Mrbananalips Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Recently, my girlfriend of 19 months broke up with me - using the old "I love you but I'm not in love with you" story - the day before I got back from my first year of college (I'm 19, and she's 18 and about to graduate from high school). I was perhaps being a bit too needy and relying on her too much for my own happiness, and this may have caused her to lose some attraction to me while I was gone (my neediness was probably present for something like 3 months). I knew there was a small problem (compared to our amazing relationship) and I was willing to fix it when I got back for the summer - however, it was too little too late. I groveled and whined and tried to get her to change her mind, and we finally decided to meet at the park to talk things over (because I knew that she hadn't seen me for a month and was more likely to be won over in person). And here's where I'm confused. It started off sad enough, but then it started to seem like she was taking to my idea of patching things up. We started holding hands, smiling at each other, kissing with our fingers, telling each other we thought the other was cute, even snuggling (like my face in her neck and her smiling) - acting like old times again. I thought things were really turning around, but when I told her that I definitely thought we could fix this relationship, she froze up. She agreed with my assertion that we could fix this if we tried, but then stated that she didn't feel like "starting again with someone she had no feelings for," and that "she knew it wouldn't work." I don't know what to think of what happened that day. I can't help but disagree with her assertion that she has no feelings for me, given the intimacy we shared there. We've had an amazing and fulfilling relationship thus far (and I'm not just deluded) and I don't think it's possible she has lost all feelings for me in those 3 difficult months. She has, at other points, said that she didn't feel ready for a relationship (but only recently, after I started being clingy). Do you think she's not telling me the whole truth when she says she only thinks of me as a friend, or is she just confused? (I understand she's going through a life transition to college soon) I'm going to go NC now and try to plan for what comes next, but this is something I can't quite decipher and I would like a second opinion.
Author Mrbananalips Posted May 19, 2014 Author Posted May 19, 2014 Is there a benefit to using the second chance letter instead of just going straight NC?
Always Pondering Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 (edited) Do you mean as in you are the dumpee, you two just broke up, and you want to ask for reconciliation in a letter? If so then no. If anything it'd probably push him/her away even further. Or in my case previously a long time ago in my life, it works but the same problems arise as expected and the break-up happens again. Edited May 19, 2014 by Always Pondering Typos
KaliLove Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 What were the reasons she dumped you? Have you completely changed those things since she did? I suspect the answer to that is no, and therefore the likelihood of her saying yes is very, very low. If she did say yes, she would just end up dumping you again in a few weeks or months when she realizes that the same problems have arisen.
Allyd12 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Sounds similar to my situation. My advice would be to go no contact for as long as possible. Perhaps she was just showing you affection when you were together in order to make you happy? In a way, she felt sorry for you and she thought that was the only thing that could cheer you up. But if that's the case, then that is a very insensitive and rude thing to do. If she is willing to lead you on in that manner while she has no feelings for you, that is downright cruel. Go NC and delete her off all social media, block her number etc. Work on yourself, and I know it's hard and it takes time to recover but it's vital. Go to work, go to the gym, have goals, think of all the things you wanted to do for YOURSELF during the relationship but couldn't, and now do them. Time is the most important thing in these situations. Don't question her about what she did that day. Completely disappear from her life and let HER realise what she has lost. The longer you go on thinking about it, the less you will improve. She WILL start to miss you and question herself, and maybe in 3 weeks to 2 months time she will see the 'new you' and you can go from there.
KaliLove Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 After reading your other post, I am even more sure she wouldn't respond well to a letter like this. She already thinks you're needy and clingy..this will only push her further away. What you need to do is go NC and get over her. Easier said than done, but it's definitely possible. I'm sorry you're hurting..good luck.
learning_slowly Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 You also have to remember you are very young. I had my heart broken at a similar age and thought she was the one. I thought my life was over. In reality, I would not want to settle down until I was 30. Go and have experiences. Enjoy life. You'll meet new partners on the way. Good luck
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