Nimbus4dt Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I am mystified, all I read on LS is NC, block numbers, e-mail addies etc etc and yet I am constantly reading posts that an ex has made contact, be it Facebook or text. Why do people unblock ex's? Why do they open themselves up to breadcrumbs or mind f*ck tactics? Is it that they still hope for contact/reconciliation?? Sure I can understand if children are involved or you work together (although more likely to be face to face contact) It seems that some of us are happy to put ourselves in this vulnerable position, sure it's different if she turns up on your doorstep or contacts you from someone else's phone, there is nothing you can do in this situation. I cannot help but think that some of us don't help ourselves in this aspect. Thoughts?
Ordinaryday Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 because however slim the chances, most dumpees dream of getting THE message one day "dumping you was the biggest mistake I have ever made, please take me back" and if you make it IMPOSSIBLE for them to contact you then you know you will never get it. also, it is ridiculously easy to contact someone these days if you really want to. even IF you block them on facebook if the dumper is THAT PERSISTENT about contacting you they could just set up another fb account that is not blocked and message you through that. 2
organizedchaos Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 because however slim the chances, most dumpees dream of getting THE message one day "dumping you was the biggest mistake I have ever made, please take me back" and if you make it IMPOSSIBLE for them to contact you then you know you will never get it. also, it is ridiculously easy to contact someone these days if you really want to. even IF you block them on facebook if the dumper is THAT PERSISTENT about contacting you they could just set up another fb account that is not blocked and message you through that. Or use any number of messaging apps to contact you. But if they go through that much trouble, it might not be a breadcrumb. So make them have to jump thru hoops to get to you. 1
Summerrose2013 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I know others here wont agree with me, but sometimes you just need closure, and answers. My own break up came completely out of the blue. I needed to understand the reasons and my ex only told me a week or so later. He wanted to meet but I declined so happy that at least I did something right to salvage the last shreds of my self respect.
stillfiguringitallou Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I think for some of us - its hard to admit there are some people you just have to leave behind. For me - I have several exes as close friends now. Our relationships weren't great and they ended for a reason - but we still cared for each other and enjoyed each others company enough that we have remained constants in each others lives (one of them from when I was 15 years old!) So the idea that I can't maintain a friendship with this ex - the one who meant most to me - the one I thought I'd spend the rest of my life with - even loosely - is really foreign to me. I've had to accept and realize that this situation is different. We didn't split up because it didn't work. It was because he hadn't taken the time he needed to heal from a past relationship - and because he can't lose our "someday" he prevents me from moving forward into the type and kind of relationship I am ready to have - which is NOT somewhere between just friends and committed relationship. We can't be friends because he WANTS to be together. But he just isn't ready to put in the work. And because of that - anytime he sees me getting close to someone else he sabotages it - with the explanation that I shouldn't be worried - because he isn't seeing anyone else and doesn't want to. He monopolizes my time and sulks when I don't allow him to. We spent more time together as friends than as a couple. We can't be friends because what he WANTS "someday" means more to him than what I NEED TODAY. It was a long - and hard fought realization to come to. He dropped a breadcrumb today. Telling me I should move on ... that he isn't worth the trouble anyway. and I wanted to respond that I already am - and that if he doesn't think he's worth the trouble - then why should I. but I didn't Day 4 NC and still going strong..... for now
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