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Navigating sex with my fwb?


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Posted

So I just started having casual sex with a guy I've been seeing. I am 21, and he's 23. We had sex for the first time yesterday, and it was fantastic, multi-orgasmic, effortlessly good. I am not at all emotionally attached to him because we have completely opposite personalities. I do not want to date him at all; so this is perfect. The only problem is that I am worried about his sexual behavior. I know I need to talk more openly about STDs with him. I plan on doing that today when I see him! STDs are inherently more likely with the more sex partners one has. I don't want to ask him to be monogamous, but I don't want STDs from his other sexual encounters. How do you navigate this with your FWB? The more I read about STDs the more I want to ask him to limit his partners ONLY for the sake of us being healthy!! How do you navigate healthy sex with your FWB? I had unprotected fellatio but protected vaginal sex. I am regretting the unprotected part.

Posted

Make sure you have condoms at home in the living room and bedroom, in your car and in your purse. Then before sex, put it on him yourself. End of problem. If he doesn't like condoms, make it a game to try the various brands and find the best one.

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Posted

As far as I know, he is good on using condoms for vaginal sex, but oral sex I doubt it. He let me give him oral without a condom. It was pretty thoughtless on both our parts. I definitely shouldn't be doing it without a condom, although I do enjoy performing fellatio. I guess that's a sacrifice you have to make for casual sex. It is pretty crazy how even kissing or skin to skin contact has risk of disease :(

Posted

If he has any kind of herpes you can get them from his mouth. Kissing or oral. You can get them on your mouth by sucking his penis. Please find a boyfriend that you can build trust with and have a real relationship. I don't understand why females are so free with their bodies with men they admit to not wanting to be in relationship with.

 

Women are becoming so careless sexually and its the reason why STDs effect more women in astronomical numbers.

Posted
Please find a boyfriend that you can build trust with and have a real relationship. I don't understand why females are so free with their bodies with men they admit to not wanting to be in relationship with.

 

Women are becoming so careless sexually and its the reason why STDs effect more women in astronomical numbers.

 

? ... I mean.... ? *sigh*

 

If I start to discuss the problems with this advice, I'll start ranting, and I am far too tired for that right now. Obviously everyone is entitled to their opinion, but in my opinion, you have every right to have a fwb if you want and there is nothing wrong with that as long as you're both on the same page. But hopefully you already know this :)

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Posted
If he has any kind of herpes you can get them from his mouth. Kissing or oral. You can get them on your mouth by sucking his penis. Please find a boyfriend that you can build trust with and have a real relationship. I don't understand why females are so free with their bodies with men they admit to not wanting to be in relationship with.

 

Women are becoming so careless sexually and its the reason why STDs effect more women in astronomical numbers.

 

Well my question was more about how to discuss safer sex with partners, and I interested in people's experiences. I didn't ask for your sexist opinion on casual dating. No thanks.

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Posted
So I just started having casual sex with a guy I've been seeing. I am 21, and he's 23. We had sex for the first time yesterday, and it was fantastic, multi-orgasmic, effortlessly good. I am not at all emotionally attached to him because we have completely opposite personalities. I do not want to date him at all; so this is perfect. The only problem is that I am worried about his sexual behavior. I know I need to talk more openly about STDs with him. I plan on doing that today when I see him! STDs are inherently more likely with the more sex partners one has. I don't want to ask him to be monogamous, but I don't want STDs from his other sexual encounters. How do you navigate this with your FWB? The more I read about STDs the more I want to ask him to limit his partners ONLY for the sake of us being healthy!! How do you navigate healthy sex with your FWB? I had unprotected fellatio but protected vaginal sex. I am regretting the unprotected part.

 

I don't think you should regret unprotected blowjobs. From my understanding, blowjobs are already difficult to do...so putting a piece of rubber on it would probably make it even MORE of a challenge. I can't get aroused looking at a woman who is about to pass out because she's trying to suck as hard as she can, and she's gripping my junk like it's a joystick in a fighter jet and she's being chased by three enemies. Not to mention the possibility of not being able to maintain an erection when she'd want to put a condom on during a blowjob anyway.

 

With that being said, if you're super curious about your partner's STD's, then you probably don't trust him well enough to be having sex with him in the first place. Casual encounters are fine, but when you try to limit the amount of partners he has, you're essentially defeating the purpose of casual encounters. To a certain degree, you're bringing the emotion of "fear" into the equation. Casual encounters aren't supposed to have emotions to it. The assumption is that...if you're having sex with an adult, you're assuming he's responsible. If he's responsible, he probably would be concerned about whether he was about to have sex with a woman who has STD's. Any responsible man doesn't want to stick his dick in STD's even if he's got a raging boner at the grocery store. You basically don't trust your partner, and lack of trust isn't good for any type of relationship...whether it's a casual encounter, or long term relationship. Since you're not obligated to be with him, you need to cut it off and find a dude who isn't pursuing multiple women at once. Even if the sex was good.

 

The reason being is because...it's better to establish a mutual agreement in the beginning than trying to change an agreement later on in the interaction. He's used to doing multiple women at once, along with you. However, when you start a new FWB with someone else, you can morally say "hey, I'm very particular with men and STD's. If you want a FWB, would you be willing to be mutual sex partners until we find something else?" If he doesn't, you find someone else who will.

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Posted

I'm so tired of the sexual double standard which privileges male sexuality and stigmatizes female sexuality. I don't know if many of you are baby boomers from a misogynistic generation long since forgotten. But in 2014, women enjoy sex. We seek it out just like any other human. If your advice is "women should be committed while men have sex with whoever", please save your time. If you have mature insight and experience on casual dating healthfully, please share.

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Posted
I'm so tired of the sexual double standard which privileges male sexuality and stigmatizes female sexuality. I don't know if many of you are baby boomers from a misogynistic generation long since forgotten. But in 2014, women enjoy sex. We seek it out just like any other human.

It's just jealousy from those that don't get any.

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Posted

I guess the thing with a relationship is that things like this are easier to discuss because there is/should be commitment, you know they care and want what's best for you, they respect you, you have an emotional connection so possibly hard/awkward convos are easier to have. With my bf we got tested and all this and the conversation we had about our sexual history was way more honest than with any FWB, as I simply didn't feel that comfortable with them.

 

Yet, if you feel this guy gets around it is on you to protect yourself and that has to override any feelings of awkwardness or fear he won't accept your terms. Bring your own dental dams with you and put it on before you give him oral and use condoms always. Do you feel sexual exclusivity is something he'd be willing to do? If not, your choice is to no longer sleep with him if he is doing things you're uncomfortable with, or if it doesn't bother you, wrap it up.

Posted

STDs are a risk, of course, but the risk is largely overstated, based on statistics and personal experience.

 

Your best bet is to discuss this issue with him, and ideally both of you should get tested now to establish a baseline that you are both STD-free (incude herpes, as it is not usually part of a usual test series). You can forego condoms then if you are both clean and on another form of reliable birth control. Then, you can agree to inform each other of any other sexual encounters that happened or are expected (just that there was one, unless it's a relationship that could end the FWB status), and use condoms thereafter until testing is repeated (at a valid length of time after possible exposure). You could agree to use condoms with anyone else, as well, if you think that decision can be trusted.

Posted

Just be blunt & direct when talking about safe sex. Also try not to have the conversation naked.

Posted
So I just started having casual sex with a guy I've been seeing. I am 21, and he's 23. We had sex for the first time yesterday, and it was fantastic, multi-orgasmic, effortlessly good. I am not at all emotionally attached to him because we have completely opposite personalities. I do not want to date him at all; so this is perfect. The only problem is that I am worried about his sexual behavior. I know I need to talk more openly about STDs with him. I plan on doing that today when I see him! STDs are inherently more likely with the more sex partners one has. I don't want to ask him to be monogamous, but I don't want STDs from his other sexual encounters. How do you navigate this with your FWB? The more I read about STDs the more I want to ask him to limit his partners ONLY for the sake of us being healthy!! How do you navigate healthy sex with your FWB? I had unprotected fellatio but protected vaginal sex. I am regretting the unprotected part.

 

My "advice" would be that the whole point of FWB is you don't have to "navigate" anything.

 

Tell him what you want and if he says no then its over.

 

An FWB should be easy come easy go. Not someone you're compromising for.

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Posted
Just be blunt & direct when talking about safe sex. Also try not to have the conversation naked.

 

Yes this is very true. Thanks for the thoughtful replies everyone. So I asked him more about safe sex yesterday, and he reassured me he is careful. I agree that he and I should get tested together at a health clinic. He has gone in the past few months with his previous partner. I think he won't be shy about going again with me soon.

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Posted
My "advice" would be that the whole point of FWB is you don't have to "navigate" anything.

 

Tell him what you want and if he says no then its over.

 

An FWB should be easy come easy go. Not someone you're compromising for.

 

Yea I'm definitely not compromising on safe sex, and he agrees on that too. We are approaching it from a transparent and mutually respectful mindset. The social norm is to date monogamously. So I am trying to "navigate" the healthy polygamy because this is somewhat new for me. Just because it's not monogamous doesn't mean we're disrespectful to each other or just going to throwaway the friendship that is there. I love being able to have great sex without the emotion work and energy that is necessary for committed, monogamous relationships. Thanks again for the replies.

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