GreySkyMorning Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I feel they are very similar. Having been a BS and an OW AND a sexually abused child, let me assure you that you are way off the mark on this one. 2
Betrayed&Stayed Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 To borrow from a Chris Rock bit: "I'm not saying she should've done it...but I understand!" It's a bit over the top, but I understand. Sounds like the BW wants everyone to know that she is a homewrecker. If that's the worse that happens, then she (OW) can consider herself very lucky. I wouldn't do something like that only because my wife has a high-profile position in the community. I wouldn't want to get into that pissing contest. I have more to lose than gain. 2
Author WasOtherWoman Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 To borrow from a Chris Rock bit: "I'm not saying she should've done it...but I understand!" It's a bit over the top, but I understand. Sounds like the BW wants everyone to know that she is a homewrecker. If that's the worse that happens, then she (OW) can consider herself very lucky. I wouldn't do something like that only because my wife has a high-profile position in the community. I wouldn't want to get into that pissing contest. I have more to lose than gain. I understand also. I also think it is within the BS's right to let everyone know that OW is a homewrecker or whatever other similar thing she wants to call her. She doesn't have the right, though, to call her a child predator. I am not sure though, how you can say she should consider herself lucky. Like your wife, she has quite a high profile position in the community as well. And now, there is a flyer being circulated that she is a child predator.
Furious Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Scorched earth exposure is not my style. The thing is, rationality can be off the table, with either the OW/OM, WS, or the betrayed spouse. Affairs and the ramifications is an invitation to potential Crazy Behaviour. Emotions are high, people can act out in various ways. My philosophy, don't play with fire. 4
Author WasOtherWoman Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 My philosophy, don't play with fire. No doubt that is true, for sure. But, light my car on fire to get back at me. Don't burn down my house with my children in it.....
Furious Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 No doubt that is true, for sure. But, light my car on fire to get back at me. Don't burn down my house with my children in it..... I don't correlate sending out flyers to neighbours as setting a car or house on fire. The woman sending out flyers isn't setting cars and houses on fire. She's pissed. Probably will regret it. But it's not murder.
notserene Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I am a betrayed spouse and I think that implying OW is a child predator is over the top. I have my own revenge fantasies but that's all they are. Since the OW I dealt with was an attention seeking drama queen and possibly violent, I think it's best to leave her alone. 4
Author WasOtherWoman Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 (edited) I don't correlate sending out flyers to neighbours as setting a car or house on fire. The woman sending out flyers isn't setting cars and houses on fire. She's pissed. Probably will regret it. But it's not murder. But saying someone is a child predator? I would be pissed too if I were the BW. I WAS pissed when I was one. But.... you honestly don't find anything wrong wrong with sending out a mass mailing with the words "sexual predator of husbands and children" ? These sorts of allegations, even though untrue could cost this OW to loose business, which would affect her ability to take care of her children. PLUS.. what if a child brings this mailing to school, where the OW's children attend? Truly this does not horrify you? As I've said, I am all in favor of the BS exposing the OW if she wants to.... perfectly within her right. But I am not in favor of calling ANYONE a predator of children. Edited May 15, 2014 by WasOtherWoman edited: clarity
Furious Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 But saying someone is a child predator? I would be pissed too if I were the BW. I WAS pissed when I was one. You honestly don't find anything wrong wrong with that? These sorts of allegations, even though untrue could cost this OW to loose business, which would affect her ability to take care of her children. PLUS.. what if a child brings this mailing to school? Truly this does not horrify you? As I've said, I am all in favor of the BS exposing the OW if she wants to.... perfectly within her right. But I am not in favor of calling ANYONE a predator of children. Like I said, this woman is acting out irrationally, she'll probably regret it. Never said I condone her behaviour.
Author WasOtherWoman Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Like I said, this woman is acting out irrationally, she'll probably regret it. Never said I condone her behaviour. Thank you.. i feel better now
Author WasOtherWoman Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Just so we are clear here.... I generally do not judge a BS's behavior. I do believe that the BS is within her right to expose the affair partners or do whatever makes her feel better (obviously within legal reason). My point of posting the info regarding this letter was not to judge the BS's general actions, just the "sexual predator of husbands and children" part. I agree that she is acting irrationally, and who can blame her for that. Just her choice of words that I find over the top.
snappytomcat Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Just so we are clear here.... I generally do not judge a BS's behavior. I do believe that the BS is within her right to expose the affair partners or do whatever makes her feel better (obviously within legal reason). My point of posting the info regarding this letter was not to judge the BS's general actions, just the "sexual predator of husbands and children" part. I agree that she is acting irrationally, and who can blame her for that. Just her choice of words that I find over the top. your one of my favorite xow on here 1
underpants Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 then what, in your mind, would the bs rightly do? Send a "thank you" card? That is exactly what I did. 2
Speakingofwhich Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Thoughts re: The letter writer. Cutting off your nose to spite your face comes to mind...........:lmao:
gettingstronger Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Regarding the word choice , it feels like someone trying to sound intelligent by using big words without a clear understanding of the meaning. I also think the word and in there was meant to convey two different thoughts rather than saying she's a predatory preying on kids. That's just my thoughts on the wording. As far as the letter in general, I think it's a horrible idea. I wouldn't waste my time or energy on revenge. I am too short on both. 1
Author WasOtherWoman Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Regarding the word choice , it feels like someone trying to sound intelligent by using big words without a clear understanding of the meaning. I also think the word and in there was meant to convey two different thoughts rather than saying she's a predatory preying on kids. That's just my thoughts on the wording. As far as the letter in general, I think it's a horrible idea. I wouldn't waste my time or energy on revenge. I am too short on both. "a sexual predator has moved into our neighborhood and is targeting our husbands and children."
Author WasOtherWoman Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Ha.. the only entertaining part about this whole thing (not that there really is one) is my husband's reaction. He looks at the piece of mail and says "well, not nice, but she shouldn't have involved herself in someone else's marriage". Um.. hello? We began as an affair all those years ago. Pot?? Have you met the kettle? 1
goodyblue Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I feel they are very similar. It's a slippery slope when you start rating offenses and pain. That being said…we haven't seen the letter. I'm guessing the betrayed spouse's words were trying to convey that the wife and her children are all victims of this women's predatory OW behavior towards her husband and family. She in essence was saying "guard your family"….not meaning to imply in any manner that this OW was running around having sex with [minor] children. In fact, "children" can be over 18 and subject to "attack" from this OW….so maybe the blanket warning about husband's and children works???? Wut? Ten characters 1
gettingstronger Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 Again , just my thoughts on the wording. Don't care if it was worded nicely, the whole idea of sending any type of letter like that is a bad idea and a waste of time. I'm fine if others disagree on my interpretation of word choice. 2
Author WasOtherWoman Posted May 16, 2014 Author Posted May 16, 2014 Maybe she didn't realize the implication of what she was writing, you may be right. BUT, this is why we have friends to keep us on the right side of the law. I am sure, as a BW I was tempted to do off-the-wall stuff, but thank goodness I had friends who stopped me!! 1
gettingstronger Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 W.O.W.- thats part of the issues I think-infidelity is isolating so many have no one to talk to about it-no one to reign them back in-I think thats why things spiral more than they should in many cases- 2
SoleMate Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 People on this thread are giving very bad legal advice. Truth is NOT an absolute defense to this kind of behavior in the US. And claiming that the woman in question is a threat to children as a sexual predator is almost certainly actionable everywhere in the US. From http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Privacy_laws_of_the_United_States: Public disclosure of private facts arises where one person reveals information which is not of public concern, and the release of which would offend a reasonable person.[15] "Unlike libel or slander, truth is not a defense for invasion of privacy."[11] Disclosure of private facts includes publishing or widespread dissemination of little-known, private facts that are non-newsworthy, not part of public records, public proceedings, not of public interest, and would be offensive to a reasonable person if made public.[13] This is a tort. A well-known real estate agent would have little difficulty proving the harm with business records. Seen in this light, it's clear that the BS is also a major threat to her own family. But I'm not going to circulate that around the neighborhood. However, I would love to be on the jury for the civil trial against the defaming BS. I'd decide based on the facts, not on the avenging fury type reaction we see here. The BS should realize that most neighbors reading an anonymous (?) smear sheet will not take it seriously and will in fact consider the sender to be the major threat to the families of the neighborhood. 4
lilmisscantbewrong Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Let me tell you, after what I have been through and knowing what I know now, I would hire an attorney - the best one I could afford - and I would go after them hard. 1
whatatangledweb Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I would also hire a lawyer if I was accused of being a child predator. This woman works in a profession where word of mouth helps her get more clients. It will be ugly for her no matter what. People hear predator and they will mention it every time someone says her name. Even years from now. If it has to do with children no matter if it is true or not, it never goes away. Look at fathers accused of it in an ugly divorce. It is a horrible thing to accuse someone of. The BS could have just wrote she was a homewrecker,etc, and left it at that. I'm not saying it would be right but I can understand why she wanted it passed around. 2
veritas lux mea Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I think public exposure beyond those who really matter is tactless and inconsiderate to expose other people to your drama. But I don't think it is a huge deal. I do think that the wording instantly makes you think child molester and that was a really bad idea. On a side note... People actually think infidelity is comparable to pedophilia? That is just wrong on so many more levels. 3
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