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why most married men cheat on their wife after 6 to 7 years?

Jatan

By Jatan
in General Relationship Discussion

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Jatan Member

Jatan

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Hi men, pls tell me why do men have thoughts of cheating their wife? Any idea? Dont they love their family?

DKT3 Established Member

DKT3

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No matter the number of years or sex PEOPLE cheat because they are broken on some level. Selfish, self centered and deluted.

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revelations Established Member

revelations

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Jatan,

 

Okay I do not cheat and yes I have been cheated on myself. However I can tell you some pretty good reasons why a man would cheat. Most of the time for men it is a self-esteem issue or a big ego. Sometimes it is variety, meaning that he just wants something new. Other times it is an ego boost due to numbers. You know I have been with X amount of women so I am captain stud. While other times it is much worse, as in they are attracted to or seduced by another woman and fall in love. Their are all kinds of reasons out their, and are as numerous as why women cheat on men.

 

I read all of your threads and if I am correct your WH went to a strip club and got a blowjob and banged the stripper, correct? Now I am not sure if this was a one time thing or not. However chances are if it was a one time thing it was an ego boost or a variety thing for him and nothing more. Now please don't get my wrong, I am not trying to minimize what he did. After all if my wife went to a strip club and only blew the stripper for a couple of seconds I would still be leaving her. So in my book you have every right to be extremely upset.

 

Now I want to make it clear to you that not all men cheat, not all men feel the need to step out once for a piece of a$$. Yes their are a lot of men that feel guilty if they do cheat. Truthfully cheating is really dumb for a man to do since he can loose everything by doing this. Not just the family, he can also lose the ability to retire, being forced to work all his life to pay alimony. So I have no sympathy for a turd like that. So not all men cheat just like not all women cheat. I know this is hard to see right now since your world has just been turned upside down.

 

Just remember that you do not have to decide right now what you want to do. Take your time and figure out what is best for you. What your WH did was totally wrong and very disrespectful to you. Now I don't care if he was just banging a stripper one night or banged a 100 strippers, that is a terrible thing to do to your wife or girlfriend. However I will tell you that you could look like a playboy model and he probably still would have cheated. From what you have posted I am inclined to think that something new or different is what he was after. However I am sure he would not be so understanding if you said to him that you wanted to get some strange.

 

Now here is some more honesty for you. I have often gone into strip clubs (yes I know big surprise). Now when I was married it was simple. I was their to look and nothing else, just entertainment. So no VIP rooms, lap dances, etc. because to me touching was crossing the line. Of course I made sure my wife at the time knew I was going and was welcomed to come with. Now being single yes I will get a lap dance, go in the VIP room and all that. Why? I am single and can enjoy this, that is why. The thing is that if your married then things like touching another woman (in a sexual way) is off limits in my book.

 

I am very sorry that this has happened to you just try and look after yourself. Eat right, keep busy, exercise. What has happened to you is a big trauma and just mean. So just because it was a stripper does not make it any less painful for you. If you decide to stay with him do not be afraid to tell him that strip clubs are off limits. After all he has proven that he is not to be trusted their. Do not be afraid to ask for things to make you feel safe such as email, social media and phone passwords and access to them. Their is a list somewhere around here that shows what a betrayed spouse needs to start building trust again. Now if you decide to leave him (which I would not blame you for) then start working towards that gold. Either way this will hurt for a long while and right now stings like hell. So please hang in their, you deserve to be treated better.

((((Jatan))))

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Woggle Established Member

Woggle

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I am a man who never has a desire to cheat and this isn't really about gender.

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Jatan Member

Jatan

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Thanks revelations. I just hope time will heal. Otherwise I will move on. I know my kids are going to suffer but I hope I can handle myself well first. I am just totally upset for my children. God pls help me move on with my normal life. He has repent but for how long will that be i am not sure and cant accept another round of attack from him. He has changed but do i forgive him? Love and trust is broken.

 

Hope god will lead me a path of happiness soon. Confused and upset woman. :( Maybe being a third party is so much easier and fun and less hectic. Y am i so foolish to be faithful. Hurts...

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Daisy-oliviaWentcher Established Member

Daisy-oliviaWentcher

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Whatever the reasons, it's not your fault

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DKT3 Established Member

DKT3

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Thanks revelations. I just hope time will heal. Otherwise I will move on. I know my kids are going to suffer but I hope I can handle myself well first. I am just totally upset for my children. God pls help me move on with my normal life. He has repent but for how long will that be i am not sure and cant accept another round of attack from him. He has changed but do i forgive him? Love and trust is broken.

 

Hope god will lead me a path of happiness soon. Confused and upset woman. :( Maybe being a third party is so much easier and fun and less hectic. Y am i so foolish to be faithful. Hurts...

 

First step in moving on, should you go that route, is to forgive. In order to forgive you have to give it some time. Holding the anger will prevent you from moving on. In a odd twist it also allows those who have betrayed a power and control over your life.

 

You are too fresh to make any decisions at this point. Take time, let the anger and pain subside abit. Then decide if this is really a deal breaker. We all think infidelity is until we face it up close and personal.

 

Also, doing the same isn't the answer its like throwing gas on the fire, adding guilt and regret to your pain and anger. No, its not foolish to stay faithful. I too had those feeling and thoughts after my wifes affair, I think its crossed everyones mind who has been cheated on. Revenge isn't the answer. Stay above it all. In the end you will feel much better about the decision.

 

Sorry for your pain, it does get better and easier to deal with in time.

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Darren Steez Established Member

Darren Steez

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Thread title is misleading. Most men don't cheat, most women don't cheat either.

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central Established Member

central

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A little over 50% of both men and women have or will cheat. About 70% or more of ALL marriages will have at least one instance of infidelity, and overall, about 85% of these are never discovered or revealed.

 

Roughly, the 6 or 7 year point MAY be a particular milestone for BOTH men and women to cheat, especially if they had a child in year one. That's when another round of reproduction urge becomes most intense, and seeking a better genetic match than your current partner is a subconscious motivation for cheating.

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sumathi Member

sumathi

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hi,

It is true most men cheat on their wives after a few years of marriage. You have to be on the toes to hold the interest of your husband. Man is basically a physical animal and his interest in sex never falters even as he ages. But his wife loses interest in the physical aspect of marriage because she is more focused on her family. What he does not get at home makes a man stray outside his boundary line.Mostly infidelity of a man is physical and very temporary.

soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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You'll get differing views, of course. I believe many men (not all, of course) cheat b/c they are visual, more physically dependent. Women tend to be more emotionally invested. Women will cheat if they are emotionally neglected, men will cheat b/c they are physically neglected (lack of sex) or as others have suggested, ego driven.

 

It may be true that women cheat as often, but the reason for cheating is fundamentally different and that is what people should really pay attention to. I have never cheated and have had no reason to seriously consider it. I would never cheat on my gf or wife. I have too much respect for her and the institution to do so. If the day comes that I start seriously considering cheating on her, is the day when the relationship likely needs to end.

 

After 6-7 years? Don't know about the significance of the number of years, but venture to guess that the relationship has become too pedestrian, lacking passion.

Edited by soccerrprp
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AnneT1985 Established Member

AnneT1985

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I am a man who never has a desire to cheat and this isn't really about gender.

 

 

 

Well said Woggle

janedoe67 Established Member

janedoe67

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Just to clarify, there is never - NEVER - a "good reason" to cheat. It is always wrong, and the choice is always the responsibility of the cheater.

joystickd Established Member

joystickd

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Oh yeah! I feel happy to see another man bashing thread!:rolleyes:

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revelations Established Member

revelations

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Thanks revelations. I just hope time will heal. Otherwise I will move on. I know my kids are going to suffer but I hope I can handle myself well first. I am just totally upset for my children. God pls help me move on with my normal life. He has repent but for how long will that be i am not sure and cant accept another round of attack from him. He has changed but do i forgive him? Love and trust is broken.

 

Hope god will lead me a path of happiness soon. Confused and upset woman. :( Maybe being a third party is so much easier and fun and less hectic. Y am i so foolish to be faithful. Hurts...

 

 

I have found that time does help to heal the wounds just as long as you put in some effort. I mean think of it this way, if you have a cut do you just leave it? Probably not, you clean it, maybe a band aid or go to the doctors and have it stitched up. The same thing applies here, except the wound is not on the outside were we can see it, it is on the inside. Now forgiving is something a lot of people misunderstand. Forgiving is simply an act of releasing someone from a debt. So you forgiving your WH is about not seeking revenge and letting go of the hurt that was caused. Now just because you forgive someone does not mean that your required to stay with them. You can forgive your WH and still divorce him. Another thing that has been pointed out to you is that you do not have to make any decision right now. It is okay to take your time, after all this hurt is still very fresh with you.

 

I will point out to you that a ONS or a full blown affair have something in common. That is both are a fantasy. Remember that on either case they are not putting up with the day to day work that goes into a marriage. So basically it is like a date were all is good and their is no responsibility shared. Now being faithful is not foolish in any way, shape or form. This has to do with being true to your own principals. Myself I view the marriage contract terminated the minute cheating happens. I will point out that it is not wise to try and bang someone else if your intent is to stay with the wayward spouse. You also need to realize that you are not at fault for his cheating. Another thing is don't be afraid to seek help, this is a life changing blow you have been dealt. Seen a counselor or guidance from your church goes a long ways to help you heal. Posting on here also can help in ways. Just take care of yourself right now. Once your able to process everything that has gone on then you can make your decision. So hang in their Jatan

jay1983 Established Member

jay1983

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Maybe their wives aren't putting out.

revelations Established Member

revelations

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hi,

It is true most men cheat on their wives after a few years of marriage. You have to be on the toes to hold the interest of your husband. Man is basically a physical animal and his interest in sex never falters even as he ages. But his wife loses interest in the physical aspect of marriage because she is more focused on her family. What he does not get at home makes a man stray outside his boundary line.Mostly infidelity of a man is physical and very temporary.

 

 

Well could you possibly be any more insulting to men? To downgrade men as a simple animal that humps anything he sees is pure arrogance on your part. I mean after all I would never have any interest in you or any other woman that shares your viewpoint. What you fail to see in your arrogance is that most men are intelligent humans that have feelings and principals. Yes men do tend to be more visual than women. However the fact that men are visual does not translate into the need or want to cheat. Their are differences between men in women on more than just the plumbing, it is a fact so live with it. You have also ignored the fact that men do lose their sex drive as they age. Testosterone levels start dropping after the age of 30 in men which reduces their sex drive. This is one of the reasons they have all those ads for men suffering from low T. I am going to close by asking you this. If men are such dumb, horny animals then who was it that has been behind most of the innovation in math, science, chemistry and who is it that has build most of everything you see in civilization? I am willing to bet that a man's name is attached to the innovation or that it was mostly men that built it.

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StanMusial Established Member

StanMusial

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First of all, I think this is a broad statement saying "most men", and putting the timeline at "6 to 7 years".

 

I will just speak about the married men that I know. I don't really care about articles in magazines or on the web, or random anonymous surveys, or various "studies".

 

The married men that I know have cheated on their wives, should've never gotten married anyway. To anyone. They never really intended to be monogamous, they pretty much did whatever they wanted (and could get away with), and it typically started a lot sooner than 6 years in. They more or less had the wife as a safety blanket.

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Jatan Member

Jatan

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Hi DKT3,

 

Thanks for sharing your personal encounter too. May I ask what did you do in the end? Did you forgive your wife or did you move on with a divorce?

 

Thanks Reveloutions again. I hope i can heal day by day. Just that everytime when i see my kids i get so affected emotionally. Not sure if i can forgive and move on clearly. I pray i have a glass of tonic that will wipe off all my memories of him and start afresh. He has been asking for forgiveness but i seriously hope i can forget and move on for my children seek.... crying silently is a daily business now and i hope to stop it as i need to focus back on work too. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me here. It is useful and helpful to know how both men and women thinks. Respect is what i wanted very much in a relationship. but unfortunately i am not receiving it when he decided to stray. Sob...

DKT3 Established Member

DKT3

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Hi DKT3,

 

Thanks for sharing your personal encounter too. May I ask what did you do in the end? Did you forgive your wife or did you move on with a divorce?

 

Thanks Reveloutions again. I hope i can heal day by day. Just that everytime when i see my kids i get so affected emotionally. Not sure if i can forgive and move on clearly. I pray i have a glass of tonic that will wipe off all my memories of him and start afresh. He has been asking for forgiveness but i seriously hope i can forget and move on for my children seek.... crying silently is a daily business now and i hope to stop it as i need to focus back on work too. Thank you all for sharing your thoughts with me here. It is useful and helpful to know how both men and women thinks. Respect is what i wanted very much in a relationship. but unfortunately i am not receiving it when he decided to stray. Sob...

 

I divorced her. After five years and a lot of changes from both of us, we are together again.

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Jatan Member

Jatan

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I divorced her. After five years and a lot of changes from both of us, we are together again.

Hi DKT3,

 

So you married her again after divorce? That is so sweet. At least you are able to forgive and move on. Do you have kids too? If yes, did you take the full custody of the kids? I am wondering if i leave shld i take the custody as i cant cope with myself now....

RonaldS Established Member

RonaldS

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Whatever the reasons, it's not your fault

 

Ahhhh....the hubris of the inculpable.

KathyM Established Member

KathyM

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Apparently, it's a myth that half of all men cheat on their wives. The statistics are actually a lot lower. According to the following article, published in a psychology journal and based on several studies done, the figure is up to 25% of marriages experience infidelity at some point during the length of their marriage.

 

 

How Common is Cheating & Infidelity Really? | World of Psychology

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DKT3 Established Member

DKT3

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Hi DKT3,

 

So you married her again after divorce? That is so sweet. At least you are able to forgive and move on. Do you have kids too? If yes, did you take the full custody of the kids? I am wondering if i leave shld i take the custody as i cant cope with myself now....

 

No, not married, that will most likely not happen again. We shared custody, and still do, we still live apart but together and expecting our third child.

 

Its not wise to make any major decisions right now. I took my time to decide on divorce. It could be a good idea to get away for a week or two if you have the means. Having him pressure you will likely push you away at this point. When I found out about my wifes affair she avoided me, when I did engage her it was anger filled right on the edge of hatred. This did allow me time to process it.

 

I have to add, it wasn't really the affair itself that drove me to divorce, it was her attitude and the fact that she would continue to deny the affair. It wasn't until I served her with divorce papers that she truely and fully confessed.

johnpatric Established Member

johnpatric

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May be because of lack of communication, and lost interest in sex and other stuff after sometime of relationship..

 

Not only men but women also have this kind of problem.. its only because conversation gape and lack of communication and less understanding between both of them this are the main reason which can make your relationship unhealthy.

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