Glamvineflower Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 We met at work and it was an instant connection. Lots of fireworks and everything was going great. He was sweet, charming, attentive, tons of communication. And then he quit the job and became unemployed, while I was still working hard and moving forward with my life. He declared us exclusive, but right after that, he became withdrawn and communicated less, as he also had a lot of family affairs going on. This of course, upset me, making me withdraw a bit too, which also in turn upset him. But even when I returned and started contacting him as usual, he would still not be communicating regularly, he had his highs and lows. When we meet in person, he is his usual loving self, but when we are apart, that's when the miscommunication begins. Then there came a time when he canceled plans last minute and made me really upset. When I brought it up he led the conversation to even ending it between us. But after I clinged on a bit, he called the next day sweetly to keep our relationship. After that, I decided to give Him space and withdrew contact completely and we have barely been talking for a week. At the same time, I was hoping he would try to contact me more as I'm also going thru a difficult time at the moment. I know that guys always wanna be the man wear the pants and support the girl but I still like him regardless and want to help him move forward. I know he still likes me but he seems to have a lot of doubts because of his current state. I didnt want to be too clingy and demanding of his attention so I had my withdrawn phases as well, in addition to speaking my mind about wanting him to communicate more. but maybe that's what made him more upset? But I had always been completely open and honest about my feelings for him. Guys, what kind of balance is necessary between being supportive but not clingy? Was I being too misunderstanding of his circumstances? How should I move forward? Should I just wait for him to man up?
FitChick Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 He was foolish for quitting a job without another one lined up. Tell him you think you both should take a break so he can fully concentrate on finding a job and you on your family problems or whatever it is.
Assasda Posted May 11, 2014 Posted May 11, 2014 Sometimes, guys can lose confidence if they dont have a job. Its the pressure that society puts on guys as providers. I think you can still be supportive, just ask him what he wants. Tell him that you'll help him on his resume, and be there for him, but dont sweat the small stuff
halfcrazed_i Posted May 12, 2014 Posted May 12, 2014 Heya... I was in a very similar situation to you a couple of years ago. I wish I can say that there's some secret formula you can take to get him out of his rut, but unfortunately, this hinges on HIM completely. You have to understand, firstly, that this has got nothing to do with you. I made that mistake before and took his burden in for him -- and I thought I was the one with the problem that's why he's being like that. It was a ginormous mistake. It took me a while to understand that this was something that was going on with him, and that only he himself could take him out of his slump. Until then, all I can do is to remind him that I was there to support him. You can't make him communicate more than he's willing to. And you can't make him feel better unless he wants to. The best you can do is to let him know that you're THERE if he wants to talk or if he needs any help. But for you, you should continue on with your life... and continue being whole. Don't allow his situation to get you down because he needs you to be strong for the both of you. Encourage him to find the little silver linings in life, and remind him of the good things about his life. But never nag or never lecture (no matter how frustrated you are). That will never get you both anywhere good -- even when he really deserves to get nagged. The hardest part is to wait for him to want to be in a better place. Once that happens, that is your cue to help him out. He feels this way right now because too many things aren't going his way. Guys compartmentalize and they like dealing with things like that. Once he has a few of his "compartments" set up (like his job and his family), I promise you, he will want to sort out his relationship with you too. But don't take offense that he won't want to sort out your situation before anything else... he needs to do it first, before he gets to you. Right now, if you really love him, be patient and be supportive. But never ever lose sight of yourself. Continue being whole, continue improving yourself as a person... and continue being there for him. But don't let his situation drag you down. 2
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