LoveStinks37 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 My boyfriend just ended our relationship of almost a year. Everything was going great, or at least I thought it was. He did tell me early on in the relationship that he had intimacy and emotional issues and was trying to work on that. He has even sought counselling in his 20's (now in 30's). He started being more affectionate as time went on and things were looking good. I recently told him that I loved and cared for him, and two days later , he's ending our relationship! Throughout it, he would call me every day, text me good morning all the time, text me when he was on the road during work to say hi, fixing things around my apt for me, lots of laughter, going on dates..I'm really going to miss this:( He told me that he is not capable of loving anyone, even family. He goes through this with every relationship and acknowledges that it is him and not anyone else he told me. At least I know I made him happy because he told me that my happiness and positivity rubs off on him. ..He seems to be hard on himself a lot and has been withdrawn a few times in our relationship. He is a caring and loving guy but he says he doesn't feel like he is and doesn't feel love and never will. All signs pointed to that he was loving me. How could someone show love but not feel it? He still wants to talk and hang out.. I don't think I can do that..I can't stop crying..
Smilecharmer Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I'm so sorry. Hugs. Go NC and spend lots of time with your friends and family doing the things you love. You can't be friends with someone you are that heartbroken over, you need no contact. 2
johnpatric Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 First of all let your self cry so you become a lite and you can think, what you want to do ahead.. well as you said about him so on that I can imagine that there is not doubt on that he loves you and he cares about you.. I think he is not sure on that what he wants to do and he still didn't examine the relationship.. so I think you have to talk with him and tell him you need some space and during that time you don't want to text him and he can't text you.. so on that you can imagine that what he actually wants.. so be patient and just focus on that how to handle this situation.. 1
David87 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Start NC because you can't be just friends with him this early. . . It will hurt you to see him every day just as a friend. 1
Author LoveStinks37 Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Thank you for the replies:) He texted me this morning as usual. I'm surprised that he did after ending everything.. I don't think he gets how break ups work.
Zahara Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Thank you for the replies:) He texted me this morning as usual. I'm surprised that he did after ending everything.. I don't think he gets how break ups work. I think he gets how break-ups work but I don't think he understands how emotionally hurt and disappointed one feels after a break-up. If he said he cannot feel love, then it would be safe to say that there is no emotional depth, and if there is no emotional depth, he cannot understand the emotional repercussions of how you are feeling. If contact bothers you, tell him how you feel and ask him for some space so that you can heal from this. 1
shinealight Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Like everyone else has put with breakups best thing to do is have a Girly night in with your'e friends, with some wine and films. And same with your'e parents. Chin up chuck you will be fine trust me.
Kitty278 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 When i read your post, i really couldnt believe it. I am going through a very fresh breakup with really similar circumstances. He too was facing quite some emotional and intimate issues. He told me he is unable to openly love, he doesnt even love his family... I had a really good feeling about our relationship, thinking we could conquer it all, and that we could overcome all of those issues. He told me he loved me too much as a person, but that he is not in love with me and he s having doubts about our relationship, that he was missing something. During our relationship, he was really attentive, at least in the good times. He would always call and text, even if it was only about little things. He experienced these doubts for a couple of months now, coupled with stress about work and also he is rebuilding his house. Throughout the last year, i always thought i would give him a feeling of safety, and that he wouldnt need to worry as together we would manage everything. Bottom line is, that he genuinely wants to stay in touch and stay friends. He is a good guy, he is just not a great boyfriend, thats what i will have to start realizing. I have now decided for distance and no contact, as i keep hurting and falling further in love with him. I hope that at a later point in time, i ll actually do manage to see him as my friend - and nothing more. Me too - i am still crying my eyes out, i am secretly still having hope that we will reconnect. I am lacking perspective and motivation, i cannot get myself out of bed. I know it will be only a couple of days or weeks and i will be back on track again, but i feel your pain and the hurt of your situation. I feel we are somewhat sharing the same problem now, and although i am in an emotionally bad place, i just want to tell you, you re not alone, 1
Author LoveStinks37 Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 Wow. Thank you for sharing this! I think I have to do what you did and start distancing myself. He is still sending me good morning texts before he goes to work and we talked last night for almost two hours as usual..He said talk to you tomorrow like we usually do. It's tough! I even had to got to work yesterday and thought i wasn't going to make it through my shift without balling, but I did. I was thinking a lot about him today and realized how he really does have emotional issues and some depression going on. Usually people who never received true love and affection will not know what it feels like and certainly can't show it. It is pretty sad really. Has he been contacting you at all? Hang in there! 1
HeartbrokenNewbie Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 The bloke sounds like he's got depression, my ex had the same traits and they do withdraw and cant 'love', then they chase the next 'exciting' thing as a quick fix to their depression but of course that excitement is limited and then it gets to the same point.. he will do this, as he already has, in every relationship he has just like my ex will x 1
Kitty278 Posted May 13, 2014 Posted May 13, 2014 Wow. Thank you for sharing this! I think I have to do what you did and start distancing myself. He is still sending me good morning texts before he goes to work and we talked last night for almost two hours as usual..He said talk to you tomorrow like we usually do. It's tough! I even had to got to work yesterday and thought i wasn't going to make it through my shift without balling, but I did. I was thinking a lot about him today and realized how he really does have emotional issues and some depression going on. Usually people who never received true love and affection will not know what it feels like and certainly can't show it. It is pretty sad really. Has he been contacting you at all? Hang in there! Thanks so much dear for your response. Just a bit a background story: the ex had mentioned his doubts already some times before, together with the very hurtful 'im not in love with you'-announcements. About two months ago, i told him i would give him time to think everything through, so i decided i will only see him about twice a week. This was a real torture. We would still talk and text everyday, and he would open up about a lot of things. If we didnt talk on a given day - because of him being busy for instance, i would feel extremely neglected. So, i absolutely understand the pain you re going through. It is hard to not share these little things that happen to you on a daily basis. I m proud of you that you pulled through your shift without texting him, thats really difficult - its the first test of a lot to come. I also thought about calling him today, as i would always do when i m faced with daily decisions, he would always help me to think things through....but i resisted. Its the same with problems i have, for instance at work...just last week he would listen to me for 2 hours straight, and realizing now that these times are over is really hard. It is also good to realize his emotional issues/depression. Only they are able to solve them, and regardless of how often we offer help and comfort, if they do not want or cannot face their issues, they re never going to be resolved. Just a quick update: he actually came by yesterday, to drop off something i asked him to bring. I thought he d just leave it in the mailbox, but instead he came in and got me some food as well. I didnt expect it at all, and was totally overwhelmed. When he left i felt absolutely miserable and empty all over again, although i know it was not his intention. I guess the hardest part is letting go of all the plans you had in mind, for the good times ahead. Remembering the good times and memories and facing the ugly truth that these moments are never going to come back... Have u still talked? Stay strong and hang on in there, somebody recommended me this page, i find it extremely helpful, maybe its worth a read for you too? Breakup Recovery Guide Let me know how you re doing and how it goes,ok? Take care for now, 1
Author LoveStinks37 Posted May 14, 2014 Author Posted May 14, 2014 Hi! It's interesting that he came in and got you some food. Maybe he feels bad about everything and still wanted to see you. There will still be an attachment there. It's hard to go cold turkey! I understand about the plans you had in mind and all the good times ahead. He invited me over for a cook out at his place for Memorial Day weekend. This was about a week before he ended things. I would have met his brother for the first time. He is coming from out of state. Guess that won't be happening! A little update: He texted me yesterday after he was finshed work to tell me he was finished work and hoped that I have a good work shift and that we'll talk later. Of course I ended up texting him when I got home and we talked for a few hours. He said that he is going to work on things with himself and try to see a professional..He said he wants to still talk but not too often and wants to be alone...I really hope he does speak to someone and not just over analyze everything sitting in the dark or whatever...He also texted me this morning to say he's on his way to work and told me to have a good day. ugh.. Any who..You stay strong too and keep yourself busy! Take care and keep us posted:)
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