blur2007 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I decided to not be so cynical and cold hearted and want to start dating again. I'm done being used,led on, and just wasting time in general. I made an okcupid account and have been on and off it. Met one cool chick but she lives too far. Closed it for a while and recently reopened it and put some effort into it. I message a girl saying a simple hello and asked her about her writing because she was a writer. Same day she messages back asking if I want to grab a drink. I didn't respond soon enough so we just exchanged numbers and texted to set up a date. Since it was pretty quick I thought of some place nice and chill. We got a drink and some pizza. It was a bit awkward but we loosened up. We weren't even in the bar for long before we decided to leave. We sat in my car for a while and decided to get coffee. But we got it through the drive through and I drove in front of her place and parked. She was looking through my iPod and was surprised how much different kind of music I have. We just both started singing random songs and maing suggestions what to play next. We talked and were having a good time. She asked me to give her a massage and I did. I was kinda going in for a move but nothing too strong. It was so much fun we didn't realize how late it was and literally we just sat in my car the whole time. I walked her to her door and kissed her goodnight. She was leaving that weekend out of town so we hung out the day before since it was the only day I was off from work. We went shopping for gifts for Mother's Day for her mom. I ended up picking up her mom too at her job and then went back to her place. We both wanted to work on some music stuff since she sings and I play guitar but we didn't even do that. We started to but ended up watching t.v. I gave her another massage and this time kissing her back and neck while i was massaging her and we ended up laying down and cuddling. Her mom lives upstairs so I didn't want to make any sudden bold moves but I knew she probably would have it anyways. I left and hugged her goodbye. I started to go in for a kiss but it came out a little awkward. She leaves out of town for a few days and I text her here and there but not too much so I won't come off as needy or bothering especially on a trip. This is where it gets confusing. As much as I hate and don't care for social media she uses Instagram a lot and added me on it. I don't have much and rarely use it but I guess it's a good way to kinda see what this chick is into and what not. The day she comes back she asks me to pick her up at her dads house to drop her off at her place. I worked so it was late at night. While waiting I checked her Instagram and she posted a pic of her with a guy saying "my better half". I'm not sure what to think but I picked her up and we got coffee. We only talked for a little since she was tired and had a long day. I kept thinking about if she was with someone or not. I dig a little deeper and find that the person she went to see when she was out of town is pretty much her new boyfriend. Not sure if they were friends or how they know each other or met, but it happend. I kinda wish I didn't find out like that but that's how it happend. I'm confused as in why would she just suddenly decide to get a bf that lives in a other state while she just starting talking to me and showing signs of interest? I don't want to be used again or waiting around like an idiot and end up getting put in the friend zone. I'm trying to think logically about what to do. My emotions would straight out ask her about it and then give her a proposition. But I do really like this girl and I know that would pretty much mess this all up and I would end up back to where I started. But then I'm thinking should I just hang out with her and maybe try to steal her away from this guy that lives far away? This all happened in the span of 2 1/2 weeks btw. She's coming over my place this weekend. Any advice on how to go about pursuing this? Anyone have any similar stories and how it turned out?
PegNosePete Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 She has a boyfriend. You should move on and find someone who is single. 2
Zahara Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 But then I'm thinking should I just hang out with her and maybe try to steal her away from this guy that lives far away? You want to try and steal someone that has a boyfriend and sees no issue with being active on a dating site, pursuing other guys and making out with them? You would be perfectly secure, if you and her start to date that you would be the exception and she wouldn't do something similar to you? "I don't want to be used again or waiting around like an idiot and end up getting put in the friend zone. I'm trying to think logically about what to do." Then don't. Logically, she has a boyfriend. And logically, it would be best to get out of that sort of mess. 1
starrynightz45 Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 The thing is, she HAS a boyfriend....and is still totally willing to talk to you, hang out with you, visit you, cuddle with you, kiss you, etc. If she's willing to do that while he supposedly has a "boyfriend," what do you think she'll do if you DO steal her away and she eventually becomes your girlfriend?? She's just going to do the same thing to you! You deserve better. 2
Andy_K Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 You didn't know she was involved with someone at the time, but one thing I will say: When a girl asks you for a drink in her first message, and then asks you for a massage on the first date, you REALLY don't need any more green lights to be making a move. 2
Assasda Posted May 16, 2014 Posted May 16, 2014 You dont really know if she has a boyfriend. Ask her what she did on her trip. And you said that she added you on instagram? Well if she did that, she must know that you would see her "boyfriend" if she had one. Keep hanging out with her and do the same things you've been doing. It'll reveal itself soon enough 1
DArtagnan2 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 I would love to agree with the other poster and say , yeh just continue on. Many times we get wrapped up in to what we think something is that we allow something that is nothing to spiral downward. I would automatically assume any girl I start to date was single. So I would have suspected the guy in the pic was her brother. But, I am not sure what "Digging a little deeper" was, do you mean as in asking her who this guy was in her pic? If she said that he is her new boyfriend, then you make the decision that is right for you. If you found out through a chain of other events, I would not give it two cents worth. Get it from the horses mouth. Ask if that was a pic of her and her brother if you don't want to come off sounding like a jealous stalker. Not that you are one, just saying sometimes we don't say things right and the other person, who is usually guilty, turns it around and we are all the sudden the crazy one. You dont know this chick that well yet, she may become unhinged real easily. be prepared for her to tell you its her boyfriend as to how you are going to react. Always best to be calm and breathe before saying the thoughts that are swirling in your mind. but know what you will do or say if she confirms things. 1
Author blur2007 Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 Ok so here's the update on the story so far...I saw her again today. I ended up going to her place and we watched a movie and ate takeout. We laughed and joked and we tried to do some music stuff playing guitar and singing. She got a call and tells me to not make any noise. I suspected it was her bf she was talking to. I didn't ask and was just whatever about it. She starts stretching her back and neck and ask if I could massage her again. I pretty much was behind her with her shirt up her whole back out just rubbing her down. I could've easily just unhooked her bra lol I didn't make any real moves but we were really close against each other. And not once she said anything or pulled away. This is just so very confusing.
Andy_K Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 This is just so very confusing. No it isn't. She is involved with someone but wants to fool around with you. Possibly just on the side, or possibly as a potential replacement.
Author blur2007 Posted May 17, 2014 Author Posted May 17, 2014 Yeah it's starting to become more clear. I think im just going to keep rolling with it and see what I can get. I'm just not going to let myself get too deep and involved. 1
starrynightz45 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Ok so here's the update on the story so far...I saw her again today. I ended up going to her place and we watched a movie and ate takeout. We laughed and joked and we tried to do some music stuff playing guitar and singing. She got a call and tells me to not make any noise. I suspected it was her bf she was talking to. I didn't ask and was just whatever about it. She starts stretching her back and neck and ask if I could massage her again. I pretty much was behind her with her shirt up her whole back out just rubbing her down. I could've easily just unhooked her bra lol I didn't make any real moves but we were really close against each other. And not once she said anything or pulled away. This is just so very confusing. It's not confusing. She likes the attention, and you're letting her use you to get the attention she wants. The likelihood that you're actually going to get anything is very low.
DArtagnan2 Posted May 17, 2014 Posted May 17, 2014 Yeah it's starting to become more clear. I think im just going to keep rolling with it and see what I can get. I'm just not going to let myself get too deep and involved. as long as that is something you can do, then more power to you. But yeh, it seems like she may be with someone else as well. She had to "go see him" so I am guessing he isn't in a close proximity to her. So you are her pal for that area. Congrats.
Author blur2007 Posted May 18, 2014 Author Posted May 18, 2014 Yeah you are all petty right and I thank you for all the responses and advice. I think fact that she has not even brought it up in person to tell me and let me know that she has a bf petty much sums it up that she wants to only keep me around when she wants or needs me.
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