ariaofny Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 It is a really long story but I will try to make it short. We were together for a year, his family is very weird and troubled, and that affects his life a lot. At first, everything was great but then throughout the year we both went through ups and downs cause of personal problems. He lived with me for a while out of necessity, because he wanted to be living in the city and not in the suburbs where the parents had moved. He enjoyed it but it definitely wasn't his first choice. He is an artist and works for his dad's company. When he was living with me he was going through changes in his life and did not make much art. Suddenly, things started to get awkward between us and one day he told me he wanted to go live with his parents in the suburbs where he could work with his dad and get all the days off he needed and a free studio in the dad's warehouse. It hurt but it made sense. We tried to work it out even though we could see each other once a week. But then, things started to fall apart. He barely had time for me because his family has no work ethics and when he had free time he would work on his art until early in the morning. Needless to say, the only times we would see each other were full of resentment from my side. I started to feel trapped and unhappy. He kept telling me he wasn't happy either but this was a decision out of necessity. All he did was work and had no social life, he started looking very bad, not taking care of himself, not being the man I used to know. I decided to take a break of a week and go to see friend in California. I came back so much more relaxed and happy. During that week that I was away he did not show any sadness or missing me. Only every once in a while. I came back and he was working on getting ready for an exhibition but I could not see him until three days after I got back to New York. I thought this was strange, he came back to give me the dog and he said he had to leave right away. I got upset and broke up with him out of anger, I told him that he doesn't make time or space for me in his life - that art has nothing to do, I accept his passion but he should want to spend time with me. Few days later we saw each other and I wanted to reconcile, told him that I was upset cause I came back willing to make things work even if it hurt and he told me that he understood that he can't make me happy, that art is his career and right now he is thinking about that. He told me that he can't give me what he wants and even if it hurts and it is not easy this is what he feel has to happen. I kissed him and he told me that his heart was beating fast. I told him I wanted more and he said he did too. I asked him to come back home with me and he said that it was best not to, even if he wanted. He came back home and posted a picture of a gift that I had brought him from California, commenting: "a gift from a great friend, a great love, a great person." Few days later I begged him to give me a second chance and he said "I know that this relationship is not going to work right now. I am sorry, I don't know how else to say it, I thought you respected my choice. I need to grow by myself right now." I apologized. He didn't hear from me again, until few days later he started to text me "how are you today?" We have been broken up for almost three weeks and he has been texting me every few days, to know how I am, to wish my mother happy mother's day. He even told me once that he feels unstable and is trying to get in a better mood. I don't understand. If he did not want to be with me and just be friends and he knows that's not what I want, what the hell? He is a person that is obsessed with staying friends with someone, he is an Aquarius. He knows that for me it is not so but I tried to act like it. So far, he has always initiated the conversation, except I did it two times: once to ask him about the exhibit outcome, and the second one to ask him about a deal with a gallery and how it went. Today I texted him.: ME: "Good morning! would you like to catch up over coffee?" HIM: "Sure that sounds good. I don't know when I will be in the city next. When are you usually free?" ME: "I really have been busy lately and honestly I never know" HIM:"Ok... hahaha so what did you have in mind?" ME: "I am usually free after class on Tue and Wed. I am free today and this Friday towards the evening." HIM: "Then I don't think we will be able to meet this week I'll be gone from Friday night through the weekend." ME: "Ok well I guess whenever it happens, haha" HIM: "We'll try for next week. How are you and the dog?" ME: "We are good!" HIM: "Glad to hear it I think about you guys. I miss his fat butt." ME: "He is good what are you doing today towards the evening? I am free around 8. We could try next week but its tough for me. I really go day by day. I completely understand if you can't. My schedule is unusual." HIM: "I am just tired and I am kinda sick (he had texted me the day before about it, so it is not bull****) if I come to the city it's a hassle to get back. I'm trying to get better cuz I had to take off of work." ME: "I understand. Feel better and we will catch up another time. :)" HIM: "Thanks (nameeeee)!" now, I don't know if I should go. A part of me thinks that it is good that this happened. I have been thinking more about myself and my life and I am so much more serene now. I don't think I want to be back with him in the condition he is right now, but why the hell did I ask him out for coffee? why do I hope for a text? I know that this is not what I want right now. How did I look in front of him? I care to know if he still interested because in the end we loved each other and I am just wondering if are just the circumstances or I should just disappear. Thank you for any adivce.
todreaminblue Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 (edited) you said that he was tired and sick and he thanked you for understanding....... i have had this situation in the past what i do is wait for them to contact me when they feel better and yeah i worry why they dont.......but i have always given friends or partners space......i used to get upset during that not knwoing whats hap[pening thing....... because i often used to wonder is it something i said or did or maybe i could have done this......or said this or went here, or was i there for them or am i being selfish,shoulda coulda woulda,could have did that or done this instead, am i being a good friend......then my hair goes grey........a thousand different scenarios.......only recently and lately though i have had this inner peace when i start to go ocd.....and i do things for me instead...or others who are around me......i even come on here.......and get out of my own head to take a break.......play word slinger... if you care and he truly cares for you .......you will end up spending time together....maybe he is really quite tired and sick as you said....if you dont .....your life moves on.......with or without him .....time stops for no man..or woman.and it is fleeting and hard to catch up with......so live......he is not your center....your heart is your center so make your heart a happy one before and after he contacts you...cause he will............ let him know you are there for him if you truly think he is worthy of time you have to give....continue to live.......and smile while you do.......best wishes....deb Edited May 15, 2014 by todreaminblue 1
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