Seef Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Dear All, I am shattered after finding out today that my husband has slept with someone else again...This is the second time....We have been together for 15 years, married for 6. Fair to say that things have not been great for a long time and I have not shown a lot of love, also because he has some mental health issues and was angry and hard to live with. I am just not sure that I will ever be able to trust him again. I am also scared of the future...we have 4 girls (one was stillborn 6 years ago) and the others are 9, 7 and 4. I am hurt, angry, confused.... Thanks for your time to read this.....
revelations Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 ((((Seef)))) I am very sorry to hear this. You may want to seek the help of an IC for yourself. I know things look real bad right now and your heart is broken. It is okay to take a few days to yourself and calm down. I know that myself it helped because I could not think straight either. Please hang in there, more people will read this and offer suggestions. You may want to be ready for more questions such as, Was it a ONS or an affair? Did you do any marriage counseling or IC the first time he cheated? Do you want to stay with him or leave him? Just know that a lot of people on here that will try and help you the best they can. I am very sorry, cheating is not right to do to anyone.
Author Seef Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 Thanks so much for your reply. It makes me feel a little bit better. All the best to you
painfullyobvious Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Is your husband getting help with his mental health?
Author Seef Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 Hi, yes he is seeing a GP who is excellent as I used to see her myself. But she cannot stop him from doing what he does. I am heartbroken. Not sure what the future holds but at this stage I don't want him to be a part of it....Thanks for replying :-)
BetrayedH Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Not sure what the future holds but at this stage I don't want him to be a part of it. Good choice. I'm a pretty big fan of giving truly remorseful waywards a second chance. They're my favorite stories. However, giving a third chance is like putting a big stamp of approval on future affairs, as if you deserve it. Don't do it.
revelations Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Seef, I really don't blame you for wanting out of the marriage. I can not stay with a cheater either. I know it is heartbreaking and very difficult to do. However at this point your WH chose to cheat on you, so to me you have every right to walk away. After all he broke the contract that you two have. Hell if you want to read my rant about how I felt. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/marriage-life-partnerships/infidelity/475966-ww-s-some-damage-you-have-caused-rant A word of warning for you, I do say things that may upset some women. However remember this perspective is coming from a man that dates women. So just know that the feelings were real and I did a complete change on my perspective about women, family courts (kangaroo courts) and were I obtain my joy from. You may be asking a lot of these same questions yourself that I was asking, however others you may not. Just know that I understand that your really in a lot of pain and it is okay to feel it, then sort it out and make your decision. Truthfully leaving him is what I would encourage you to do. One thing that really had me beating myself up was that I had seen the red flags and ignored them. I was upset with myself because I did not take action when I first became suspicious. I lost trust in my self to be able to tell if she was lying or hiding something. I lost trust in myself to protect myself from such hurt. Truth is that I did not investigate the red flags because I wanted to trust her more than what she deserved. I could tell she was lying and hiding something and I chose to ignore it. I did not protect myself because I was in love and did not want to see her for what she had become. What helped me through this pain (aside from dumping her sorry ass) was to realize that I was free. I was free from having to worry if she would ever cheat again. I was free from wondering exactly what she did in bed with the OM. I was just free from her period. Then started looking at my own options. I could date again if I chose to, or spend my time doing other stuff I enjoy. Hell if I wanted to I could see how many different women I could bang in a month or a year (no I did not do this). The point is that my options were wide open. So I slowly changed my perspective from being hurt at what was lost to thankful for having a new door appear before me. Okay I will not bullsh*t you it does take some time before the hurt goes away enough that you can even attempt to look at it another way. So until then keep posting on here. Hell write a letter cussing him out if you like. Whatever it takes to make you feel better. Whatever you do just hang in their. Things will get better for you. ((((Seef))))
suckerpunch55 Posted May 20, 2014 Posted May 20, 2014 I am sorry to hear about this and as a betrayed spouse my heart goes out to you. All I can say is try to think clearly before making any rash decisions and try to get all the answers you need from him before deciding what to do.
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