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He wants to eat at a place where waitresses are scantily dressed, I don't.

beyondcrushed

By beyondcrushed
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beyondcrushed Established Member

beyondcrushed

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Seems more like a bullshxt test, to me - the "are you a Cool Girl " test. Bleh.

 

Ugh, total bs. We don't have to go along to be liked. Be who you are and hold your boundary. Take it or leave it.

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beyondcrushed Established Member

beyondcrushed

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Him wanting to go for the novelty is a different matter than going specifically to ogle the servers in front of you; it's hard to determine from your posts which is the actual case. Either way' date=' if dining there is important for him it's indicative that your priorities are widely divergent from his. It's not worth fighting over, but neither should you pretend to be the "cool girlfriend" and go somewhere that you feel uncomfortable about, whether or not his behavior contributes to making your feel that way.[/quote']

 

He pitched it to me as a novelty, but I KNOW, he is also interested in looking at the women. He's a man. So he's not overtly rude saying he wants to or will look at the women. But yes, don't have to be the cool gf. I'm cool in other ways, don't have to go there to be even more cool, lol. And he can take it or leave it. It's not like I'm stopping HIM from going.

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beyondcrushed Established Member

beyondcrushed

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So let me be sure I understand some posters correctly.

 

If there was a restaurant called "Peckers" that served wings and featured male servers in tight shorts or bathing suits who would rub up against women for tips, the guys here would be fine with it because... it's about the food, right?

 

 

ROTMLMAO!!!!!!!!!!! I would love to have the opportunity to suggest going to a place like this. But then, alas, I would be double-standard, if I don't support Hooters, HAG, and places alike.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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We were rebounds for each other and carried a lot of unresolved baggage. He wasn't fully in the relationship emotionally (walls were up), I was. This imbalance made me insecure and needy. He pulled back. Made me more needy. I ended it. The break gave us a chance to resolve the baggage, calm down, and become stronger on our own.

Sounds like he was strong before... he isn't in this fully, he wasn't before either. I don't think he is into you enough OP.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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beyondcrushed

 

 

If you are that dead set against it, he needs to respect that. If he can't you two may not be compatible.

 

 

Personally I always thought the allure of that place was the burger that is so calorie & fat laden it's supposed to give you a "heart attack." I never bought into the argument that people go to Hooters for the wings either.

 

 

I only skimmed the thread . . . are you saying you don't want to go but you are OK with him going? I think that might be an OK compromise but I don't share your viewpoint about these kinds of places. If my husband wants to go once in a while, I don't care but I'm not going with him.

 

 

In the grand scheme of things to worry about in a relationship whether or not my guy ogles some woman who is willing to wear one of those get ups in an effort to get more tips isn't my concern. I find it highly unlikely that those women are going to date my guy. I have never dated anybody who was that good looking or that rich that he's going to be able to turn the head of some woman who gets hit on for a living, at least not longer than it takes her to secure his tip & move on to her next sucker.

 

 

 

 

Honestly, I doubt your guy is going to leave there with anything more then clogged arteries & possibly a pin on his FB check in map.

saltyfishhead666 Established Member

saltyfishhead666

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I've been dating by bf for over a year, but we had a 6 month break in between. Been back together for 2 months now. He does not like or go to strip clubs. But recently, he said he wants us to go eat at the Heart Attack Grill in Pheonix, AZ, which is like Hooters, only with bustier women wearing skimpier, and more revealing clothing. We would go with a nother couple. I refuse to enter such an establishment. They make me very uncomfortable. These places cater to men. And I know my bf will be ogling the women and will be chatting them up, the whole time while I'm sitting beside him. I will feel completely disrespected.

 

So I told my bf politely but firmly that I do not want to go, but by all means go ahead without me. He asked why and seemed dissapointed. I don't want to make a big deal out of it and don't want him to think I can't handle it or that I'm insecure. What should I say or do if he asks me again to go?

 

So let me be sure I understand some posters correctly.

 

If there was a restaurant called "Peckers" that served wings and featured male servers in tight shorts or bathing suits who would rub up against women for tips, the guys here would be fine with it because... it's about the food, right?

 

 

If there was a restaurant called peckers not only would I not expect my boyfriend to go, I wouldn't be there either.

 

All I can imagine now is pubes in my food :lmao:

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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That place looks like some bloated empire in decline monstrosity, porny costumes and workers included.

 

You're being more than reasonable in declining to go but saying you're fine with him going. I wouldn't go to a place like that if I were dying of hunger!

 

Agreed. I went to Hooters once in my early 20s just to say I went. I thought the food was horrible and had no desire to look at the woman or give them my attention.

 

My buddies will want to go there now and I will pass. It's too bad as I like to hang out with them otherwise.

 

I dunno, I'm a big fan of "get it at home". He has you, why does he need to go there? It certainly is not for the food and I call BS if he makes that argument.

 

I don't get a good warm and fuzzy about this man..but that's coming from a man who is totally different than him. I hate strip clubs, again did it once to "do it". I don't get the whole ogling, talking and flirting with woman at places like this; it feels dirty and disgusting to me.

 

I'd prefer a cozy nice restaurant, a local dive, a new place in town, or hanging out with my friends at a bar/restaurant any day over a place like this. I'm a foodie and enjoy the entire restaurant/social experience! I don't go to look at the staff.

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Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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If there was a restaurant called peckers not only would I not expect my boyfriend to go, I wouldn't be there either.

 

All I can imagine now is pubes in my food :lmao:

There was one at a beach near where I live, I think it was called "Big Peckers". Went once, food was horrible, service was horrible, I don't get it.

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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So I told my bf politely but firmly that I do not want to go, but by all means go ahead without me. He asked why and seemed dissapointed. I don't want to make a big deal out of it and don't want him to think I can't handle it or that I'm insecure. What should I say or do if he asks me again to go?

 

 

Just saw this. That's what I get for skimming.

 

 

If you don't want to go don't go. The fact that you are perfectly willing to let him go is the most balanced approach.

 

 

I doubt he will ask you again if you'd like to go but if he does, you will have to judge the context. If he's asking because he don't want you to feel excluded, just say no thanks & let it slide. If you get the sense he's pressuring you, talk to him privately about why that's not OK.

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clia Established Member

clia

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Jeez, it's a restaurant not a strip club. I've never been there, but I don't even find Hooters to be objectionable or offensive. The waitresses there wear more than they do at many casinos or at the beach. Do you let him go to the beach or are you afraid he might ogle the women there, too? The reality is that he can ogle women anywhere!

 

This place has made the news; it's a novelty, like going to Hard Rock Cafe or Planet Hollywood or Rainforest Cafe or Ed Debevick's. I don't think it's a sign of disrespect that he asked you to go there with another couple.

 

I wouldn't want to go there because the food looks totally disgusting, though. I think telling him to go by himself is the right answer if you are that uncomfortable with it and really don't want to go.

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beyondcrushed Established Member

beyondcrushed

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Sounds like he was strong before... he isn't in this fully, he wasn't before either. I don't think he is into you enough OP.

 

 

I sometimes think that too -- that he's still not fully into me. Although he wants to spend so much time together. I don't know.

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beyondcrushed Established Member

beyondcrushed

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If you are that dead set against it, he needs to respect that. If he can't you two may not be compatible.

 

If my husband wants to go once in a while, I don't care but I'm not going with him.

 

 

In the grand scheme of things to worry about in a relationship whether or not my guy ogles some woman who is willing to wear one of those get ups in an effort to get more tips isn't my concern.

 

 

Honestly, I doubt your guy is going to leave there with anything more then clogged arteries & possibly a pin on his FB check in map.

 

I don't care if he goes once in a while either. And I know one of those women wouldn't leave with him (I hope). But if he doesn't respect women by making lude comments, flirting and going to these places, then he won't respect me or what we have, and I would reconsider being with him. When he does it, it certainly makes me question things.

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soccerrprp Established Member

soccerrprp

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I don't care if he goes once in a while either. And I know one of those women wouldn't leave with him (I hope). But if he doesn't respect women by making lude comments, flirting and going to these places, then he won't respect me or what we have, and I would reconsider being with him. When he does it, it certainly makes me question things.

 

So, you DO care. :)

 

I wouldn't dare suggest such a place to my gf. Some guys have got to be clueless or simply just don't care to suggest their girlfriend to frequent such a place. :D

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d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I don't care if he goes once in a while either. And I know one of those women wouldn't leave with him (I hope). But if he doesn't respect women by making lude comments, flirting and going to these places, then he won't respect me or what we have, and I would reconsider being with him. When he does it, it certainly makes me question things.

 

 

If he's making lewd comments or being disrespectful I'd walk too. A little PG flirting I'd let that slide but then again. I'm a big flirt.

 

 

You sound balanced.

 

 

hopeful the only mountain this molehill will ever be is here on LS

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Koopa Established Member

Koopa

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Only been to hooters twice, first time was with a group of guys that all wanted to go and I did too (I was a teenager at the time). Second time was when a Hooters opened up in a dry area (the city decided to change it to a wet zone but it had not taken effect yet) so they could not sell beer but they could give it away for free. Who could turn down free beer, even if it is crappy lite beer. Both times I was very underwhelmed by the quality of women there, they seemed very trashy.

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KathyM Established Member

KathyM

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You should tell your boyfriend that stuffing yourself with toxic crap and ogling women is not your idea of an enjoyable time, but if he wishes to do that and feels the need/desire to do that, then maybe he's not a good match for you, since he wants to put such garbage in his body, and feels the need to ogle women even though he has a quality girlfriend to look at.

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Valen Established Member

Valen

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I'm a guy and I could never eat at a place like that. I just can't mix food and sex. When I am hungry, I just want to eat good food, could care less what my servers look like. It would actually make me uncomfortable to know every men in the room is trying to picture the servers naked. I guess it's also why I don't go to strip clubs either, it feels strange to stand around men all looking at naked women, something creepy and pathetic about it. Not to mention a retarded way to waste your money.

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beyondcrushed Established Member

beyondcrushed

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I'm a guy and I could never eat at a place like that. I just can't mix food and sex. When I am hungry, I just want to eat good food, could care less what my servers look like. It would actually make me uncomfortable to know every men in the room is trying to picture the servers naked. I guess it's also why I don't go to strip clubs either, it feels strange to stand around men all looking at naked women, something creepy and pathetic about it. Not to mention a retarded way to waste your money.

 

AMEN!!! Totally strange. You are surrounded by horny men.

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beyondcrushed Established Member

beyondcrushed

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So, you DO care. :)

 

I wouldn't dare suggest such a place to my gf. Some guys have got to be clueless or simply just don't care to suggest their girlfriend to frequent such a place. :D

 

I agree -- clueless or don't care. I think mine was clueless when he suggested it. If he suggests it again, I will have to shake my head.

 

But like d0nnivain said, this is a molehill, and will hopefully stay one. We'll see as our relationship progresses.

 

Thanks all!!!

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KatZee Established Member

KatZee

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I did a google search on Heart Attack Grill and they're dressed a little more provocatively than Hooters but same concept. I bet they need nurses around -- I looked at their menu :eek: Who eats that?!?!

 

That would be me!! :p

 

Place looks like a freaking blast! I saw this place on one of the food channels and I thought it was pretty cool. OP, I think you shouldn't be so uptight and insecure, those are honestly the only reasons you're refusing to go.

 

I think if you let your hair down and go have a great time WITH him, he'll be more inclined to have that great time WITH YOU and not be so interested in the chicks all around him.

 

Of course if you make a stink, refuse to go, give him attitude... well, then you'll get the opposite reaction.

 

I personally don't think this place looks too trashy. It's not a strip club. The most you see is cleavage. I guess I'm more laid back than most.

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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I say it's better to go with him than let him go alone where he could get into trouble. I'd go just out of curiosity. I think you're imagining it's worse than it is. Just a novelty as someone else said. Then later if he asks you to go to Hooters you could say, "Nah, it's just like Heart Attack Grill. Let's go some place that has good food instead."

FitChick Established Member

FitChick

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The waitresses will act entirely differently with two couples at a table than they would with four male patrons. They won't want to lose any tips due to pissy wives and girlfriends.

serial muse Established Member

serial muse

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I do not find this in itself disrespectful and here is why. Why should a man be uncomfortable taking his girlfriend to a place like this? It is not a strip club or anything like that. Wouldn't be a bad sign if he was uncomfortable? Since that to me would think he would be doing/thinking inappropriate things.

 

Er...just because he might not see it as inappropriate doesn't mean it's fine and dandy -- and anyway, I think her feelings about this should bear some weight too, right? It's not just about what he thinks.

 

Did you ever consider maybe he was inviting you because he was trying to show you just how little these women mean to him?

 

Who in the what now? :lmao:

 

Huh. Well, that would be a very weird, strangely inefficient (and likely completely ineffective) way of showing her how important she is to him, or whatever. Couldn't he just take her out to dinner or write her a poem or, I don't know, give her a hug and a kiss? That's how I'd like to be shown that I'm special, not guilted into going to a restaurant I don't want to go to that makes me uncomfortable.

 

Maybe compromise, tell him you will go with, but he has to behave a bit better? I totally get you not wanting to go, but at the same time..come on, your boyfriend wants to spend time with you. He wants to go to a place with scantily clad women with his girlfriend instead of just his buddies. You see that as something negative, but why?

 

He can spend time with her anywhere on God's green earth. Why can't he compromise by not insisting she go somewhere she doesn't want to? She has already compromised, by not insisting he not go on his own. He's the one putting pressure on her. Seriously, don't you think maybe he could be the one to lighten up here?

 

Don't you think that maybe that is why he is inviting you, he wants to see if you feel you are secure with yourself and with him?

 

Oh. OH. Well, there it is. Yep, I think this is much more likely than the bizarre "he wants to show you how much you mean to him by taking you to a restaurant with scantily clad women" theory. That one never made much sense to me.

 

So yes, this is exactly what I said before: It's probably ye old bullshxt "Cool Girl" test.

 

Testing your partners to see just how much they'll put up with is healthy! How else can know if you really love them??

 

/sarcasm

serial muse Established Member

serial muse

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I never said her feelings bear no weight, but the thing is she needs to make them known. Go read her posts, it is clear she hasn't really done this.

 

I've only read this thread - but at least in this case, she says she's told him she doesn't want to go but that he can. So yes, she has made her specific feelings on this issue known.

 

I don't see why any reasonable person would object to her standpoint. Or why it's necessary to tell her she's insecure when actually she's enforcing a boundary.

 

When one is insecure, by contrast, one instigates crappy tests of one's partner to get them to do what one wants. One doesn't say "it's OK if you go without me". IMO.

 

The problem is..it is not like the OP is showing healthy behavior either, so..yeah. Being this insecure isn't healthy, nor helpful. She also contradicts herself. She says he flirts and jokes in front of her, but then says he has never misbehaved in front of her. So..which is it? That is the big issue here, the insecurities that are leading her to ASSUME he will act this way, when in the same post she claims he hasn't actually acted that way.

 

Again. I do not see why setting a clear boundary = insecure. And honestly, it's troubling that so many have said so, because I hope the OP doesn't take away from this that she's acting insecure for stating her likes and dislikes. It's fear of that kind of judgment that leads people to stop stating them. So maybe calling her insecure is actually reinforcing the problem?

 

She doesn't want to go. He's pressuring her. Who's really got the issue here?

JamesM Established Member

JamesM

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I won't read through all of the replies. Here is my opinion FWIW...

 

First of all, you do not have a problem big or small.

 

Second, this is not about security issues. It is simply about your wishes.

 

Third, if your BF pushes you to go, then it tells you how he respects you.

 

Personally, if my wife said she did not want to go to a restaurant for whatever reason, then I wouldn't go with her. If it was not disrespecting to her, then I would go alone. There are a number of restaurants like that. I go alone if I wish, but not with her.

 

As for Hooters and the like, my wife and I went together many years ago and didn't realize that there was anything unusual beyond being a restaurant on the beach with women in scanty clothing. Once we found out differently, my wife never wanted to go again as she felt it was disrespecting of women. She would not view it well if I went either because she would know it was not about the food.

 

No, I don't go alone. If I want to go to a place to look at women, then I may as well go to a strip joint and make it worth it. :p

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