NotYourBabyAnymore Posted May 14, 2014 Posted May 14, 2014 I just broke up with my bf C this weekend. It was our anniversary on Saturday and he decided not to show up for it out of spite over something incredibly petty to do with a video game. Long story short C slept through a time I usually play this game over the internet with him, and me and my close friend W who often plays with us, decided to play without him that night. C's major problem was with the fact that we created characters of a different faction to play with. The way the game works is that you put time into building up your character and cannot transfer anything you've ever earned from one character to the next. He said he felt like I was ruining "the one thing we do together". We live fifteen minutes from one another, the fact that a videogame is the "one thing we do together" is in and of itself a problem for me, nevermind the incredibly childish viewpoint that I had somehow ruined this by playing the opposing faction whilst he was asleep. He went into a TIRADE about how that faction is lame, and how I am "shameful" for creating a character of one, and logged in and found my character and shot it. I found myself so annoyed with the way he was acting I distanced myself from him the entire week, including cancelling a hangout-date we had because quite honestly I was too depressed to even get ready for it but told him several times I looked forward to seeing him on the weekend, to celebrate our anniversary. I already had it in my mind that if he acted like this anniversary meant nothing, by not doing something special,(nevermind just not show up at all) I was going to take a break from this relationship. I am not very high maintenance at all, but I deserve a present, or a night out, SOMETHING to celebrate our first -real- anniversary together.(more on that in a moment) Holidays and anniversaries mean nothing to him and everything to me. I had already found myself disappointed on my birthday, a Christmas, and during Valentines. Now I know my title says 2yrLTR and then I said "first real anniversary" that isn't a mistake. There has been stupid drama since day one. We met online and became very close, but for an entire year despite living in the same city he refused to meet, so there was no real first anniversary. He had never met anyone from the internet before and had a difficult time getting his ego over the fact that yes it's sort of lame, but so the **** what. In fact his ego has gotten in the way of this relationship more times than I can count. Anyway whatever I told him I was doing 60 days NC and had him pick up his stuff. Inside the bag of his stuff I wrote on a little memopad paper the pros and cons of being his gf. Under pros, it simply said "I love him, I like cuddling with him, he fixes broken things in my house/and with my pc" under cons it just went on and on and on, and on a different memopad sheet, I simply wrote "This is not what love looks like. This is not what love feels like" He tried convincing me to go 30 days instead of 60, he kept telling me how sorry he was, and how much he missed me already. I wasn't cruel, I hugged him and told him I couldn't do that, for my own self respect, and need for emotional detachment, to gain clarity I needed 60 days and was taking it. I did tell him that after 60 days I would consider reevaluating our status but I get the feeling I'm done. I've never been so mature, or emotionally detached through a breakup in my life. Normally I'd be crying rivers and suffering panic but I just feel sort of, free. He has a really difficult time complimenting me, but was very quick to tease me, or point out my flaws. My friends have wanted me to break up with him for a while now. I have gained weight and lost interest in hobbies, and stopped caring about my appearance because why put an effort into something you know is going to be mocked? Now I feel free to regain myself. I never imagined in a million years I could be strong enough to just walk away without tears and drama.
Author NotYourBabyAnymore Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 (edited) Ugh feeling sort of anxious and I miss being able to call him and being called sweetypie, and being told I am loved. I do not miss being stood up, or insulted, or made to feel less than. I do not miss crying my eyes out after we made love because he refused to kiss me and didn't touch me, or care if I had finished. I do not miss his snoring (thats petty I know, but im trying to focus on the cons here) I do not miss hearing about reasons I should give up on school because I can't hack it. I do not miss the anxiety I felt choosing clothing, because I knew he'd find some flaw. I do not miss the anxiety felt when he came over cause I knew we'd have a fight, and I knew we'd be bored sitting there doing nothing! I miss his chest and the way he smells and his blue eyes and the way his voice gets soft when he's emotional. I miss the last 2 years of my life, it feels like he took them from me. I miss my self esteem he stomped to death with his constant criticism and "teasing". Edited May 14, 2014 by NotYourBabyAnymore
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