Predatory OW... gone too far though?

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

Meh....as long as it's legal, I say public exposure falls under 'consequences'.

 

Dont want a BS 'crossing the line'?

Shoulda thought about that before 'crossing the line' with her spouse.

 

Just sayin...

[Artie Lang]

wow, this thread is all over the place.

 

for what it's worth, "outing" someone as a cheater shouldn't cause such responses- hey, it's what they are! maliciously spreading lies about someone is quite another thing.

 

that being said, i say it's up to the person who is at the center of the controversy to correct those who are spreading these rumors, however they see fit.

 

 

let me just further add that people have been killed due to infidelity. publicly outing someone seems like peanuts compared to losing one's life over cheating.

 

as for those caught in the crossfire in exposing, the parties involved should've thought about that before engaging in such abhorrent behavior.

[veritas lux mea]

wow, this thread is all over the place.

 

for what it's worth, "outing" someone as a cheater shouldn't cause such responses- hey, it's what they are! maliciously spreading lies about someone is quite another thing.

 

that being said, i say it's up to the person who is at the center of the controversy to correct those who are spreading these rumors, however they see fit.

 

 

let me just further add that people have been killed due to infidelity. publicly outing someone seems like peanuts compared to losing one's life over cheating.

 

as for those caught in the crossfire in exposing, the parties involved should've thought about that before engaging in such abhorrent behavior.

 

It's like you copy and pasted your reply from the other thread... Oh wait you did.

Still think this mindset appears pathetic and desperate. And silly. But not wrong. But what most people mentioning (and not all over the place like you said in te last post) is that calling someone a child predator is going too far.

[Artie Lang]

posted on the wrong thread.

 

like i said, maliciously spreading lies about someone(child predator) is not a good idea. these are slanderous accusations.

 

going the legal route is very costly and time consuming, and people might be subpoenaed. i wonder if this is what the woman in question really wants. if she is a serial cheater, all of these details may come to light if she pursues this. that's all i'm saying.

 

does she really want her friends and family front-and-center when these thing are being divulged in a court of law?

Edited May 18, 2014 by Artie Lang

[Hope Shimmers]

Meh....as long as it's legal, I say public exposure falls under 'consequences'.

 

Dont want a BS 'crossing the line'?

Shoulda thought about that before 'crossing the line' with her spouse.

Just sayin...

 

Seriously? Since when did two wrongs add up to a right?

 

This is not 'public exposure', it's telling outright (and illegal!) lies about someone just to be spiteful.

 

So since she 'shoulda thought about that before crossing the line' with her spouse, I guess it's okay whatever the BS chooses to do to her, legal or not. Perhaps walk up to her with a gun and kill her? Or her kids? Where is the line? After all, she deserves anything she gets, since she didn't think about it before crossing the line, right?

[AmyBamy]

Problem is, there is nothing stopping the OW from doing the exact same thing and within legal boundaries. The OW could reveal some pretty unsavory things about the BW too most likely considering she has most likely had an inside line to that for however long the relationship has lasted. So, I guess if the BW wants to amp up the drama she has every "right" to do so but I wouldn't expect her to cry foul when it is returned her way.

 

Imo it's all silly and childish but to each his or her own. I doubt that many people outside of the issue are going to really care other than to gossip about it for a minute and that's it. Of course slander and/or libel is a very real legal issue and it could get pretty hairy for the BW pretty quickly. If she is ready and willing for the fallback of all of that unnecessary drama then so be it.

[ThatsJustHowIRoll]

Seriously? Since when did two wrongs add up to a right?

 

This is not 'public exposure', it's telling outright (and illegal!) lies about someone just to be spiteful.

 

So since she 'shoulda thought about that before crossing the line' with her spouse, I guess it's okay whatever the BS chooses to do to her, legal or not. Perhaps walk up to her with a gun and kill her? Or her kids? Where is the line? After all, she deserves anything she gets, since she didn't think about it before crossing the line, right?

 

Jeezus! Hysterical much?

 

Go back, read again. Public exposure of an affair is consequences. Do I agree with the message? Not if its false, no. Not if its ILLEGAL (hang on, didnt I already say that???)...but the method? Consequences. Suck it up. Do the crime, do the time.

[Hope Shimmers]

Jeezus! Hysterical much?

 

Go back, read again. Public exposure of an affair is consequences. Do I agree with the message? Not if its false, no. Not if its ILLEGAL (hang on, didnt I already say that???)...but the method? Consequences. Suck it up. Do the crime, do the time.

 

You think I'm 'hysterical' because I disagree with you? Too funny!

 

I don't need to 'read again'. I read well the first time. This is not 'public exposure' - it goes well beyond that. If you think that's all it is, fine. No need to agree with me or get crazy defending yourself - I only expressed my opinion.

[Hope Shimmers]

I am pretty sure this is the first thread I have ever started here, but I got an interesting piece of mail yesterday. One was mailed to everyone in our neighborhood, warning us to stay away from a "sexual predator" who is after our husbands AND children???

 

I read on, then read between the lines and it looks like it was written by a BS about a fairly well-known business woman in our area who apparently recently moved into my neighborhood. Having been both a BS and an OW and now just a plain old wife (well, LOL, at least to my knowledge thus far), I GET that the BS would be furious and want revenge, but.... isn't this a bit over the line? This letter tries to give the illusion that this woman is a sex offender and warns everyone to keep watch on their husbands and children.

 

I don't know the woman, don't know the story. Have heard she is divorced, but I have no idea if it is because of this affair, or if this affair is recent or anything else. Clearly there WAS some sort of affair, but still. This just seems a bit over the top to me

 

This is so completely far over the line that it's unbelievable. How immature, for one thing. If I were the woman being targeted I would have my attorney on this immediately. Just crazy.

[sweet_pea]

Sadly, these things happen as a consequence of having an affair.

[WasOtherWoman]

To update: the police apparently feel this is more than public exposure as well. I have been told that they are collecting the letters and that the person about whom the letters have been written is initiating legal action.

 

I don't know much more at this point, but I have to wonder what, if anything, can actually be proven here.

 

Also, our state is a staunchly no fault state. In divorce cases they don't even want to HEAR who did what to whom, they don't care. So, that part of this particular issue will be irrelevant. It is the child-predator business that is going to be investigated.

[Hope Shimmers]

To update: the police apparently feel this is more than public exposure as well. I have been told that they are collecting the letters and that the person about whom the letters have been written is initiating legal action.

 

I don't know much more at this point, but I have to wonder what, if anything, can actually be proven here.

 

Also, our state is a staunchly no fault state. In divorce cases they don't even want to HEAR who did what to whom, they don't care. So, that part of this particular issue will be irrelevant. It is the child-predator business that is going to be investigated.

 

Good for her. That's what should happen. This was WAY more than 'public exposure' and went way beyond anything that had to do with an affair. Sending out letters that accuse someone of being a child predator is going to get this woman in a lot of trouble, as well it should.

[WasOtherWoman]

As I've said before, if a BS wants to try to take some sort of revenge on the OP, that's certainly up to them, and certainly not undeserved.

 

But this, coupled with the possibility that one of the neighborhood kids could take this piece of paper calling their mother a "sexual predator of husbands and children" to school, where the OP's children go, is just too extreme.

[gettingstronger]

Still not understanding why it's assumed it's the BS. It says our rather than your. Do you think the OW moved into the exAPs neighborhood?

[WasOtherWoman]

Still not understanding why it's assumed it's the BS. It says our rather than your. Do you think the OW moved into the exAPs neighborhood?

 

Good point.... that is definitely an assumption, although probably not all that far fetched. The story I am kind of hearing is that this happened a while back, the OP moved (into my neighborhood, hence my knowledge of the letter) and everyone is assuming that the BS of the person with whom she had an affair is the author of the letter. HA.. I don't think she's been here long enough to begin an affair with one of the husbands here, but I could be wrong??

[gettingstronger]

I'm a teacher and sadly there are are always one or two parents that have no problem airing everyone else's dirty laundry. That's why I wonder on the source. Some people need a hobby, right?

[SoleMate]

I'd caution the BS about adopting this proudly "tit-for-tat" model. After all, if the BS chooses to make these private facts known around the neighborhood, she' s making herself look like a pathetic nut (and her husband like a helpless fool). And the responsive "tat" may be more exposure which can't help but harm the involved children and expose them to ridicule.

 

Anonymous smears sicken me. If the BS wants to be really helpful, she should report the full facts of her marriage and the affair, and sign it with her own name, not just provide unsupported and conclusory defamation and insults. That way everyone can draw their own conclusions. Does the BS want her husband's behavior exposed for all to see? Not that anyone cares beyond the 15-minute wonder/checkout magazine level. Over the years, whenever I've seen outraged ranting people trying to draw others into their squabbles, it's been a fail. People know they're only hearing one side and they discount it.

 

And the sickening little blackmail comments above ("well, the OW can't complain about defamation because she'll just be dragging herself through the dirt") are just....sickening.

 

Too bad, because if the BS had kept a few shreds of dignity and ethics I would totally have been on her side. The A was bad behavior, no doubt. (By the OW and the MM....lest we forget.) But claiming someone else's bad behavior justified one doing something far worse is just grotesque. If the BS is truly so out of control that she can't help herself spreading anonymous loathsome false claims about the OW being a child molester is defamation per se everywhere in the United States. The BS should prepare herself to be deposed on the source of her info for that claim.

[Elias33]

Crossed the line for sure. When using words such as sex and predator, I would like it to be for what it is intended for, for real sick people that are out to hurt your children.

 

NOT because of some love triangle or cheating drama; it is using a legitimate method of communication for real concern to hang out the dirty laundry and getting even. And that is not what something like that is intended for.

 

And yes, this may well have legal consequences mainly because the claim is made that children are involved. I get the anger (I have been there) involving a breakup or a betrayal, but to go to such disproportional lengths really screams mental instability all over.

 

If the other don't value you as such within a relationship to where they feel the need to cheat on you, it is upon oneself to maintain the rest of one's dignity. Take your loss and go, keep your self-value.

[Lisanne]

Just thinking out loud here, but I don't imagine I would want my dirty laundry aired in a court of law if I had an affair with someone. If I have an affair with some married man and his wife blabs it all over, wouldn't it be taking it to a new level of expose' if I filed suit? The affair would then be recorded in a court of law and perhaps even picked up by the news.

 

Might be better to just chalk the exposure up to a job hazard and quietly back out of the room like a stinky fart.

[Fluttershy]

Just thinking out loud here, but I don't imagine I would want my dirty laundry aired in a court of law if I had an affair with someone. If I have an affair with some married man and his wife blabs it all over, wouldn't it be taking it to a new level of expose' if I filed suit? The affair would then be recorded in a court of law and perhaps even picked up by the news.

 

Might be better to just chalk the exposure up to a job hazard and quietly back out of the room like a stinky fart.

 

Yes, but would you rather your cheating be known in court or a rumour going around you molest children? Because besides obvious nutjobs the one is uncomparable crime. And doing so diminishes the complete vileness involved in sexually preying upon children.

[Fluttershy]

Your feeling that child molestation is SO much worse that you'd have to be a "nut job" not to see it contradicts the inference that this betrayed wife was even implying that the OW was a child molester.

 

IF OW is/was a child molester…why would the letter say anything about her being a predator of husband's too???? Wouldn't it be enough to just out her as a child molester???

 

 

Anyway…as I argued above "predator" -->even "sexual predator" doesn't equate to "sexual molester".

 

Defend it all you want. You have shown your colours and extreme stance. And yes sexual predator of children does equel sexual molester. Stealing a child's affection platonicaly or parental is not sexual.

[Lisanne]

Yes, but would you rather your cheating be known in court or a rumour going around you molest children? Because besides obvious nutjobs the one is uncomparable crime. And doing so diminishes the complete vileness involved in sexually preying upon children.

 

 

I don't see how that means she molested children. To me, that is a huge stretch. In my mind, I wouldn't want it publicly known that I had a part in busting up someone's marriage and ruining some kids family. Taking it to the level of a court proceeding gets all that on the public record. Why help the ex-wife kick me down the stairs for all to see? I call that cutting off your nose to spite your face.

[QuakerOats]

Just thinking out loud here, but I don't imagine I would want my dirty laundry aired in a court of law if I had an affair with someone. If I have an affair with some married man and his wife blabs it all over, wouldn't it be taking it to a new level of expose' if I filed suit? The affair would then be recorded in a court of law and perhaps even picked up by the news.

 

Might be better to just chalk the exposure up to a job hazard and quietly back out of the room like a stinky fart.

 

 

 

The affair may be picked up by the news? Where do you live? Mayberry?

[Lisanne]

The affair may be picked up by the news? Where do you live? Mayberry?

 

Seems like the stories I have read have been in pretty major cities over the years. An embittered adulterer who sues a betrayed spouse makes for great press. That really rules people up!

 

I remember another case in the last couple of years where a betrayed wife sued the mistress for 9 million dollars. AND WON!

[AmyBamy]

If 1/3 of the triangle's dirty laundry is aired, be prepared for everyone's to be aired. Especially if it ends in a court of law. I have a feeling that the AP isn't the one that will be most embarrassed once all the details come to light. The AP most likely knows a LOT about the BS, the family's finances, the children, the parenting, etc. The whole thing may just backfire and not end up being revenge at all but simply end up being the catalyst to finding out what lurks behind the facade of the BS - and the marriage.

 

I will say it again, it's all childish. People trying to get people to take sides, to feed their emotional fury. If you can't stand on your own with your beliefs then they aren't that strong. But, if the BS wants to open that can of worms, I think she should be very prepared to have her very own bad habits aired out in front of all too, because the WS and the AP are BOTH aware of those and if push comes to shove, it's gonna get ugly and it's not going to be just the AP that walks away with the marks. Not to mention, if BS has children - the dirty laundry that they will be exposed to or exposed as owners of in the process. I would think really long and hard about how I want it to go and how it actually might go (but sounds like it's already too late for that with this BS?).