chichi55 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 (edited) I really need help getting over this guy.... I am new to this website and I stumbled on a few of your articles that partially resonated with what I am going through but not entirely. It is a pretty long story, so I hope you are willing to hear me out. For as long as I can remember, I have always been socially awkward. When it came to guys, it was much worse. I have somewhat grown out of that awkwardness (emphasis on "somewhat" but it's still hard. Since I entered college this past year, my physical appearance has been changing for the better (and it still is). And with a change in physical appearance, guys have started to pay attention to me more (well kinda...it was more attention than I received in high school though). I have met guys who I thought a relationship would happen, but to no avail (i never had sex with them). For some, I didn't mind staying friends. Others, I did not have a problem cutting them off. But this particular boy has been stuck on my mind. We'll call him O. So I met O earlier this past semester. I got along with just fine as he seemed to get along with others as well. I could tell he was very charismatic and out going. Well one day we exchanged numbers (well i put my number in his phone and told him about.... I know, I know...why??) and he texted me later that night. We talked a little bit, nothing big (O hates texting) and asked me to call him the next day. Well, like and idiot, I did, and he wanted me to come over the same day (around 7 or 8 at night....yes I am an idiot). since it was dark outside, I wanted O to at least stay on the phone with me while i walk to his place, which he wasn't willing to do at first, but decided to wait outside. I came over and we talked for awhile. the conversation quickly got into sex and relationship (a big NO NO, I know) . In the mist of that, he asked if I wanted to be a FWB relationship, since he did not see himself being in a relationship for awhile. But a FWB relationship was not was I was looking for, but I didn't explicitly say "uh, NO!" but did tell him I was looking for a relationship (he probably thought i was clingy). Well continued our conversation and next thing you know, I'm making out with him! I can't lie, it was nice. he dropped me off at my dorm and I was elated the entire night. The next morning, i texted him good morning ( another mistake I made) but I didn't think anything of since I'm sure he didn't think of me in "that" way. But he sounded so distant i literally wondered what I was doing wrong. Well the coverstation was short and sweet. The next few days, however, he was on to the next girl (or other girls) and practicely forgot all about me. As you can tell, I was hurt. I honestly had so much hope in this guy. I really wanted him to be my boyfriend ( since i never had one) and he just up and forgot about me. I feel so pathetic getting all worked up over a just making out , cause its not like I slept with him (thank God), but still.... I feel like the reason why I am upset is because he only thought of me as a f*ck buddy and not as a potential girlfriend but I know there's more to it than that. I don't know anymore. I want to have more faith in guys, but I feel like for as long as I am in college, guys don't want girls like me, girls that want to wait for commitment. For awhile, I resented him, but I'm "cool" with him now. Still, I can help but harbor angry feelings for him everytime i think of him. I keep telling myself that i'm over him and I don't care what he does, but i guess i'm not. or am I? Your help would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Chi Chi Edited May 18, 2014 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
J2911 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 (edited) I really need help getting over this guy.... I am new to this website and I stumbled on a few of your articles that partially resonated with what I am going through but not entirely. It is a pretty long story, so I hope you are willing to hear me out. For as long as I can remember, I have always been socially awkward. When it came to guys, it was much worse. I have somewhat grown out of that awkwardness (emphasis on "somewhat" but it's still hard. Since I entered college this past year, my physical appearance has been changing for the better (and it still is). And with a change in physical appearance, guys have started to pay attention to me more (well kinda...it was more attention than I received in high school though). I have met guys who I thought a relationship would happen, but to no avail (i never had sex with them). For some, I didn't mind staying friends. Others, I did not have a problem cutting them off. But this particular boy has been stuck on my mind. We'll call him O. So I met O earlier this past semester. I got along with just fine as he seemed to get along with others as well. I could tell he was very charismatic and out going. Well one day we exchanged numbers (well i put my number in his phone and told him about....I know, I know...why??) and he texted me later that night. We talked a little bit, nothing big (O hates texting) and asked me to call him the next day. Well, like and idiot, I did, and he wanted me to come over the same day (around 7 or 8 at night....yes I am an idiot). since it was dark outside, I wanted O to at least stay on the phone with me while i walk to his place, which he wasn't willing to do at first, but decided to wait outside. I came over and we talked for awhile. the conversation quickly got into sex and relationship (a big NO NO, I know) . In the mist of that, he asked if I wanted to be a FWB relationship, since he did not see himself being in a relationship for awhile. But a FWB relationship was not was I was looking for, but I didn't explicitly say "uh, NO!" but did tell him I was looking for a relationship (he probably thought i was clingy). Well continued our conversation and next thing you know, I'm making out with him! I can't lie, it was nice. he dropped me off at my dorm and I was elated the entire night. The next morning, i texted him good morning ( another mistake I made) but I didn't think anything of since I'm sure he didn't think of me in "that" way. But he sounded so distant i literally wondered what I was doing wrong. Well the coverstation was short and sweet. The next few days, however, he was on to the next girl (or other girls) and practicely forgot all about me. As you can tell, I was hurt. I honestly had so much hope in this guy. I really wanted him to be my boyfriend ( since i never had one) and he just up and forgot about me. I feel so pathetic getting all worked up over a just making out , cause its not like I slept with him (thank God), but still.... I feel like the reason why I am upset is because he only thought of me as a f*ck buddy and not as a potential girlfriend but I know there's more to it than that. I don't know anymore. I want to have more faith in guys, but I feel like for as long as I am in college, guys don't want girls like me, girls that want to wait for commitment. For awhile, I resented him, but I'm "cool" with him now. Still, I can help but harbor angry feelings for him everytime i think of him. I keep telling myself that i'm over him and I don't care what he does, but i guess i'm not. or am I? Your help would be greatly appreciated. Sincerely, Chi Chi Hello , Sorry to read this . First off it sounds like you are extremely intelligent and have a great gut instinct which is great ! There are a lot of guys and girls in college who aren't ready to settle down and just want to experiment with what they haven't had a chance to before. This is normal behavior and I actually don't recommend people to settle down during their college years and just focus on getting a great education and work towards your future and have fun mingling safely in the process. There aren't a lot of folks your age that are ready to find a lifetime steady partner . For those who are ready for your age range to settle down this is a challenge to find. They are out there but it's not a prominent population. You seem to be ready to find a steady boyfriend and want to be loved by one person and vise versa and that is great too . Be very careful and just use your judgement. If you sense that a guy is just out to enjoy the college years and date as many as he wishes then just don't try to pursue that type of guy . If a guy is ready to settle down and find Ms. Right then he will let you know Edited May 17, 2014 by J2911 :) 1
soccerrprp Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Chi Chi, You are, unfortunately, in an age group and environment where few guys are looking for a LTR. You'll find more are looking for sex than anything truly lasting. Good luck and be careful. At least this guy was more honest about wanting you only for sex. Others will not be. 3
Assasda Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Well, I cant see where the guy went wrong. You didnt know anything about him, and you made out with him. You're liable to do that with anyone else that you find attractive. So, He just cut you short. I say Cudos to him
Photofinish Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Everything is a learning experience. At least you know what you did wrong. Good guys are still out there. Have faith. 1
Augman Posted May 18, 2014 Posted May 18, 2014 Im an 18 year old guy in a similar boat. I realize now is not the time to look for a life-time partner, but I'm not exactly looking to just hook up. I'm looking for someone to share affection with exclusively. Being a guy looking for girls this may be different for me, but i figured I'd share this in case it helps you: Recently I've found if I aim for the shy girls that don't seem all that into me, or ones that seem like they want to be just my friend and "hangout", they are the ones more open to a serious relationship rather than FWB. Girls that pursue me on their own with no cues from me seem to be ones looking to cure an itch... Hopefully you understand what I'm saying. To be honest, there's a decent chance you wont get so lucky next time, and the guy you end up getting attached to might NOT tell you his intentions, and I'm afraid if that happens it will hurt much worse for you.
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