SomeHeart Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I know that you cant treat every relationship the same and that there's no standard 'tick box' procedure that indicates a relationship is ending but does anyone have any common 'signs' they'd like to share that suggest a relationship is in the final stages? I've had alot on my mind lately regarding my current relationship and am just looking for some advice.
skydiveaddict Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 does anyone have any common 'signs' they'd like to share that suggest a relationship is in the final stages? Yes. When she tells you "I love you, but I'm not in love with you Or she will say something like "It's not you. It's me." And the favorite female line: "I need some some space to think." Any of those statements means you are toast
Author SomeHeart Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 @skydiveaddict - Thank you for the insight there! I'll be vigilant of that standard cliche's! It's more a case of 'running out of things to talk about' that seems to be affecting my relationship the most. There's this feeling of 'hitting a wall.'
Natsume21 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Here are the ones I got that suggested it was over. 1. "I need a break"(followed by random reason ranging from overwhelming job issues to parents to searching for oneself)=I am searching for someone else, but please, get on standby till he or she commits. 2. "The spark is gone"=I got a spark for someone else. 3. I love you, but...=you already know the rest. It means you're not her or his romantic priority. 4. "I think we should start over and try being friends first.(usually a common lie)=stick with me while I go explore my feelings for someone else. In case it doesn't work out, I'll pretend that I got my feelings back and everything will be all right, till the next guy comes in. 5. Your(insert random trait that you always had that wasn't a problem till now) annoys me.=I need something, anything, to justify why I want to be with someone else without looking like an ******* or a bitch. 6. There is no one else I want to be with, I just need to get back to being myself again(correlates with no. 1)=yeah I'm lying to your face. Truth is there IS someone else. Just not sure if that someone else is fully into me. So I'm gonna use a technicality to find out to make sure I'm not cheating. 7. "We need to talk"=prepare to go No Contact the minute you hear this. 8. "We can still be friends"=I have no interest in being friends. I just want you gone without looking like the bad guy. 9. "It's not you, it's me."=actually, im blaming my loss of attraction on you, but you don't need to know that. 10. "I'm gonna be honest with you."--I hope you believe my bull****(results may vary) I think I covered most of the bases here. 4
todreaminblue Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 not wanting to make time or spend time with each other silences arent awkward with me if i am with someone i feel for i like silence because if the other person doesnt mind silence and they are comfortable its really relaxing to me....so maybe it isnt in running out of things to say more that you cant enjoy the silences......sometimes you dont have to say anything you know you shouldnt have to.......having a person you really feel for who feels for you.....next to you .....feels good without a word being said....true feelings are often unspoken anyway.....thats what a sigh of contentment is or a smile from nowhere...unspoken feelings....you feel them not say them.....they are said most often in silence...awkward silences happen when one person is thinking this... crap dont know what to say what should i say five minutes have gone past i havent said a word he/she is going to think i am stupid...crap crap think think......what can i talk about i wonder if he she knows how i am feeling....got to be calm ....shut up brain..crap i hope they cant read my mind......thats awkward silence...smilin....lol...ahem sorry ...been there too...... so dont worry about running out of things to say ....worry about when the silences dont feel good anymore...........you need time to appreciate silence just as much as you need time to talk...the silences allow your chats to be appreciated and remembered not just walls of intelligent conversation......people need time to process...that takes silence not introducing new conversations.....i would rather go out with someone who didnt barricade me in walls of words and deep conversations all the time.....i am spacey enough... i dont know about other women but i like to relax with a guy and go natural in conversation that means having silences to just be with the guy i am with, talk about tomorrow or the week ahead or what we could do or where we could go.....just simple things...........i dont think lack of conversation should be a sign......you can still communicate without having to be a conversationalist and you can have a blast.......if silence isnt an enemy.walls of words just for the sake of talking ...thats an enemy....im shutting up now...smiling.......ahhh silence .......deb
Author SomeHeart Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 It's really difficult to explain. I understand what you mean in regards to a silence indicating that you are comfortable together but what ive noticed lately is that the silences are awkward and uncomfortable , we seem to be struggling to make conversation and have fun like we used to. I dont know whats happened.
Virgin26 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Here are the ones I got that suggested it was over. 1. "I need a break"(followed by random reason ranging from overwhelming job issues to parents to searching for oneself)=I am searching for someone else, but please, get on standby till he or she commits. 2. "The spark is gone"=I got a spark for someone else. 3. I love you, but...=you already know the rest. It means you're not her or his romantic priority. 4. "I think we should start over and try being friends first.(usually a common lie)=stick with me while I go explore my feelings for someone else. In case it doesn't work out, I'll pretend that I got my feelings back and everything will be all right, till the next guy comes in. 5. Your(insert random trait that you always had that wasn't a problem till now) annoys me.=I need something, anything, to justify why I want to be with someone else without looking like an ******* or a bitch. 6. There is no one else I want to be with, I just need to get back to being myself again(correlates with no. 1)=yeah I'm lying to your face. Truth is there IS someone else. Just not sure if that someone else is fully into me. So I'm gonna use a technicality to find out to make sure I'm not cheating. 7. "We need to talk"=prepare to go No Contact the minute you hear this. 8. "We can still be friends"=I have no interest in being friends. I just want you gone without looking like the bad guy. 9. "It's not you, it's me."=actually, im blaming my loss of attraction on you, but you don't need to know that. 10. "I'm gonna be honest with you."--I hope you believe my bull****(results may vary) . Wow!! although there is some truth to the reasons you listed, I don't think people always leave because there is someone else in the picture, and I don't think people always lie during breakups. Sometimes, people genuinely want to be alone for a while, and there is absolutely no one else (I know this from experience). Most of my breakups never happened because of someone else. When I was the dumper, it was mainly because of school stress, depression (I just wanted to be left alone), or moving to new countries. Generalizations are never a good thing. Relationships end for a variety of reasons, and we should never focus on why it ended but rather that it ended and it's time to move on!! 2
jbelle6 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Yes. When she tells you "I love you, but I'm not in love with you Or she will say something like "It's not you. It's me." And the favorite female line: "I need some some space to think." Any of those statements means you are toast These are so not "female" lines, heard all of them last week lol. 3
jbelle6 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Here are the ones I got that suggested it was over. 1. "I need a break"(followed by random reason ranging from overwhelming job issues to parents to searching for oneself)=I am searching for someone else, but please, get on standby till he or she commits. 2. "The spark is gone"=I got a spark for someone else. 3. I love you, but...=you already know the rest. It means you're not her or his romantic priority. 4. "I think we should start over and try being friends first.(usually a common lie)=stick with me while I go explore my feelings for someone else. In case it doesn't work out, I'll pretend that I got my feelings back and everything will be all right, till the next guy comes in. 5. Your(insert random trait that you always had that wasn't a problem till now) annoys me.=I need something, anything, to justify why I want to be with someone else without looking like an ******* or a bitch. 6. There is no one else I want to be with, I just need to get back to being myself again(correlates with no. 1)=yeah I'm lying to your face. Truth is there IS someone else. Just not sure if that someone else is fully into me. So I'm gonna use a technicality to find out to make sure I'm not cheating. 7. "We need to talk"=prepare to go No Contact the minute you hear this. 8. "We can still be friends"=I have no interest in being friends. I just want you gone without looking like the bad guy. 9. "It's not you, it's me."=actually, im blaming my loss of attraction on you, but you don't need to know that. 10. "I'm gonna be honest with you."--I hope you believe my bull****(results may vary) I think I covered most of the bases here. So true about #6. I always know there IS someone else. Just like how it's not you it's me actually means it's not me it's you.
jbelle6 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Wow!! although there is some truth to the reasons you listed, I don't think people always leave because there is someone else in the picture, and I don't think people always lie during breakups. Sometimes, people genuinely want to be alone for a while, and there is absolutely no one else (I know this from experience). Most of my breakups never happened because of someone else. When I was the dumper, it was mainly because of school stress, depression (I just wanted to be left alone), or moving to new countries. Generalizations are never a good thing. Relationships end for a variety of reasons, and we should never focus on why it ended but rather that it ended and it's time to move on!! Cliches are cliches for a reason. And most breakups are not for the reasons you listed. The reason for break ups is because they don't love you anymore and don't want to share their life in that way with you anymore. They just don't have the balls to just say that. 1
Always Pondering Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 8. "We can still be friends"=I have no interest in being friends. I just want you gone without looking like the bad guy. Out of curiousity, is this a 100% true thing or more like 99% with the occasional possibility? This situation doesn't apply to me by the way, was just curious.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 It's really difficult to explain. I understand what you mean in regards to a silence indicating that you are comfortable together but what ive noticed lately is that the silences are awkward and uncomfortable , we seem to be struggling to make conversation and have fun like we used to. I dont know whats happened. I hate to say it but that is a big sign. It takes two to keep the communication flowing and if you haven't changed, it means that she has and is now not doing her part and gives you nothing to work with. 3
Natsume21 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Out of curiousity, is this a 100% true thing or more like 99% with the occasional possibility? This situation doesn't apply to me by the way, was just curious. 100 percent of the time it's not really a friendship you desire. It's mostly a guilt alleviance. You'll find that they aren't going to want to spend as much time as before and probably won't be there for you as much as a normal friend would. So in most cases, yes, they aren't going to be the friends that you desire. In ALL cases, it's to alleviate said guilt.
Natsume21 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 (edited) Wow!! although there is some truth to the reasons you listed, I don't think people always leave because there is someone else in the picture, and I don't think people always lie during breakups. Sometimes, people genuinely want to be alone for a while, and there is absolutely no one else (I know this from experience). Most of my breakups never happened because of someone else. When I was the dumper, it was mainly because of school stress, depression (I just wanted to be left alone), or moving to new countries. Generalizations are never a good thing. Relationships end for a variety of reasons, and we should never focus on why it ended but rather that it ended and it's time to move on!! Generalizations are generalizations for a reason. It's because they are proven true in most cases, thereby forming a pattern. Sure there are exceptions to the rule, but come ON, those exceptions are rare. Btw, aside from the "countries" bit, your other two reasons can be disproven with this factual statement: by dumping said person....you have made it clear you'd rather be with someone else. So excuse me if I don't believe you. But there are exceptions to said rule. But as I said before, generalizations are there for a REASON. Just because you're the exception to the rule, does not make you the rule. 90 percent of the time, when it comes to young relationships(teens and 20s) statistically speaking, relationships end because of infidelity or a strong desire to be with someone else, usually achieved through lies and deceit as a result of immaturity. Don't believe me, search these forums and see for yourself. Usually best to assume the worst, use that motivation to move on, and if said person is being truthful about the reasons for said breakup, you'll find them knocking at your door begging for your back or making a staunch, true effort at a friendship. Edited May 16, 2014 by Natsume21 1
Damaged217 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 I know that you cant treat every relationship the same and that there's no standard 'tick box' procedure that indicates a relationship is ending but does anyone have any common 'signs' they'd like to share that suggest a relationship is in the final stages? I've had alot on my mind lately regarding my current relationship and am just looking for some advice. Just a few of the big warning signs... -They become distant and less affectionate -They are constantly annoyed by every little thing that you do -They don't tell you that they love you anymore -They don't want to have sex with your anymore or make up excuses not to 1
Author SomeHeart Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 Thanks to everyone who's replied! Some of the warning signs are blatantly present like the distance and the less affection. I don't find her irritating , just the situation. I don't have that 'loved up' feeling when we spend time together. I just feel empty , I feel like I'm grieving for a relationship that hasn't even ended yet, I miss her and she's still around. It's really strange.
FredJones80 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 SomeHeart, it might help if you tell us how long you've been together, the answer could be in this...
FredJones80 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 Just under a year... See : http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/476516-romantic-love-vs-committed-love-food-thought
STM206 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 "I just need to figure things out" which also translates into "keep pining for me while I find something better" 2
FredJones80 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 @fredjones80 : thank you! With that said, it could be the initial passionate love has gone and either one of you is realising there isn't much substance left? Time to make some decisions me thinks.
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