skela Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 My girlfriend has been seeing a guy she met online about 6 weeks ago. He has told her that he is not seeing anyone else, not interested in anyone else but they haven't talked about being "exclusive". One night when they went out for dinner he told her that if she wanted to she could date other people - he didn't want her to but didn't want her to feel later on that she had missed out on something. She noticed that he still went online every day and asked him about it. He said he was just responding to emails he received because he feels it is rude just to ignore them. They spent some time alone on the weekend and as soon as he went home he was online again and he sent her a text to let her know. Said he just wanted to be honest. I think he is playing games with her and that he is lying about not talking to other women etc and she should dump him because without honesty a relationship cannot survive. He is online every single day. What are your thoughts. They are in their 40's.
Frank2thepoint Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 My girlfriend I'm going to assume you mean your friend who is a woman, not your romantic partner. She noticed that he still went online every day and asked him about it. He said he was just responding to emails he received because he feels it is rude just to ignore them. They spent some time alone on the weekend and as soon as he went home he was online again and he sent her a text to let her know. Said he just wanted to be honest. I think he is playing games with her and that he is lying about not talking to other women etc and she should dump him because without honesty a relationship cannot survive. He is online every single day. What are your thoughts. They are in their 40's. My thoughts are that this guy is playing your friend. He isn't being honest, just lying to her, and manipulating her emotionally. If he is online everyday that is a clear indicator he is keeping his options open. I hope your friend sees this soon, otherwise she'll be really hurt.
Zahara Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 My girlfriend has been seeing a guy she met online about 6 weeks ago. He has told her that he is not seeing anyone else, not interested in anyone else but they haven't talked about being "exclusive". One night when they went out for dinner he told her that if she wanted to she could date other people - he didn't want her to but didn't want her to feel later on that she had missed out on something. She noticed that he still went online every day and asked him about it. He said he was just responding to emails he received because he feels it is rude just to ignore them. They spent some time alone on the weekend and as soon as he went home he was online again and he sent her a text to let her know. Said he just wanted to be honest. I think he is playing games with her and that he is lying about not talking to other women etc and she should dump him because without honesty a relationship cannot survive. He is online every single day. What are your thoughts. They are in their 40's. The only reason he told her that she could date others if she wanted to is because that gives him a pass to do the same -- hence him being on online everyday. He's still interested in looking to see what's out there and I am sure he's dating other women when they are not together. Really, who cares about being polite to strangers on a dating website if you're into the woman you're with. Yep, he's playing the game. 1
mammasita Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Sounds like a manipulation game to me. I wouldn't want to have any part of it.
Author skela Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 I'm going to assume you mean your friend who is a woman, not your romantic partner. LOL. yes, my friend who is a girl - not romantic.
Author skela Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 I don't know if this is relevant and I don't want to judge anyone on past issues but he is also in AA. Has been sober for 2 years, which I really admire. However, when she told me at first I told her to watch out for honesty because I think when you having a drinking problem that you lie a lot to cover it up. Just my personal opinion. And he has lied to his parents in front of her when she was with him. She told him many times - if you want to see other people go ahead. Don't tell me you are not if you are and he kept saying he wasn't. Reeks of mind games to me but wanted to get other people's opinions. She said he is so open about his feelings and seems so sincere.
HappyLove Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Yes, you can definitely be addicted to OLDing! There are people who have been on it consistently for YEARS with no true intention of meeting anyone. Some people just get a kick out of going through pages and pages of pictures everyday. Something to do when bored or lonely. Anyway, this isn't addiction it's just some guy wasting your friends time. 99% of the men I met online had GIGS. That's just the way it works online. It's hard to get the date then when you get it the other person is still looking. Your friend must be new to OLDing because this is VERY common. Only very FEW people have success dating online. Don't believe me, just look around the boards.
mammasita Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I don't know if this is relevant and I don't want to judge anyone on past issues but he is also in AA. Has been sober for 2 years, which I really admire. However, when she told me at first I told her to watch out for honesty because I think when you having a drinking problem that you lie a lot to cover it up. Just my personal opinion. And he has lied to his parents in front of her when she was with him. She told him many times - if you want to see other people go ahead. Don't tell me you are not if you are and he kept saying he wasn't. Reeks of mind games to me but wanted to get other people's opinions. She said he is so open about his feelings and seems so sincere. Its very possible that OLD is his new "addiction"......addictive personalities replace their addicitions. He was an alcoholic, now he has OLD to fill that void. 1
HappyLove Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I don't know if this is relevant and I don't want to judge anyone on past issues but he is also in AA. Has been sober for 2 years, which I really admire. However, when she told me at first I told her to watch out for honesty because I think when you having a drinking problem that you lie a lot to cover it up. Just my personal opinion. And he has lied to his parents in front of her when she was with him. She told him many times - if you want to see other people go ahead. Don't tell me you are not if you are and he kept saying he wasn't. Reeks of mind games to me but wanted to get other people's opinions. She said he is so open about his feelings and seems so sincere. I met two AA guys in a row online! Gave them the benefit of the doubt. Yes they were jerks, led me on a bit, but so are people who aren't in AA. He's showing your friend TO HER FACE that he's still looking! ACTIONS NOT WORDS are what matters. She needs to buy a clue already! If he was really into her he would GASP...close his account. I bet that won't happen!
Author skela Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 Its very possible that OLD is his new "addiction"......addictive personalities replace their addicitions. He was an alcoholic, now he has OLD to fill that void. That is my concern. Anyway, I just got an update from her. She called him and told him that she is not comfortable with him rolling out of bed with her and going online and she was through. He said he thought about hiding his profile but he needed to figure out why he was going online all the time. She told him not to bother that it was over. Told him she told him from the beginning that she didn't want to be played and gave him opportunities to be honest. He told her before that he was a bad father when he was drunk and wanted to have an opportunity to be a good man in their eyes and would never play around with her. BS! Anyway, she sent him a message letting him know how he had hurt her after and she never got a response. Jerk!
Author skela Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 If he was really into her he would GASP...close his account. I bet that won't happen! Exactly! Said he needed to figure out why he was online even though he was so happy with her, thought about her every day, loved being with her.
BlueIris Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I suppose someone could be addicted to OLD. But I agree with the other posters that he’s just messing with her. Either way, it sounds like a recipe for pain, not for great love. From what I’ve seen, and heard from others, lots of guys online- (maybe women too but even my guy friends say guys are more prone to this)- want to keep their options open and prefer not to attach to someone. Maybe some kid of attachment disorder, candy shop thinking, grass is greener thing. I just stopped seeing someone for exactly this reason. We agreed to be exclusive, were at the point that things were going to get physical, and he was still online every day. If the guy you’re dating doesn’t think he’s hit the jackpot in finding you (or you don’t feel the same about him) there is no point in continuing to see him unless you’re just using each other as placeholders- which sounds awful to me. Your friend's guy isn't relationship material, in my opinion. 1
HappyLove Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Exactly! Said he needed to figure out why he was online even though he was so happy with her, thought about her every day, loved being with her. She fell for that? I'm sure he's said this BS many times to desperate gullible women. She's gonna have to learn the hard way OP. Just be there for her when the time comes. I hope she's able to wake up before she gets even more attached.
BlueIris Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 I hope your girlfriend stops feeling hurt. Every single person needs to understand that THEY choose who to partner with. Your girlfriend just validated herself and her ability to make good choices. Good for her.
acrosstheuniverse Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Some people find it difficult to break free from, there's a sense that you're walking around a shopping mall full of available men. There might always be somebody better around the corner, somebody more compatible... I never get that sense because I've dated enough people OLD to know that when you find somebody good, you hold onto them! But this guy sounds like he's just not that into your friend. If he was into her he would be nailing it down rather than backtracking weeks into seeing her and reminding her she can go back on the market. And then texting her to 'be upfront' he's basically letting her know to expect this stuff from him, and he isn't too bothered whether it puts her off or not because he's moved on. Good for her sacking him off and not accepting ****ty treatment. 1
Phantom888 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Online dating can be addictive if you get a high from meeting new people, having sex with different people, and trying new things. It's like you have the choice to be eternally in the "honeymoon" phase with people, and as soon as that feeling ends you move on. A lot of people use OLD like that, and it is quite exciting in the beginning. I experienced that, and after a period of time, I prefer to be in a relationship because I feel more secure, and I don't use condoms during sex.
Bruce Leigh Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 If he is online everyday that is a clear indicator he is keeping his options open. Isn't that the nature of OLD though? At least in the early stages of dating someone you find on there? Never tried OLD so i can't really speak from experience.
Author skela Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 Isn't that the nature of OLD though? At least in the early stages of dating someone you find on there? Never tried OLD so i can't really speak from experience. I guess it so but he specifically told her he wasn't interested in being with anyone else. Not communicating with or going out with anyone else. Even when she said look if you want to still date other people just don't lie to me and tell me you are not.
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