Mary Oak Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I have been reading a lot...perhaps too much. But certain things stick out in mind. So did you ex tell you that YOU GUYS were different? That this was a unique love, you couldn't even compare to other couples because you were so special? Did they say that this could never happen to you? Did they say they couldn't breathe without you? Couldn't imagine dating anyone else? That you were they soul mate? I have seen these common themes again and again on here, and it is just heartbreaking. We all believe them. Maybe they believed it themselves. But now, we are just left with the very small hope that we will be able to believe someone again. Me, I doubt I will. After seeing so many of the exact words mg ex promised me, I know it is just life.,,nothing is as permanent as it seems.
FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I suppose everyone says things like that at the time and probably means them. Things change, people change. I don't think they meant them any less at the time though. I said to my ex at the start of my r/s I wanted to be with her "forever", she told me "nothing lasts forever" A very wise woman... 3
FredJones80 Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 (edited) I know it is just life.,,nothing is as permanent as it seems. I think that's part of the problem... In a far off distant future, with a new gf. If she says to me "i want to be with you forever" am I likely to reply with "nothing lasts forever" Are we all getting left bitter and jaded with no false expectations any more? I really wanted to be with my ex "forever" ... but life has proved that you're at the mercy of the other. Especially if its a long-ish r/s that you've invested a lot in.. I seem to recall yours was Mary, like mine. Edited May 14, 2014 by FredJones80
Author Mary Oak Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 Yes Fred, mine was almost eight years. And it has been two years since, and I still love her like it was yesterday. We never had a bad split, I think that makes it harder. When we are forced to interact at work, we are both pleasant and kind...I guess, politically correct would be the best term. BUt, I never believed in forever until I was got with her, and I was 35 when we got together. I don't think I will ever believe in forever again. At this point, I don't think I will ever be "in love" again. SHe has my heart. I can't give away what I don't have. I will hopefully date, but even that holds no excitement for me. People just tend to get on my nerves lately. I wasn't like that before. Just saw her face in the office... beautiful still.
mangetout Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 My ex fiancé told me the same words....but yet he still cheated on me. All I can say is that time will take that bitterness away eventually. Maryoak you feel this way because you are still affected by the BU. But once you get to a peaceful place within yourself, you will see that you are open to loving someone as much as your ex 1
Author Mary Oak Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 It was my fault it ended. My dad was dying and I was in a low spot, that I was not able to get out of. She tried her best to help me, but I didn't want to be helped. I took her for granted and I took my anger out on her. I am responsible. Which makes it all the harder...
FredJones80 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 At this point, I don't think I will ever be "in love" again. SHe has my heart. I can't give away what I don't have I understand that entirely and what scares me more than anything is ending up in your position two years down the line. If you didn't want or initiate the split then your feelings are as strong as they were when you were together, only the dumper has less feelings or more reason to end it, the dumpee shouldn't feel any different. I do feel your constant interaction or crossing paths is holding you back unfortunately
FredJones80 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 It was my fault it ended. That doesn't really sound like your fault at all. A committed partner who loves you should be able to accept and deal with that. Granted, I don't know how bad or how much you pushed away, but in general people should be accepting of your emotions in a situation like that.
Author Mary Oak Posted May 15, 2014 Author Posted May 15, 2014 I give her all the credit in the world for trying. The only thing I can hold against her is not talking to me about her feelings before she left. SHe said she was scared I would get mad or go into a deeper hole. She did try, and looking back now I can see it so clearly. Even after we broke up, she tried to be there for me. She tried to answer all the questions we as dumpees have. SHe tried for months. She was there for me when my dad passed. I lost a good one. What she doesn't know now is that I am dealing with things, instead of pushing away. I was diagnosed with GAD and MDD, which I am on meds for, and I go to therapy, workout. I don't feel like I used to. I just feel kinda numb. I think it is becasue I miss her so much. Funny thing is I never allowed myself to think about her with this new girl, after all this time. ANd when I was running today, about 5 minutes into my run, I broke completely down. That is all I could imagine. It was awful. But anyways, I neglected her. I took her for granted, she always said she loved me enough for both of us until I could get back on track...but I guess she couldn't do it anymore... I miss her...
jt27 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 My ex said all those things too, and at the time I think she believed them...that's til she started to pull away and said those things. At that point I don't think she really meant them. SHe has my heart. I can't give away what I don't have. Me too guys. It scares the hell out of me that I will not get over her. That's if I do somehow get over, find a new someone, then somehow I see her that I won't be able to resist her. Her hold on me is that strong. I am so unattracted to any woman right now. I see her face on every other woman's face. It's haunting. In a far off distant future, with a new gf. If she says to me "i want to be with you forever" am I likely to reply with "nothing lasts forever" I like to believe that if I face that same scenario with someone I was in love I would respond with the "Always" or something like that. Just like love is choice, so is optimism. I am very concerned with how jaded I may become too Fred, but it's always been all or nothing with me. 1
FredJones80 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I like to believe that if I face that same scenario with someone I was in love I would respond with the "Always" or something like that. Just like love is choice, so is optimism. I am very concerned with how jaded I may become too Fred, but it's always been all or nothing with me. I feel like we're two peas in a pod at the moment JT27. 1
jt27 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I feel like we're two peas in a pod at the moment JT27. Definitely on the same wavelength my friend. It's comforting yet sad to know someone else out there is going through the same mental madness. Hopefully we'll progress at the same quick rate as well...though right now it seems unlikely. 1
BC1980 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 (edited) My ex was the only guy I ever saw forever with. However, he had been married before, and his wife died suddenly years ago. He was already jaded and knew forever didn't exist. So I'm sure he had an easier time with the breakup than me. I had never let myself get so heavily involved with someone, and I truly believed that he was it for me. He talked a big game about wanting to marry me, and he even went through some of the motions. After our breakup, I asked him if just knew all along that he didn't really want to marry me. He said no, that he really meant it all the times he said it. That actually shocked me because I still don't understand how feelings just change. However, it seems to happen all the time, and it's something we have to accept. The entire thing was so odd because he had talked marriage early on and initiated the subject. Doing that put ideas in my head from an early point, and it just kept building. It's been tough to sort out what was real and what was fake. The best I can understand is that he probably overestimated his ability to come through on some of his promises. Unfortunately, I'm the one who looses because I took him at his word. Edited May 15, 2014 by BC1980 1
STM206 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 He said all the right things. He confessed to my mother that he had never been with someone that he always wanted to do things for, to surprise with gifts, to share his life with. He told me that he always wanted to grow old with me, that he loved that I tried to not judge him for his flaws. He said I made him a happy person. He said that he loved the fact that we had a family unit with my folks and my sister, that he never really had that as a child. He even got a tattoo from a song lyric that he dedicated to me on his arm. All these things he said and he still left. I'll never understand it, but they say life is a big mystery, and perhaps some things are just not meant to be solved. 1
STM206 Posted May 15, 2014 Posted May 15, 2014 I had never thought I would've found someone who made my heart melt, someone who I truly enjoyed spending every possible moment I could with. It's the forbidden fruit, it was enticing and tasted like heaven... But it has it's consequences.
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