He wants to eat at a place where waitresses are scantily dressed, I don't.

[beyondcrushed]

I've been dating by bf for over a year, but we had a 6 month break in between. Been back together for 2 months now. He does not like or go to strip clubs. But recently, he said he wants us to go eat at the Heart Attack Grill in Pheonix, AZ, which is like Hooters, only with bustier women wearing skimpier, and more revealing clothing. We would go with a nother couple. I refuse to enter such an establishment. They make me very uncomfortable. These places cater to men. And I know my bf will be ogling the women and will be chatting them up, the whole time while I'm sitting beside him. I will feel completely disrespected.

 

So I told my bf politely but firmly that I do not want to go, but by all means go ahead without me. He asked why and seemed dissapointed. I don't want to make a big deal out of it and don't want him to think I can't handle it or that I'm insecure. What should I say or do if he asks me again to go?

Edited May 12, 2014 by beyondcrushed

[clia]

"I'm not interested in eating there."

 

That's all you have to say.

 

What is the reason why, though, if not insecurity? I think you are being a little silly. Hooter's has great wings!

[bluegreen]

Hm I can understand where you are coming from and why it makes you uncomfortable but most of this depends on his character as person.

You by all means may not go but you can't stop him from going if you try its pretty simple to guess what will happen right ?

Now you say he might actually flirt leer at them and so on even in front of you?

Does he has history of such behavior before and if so why did you allow it?

 

So my take on this is its not the place that you should be going at EWWW its your s/o who does not know how to behave in adult mature matter and much less know and wants to respect you as his girlfriend.

[Haydn]

Why on earth would he want to take you there? Those are the kinds of places us blokes go with our mates. Only to be talked of in code thereafter.

 

Surely an unwritten rule?

 

Did you have a nice time with your mates darling?

 

Was ok, bit boring really.

[Candy_Pants]

I don't think I'd mind going to these types of establishments. It's actually my H who has refused!!

 

You already told him you don't want to go. If he asks again remind him of your stance and say you don't wish to have this discussion again. Period.

 

Would you mind him going alone?

[Assasda]

Tell him that it is tasteless.

 

But the fact is that you are insecure, because you havent already been there, and because you said your BF will be ogling over the girls. Youre very very insecure

[Zahara]

My ex and I used to go to Hooters! Great wings! And sometimes we'd act like idiots and check out who's hot and who's not.

 

Tell him you would prefer some place else. Simple.

 

Can he go with his friends if you don't like those establishments or is it because you are insecure?

[Koopa]

Heart attack grill is more of a restaurant that serves food that will put you in a coma or kill you if you eat it more than once a year than a breastaurant. Yes the waitresses are dressed as sexy nurses but its more of a joke because of the nature of the food you may need medical help.

[Zahara]

Heart attack grill is more of a restaurant that serves food that will put you in a coma or kill you if you eat it more than once a year than a breastaurant. Yes the waitresses are dressed as sexy nurses but its more of a joke because of the nature of the food you may need medical help.

 

I did a google search on Heart Attack Grill and they're dressed a little more provocatively than Hooters but same concept. I bet they need nurses around -- I looked at their menu Who eats that?!?!

[beyondcrushed]

Wow, thanks all for your comments. And so quickly. I don't know why exactly I feel incredibly uncomfortable in those places. I think it is because of some insecurity for sure. I also think its disrespectful for him to want to take me there, knowing he will look and talk with these women. He has looked at other women, commented that she's attractive, and has chatted with waitresses at other restaurants, joking/laughing. Of course, I'm not the last woman on earth and I know there are other women out there that I'm sure he finds attractive besides me. And I know he will look no matter where we are, no matter what those women look like or wear. But I feel its incredibly disrespectful to do it blatantly and obviously in front of your s/o, and comment about those other women. Just do it with your buddies. Not in front of me. I wonder if roles were reversed how would he feel. "Hey Hon, there's this joint that has buff shirtless men serving us. I will chat them up and look them up and down and comment about how attractive they are. Let's go eat there. Cool?" But I feel its disrespectful and wouldn't want to make him uncomfortable, so I wouldn't suggest going to a place like that anyway.

But how would I feel if he said no? How would I feel if he said yes and was upset the entire time there? How would I feel if he joked with me while there and also commented about the men there? If I suggested going to a place like that with shirtless men, I'd like it if he were game and went along with the 'fun'. I would think he was totally secure with himself and our relationship.

 

Ok, so its clear, insecurity is the problem. If he asks again, I'll say, "I don't want to go there, but you go". If push comes to shove, I will go and keep it merry. If he misbehaves (which is my big fear, although he's never before) while there (touching, flirting, ignoring me completely, rude comments about having sex/touching) then I would walk out and reassess continuing our relationship.

 

 

Thanks all.

Edited May 12, 2014 by beyondcrushed

[beyondcrushed]

I do not like Thai Resturants. To me, Thai Food and Thai Resturants smells like ball sweat.

 

I have yet to date a girl who asked me to go once she knew what I thought about it.

 

I'm sure if you notify your BF of your displeasure I do not believe he will duck tape you and force you to go against your will. If he does, just let your hot waitress know and have her call 911.

 

 

LOL! True.

[DArtagnan2]

there are places like this that are "famous" and people have to go to at least once. I do understand how you feel about being there with how they are dressed. You may be right it has to do a bit with insecurities, and your bf being someone who is of a "talker" or social with whoever he is around, including other women, can heighten that.

 

There are girls who can handle those types of places and have the fun that is intended to be had there, and there are girls who can't or dont want to go there. Its ok whichever you are. I guess at least he wanted to go there with you, versus going there with the guys behind your back. Says something I hope you can see through everything else.

 

Just let him know you really don't want to go there. Maybe another time will work for you better if its a place that is a must "see" for others you know.

[lollipopspot]

I think the whole restaurant is f'ed up and I wouldn't go on principle. Nevermind the hipster trend of saying how much you love things that are bad for you as though it's super daring or something -

 

While the cremation stunt may represent new ground for the Heart Attack Grill founder, Basso’s efforts to promote the danger his food poses are nothing new. The restaurateur, who is known for wearing a doctor’s outfit to highlight his food’s medical consequences, has previously bragged that those who dine at his grill are the “avant-garde of risk takers.” He even offers customers weighing 350 pounds or more the option to eat for free. It should then come as no surprise that multiple customers have died at the grill, including two spokespeople, and that one man was wheeled away in a stretcher after trying to finish a burger.

 

But according to Basso, he’s just trying to teach people a lesson about healthy eating in an industry averse to honestly.

'Heart Attack Grill' Owner Proudly Displays Dead Customer's Remains | TIME.com

 

But the food is unapologetically made from large portions of factory farmed animals - the whole thing is so greedy and gluttonous and unsconscious. I don't think it's a joke to kill so copiously and unnecessarily.

[amaysngrace]

I did a google search - I looked at their menu

 

Who eats that?!?!

 

That's exactly what I thought but judging from the images the customers are all middle aged fat guys and one skinny chick to entice weight-conscious women to eat there I guess.

 

It looks gross :/

[Ruby Slippers]

That place looks like some bloated empire in decline monstrosity, porny costumes and workers included.

 

You're being more than reasonable in declining to go but saying you're fine with him going. I wouldn't go to a place like that if I were dying of hunger!

[bubbaganoosh]

I've been dating by bf for over a year, but we had a 6 month break in between. Been back together for 2 months now. He does not like or go to strip clubs. But recently, he said he wants us to go eat at the Heart Attack Grill in Pheonix, AZ, which is like Hooters, only with bustier women wearing skimpier, and more revealing clothing. We would go with a nother couple. I refuse to enter such an establishment. They make me very uncomfortable. These places cater to men. And I know my bf will be ogling the women and will be chatting them up, the whole time while I'm sitting beside him. I will feel completely disrespected.

 

So I told my bf politely but firmly that I do not want to go, but by all means go ahead without me. He asked why and seemed dissapointed. I don't want to make a big deal out of it and don't want him to think I can't handle it or that I'm insecure. What should I say or do if he asks me again to go?

 

Wonder what would happen if you took him to a joint that catered to women and had big muscular guys wearing spandex shorts and muscle shirts. Shoe meet other foot.

[amaysngrace]

I wonder if it smells like a hospital to keep up with the ambiance

 

A morgue would be worse though...

[D.Mc.]

Hi Beyond...the main issue is his behavior around other women in front of you. Yes, you're not the only woman in the world, but a date is a date & he needs to show consideration & respect. That kind of behavior shows that he does not see you as his SO (just other, not significant). If you were at all insecure before you started seeing him, his actions have only reinforced & worsened the condition. I'd take another "break", & soon. BTW, it can be fun to go out w/another couple to someplace like that or even a strip club (upscale one) if your relationship is secure. This does not seem like the case here though. Stop worrying about what he will think & start thinking about making your needs known in a relationship.

[Phantom888]

 

So I told my bf politely but firmly that I do not want to go, but by all means go ahead without me. He asked why and seemed dissapointed. I don't want to make a big deal out of it and don't want him to think I can't handle it or that I'm insecure. What should I say or do if he asks me again to go?

 

That's not fair. I want to go there for the experience and the food. I have no interest in looking at those women. I have gone to Hooters once and I enjoyed the food, and it was a good environment. I think OP is overreacting.

[Candy_Pants]

I've been with "men" who disrespected me in public by oogling other women, making sexual comments to/about them, etc.. And the disrespect rarely ends there. Since then I've rebuilt my selfesteem.

 

But my H would never engage in that behavior. I've even pointed out women I think are beautiful and he glances, then compliments me.

 

You don't have to "deal" with this. If it bothers you it means you're not compatible. And that's okay.

[Candy_Pants]

That's not fair. I want to go there for the experience and the food. I have no interest in looking at those women. I have gone to Hooters once and I enjoyed the food, and it was a good environment. I think OP is overreacting.

 

Excuse my French, but bullsh it. You can get wings and burgers anywhere. If the women weren't a factor, he could go to another establishment, no problem.

 

Generally I'm inclined to agree with you, but if you've read the entire thread you'll see the OP's bf has made a habit of staring at other women in her presence, and making.comments about them. That's disrespectful unless the OP has stated she doesn't care.

 

OP, you DO care. So put your foot down. Don't tolerate it.

[BlueIris]

No way would I go there. It isn't insecurity at all. It's that I don't go to tacky T&A places. Went to Tilted Kilt once before I knew what it was, and all I could think of the guy I met there was, "uh, no."

[Eclypse]

If you're going to Heart Attack Grill I think scantily clad women should be the least of your worries. I'd be more concerned about him getting an actual heart attack! These places are disgusting. Why would anyone sane go there. It's like asking to throw away your health.

[Els]

And I know my bf will be ogling the women and will be chatting them up, the whole time while I'm sitting beside him. I will feel completely disrespected.

 

How do you know this? Is it from experience, or are you making assumptions?

 

If it's from experience, IMO you have a valid gripe. It's perfectly reasonable to find it disrespectful if he is flat-out ogling and flirting with them! And in that case I think that might be the issue that you want to think about, not 'Heart Attack Grill' per se.

 

I also don't think it's 'insecure' to not want your partner to do that - if he wants to flirt around while in a R then he should look for a partner who is open to that, not guilt trip you into allowing it.

 

(I've never heard of the place, though, so I'll have to Google it... )

[Medium.Lumo]

That's gross.

 

I would never take my girlfriend to a place like that. It's just in bad taste.