Argued with my girlfriend about splitting rent

[veggirl]

Seriously if she's so conservative she wouldn't be possibly moving in with some dude after 3 months.

[giblesp]

Well, there's a taste of what it would be like to live with her. Doesn't sound like thats what you want. I know I wouldn't go there.

[Tayla]

Seriously if she's so conservative she wouldn't be possibly moving in with some dude after 3 months.

 

hmmmm....seems to me her conservativeness *IS* what is driving her. She conserves all her funds and blows his, simply because someone blew smoke up her years ago and told her that she can use the "cultural status quo" as an excuse. As a parent and even as a friend to someone I would not tolerate that mind set. Its archiac and sustains zero purpose in an independent life.

[Els]

I have no idea if her request was based on culture, nor how long she's been in the US, or really anything much about their relationship, which is why I said Assuming it is culture and not greed... Could be either one or eve something else that the OP has not shared.

 

For the record, speaking as someone who lived 20+ years in an Asian city: The cultural difference is real, not imagined, probably not just a convenient excuse, and applies even to working women (who constitute the majority of women in most Asian cities). The OP mentioned her friends telling her not to give in - that is also very real and normal, and if her social circle mainly constitutes of people from a similar culture, she will be socially shamed pretty badly if she moves in with a man prior to engagement/marriage and pays 50% of the rent. Obviously the easy solution is she should not care what people think, but that's easier said than done, as anyone who has ever faced sticky social situations knows.

 

That being said, she isn't entitled to have the OP operate accordingly to her cultural beliefs. If it is that important that she be with someone who adheres to them, she should date someone from her own culture. Otherwise she has to give and take.

 

I still believe the over-arching issue is that 3 months of dating is not long enough to contemplate living together. Presumably, if they are having difficulty finding common ground on the matter of rent, there are other issues that will rear their head once they are living together. My advice is to get to know each other more from the safety of their respective apartments and make a decision to join households only when the relationship has withstood the test of time.

 

Yep, this, too.

[Els]

(Edit) Never mind.

Edited May 18, 2014 by Elswyth

[soccerrprp]

 

That being said, she isn't entitled to have the OP operate accordingly to her cultural beliefs. If it is that important that she be with someone who adheres to them, she should date someone from her own culture. Otherwise she has to give and take.

 

I agree! Respecting other's culture does not mean that you have subject yourself to them.

 

I would also like to submit that the gf seems TOO ignorant of or dismissive of the OP's culture. She should be fully aware of how things are in the West. Give and take is needed here.

[Robert]

Thread closed, if the thread starter would like it re-opened then alert on this post and we will do so, thanks