Zachc Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Hi, My ex broke up with me... basically for a different guy 2 months ago and to be honest I made all the wrong choices afterwards and pushed her away even more. Now I've gotten to the point where even though I love her, I need to move on. Now that she has caught wind of this she has messaged me saying that she cares about me and misses me and would still like to be friends. I dont want to be her friend as it would kill me to see her with someone else but I'd be lying if I didn't say that I still want to be with her and would jump at a chance for reconciliation. I'm not sure if she is just playing games or is genuine or if I should befriend her... or just finally go no contact as I have the strength to do it. Or maybe I should let her know I can't be friends with her? Any advice would be appreciated
mammasita Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Hell no don't be friends with her. 1. She cheated and lied. 2. You can't be just friends with someone who you have feelings for 3. Oh yeah, she cheated and lied No contact. 6
johnpatric Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I have many people who want to be friend after break up, but in your case I thins its better to stay away from her, I think she is trying to keep you in her back up option. so no need to be friend with her just move on.. you have your own life just focus on that you will find someone better than her... 1
ayala Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 I agree that you can't be friends with someone you still have feelings for. No contact. Otherwise it'll only hurt you more. No need to explain why. She broke your heart; she's not entitled to know why you won't speak to her. It'll bother her to no end because she still wants you around as back-up or to "be nice" or because you have something she wants (I don't know, maybe you fix her computers or something) but that's her problem, not yours. 1
Author Zachc Posted May 12, 2014 Author Posted May 12, 2014 Thanks a lot guys, I know it was a no brainer but sometimes you just need to hear it from total strangers haha I will go no contact and remove her from all my social media etc. Sounds bitter but I just want her to regret her decision lol 1
d0nnivain Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 You can't be friends immediately after a break up. Some people throw the phrase out there as a way to try to soothe the hurt. They reallly don't mean it. NC may be the best way for you to heal. Right now is all about doing what is best for you.
Jiivy Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Thanks a lot guys, I know it was a no brainer but sometimes you just need to hear it from total strangers haha I will go no contact and remove her from all my social media etc. Sounds bitter but I just want her to regret her decision lol We absolutely all do. 3 months on I'm starting to realise that my ex fiancée dragged our relationship out for a month whilst she was banging some new guy... A couple days before making things official with him, she asks me how my life's going - if we can be best friends etc etc. It's the harshest reality to wake up to - I've spent MONTHS making excuses to myself as to why we could be friends, but we can't, because we're not. Put it this way - take a step outside of the relationship and imagine that your breakup is happening between a friend and their partner. What advice would give, how you react if your friend was the dumpee and they came to you asking if they should be friends still?
FredJones80 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 she asks me how my life's going - if we can be best friends etc etc. The strangest thing is, why would an ex want to be friends with you. Is their new "the one" going to be happy about them being friends with you?
Jiivy Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 The strangest thing is, why would an ex want to be friends with you. Is their new "the one" going to be happy about them being friends with you? Because 3 months before leaving me we were making plans for holidays in the summer, where we should move to at the end of the year together and what we think our children might be when they grow up. She's a lunatic Fred.
FredJones80 Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Because 3 months before leaving me we were making plans for holidays in the summer, where we should move to at the end of the year together and what we think our children might be when they grow up. She's a lunatic Fred. Not to worry Jiivy, we had a holiday booked, I should be on it right now!!! 1
Author Zachc Posted May 13, 2014 Author Posted May 13, 2014 We absolutely all do. 3 months on I'm starting to realise that my ex fiancée dragged our relationship out for a month whilst she was banging some new guy... A couple days before making things official with him, she asks me how my life's going - if we can be best friends etc etc. It's the harshest reality to wake up to - I've spent MONTHS making excuses to myself as to why we could be friends, but we can't, because we're not. Put it this way - take a step outside of the relationship and imagine that your breakup is happening between a friend and their partner. What advice would give, how you react if your friend was the dumpee and they came to you asking if they should be friends still? Hmm yea you are right... After all she put me through we could never be friends. You have all been a huge help
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