WasOtherWoman Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I am pretty sure this is the first thread I have ever started here, but I got an interesting piece of mail yesterday. One was mailed to everyone in our neighborhood, warning us to stay away from a "sexual predator" who is after our husbands AND children??? I read on, then read between the lines and it looks like it was written by a BS about a fairly well-known business woman in our area who apparently recently moved into my neighborhood. Having been both a BS and an OW and now just a plain old wife (well, LOL, at least to my knowledge thus far), I GET that the BS would be furious and want revenge, but.... isn't this a bit over the line? This letter tries to give the illusion that this woman is a sex offender and warns everyone to keep watch on their husbands and children. I don't know the woman, don't know the story. Have heard she is divorced, but I have no idea if it is because of this affair, or if this affair is recent or anything else. Clearly there WAS some sort of affair, but still. This just seems a bit over the top to me 1
Sub Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Yes, that's over the top. Why waste the stamps for that? And I may be wrong, but I would imagine there's a possibility of legal implications (slander, maybe?).
Author WasOtherWoman Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 I thought so too, about the legal implications. Apparently she is wanting the letters that went to the neighbors so I am thinking she is going to pursue some legal action. She is a pretty savvy business woman (or so I hear) so I cannot think she is just going to do nothing. I did hear from a neighbor that knows her that she is quite distraught over the letter. Unfortunately, she has that sort of job in which one has pictures on billboards (pretty sure everyone can guess that profession) so there's that.... I feel bad for her, I feel bad for the letter-writer. Ugh, just a bad situation all around .... edited to add: the letter was written such that, as I began reading it, I thought I should check out the registered sex offenders list?? When I got to the end of it, I was able to work out the intent of it, but still
Author WasOtherWoman Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 (edited) It's only slander if what she says is untrue. That's the definition of the word. In court there's a little thing called "discovery" that might get inconvenient if she's been ****ing married men. Just sayin'. Over the top? Hmm. You set out to destroy someone else's life, but then that person is supposed to just... what? Say "thanks for all the good times"? Right. Isn't it slander though to say she is a sexual predator of husbands and children???? Edited May 15, 2014 by WasOtherWoman edited: typo 1
snappytomcat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 well I did crazy things that were out of character for me after dday,of course nothing like this,i wouldn't want to air my dirty laundry for all my neighbors,yes I do think that's nuts kinda of like putting pics of ow on that site shes a homewrecker,I did think about for like 2 seconds,but my rational side of me took over,and said hell to the no,thats over the top.
RightThere Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 .... isn't this a bit over the line? I want to say that yes, it crossed the line buuuut.......... 2
cozycottagelg Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Isn't it slander though to say she is a sexual predator of husbands and children???? That's what I was thinking. You can't go around telling people that someone is a danger to society just because she sleeps with your husband. I get you have been betrayed and are hurting and angry and your world just fell apart...but I don't think you can rightfully/legally tell a neighborhood that someone is a sexual predator when they are not. 2
goodyblue Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I could be mistaken but you also need to prove that the slander hurt you... ruined your business, ruined your marriage, etc. 3
ladydesigner Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I reacted way over the top then because I did post MOW on one of those homewrecker sites. Can't say that I feel bad. 1
Fluttershy Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I reacted way over the top then because I did post MOW on one of those homewrecker sites. Can't say that I feel bad. Only if you didn't post your H. Both set out to wreck a home. But a website people have to seek out is entirely different than snail mail. I think some people do over react pn vengence. You would think history and common sense would tell us it rarely makes people feel better. And if it does the feel better is short lived. 2
Sub Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I could be mistaken but you also need to prove that the slander hurt you... ruined your business, ruined your marriage, etc. The problem is how people are going to perceive the phrase "sexual predator". A good number could assume this woman is a sex offender, or a sexual predator in the way it's used in the TV Show "To Catch a Predator". Neither of which are terms for someone who had an A with a married man. If she does experience any sort of damages, I would think it's going to be easy for her to prove the language used in the letter was the cause, IMO. 1
Fluttershy Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 If you actively pursue someone knowing that the person is in a committed relationship in order to have sex with that person, it could certainly be argued that the behavior is both sexual and predatory. I do take your point, though. It's just that to take this to court, she would have to expose her every behavior to great public scrutiny. If she's innocent, that would be vindicating. If she's not... Well, I doubt she wants to go down that road. At this point she is already exposed. I have to say that being accused of being a husband stealer is one thing. After all we aren't talking helpless victims here. But the kid thing is actually a felony and well something I think we all (should) hodl as a far worse crime than infildelity. 2
ladydesigner Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Only if you didn't post your H. Both set out to wreck a home. But a website people have to seek out is entirely different than snail mail. I think some people do over react pn vengence. You would think history and common sense would tell us it rarely makes people feel better. And if it does the feel better is short lived. No I posted him too I have since taken it down as it was something done in haste and revenge. I was suffering from a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide as well. You could say I was not mentally healthy at all post Dday 3
violet1 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Only if you didn't post your H. Both set out to wreck a home. But a website people have to seek out is entirely different than snail mail. I think some people do over react pn vengence. You would think history and common sense would tell us it rarely makes people feel better. And if it does the feel better is short lived. I agree! I've lurked Cheaterville and it's interesting that the BS will post the OW/OM, but not their spouse. Both played an equal role in the A. It's impossible to have an A without two willing participants. 1
violet1 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 No I posted him too I have since taken it down as it was something done in haste and revenge. I was suffering from a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide as well. You could say I was not mentally healthy at all post Dday I love that you are taking ownership of not being emotionally healthy. Affairs are so emotionally destructive to everyone involved. It's okay to admit you weren't doing well. 2
Sub Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 But the kid thing is actually a felony and well something I think we all (should) hodl as a far worse crime than infildelity. This is where the writer of the letter crossed the line, though. You can't put the words "sexual predator" with a reference to the welfare of children in a formal letter to an entire neighborhood. Just not a good move. 2
Fluttershy Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 No I posted him too I have since taken it down as it was something done in haste and revenge. I was suffering from a nervous breakdown and attempted suicide as well. You could say I was not mentally healthy at all post Dday Meh pretty minor. And like I said peoPlle seek those sites out so different. I know someone who put it all over FB. They really regreted that one when theycalmed down. Honestly, I think BS should only e encouraged to try to think thru descisions and not do anythibg to drastic for ther own sake. Because when emotions calm down some actions can't be undone. It has nothibg to do with a higher standard but rather for themselves (and maybe all the innocent bystanders who get pulled in:P) 2
Fluttershy Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 This is where the writer of the letter crossed the line, though. You can't put the words "sexual predator" with a reference to the welfare of children in a formal letter to an entire neighborhood. Just not a good move. Yeah that is my stance on it. Personaly te letter in the first place seems tactless. But not terrible. But that wording... Unless it is true and in which case... I hope te law gets involved quickly.
ClemsonTigers Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 That's what I was thinking. You can't go around telling people that someone is a danger to society just because she sleeps with your husband. I get you have been betrayed and are hurting and angry and your world just fell apart...but I don't think you can rightfully/legally tell a neighborhood that someone is a sexual predator when they are not. Define "sexual predator"? It most likely not legally defined in most states. In my opinion it fits perfectly in most adultery situations. If she's having a SEXUAL affair with a married man and trying to steal someone's spouse and father…she's behaving as a predator. I also don't think it's fair to presume the betrayed spouse (guessing it's the MM's betrayed wife doing the exposing) is exposing because she's "hurting, angry and because her world fell apart". It's much more likely she's doing this trying to save her husband from this "predator" and bust up the affair thus affording them an opportunity to save their marriage and family. The fact she did it widely is a pretty good indication this was tactical. Exposure is the best weapon to bust up affairs and it's fast becoming the standard advice to betrayed spouses dead set on saving their marriages in most professional counselor's offices. The original poster should call the OW and ask her to end her affair.
Fluttershy Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 It's not even a crime, let alone a felony, to make a statement of fact about anyone. And if she actively pursued a married man, then what, in your mind, would the bs rightly do? Send a "thank you" card? There's a reason why sites like "She's a Homewrecker" can exist. It's because nobody is legally protected from the consequences of his or her actions unless he or she is a banker, or the like. You are letting your anger cloud your rational thinking. I stand by my words. This woman may want to fight the statment that she is a sexual predator of children. Because as i said. Beig accused of being an OW is not even near as ba as being accused as a child molestor. 2
ClemsonTigers Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 This is where the writer of the letter crossed the line, though. You can't put the words "sexual predator" with a reference to the welfare of children in a formal letter to an entire neighborhood. Just not a good move. We also haven't seen the letter and I don't think it was posted verbatim. I think a exposing betrayed spouse needs to be careful how they word things…not just because they could get sued but also because an effective exposure campaign needs the sympathy and empathy of those exposed to to be effective. The fact that this bs may have left the window open for persons to roll their eyes saying "this woman isn't a child sexual predator..that's taking this too far" would mean she failed a bit at delivering the proper take home message. I do think Adultery actually remains a felony in many Southern states (like North Carolina).
ClemsonTigers Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 You are letting your anger cloud your rational thinking. I stand by my words. This woman may want to fight the statment that she is a sexual predator of children. Because as i said. Beig accused of being an OW is not even near as ba as being accused as a child molestor. I feel they are very similar. It's a slippery slope when you start rating offenses and pain. That being said…we haven't seen the letter. I'm guessing the betrayed spouse's words were trying to convey that the wife and her children are all victims of this women's predatory OW behavior towards her husband and family. She in essence was saying "guard your family"….not meaning to imply in any manner that this OW was running around having sex with [minor] children. In fact, "children" can be over 18 and subject to "attack" from this OW….so maybe the blanket warning about husband's and children works????
gettingstronger Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 First off you can not be sure it's a BS, it could be a nosy neighbor. That being said, as I said in another thread, although revenge sounds good to some it just prolongs the situation and contact so if for no other reason it's an unwise choice for those in reconciliation.
Fluttershy Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I feel they are very similar. It's a slippery slope when you start rating offenses and pain. That being said…we haven't seen the letter. I'm guessing the betrayed spouse's words were trying to convey that the wife and her children are all victims of this women's predatory OW behavior towards her husband and family. She in essence was saying "guard your family"….not meaning to imply in any manner that this OW was running around having sex with [minor] children. In fact, "children" can be over 18 and subject to "attack" from this OW….so maybe the blanket warning about husband's and children works???? Wow, you have to be f'ing kidding me. You actually believe to consenting adults have intercourse behind a third and possibly fourth person's back is similar to a man or a woman having sex with a child????????? There is no slippery slope here. No amount of twisting words and comparing situations can ever make me think a woman who sleep with a married man is comparable to a woman who molests an 8 year old. I'm out of this one. 4
Author WasOtherWoman Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 OK, I have definitely not posted the letter verbatim for obvious reasons. However the verbiage was very close to "a sexual predator have moved into our neighborhood and is targeting our husbands and children." Sorry... over the line. When I think back to my brief days as an OW, had my BW sent a letter around saying I was a homewrecker, or even a sexual predator of husbands, well, ok... I would have had no one to blame but myself for the consequences of my bad behavior, and couldn't really have reacted. But... calling me a sexual predator of husbands and children?? That have been an issue for me. As I said, I don't really know the details behind this at all, but I do know that this woman has children of her own. You just can't be calling someone a predator of children, no matter how hurt you are.
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