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Sometimes the little things are big things

compulsivedancer

By compulsivedancer
in Infidelity

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compulsivedancer Established Member

compulsivedancer

Posted
Posted

Sometimes it's the little things that are most important.

 

I started crying several weeks ago when I went out to eat with H and noticed he was wearing his wedding ring again. :) even though he's lost weight and there's no way it fit.

 

Yesterday H told me something rather unsavory that he remembered about OM from when they were friends. Last summer it would've sent me into a tailspin of doubt and question. Yesterday I just shrugged. I've finally made my peace, more or less, with who OM is/was as a person. Actually, I'm not even sure if that's what it was - it was more that I felt it at a distance, as if H was sharing some gossip about someone we used to be friends with.

 

What's funny - I just realized while writing this that that's not really a little thing at all, but rather kind of huge - I'm finally achieving indifference. My mind actually categorized it as a little thing.

 

:) sorry for the ramble-y post. Things are going well. I was reflecting a bit yesterday, trying to figure out if my actions showed that I've changed or if it was just thoughts, and I realized that, yes, things have changed. I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of this life thing. I'm growing up and getting my act together. H expressed something very similar, too, recently, in his life.

 

We still have work to do as a couple. I think sometimes things can be a bit distant. But most of the time, it feels like we're a lot more caring and connected. I wish we saw more of each other (we work opposite schedules), but our time together is pretty well-spent.

  • Like 17
Furious Established Member

Furious

Posted
Posted
Sometimes it's the little things that are most important.

 

I started crying several weeks ago when I went out to eat with H and noticed he was wearing his wedding ring again. :) even though he's lost weight and there's no way it fit.

 

Yesterday H told me something rather unsavory that he remembered about OM from when they were friends. Last summer it would've sent me into a tailspin of doubt and question. Yesterday I just shrugged. I've finally made my peace, more or less, with who OM is/was as a person. Actually, I'm not even sure if that's what it was - it was more that I felt it at a distance, as if H was sharing some gossip about someone we used to be friends with.

 

What's funny - I just realized while writing this that that's not really a little thing at all, but rather kind of huge - I'm finally achieving indifference. My mind actually categorized it as a little thing.

 

:) sorry for the ramble-y post. Things are going well. I was reflecting a bit yesterday, trying to figure out if my actions showed that I've changed or if it was just thoughts, and I realized that, yes, things have changed. I feel like I'm finally getting the hang of this life thing. I'm growing up and getting my act together. H expressed something very similar, too, recently, in his life.

 

We still have work to do as a couple. I think sometimes things can be a bit distant. But most of the time, it feels like we're a lot more caring and connected. I wish we saw more of each other (we work opposite schedules), but our time together is pretty well-spent.

 

 

 

You're getting there CD, I wish you both the best.:love:

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compulsivedancer Established Member

compulsivedancer

Posted
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Posted

Realizing that was really general.

 

On DDay, I worked two crappy jobs that I hated, that didn't really pay the bills. Yes, I was underemployed because I live in a smaller town without a lot of options, but to be honest, I was lazy and hadn't really put in too much effort. I was fairly depressed and had checked out of my relationship with H. I didn't do housework or cook, even though I had plenty of time. I had a stack of late bills that I wasn't taking care of, not because of finances but because I wasn't keeping up well with life.

 

After DDay, I was determined to prove that I could be better. It took a bunch of small changes, and there's still a lot of work to be done, but I finally feel like I'm happy with the person I'm becoming.

 

Today I have a job that I love, where I'm using my skills and learning new ones. I'm cooking regularly, and it's become a part of my relationship with H. I've started doing some of the things I've always intended to do, like volunteering and starting a compost pile. I'm still not a great housekeeper, but it's getting better (and H regularly does the dishes now, for which I can't thank him enough).

 

We bought a house. I successfully navigated all of the paperwork for the mortgage and continue to direct the finances successfully (no more late payments, yay!). We have savings for the first time ever, and a financial plan! I'm finally getting to the point at work where I don't have persistent fear of failure and "unworthiness."

 

H and I have a regular date night now and have improved our communication a lot. When I kiss him goodbye in the morning and he does something cute in his half-awake state, it makes my heart flip. Before, I often felt indifferent when he was away, but now I miss him and can't wait to see him.

 

It's getting there. We're getting there. Life is getting there.

  • Like 13
lovinDKT3 Established Member

lovinDKT3

Posted
Posted

I don't think the ring thing will ever happen in my situation but a girl can hope.

 

Im happy for you that things are going well. I understand the work thing, right now DKT has been living what he calls a vampire lifestyle. He is working overnight. Hopefully only two more weeks.

 

Isn't indifference great? Funny thing is I spent more time hating OM, but even that takes far more energy then he is worth.

 

Keep up the good work.

  • Like 2
A.Moscote Established Member

A.Moscote

Posted
Posted
...I was determined to prove that I could be better. It took a bunch of small changes, and there's still a lot of work to be done, but I finally feel like I'm happy with the person I'm becoming.

 

Congrats, keep it up, and enjoy the journey.

 

This really shows how the small things (yes, even paying the bills) can really help us getting out of the trouble and propel us forward. Worthy lesson for all of us here no matter from which side.

  • Like 1
BetrayedH Established Member

BetrayedH

Posted
Posted

It sounds to me like you're doing exactly what you need to be doing, and exactly what your H was afraid you would be unable to do.

 

Proud of you, CD.

  • Like 3
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compulsivedancer Established Member

compulsivedancer

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Posted

Thanks, guys. There's a lot of depressing stories on here right now, and it's always nice to have a little hope. It CAN get better, if both people are willing to be honest and do the work.

  • Like 7
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compulsivedancer Established Member

compulsivedancer

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Would it be too much if I asked what the unsavory thing was? Even if you don't want to answer that, may I ask why you say if you heard whatever this was last summer you would go into a tailspin of doubt and question? What would you be doubting and questioning?

 

I don't want to go into details, but something that highlighted OM's General thought of women as tools rather than people.

 

I was very caught up on the thought that what I had with OM had meaning, and it was hard to accept that it probably didn't.

  • Like 1
Lamron Member

Lamron

Posted
Posted (edited)

CD,

 

It did have meaning. That's for sure. It gave him a (fictitious) ego boost. He bedded you as a "friend's" wife. He must be at least as...

 

His low self esteem was boosted - but, of course, not in a real way.

 

Anyway, the problem is not with him.

 

Why do you continue to try and make it about him?

Edited by Lamron
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compulsivedancer Established Member

compulsivedancer

Posted
  • Author
Posted
CD,

 

It did have meaning. That's for sure. It gave him a (fictitious) ego boost. He bedded you as a "friend's" wife. He must be at least as...

 

His low self esteem was boosted - but, of course, not in a real way.

 

Anyway, the problem is not with him.

 

Why do you continue to try and make it about him?

 

I'm not. That's the point. He doesn't matter any more.

  • Like 1
ChooseTruth Established Member

ChooseTruth

Posted
Posted

I'm proud of you two CD. I'm glad to hear things are getting better and better still :)

  • Like 1
Fluttershy Established Member

Fluttershy

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Posted

Good to hear, CD. It must be liberating to you. Do you ever feel tempted to google?

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compulsivedancer Established Member

compulsivedancer

Posted
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Good to hear, CD. It must be liberating to you. Do you ever feel tempted to google?

 

Not really. I don't think about him much anymore. Whenever I realize something keeps triggering me, I get rid of it, if possible. That helps a lot. For a while, I was eaten up with curiosity about his work situation (his car is no longer parked where he worked), but it's like removing another trigger. He worked on a pretty major road through town, so it required some thought to avoid. It's nice not to be reminded of him when I drive down that road.

 

Not that I never want to google him, but there's absolutely nothing to be gained by that. It's time to put that behind me - all of it.

Raven3321 Established Member

Raven3321

Posted
Posted

CD, this actually made my day. Thanks for sharing; it was nice to hear and inspiring for others like myself who need to get off the couch and "make it happen".

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