22goingon6 Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Hi everyone, I could write pages about my relationship and everything that went on and everything that I've gone through since it ended about a year and a half ago, but I'll spare you all the details and just get to what is currently bothering me. I should say that it was a long distance relationship and there was no foreseeable end-date. Due to various reasons I'm the one that ended the relationship. But some of these reasons were out of our control and the past year+ for me has been nothing but regret and sadness. I'd say I'm not as much of a wreck as I used to be, and I see glimpses of being able to move on, but there's still nothing in the world I want more than another shot for her and I. We very rarely talk. If I never initiated it, then I'm sure we never would. She''ll be polite to me and stuff when I talk to her but it's clear that she's just being nice. I don't blame her of course considering I left her but ya I dunno. And then the last time I reach out to her was about like maybe a month ago now and was the first time she never answered me. She knows how I feel, but when we used to talk from time to time made it clear to me that I should have no hope of her ever taking me back. But I can't seem to get to that stage. I miss her so much. I don't even know if she's the same person any more, she certainly isn't to me, but I know we could still be something special. It's killing me frankly. I don't even know where I'm going with this post. But I guess my dilemma right now is that I want so badly to write her a letter or something and tell her all of my thoughts but I'm too scared to. I don't know if I'm scared because I'm afraid to hear the grief she'll give me telling me to stop talking to her and leave her alone, or maybe even because she seems to be happy and I don't want to hurt what she has going on by trying to drag her back to me. But I still don't know how I can go on without her knowing everything I feel and everything I think. I keep trying to tell myself that life is short and I should live without regrets but I still can't seem to do it. I wouldn't ask her to take me back in this letter. In fact I never have in the whole time since the break-up. All I do is ask her to be open to the possibility of forgiving me if we ever can live in the same city again. I also want to stick up for myself a little bit. I want to tell her why I think I deserve a second chance and why I think we deserve a second chance. To be perfectly honest actually... (and at the risk of sounding like an idiot and a jerk given the fact that I'm the one who ended the relationship)... given the situation we were in, and how high the cards were stacked against us, I think it's crap that I've never been given that chance. I gave her my heart and soul for two years and spent every minute of every day doing everything I could to keep our relationship strong and exciting in what were somewhat difficult times. I really really did. I don't think it's so unforgivable that I finally felt like I couldn't do it anymore and made a mistake. I feel like if she ever loved me or felt the magic in a possible future together like I felt then she should know how sorry I am (I've told her profusely many times) and know how much she'd means to me and that I'd spend every day treating her like the angel she is and trying to prove to her that I'm deserving. Sadly, she's a very strong girl. And with that she's also very stubborn. We've talked many times since the break up, but I don't think she's ever been really honest with me about anything. She's too strong to open up to me anymore and it really gives me no idea how she's felt about the whole thing. I'll cut myself off now. I'm just ranting at this point. Hopefully I've given you a good idea of where I'm at. Thanks very much for reading this far if you did and thanks in advance for any replies. So yeah I just need to know what you think I should do. How do I break through to her? Should I reach out? Even if it fail miserably, isn't it worth knowing that I made every effort I could to tell her how I feel? Anyways thanks.
elseaacych Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 What makes you think things would be different if she took you back? Seriously, you'd still be in an LDR. Why her, of all people? Something already drove you to break before, think long and hard about why that was. Is it a problem that will never ever ever pop up again in the next 50-70 years with her? And thank about your dynamic after the break up. She's trying to move on. Don't you deserve to do the same?
Author 22goingon6 Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 What makes you think things would be different if she took you back? Seriously, you'd still be in an LDR. Why her, of all people? Something already drove you to break before, think long and hard about why that was. Is it a problem that will never ever ever pop up again in the next 50-70 years with her? And thank about your dynamic after the break up. She's trying to move on. Don't you deserve to do the same? All very good points. I guess first off I wouldn't be asking her to take me back. I just want to be able to break through to her. Try and get an honest conversation out of her for once and although she says that she forgives me, I want to feel that. I want to feel as though if there's a chance in the future that we wouldn't be long distance anymore, that she'd consider it and wouldn't still hate me. And I actually do try to move on. I have more and more better days. I've realized that there are lots of women out there. Attractive, smart, funny, you name it. But none of them have the perfect mark next to their eye that she had. None of them are her. Everything you said makes sense, but the simple truth is that the future with her is the one that I want. I know I'm taking a big chance not giving up on it but if it all pays off in the end then it'd be totally worth it because it could be something amazing.
learning_slowly Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 If you can't see that the relationships dead (I think you maybe disillusioned as it's a year!), send her all this information in a quick reply communication type, e.g. Email. This way you'll get a reply ( which I suspect will be one you don't want to hear), or no response. Then maybe you'll be able to move on. From your description, you want to be with her, so don't fool yourself. I just don't see that as a possibility. Imagine if she had split with you and came back a year later. I imagine she's moved on. You made your choice before, now you have to live with it. Good luck
Kansas87 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Don't half-ass it. People on here always say don't take your ex back. The few who think it's possible always advise waiting for the "complete 180" and a grand gesture of some sort- i.e., the person has to take full responsibility for their actions and show that they have made a serious, concerted effort to address the problems they had in the first place, have grown as a person, and are utterly committed to making it work this time. So honestly, I would say until you're ready and willing to do that, just let it go. Don't do this stupid "maybe open to the possibility someday" thing- that's just breadcrumbs, and since it's been so long and she seems distant I don't think she's going to fall for it. In other words, go big or go home. 1
PhillyConnection23 Posted May 19, 2014 Posted May 19, 2014 Don't half-ass it. People on here always say don't take your ex back. The few who think it's possible always advise waiting for the "complete 180" and a grand gesture of some sort- i.e., the person has to take full responsibility for their actions and show that they have made a serious, concerted effort to address the problems they had in the first place, have grown as a person, and are utterly committed to making it work this time. So honestly, I would say until you're ready and willing to do that, just let it go. Don't do this stupid "maybe open to the possibility someday" thing- that's just breadcrumbs, and since it's been so long and she seems distant I don't think she's going to fall for it. In other words, go big or go home. Some thoughts: Without a clear end in sight for your LDR, its an uphill battle. If that caused problems in the past (It did in my case), its going to cause problems in any new relationship. You should be able to address this with her. Second, of course you are going to be afraid of her reaction. But you have also been sitting around for over a year hoping something would happen and kinda just going through the motions. To echo the above quote: Don't half ass it. Take some serious time to think about what you want and what you want to say. Put yourself out there and see if she responds. But be entirely honest with her and with yourself. And for the love of god, if she responds don't immediately jump back into the relationship you ended...that is dead. You need to start a new one and rebuild the connection, the trust, the love. 2
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