that would be our 2nd date). I feel sort of blah about this other guy, but I feel like I should give him a chance. I mean, shouldn't I keep my options open? Isn't it too soon to assume exclusivity after three dates?

 

This week is tricky, because although he usually confirms plans for the following saturday night either at the end of our date or the next day, he hasn't said anything about next weekend. I think he just assumes we will get together. If I agree to go out with this OTHER guy, he may get sort of angry that I'm not free to see him this weekend - particularly since he won't have his daughter and he may have some uh sexy plans.

 

Should I agree to see this other guy? Does communicating every day imply exclusivity? I should add that I know he is not seeing anyone else, as he's said as much.

 

A few things. [Guy here] You are not exclusive, but you need to decide whether multi-dating is for you or not. Do not assume anything unless explicitly stated that you two are exclusive. You need to ask him if you are and from there decide whether you want to see this other guy that you are not so excited about.

 

Communication every day doesn't mean anything other than "you're communicating every day..." It does not necessarily mean you two are exclusive. I've dated quite a few women from OLD and only one (as far as I could tell) of the ladies multi-dated. We did not declare exclusivity and frankly, I don't think she wanted to at that time anyway. It worked for the best in the end. :)

HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

Posted
Posted

You've only known this guy for a month and you are not exclusive, don't assume ANYTHING! Texting all day and good morning & good night texts mean nothing. This guy could still go poof after he gets the goods. ACTIONS are what matters not words.

 

So far his actions are:

1. Still online

2. No talk of exclusivity

 

 

He's talked about hiking and planning a date weeks from now. This is where actions come into play. See if you two even make it to said events before you get all caught up and your heart broken.

PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted

The multi-dating thing is far less common in the UK. Asking someone to be exclusive is kind of a weird thing over here. I've never done it and never been asked about it either. In my experience, exclusivity is very much assumed, pretty much from first date. All this talk of "the talk" and exclusivity and not assuming anything, generally comes from US posters.

 

He's told you he's not seeing anyone else. If I'd told a woman that, and she was seeing others, then I wouldn't want to see her again. Especially if we have "uh sexy plans".....

HappyLove Established Member

HappyLove

Posted
Posted
The multi-dating thing is far less common in the UK. Asking someone to be exclusive is kind of a weird thing over here. I've never done it and never been asked about it either. In my experience, exclusivity is very much assumed, pretty much from first date. All this talk of "the talk" and exclusivity and not assuming anything, generally comes from US posters.

 

He's told you he's not seeing anyone else. If I'd told a woman that, and she was seeing others, then I wouldn't want to see her again. Especially if we have "uh sexy plans".....

 

Well men over here will tell you how beautiful you are, how cute your kids will be, how they aren't seeing anyone else, no FWB, how you're the best thing since sliced bread...only to go poof a week later. These are all things the average person would think hey we're exclusive but nope he has a wife and kids or ltr. That's why you have to be VERY careful especially with men you meet online! And don't assume ANYTHING!

  • Like 1
Elias33 Established Member

Elias33

Posted
Posted

If you think multi-dating will help your chances with this guy why not? Don't do as he does, do what YOU think will be beneficial unless there is an agreement between the two of you that tell you otherwise. Ask, how will this date with this other guy you feel "Meh" about, further your relationship with this guy?

WeirdChick Member

WeirdChick

Posted
Posted

why overthink it? Why not just call him and confirm plans? If he wont be able to go after all, then just go out with the OTHEr guy??

  • Like 1
  • Author
waiting4u Established Member

waiting4u

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I don't want to outright ask him if we plans this weekend because I think he should be asking me out, not the other way around - but neither do I want to send the message that he can just assume we have plans when they are unspoken.

 

Would it sound like fishing if I just told him I was confused about whether we had said we were getting together this weekend? He had wanted to hike this weekend, but I have work stuff during the day. He had said "but you are free in the evenings, yes?" and I said "mostly," so I suppose there could be some confusion.

 

I guess multi-dating means that I'm not giving him all my energy when I have other opportunities. This is dishonest? We aren't sleeping together . . .

  • Author
waiting4u Established Member

waiting4u

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Sorry turnpike, I think we posted at the same time. I see where you are coming from, but if I will "lose him forever" just because I had dinner with someone else, I'm not sure I really needed him in the first place. Again, we have been on three dates and are not sleeping together. If we were, then I wouldn't be seeing other people. Three dates does not a relationship make.

 

I feel like if I don't date other people, I'm taking myself "off the market" for someone who might disappear at any moment. Maybe "blah guy" is really interesting and we hit it off on the second date.

 

For the record, I've been blowing off "blah guy" for the past two weeks and have finally agreed to date #2. My first date with him was shortly after (within a few days) my first date with the guy I like.

  • Author
waiting4u Established Member

waiting4u

Posted
  • Author
Posted
A few things. [Guy here] You need to ask him if you are and from there decide whether you want to see this other guy that you are not so excited about.

 

Isn't this a bit premature? Wouldn't I scare him off?

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

Posted
Posted
I don't want to outright ask him if we plans this weekend because I think he should be asking me out, not the other way around - but neither do I want to send the message that he can just assume we have plans when they are unspoken.

 

Would it sound like fishing if I just told him I was confused about whether we had said we were getting together this weekend? He had wanted to hike this weekend, but I have work stuff during the day. He had said "but you are free in the evenings, yes?" and I said "mostly," so I suppose there could be some confusion.

 

I guess multi-dating means that I'm not giving him all my energy when I have other opportunities. This is dishonest? We aren't sleeping together . . .

 

I think his not asking you out-right, but throwing out times/dates is a way to put you on hold, imho. In a limbo of sorts. I would make other plans if I were you, BUT, you ask if it's dishonest to go on a date with another guy. Well, you are not exclusive. You don't have to tell him why you are not available if he asks, but that is when it does become dishonest. People will say that it's none of the other guy's business, but, personally, if I am making an effort and you are interested in me, being upfront is best. Your call...

  • Author
waiting4u Established Member

waiting4u

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I think you are right Turnpike, I've taken down my online profile and I canceled my date for tonight. I think it's best to focus on one person at a time. Things are going well with this guy and I don't want to mess it up.

clia Established Member

clia

Posted
Posted

Have you established when your date is with him this weekend (and if you even have a date), or are you still in limbo?

 

He had wanted to hike this weekend, but I have work stuff during the day. He had said "but you are free in the evenings, yes?" and I said "mostly," so I suppose there could be some confusion.

 

I don't think there is any real confusion here. You say "mostly" (whatever that means) and he should've said "How about Saturday?" (or Friday or Sunday...) He didn't. So now you are left to wonder when (and if) he wants to get together.

 

Personally, I would go ahead and make plans if something else should arise. Four weeks is too soon to have an established Saturday night (or whatever night) date. You're right -- he should still be asking you out.

  • Author
waiting4u Established Member

waiting4u

Posted
  • Author
Posted

We do have a date Saturday night (and possibly Sunday and Monday - he asked, but I think that might be a bit much). He was just confused about my schedule and thought I was working. I approached it like "I'm confused, do we have plans Saturday? I don't want to make plans with my friend if we do."

  • Like 1
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...